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midwifemilktrails · 7 years

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The Power of Suggestion

“Women deliver their own babies alone on the floor of small living rooms everyday...I felt like if they can do that why couldn't I?” In the months leading up to giving birth, Paula practiced Hypnobirthing affirmations and listened to guided visualizations to help her stay calm and focused during labor. She also planned to deliver in a hospital with midwives. As her due date approached, Paula’s skepticism of her achieving her desired birth experience in a hospital setting grew. After following her doula’s suggestion of switching to a birth center, Paula had almost exactly the birth experience she had known was possible - supported yet unassisted on the floor (at the birth center).

What had you known about childbirth prior to your own experience?

I was born and raised in the UK where mostly midwifery care and assisted births is the norm. Even in a hospital, the set up feels slightly less "medical" than it does in the US.

Oddly, in my teens I was very much of the mindset that giving birth sounded horrific and if I ever had a child I wanted all the drugs. But I think that was mostly due to the experience of my one 16-year-old friend who ended up with what seemed like a million stitches and a lot of screaming similar to what I had seen in the Hollywood films.

What was important to you in having a natural birth?

Once I was pregnant I became a crazed, birth research, junky and the more and more I learned the more an un-medicated birth seemed like the most stress-free, healthy and in terms of recovery (perhaps this sounds insane) the most likely pain-free option for both myself and the baby.

Talking to my mother who had both my sister and I naturally, it seemed obvious I would be able have a natural birth. By the third trimester there was no question of my capability and in my mind, an epidural or C-section was truly reserved for a medical emergency.

If I am being honest, I think this persistence of wanting a natural birth was mostly out of stubbornness. I felt like the more I learned about it all the more I perceived this pervasive fear of birth as really some crazy construct aimed at up-selling women's anxiety – and well I was like, ‘No, no, no!’

You were planning on giving birth at UCLA hospital with the midwives up until 35 weeks pregnant, what made you decide to have your baby outside of the hospital 'last minute'?

As I mentioned previously, in the U.K. hospital births tend to be a little less intense than those in the U.S. And in my opinion, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact the U.S system is for profit and the U.K. wants to keep costs down as it's part of universal healthcare.

So with this in mind, I felt like the hospital system would be fine. While I had great prenatal care with the UCLA midwives, as my due date loomed and I found out I couldn't give birth in water, I would need an IV (just because) and would be constantly monitored I felt more and more uneasy that I would be able to have anything close to the birth I wanted.

The last straw came when the suggestion was presented to schedule an induction at 39 weeks seemly for convenience. This made me high tail it outta' there and thankfully to Del Mar on the suggestion of my doula, Emma!

You chose to do Hypnobirthing for childbirth preparation. What was inspiring to you about a specific childbirth method like Hypnobirthing?

Hypnobirthing just seemed to make the most sense to me given that really most of labor (from what I had read) is about managing your anxiety and your breathing – two things at the core of Hypnobirthing.

Did you utilize the Hypnobirthing techniques in your labor and birth?

I'm not sure I managed to disappear into ‘a changing colored cloud of love’ [Hypnobirthing’s guided visualization of the colors of the rainbow to help with relaxation and calm], but as soon as my water broke I was very calm, and at no point was I scared.

Did you have any fears around giving birth?

Yes – the obvious fear of the unknown and the slight fear that something might go medically wrong. I was also a little scared of tearing, which reflecting back on it now, once the time came to do the repair after the birth I didn't really care about the stitches in my vagina at all!

You are originally from England and as a writer, you have traveled around the world quite a bit. Do you feel that fear around childbirth is a country specific cultural issue or deeply systemic to human kind – this fear of the great unknown?

I think being from the UK certainly gave me an advantage in trusting midwives and natural birth overall. I also think traveling to developing nations helped me gain some perspective of different cultural practices depending on what’s available to them.

Women deliver their own babies alone on the floor of small living rooms everyday and then pick up and go feed the family. I felt like if they can do that why couldn't I in the ideal environment?

