#lopen szeth and kaladin: three people who will just fucking say things???

[nevertheless-moving]

I'm not quite there yet but I KNOW that after wind and truth featuring Szeth and Kaladin's Unwell Adventure, I WILL be adding Kalaszeth to my all encompassing mental cabinet of beloved possible Kaladin ships.

---

Which introduces a new funniest time travel companion for a new funniest post book 5 time travel scenario.

Stormlight au 31:

Szeth, having jump scared the bridge crew by appearing lightly glowing in the dark while they were having stew, been hastily ushered by the captain into the bridge four barrack, only to sit on the floor and stare dead eyed at nothing: Kaladin, standing between the crew and the man on the floor:

---

Lopen looked around. As usual, he could tell that the men were silently crying out for him, the Lopen, to take charge and speak.

"So!" he said cheerfully. "Gotta say gancho, very excited to meet an old friend of yours! Nice to take some mystery out of that mysterious past of yours, eh?"

Kaladin shifted from foot to foot, face twisting a bit. He had been acting strange since that terrifying glowy high storm vision of his a few days back. Even more broody than usual, which was storming saying something.

"It must be difficult," Rock said slowly. "Being Shin man with great powers and shardblade."

A shardblade which he had summoned unceremoniously, causing all of bridge four to scramble for weapons, only for the crazy man to hand it to Kaladin with a mumble, then sit on the floor.

Kaladin had sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, before placing it, very, very carefully, under his bed.

A storming shardblade. Under the Captain's bed.

"A Shin with a shardblade who wears white," Moash added sarcastically, eyes flickering to the Captain's bed even more than usual.

(White may have been a stretch, what with all the mud and possibly dried blood. Still. Lopen could perhaps see Moash's point.)

"Yes," Rock said. "Why, were I more suspicious man, I would say Captain, this man on the floor, he can not be Assassin in White? Surely most wanted, most dangerous man in all Roshar is not here, in the place we sleep, asking for aid. Surely it would have been mentioned if this man who caused the war we even now are a part of, was old friend of yours?"

"I..." Kaladin trailed off. "I promised to try and protect..."

The whole bridge crew groaned, Skar even throwing his spear at the ground. Bad form, that.

"Storm's sake lad!" Teft growled, arms in the air. "You can't befriend and save every wanted criminal you meet!"

"If it is of help -"

The men started at the unnerving dead voice coming from the so far quiet assassin.

"We are not truly friends. Merely -"

He said a word, presumably in his language, then frowned, the first recognizably human emotion that had crossed his face.

"I do not know this word in Alethi. In Azish it is I think -"

He said something that made Sigzil choke on air, jaw dropping. "Uh," the Worldsinger stammered out. "I. Ah. I think. That might be the wrong term."

The Captain seemed to pale slightly. "Szeth, we can talk about that later," he said quickly. "We should probably figure out a plan for you to surrender to Dalinar - or Elokhar - without you getting immediately executed - Yes, Dalinar is probably-"

"Perhaps," Sigzil interrupted, voice higher than usual. "You could define the meaning of the word you used before."

"Sigzil!" The captain hissed.

"Captain?" Sigzil challenged, voice still slightly too high.

"I was emotionally and mentally unwell," the assassin in white said in his monotone. He paused. "Even more so than currently."

A few of the men took a step back.

"Stormblessed..." he looked up at Kaladin, and his voice seemed to soften, just the slightest bit. "He felt pity for me. Then he helped me feel. Helped me think that perhaps, someday I would feel the desire for life. He did this despite no great love for my being."

Many of the men nodded at that. Sigzil's shoulders slumped in relief.

"He accomplished this primarily by fucking me in a cave."

The nods froze. Sigzil closed his eyes.

The Captain slapped a hand to his face.

"The translation for this from my language would be 'pity fuck', but there is more cultural nuance..." The Assassin shrugged. "In any case it is not a bond such as that of friendship. My soul is still far too damaged for that."

"Szeth..." The Captain said, looking down at him with obvious concern. He glanced at the room, blanched at the men's expressions, then slowly pressed his head back into his hand.

Moash made an indecipherable noise and stomped towards the door, before making another noise and stomping back.

The Captain kept his palm pressed to his face.

A sudden wave of epiphany hit Lopen. "Hold on. Now hold on just a storming minute!"

The room turned slowly from staring at their Stormblessed leader to staring at Lopen.

He pointed accusingly at the Captain. When the man failed to pull his massive hand from his beautiful face, Lopen faced the others, glaring.

"I know that I joined bridge four late! But are you telling me that before I got here, the whole famous 'pulling everyone out of bridge crew misery' was actually the captain...I mean did storming all of you..."

He made a deliberate gesture, pointer finger moving extra emphatically to make up for the missing hand with which to form a hole, meeting each man's eyes with a challenge.

Drehy let out a wheeze. He and Skar looked at each other before dissolving into quiet, helpless laughter. Drehy sank to his hands and knees, wheezing more, and Skar bent over, tears streaming down his face as he gasped around his laughing.

"That ain't an answer!" he said indignantly.

He looked at Teft, but the older man had put both hands over his face. His shoulders seem to shake occasionally. Lopen's eyes narrowed as he turned to Rock.

The horneater had a hand over his mouth, but he brought it down, coughing once as he stroked his beard.

"What," Rock said mildly. "You thought it my stew that bring back men's will to live? You honor me, the Lopen."

Lopen gaped at that, and he wasn't the only one. The handful of other 'late' additions, men who had been rescued on the field from other crews, started in shock.

The rest of the crew completely lost it at that point.

Skar and Drehy collapsed further, banging their fists on the floor. Bissig started laughing as well, falling onto Natam, who had made a strange grunting whine at Lopen's question, a whine which grew louder at Rock's reply.