We are very lucky in the Western world but I also think that birth is over-medicalized in many ways. A pregnant woman isn’t sick – she is giving life!

Can you tell me about your birth?

Haha! My birth was a little surreal. Before I gave birth, I read on some dumb blog if you stood naked under a full moon and rubbed your belly it would induce labor.

At 38 weeks there was a full moon, so I decided to give it a go. Afterwards, I went to bed to read a book and 10 minutes later my water broke. I called Del Mar and at that time, around 12:30 am, I was having mild cramping every 10 minutes or so. Jen, the midwife, told me to call back when the contractions were strong and coming every 4 minutes for at least an hour.

Within 30 minutes the contractions felt pretty intense. I wasn't sure if I was just being wimpy, but all I could do was ball up every time a contraction came on. An hour later, the contractions were every 3-5 minutes and I felt I needed to go in.

I arrived at Del Mar around 3:30 am. Jen checked my cervix (I was 6 cm dilated), ran me a bath and checked the baby’s heart rate. My boyfriend turned on my Hawaiian lullaby music and a few minutes later Emma, my doula, arrived.

If I'm honest, once Emma got there everyone but her disappeared from my consciousness. I was in the tub at that point, but then had to get out as the baby's heart rate was a little high, possibly from me overheating. So I moved to the floor with my elbows leaning on the edge of the bed.

At this point, I had a little gas and air [nitrous oxide] to cope with the contractions and was feeling pretty hazy. I just remember Emma in front of me, holding my hand, reminding me of my breathing. At this point, all was very calm.

Jen checked in with me about what I was feeling and how I was doing and popped out for a minute to check in on another mother. My boyfriend went to the car to warm up as the birth room was freezing (apparently) as everyone thought I had hours to go before birth as I hadn't even started to feel the urge to push yet.

However, as everyone left Emma looked at me and gently said, “It's just us now. You can relax.” As she said this, I can only liken the feeling to suddenly needing to poop. So I just followed my body and one push was the baby’s head and the second was her body and ta da! Emma ran around behind me and picked up this naked human – my newborn baby – off the floor. (It was certainly a bonding experience as she is also a close friend and the first person our daughter, Luna, ever saw!)

On hearing my baby cry, Jen raced in and she and another midwife moved me onto the bed and placed Luna on my chest. Emma went outside and knocked on the car window to let my boyfriend know he was now a father!

That is a very fast labor (under 5 hours) and to go to from 6 cm to birth in less than 2 hours! What was your mental state like in labor?

I was just super internal.

I apparently thanked everybody for coming and asked if they were hungry, but I really didn't have a sense of time or what was happening outside of my body. I was just breathing through each new contraction.

How did you best cope with the contractions?

Really deep, low breathing. Once I arrived at Del Mar and Jen suggested I hum to keep my breathing sounds low everything just seemed to click into place. I literally hummed through my whole labor.

There were a few times I slightly panicked and caught my breath but Emma just helped me through the next breath and then I'd be back on track.

What do you think contributed to your fast labor and birth?

I followed ALL of the advice: raspberry leaf tea, 6 dates a day, walked and walked. I also went to a chiropractor to make sure the baby and I were in the best possible alignment.

You basically had the most natural birth one can have - hands off and unassisted except with the help of your friend/doula who scooped your baby up moments after she was born. How do you feel after experiencing something like that?

It was sort of magical! It was the most accomplished I think I've ever felt and the most at peace – like everything was where it was meant to be.

What can you compare the experience of giving birth to?

Um, it's hard. But I guess similar to period cramps in so much as you know it hurts but it's not bad for you. But it was also euphoric and spiritual in a way I hadn't quite expected it to be.

Do you feel there were other events in your life that properly prepared you for the journey that is giving birth?

I'd say on the whole I'm pretty fearless of the big stuff (I'll worry about the small things, like saying the right thing or not being perceived in the right way.) But I lost my dad when I was 20-years-old and had quite a turbulent childhood – I moved to different countries, lived in 5 different cities and got married and divorced before 30. So I feel I'm ready for what the universe wants to throw at me!

Has your birth experience been influential within your community of women and expectant mothers?

Yes! I feel like I'm a little evangelical now in so much as I want to encourage all my peers to be less fearful and more positive in anticipating their experience giving birth. I've also become a resource on natural birth for lots of friends of friends and that feels really special to be able to help them make informed choices.

Some would say that giving birth is also a rebirth for the woman. How has giving birth changed or affected you?

It's made me feel stronger and braver for sure. Also, more in touch with my body as a thing rather than just for looks!

What would be your sage advice or wisdom to impart on other women and mothers?

We are made to do this and you are so much more powerful than you give yourself credit for.

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midwifemilktrails · 7 years

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Owning Your Birth: Prepare and Surrender

At the young age of 25-years-old, Justine always knew she wanted to give birth outside of the hospital. It was both her faith in God in trusting her body’s capability to give birth without intervention and watching “The Business of Being Born” that confirmed her desires of having a natural birth at a birth center. It was also this dual power of knowledge and spirituality that got her through the hardest part of her labor when she had to surrender and know that the only way out, is to push through it.

What interested you in having a natural birth?

Prior to pregnancy, when I thought about giving birth, I could not picture myself in a hospital bed hooked up to IVs and monitors. Hospitals stress me out and I did not want to be in one to deliver our baby. I was not sick or dying, I was just pregnant. Millions of women had done it naturally before me and I wanted to experience that as well.

What made you feel safe in having an out-of-hospital birth?

I felt safe because I knew I would not have to fight for what I wanted. I knew that being caught up in a hospital environment would make me anxious and affect my labor progress and thus introduce unwanted interventions.

I wanted my labor experience to be peaceful by surrounding myself with people I trusted. Knowing that Greg and I were free to make our own decisions without the pressure of hospital protocols made me feel safe and comfortable having a birth center birth.

How did your husband feel about having your first baby in a birth center?

I was pleasantly surprised when Greg had no hesitations about us delivering outside of a hospital. He said he knew how I felt about hospitals and just assumed it would not be in the picture. When I told him about Del Mar Birth Center, he was extremely trusting and comfortable with everything!

How was a childbirth education series beneficial for your labor and birth?

The most important thing we both took away from the birth classes was knowing the difference between active labor and "not labor yet" contractions. It wasn't the Hollywood "water brakes-rush to the hospital in a frenzy" scene. I knew I wanted to labor mostly at home so the classes informed us on what to look for in knowing when it’s time to go the to birth center.

It was very helpful for Greg specifically, to know what to expect and gave him confidence to know what to do to help me through labor as a partner. (He did an incredible job.)

We loved learning more about how amazing the body is and its inherent wisdom in knowing how to birth. We did a lot of research before, but having an environment like a birth class where you are surrounded by other expectant moms and partners to share and ask questions with was so encouraging.

Did you have any expectations about the birth process? Were those met?

I often wondered what it would be like and what I wanted to happen. But after reading and listening to countless birth stories, I realized a couple things.

Firstly, I had never given birth before, so even though others told me about their experiences and I read, I realized I would not know until I experience it myself. So I thought it would be more beneficial to relax and not stress myself out in having expectations or preconceived ideas about it.

Also, things don't always go according to plan. I knew it was important to have preferences but be ready for anything. My birth will be my birth, no matter what happens! Although I did expect that it would be painful and that I would most likely want to be in a hot tub (both of those expectations were met), I tried to stay as open as possible to whatever needed to happen.

Tell me about the birth of your daughter.

I was 3 days away from my due date when my labor started. I first noticed the contractions while I was out having lunch with my sister. They were about 10 minutes apart and a minute long. So, knowing this was still ‘not-labor-yet’ aka early labor, I ignored them for a while longer by going out shopping for a couple hours. When I was standing in line at Nordstrom Rack, the intensity of the surges grew stronger and I had to stop and breathe through them. We finished shopping and as we were saying goodbye I told her that the next time I see her, I will have a baby!

I made my way back home and kept busy around the house. The contractions started getting closer together and by the time Greg came home from work they were 5-7 minutes apart. We ate dinner and passed the time watching Netflix and using the yoga ball for different coping/opening techniques. Then we went to bed.

He fell asleep within a minute as he always does, and I knew I wouldn't wake him until it was time. I needed him well rested. I couldn't sleep through the contractions, because they were more intense but I did try and rest in between. I kept going back and forth between my bed and the toilet to find a comfortable position to labor in. They gradually started getting closer together and more intense throughout the evening and fast forward to 5 am, they were 3-4 minutes apart.

I woke Greg up and had him call the birth center to let them know what was going on and Shayna, the midwife on call, said she would meet us at the birth center in about an hour. So we took our time getting ready and made sure we had everything we needed.

When we arrived to the BC, Shayna had the hot tub prepped and some candles lit. The shift was about to change and another midwife, Sarah was coming in at 7. I had met with Sarah a few times for my prenatal check ups and felt extra comfortable and connected, so I was so thankful when she walked through the door!

Sarah checked my progress and told us that I was 4 cm and that our baby girl's head was a tad off center and not fully engaged. She suggested that I try and go home to progress some more. I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head I thought, "What?! Heck no! You're crazy!" I was so not willing to go back home. Sarah sensed my disappointment so she said we should take a walk around the block for a while to see if things changed.

In order to encourage my baby’s head to be better positioned, I stepped up and down along the curb. I did this for about 10-15 min before Greg asked if I wanted to walk around the block. At that time, there was a shift in my labor and my eyes glazed over. I could no longer just breathe through the contractions, I started vocalizing and moaning. Every 10 seconds I turned around, held on to Greg's neck and buried my face in his chest. Sarah came out to check on us and said, "Wow, you sound different!" We went back inside to check my cervical dilation and I now was 6 cm! I was so relieved that I didn't have to go back home (as that is the minimum dilation the birth center can admit one in labor). My body and baby knew exactly what I needed.

After that - things got intense. I alternated from the tub to the toilet because of all the pressure in my butt, I felt like I always had to poop. Sarah suggested I lay down in the bed for bit, as I think the tub slowed the frequency of contractions.

I laid on my side and the contractions were so intense that I really wanted to be back in the tub. After a few minutes, she helped me back into the tub and when I stood up, the bed was wet and I started leaking. It was only a small trickle, so we knew my water hadn't broken completely, but things were moving along.

I eased back into the tub. The warm water was much better to counter act some of the pressure. Greg sat outside the tub behind me on a yoga ball. He put his arms in the water and held me, while reassuring me what a great job I was doing. I remember turning over to all fours in the tub to change it up. I think I fell asleep in between one of the surges because my head had slipped into the water for a second and startled me.

I turned back over into a reclining position. The contractions were so intense. I remember the moaning turned to roaring with each surge. I was starting to get tired and was feeling very unsure and frightened by how intense things were getting. It wasn't good enough for me to just vocalize anymore, so I tried pushing with each contraction. It felt better to push which is how we knew it was time.

I pushed for a little over and hour, and I'm not going to lie, it was the worst hour of my life. I could feel my baby's head crowning and then go back in. I was afraid to go with the contractions and let my body do its work. I was afraid of tearing mostly, and I think I was fighting it. I started yelling "Ow! Ow! Ow!" every time her head moved down and closer to the outside. I'm sure I had crazy eyes. But Sarah knew just the right things to say to encourage and reassure me all was well and normal. She told me to feel my baby's head as she came out. I reached down and felt her. It was so strange and squishy feeling.

I wanted my baby out, but I needed to give in first and let go of fighting that feeling. So I gave into the urges and out her head came. That burned like crazy, but then the rest of her body slipped right out and she was in my arms at 12:55 pm. Relief swept over me. She started crying right away and immediately started sucking on her fingers.

After a minute, Sarah helped me get out of the tub and onto the bed to deliver the placenta. I didn't know this at the time, but I was losing a lot of blood. She was so calm and confident and didn't let on that there was any problem. She told me to just focus on my baby and that she needed to give me a shot of Pitocin to stop my bleeding. She proceeded with the uterine "massage" to help my uterus contract. This is the WORST name, by the way, for some one pushing on your stomach after you just gave birth. It was very unpleasant, but after what I just went through, I told myself to suck it up. She then told me I had a first degree tear on top and bottom but after she put in a few stitches, the bleeding stopped and the ordeal was all over.

Our sweet girl latched right away and feeding well. I didn't feel the rush of "love" hormones that I had heard some moms experience right after natural births. I felt more shock and relief than anything, but I was happy.

After a few hours, my family came into meet her while Greg and I rested in bed. We ate some food and kept hydrated to replenish fluids lost.

Showering was such a strange experience. I was looking down at my vacant, wrinkly belly and tried to take in all that had happened just a few hours before. I must have lost a lot more blood than I thought because I started passing out, thankfully the nurse was right there. She sat with me as I put my head between my knees. After regaining my strength and making sure I felt stable when standing upright, I got dressed, packed up and six hours after she was born, we were on our way home!

Our little family is doing well, and sweet Roosevelt Bea is growing like crazy and changing each and everyday! We were so thankful for our experience at the birth center and our hearts are full.

You were about to be sent home from the birth center before you felt something shift and contractions got stronger. What do you think contributed to the sudden progression into active labor? Mental? Positional?

I believe it was both! The walking up and down the curb helped her drop down and engage in my pelvis, but I felt determined not to go home. I just knew that going home did not feel right, and I felt like something would change very soon.

How would you describe early labor contractions compared to active labor ones?

Early labor felt like bad period cramps. They were painful and unpleasant, but I could tolerate them. Every 4-5 minutes I would close my eyes and take deep breaths and clench and un-clench my fists, and it got me through the contractions. I could talk through them and I felt like I was present. Active labor was ten times more intense for me, and it felt like I went into another realm.

What were some helpful coping techniques you utilized while in active labor?

What worked best for me was being vocal and being submerged in the warm water. I felt like an animal during active labor. The faster and stronger the contractions got, the louder I got. It was weird hearing myself, but it just came out! I also remember thinking affirmations to myself, like, "30,000 women are giving birth with me today; we were made for this; I can do this..."

What was the sensation of your baby descending in your pelvis?

The closest thing I can compare it to is a huge painful bowel movement. I definitely had flashbacks when I used the bathroom in the first week postpartum.

Did you have any fears about the birth process?

Although I was very fearful of tearing as I was in the middle of pushing her out, it was a short burst of panic that was over the minute she came out.

While I was pregnant, I didn't want to worry about all the what-ifs or bother with any horror stories because I was confident my body was created to do this. I familiarized myself with all the risks and different scenarios and then set them aside, and focused on visualizing a positive birth. I had a peace of mind throughout my pregnancy that only came from praying and trusting God to take care of us.

How was your husband helpful in keeping you calm and feeling safe?

We were not sure what I would be like or want in labor, so it was hard for him towards the end of the pregnancy feeling confident in knowing what to do. But when the time came, he was exactly what I needed. I didn't want to hear anyone talking or want anyone to touch me, so all those partner tips they teach you about counter pressure massage and the rebozo, etc. went out the window. He was just WITH me, holding space and encouraging me when I needed it. He would make sure I was staying hydrated and would give me sips of water, and tell me I was doing great. I could feel he believed in me and was proud of me, and spurred me on. This helped greatly!

What did you learn about yourself from the birth?

My body was created to do an amazing thing!

What would be your wise words to other moms preparing for a natural birth?

Trust your body!

Giving birth naturally may seem insanely daunting at first, but fear and negativity will hinder you emotionally, which can totally have a physical effect on the progression of labor.

It is helpful to research and know the risks, but don't dwell on them. Trust in what your body was made to do, and whatever does happen, own it! It's YOUR birth and it's amazing.

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