Moash's lips turned up reluctantly before a snort escaped against his will. He fell back against a wall, knees seeming to grow weak. Another snort. "Imagine!" he gasped out. "If he just started punching people in the stomach, ran around like a madman, and expected people to follow him!"

Leyten went from chuckling to a booming laugh at that, clutching at Pete and Yake to stay upright. He looked at Lopen, who made another questioning gesture. That was enough to send all three toppling over, Leyten loud enough to be heard the next barrack over.

Renarin squeaked from the corner as Natam hit the wall beside him in mirth, howling. Talek's breath, he had forgotten the lad was there, light eyes wide in shock.

Shen was next to him. Was it Lopen's imagination, or did even his eyes seemed to be sparkling with mirth? No storming way...not the parshman...the Captain wouldn't...

"Crazy!" Torfin agreed, cackling. "What kind of idiots would start pooling all their pay to buy storming bandages for doomed men, start laughing during chasm duty, swear to stand by their storming bridge, if they didn't have at least one, um - uh -"

"Stormblessing!" Leyten offered with a gasp from the ground.

Torfin pointed at him, "Stormblessing!" he repeated with a yell. "To remind them that life was worth living!"

Lopen narrowed his eyes, finally coming to a conclusion. "You fellows are taking the piss out on me," he accused.

"You know Captain," Drehy said, whole body heaving, tears still streaming down his face as he lay helplessly on the floor. "I still get nightmares."

This inspired a new wave of laughter mixed with jeers about their own issues, and suggestions for how the captain could help. Lopen shook his head, grinning widely at the room full of uproarious men. Some of his best work. And mostly achieved on accident, which was the best kind of accomplishment!

The Captain finally pulled his hand from his face. There was color high in his cheeks, and he was frowning, but the corners of his eyes were creased with suppressed laughter.

"Sorry Drehy, one time offer," he said dryly, to hoots.

And Lopen," he said, faux apologetic. "I am sorry for the oversight. I... didn't realize you were interested."

The crew edged well into hysteria, most men only able to breathe in strangled gasps and wheeze out an occasional ''Stormblessing!'

Bridge four's captain was good at playing straight man, when the mood struck him.

The Lopen huffed, but decided magnanimously to move past the slight to his honor. Even if it turned out they weren't joking.

"It's still nice to be included," he sniffed. "Ain't that right, Renarin."

The Brightlord seemed to shrink as attention was drawn towards him, face a brilliant red as he pressed into the corner. Some of the laughter trailed off as the crew remembered he was there. More of it got louder, even less uncontrolled.

The Captain's eyes widened and the flush on his cheeks spread to his ears.

"Renarin! Oh - Jezrianssake, the men are full of chullshit, alright? I didn't - that wasn't -"

The Captain gestured helplessly. "The thing with Szeth was - we were - the world was going to -"

He threw up his arms as Renarin's eyes just got wider.

"It was the stew!" He said desperately, turning to look at Eth, who looked bemused back at him. "It really was the stew!" He pleaded.

"I know Captain," Eth said soothingly. "I know I came in a bit later, but I know. That's not exactly something these idiots would be able to keep secret."

"Things might have gone faster, though..." Skar said leadingly, which set off another round of helpless groans and gasps for air.

The Captain rolled his eyes, scoffing, still the perfect comedic straight man.

...He did get the whole joke though, right? The bit of truth in the jeers? The Lopen was not generally interested in the more manly sex but Storms. It was sometimes hard to tell if the Captain realized just how pretty he was, just how much people reacted to his general...Stormblessedness. Not to mention the glowing! Everyone loves a man who can glow and run up walls.

Hm. Maybe that helped explain the Captain and the Assassin.

Moash stumbled, still snorting, over to the Man in White - to Szeth - looking down at him, appraising.

Kaladin grew tense.

Gancho had been especially strange around Moash for the last few days.

"Assassin," he said thoughtfully. "Are you sure it was just pity?"

The wide eyed man, who had remained utterly impassive as the room fell apart around him, cocked his head as Moash leaned down.

"There's a certain kind of person who finds killing light eyes, especially powerful lighteyes, a rather..."

Kaladin cleared his throat, interrupting. "We're not killing the king."

Moash turned sharply, glaring at Kaladin.

"I do not wish to kill anymore," Szeth whispered. He paused, then spoke again.

"I will kill if the Blackthorn orders, or if you ask, Kaladin Stormblessed, son son Tanavast."

Kaladin winced. "Maybe let's not mention...that whole last part when we go to the King. We...we should definitely practice exactly how we're going to explain all this."

He starting towing the still blank faced - no there was a bit of confusion there, if you were looking - infamous Assassin to his office, the men letting out the best jeers they could (considering their incoherent state) as they went.

"You should for sure mention the 'pity fuck' thing though," Lopen called helpfully. "The King will definitely be interested in that."

#Stormlight archive #kaladin stormblessed #My au #stormlight fanfic #Stormlight au no 31 #Szeth/Kaladin #Words of Radiance au #lopen and szeth: untapped comedy tagteam?? #lopen szeth and kaladin: three people who will just fucking say things??? #i made myself laugh and as always that's whats important #New most entertaining kaladin sexuality: sex positive ace whose thing specifically is #he WILL happily have sex but ONLY if it will be emotionally healing for the other party #bridge four: that's just pity fu- #kaladin: IT'S PART OF A JOURNEY TOWARDS MENTAL RECOVERY I DON'T KNOW OKAY I'M STILL INVENTING THERAPY #wind and truth speculation #rhythm of war spoilers #crack #you know those two glowing men are going to have some feelings at the very least while adjacent to each other. #overnight in a cave is optional i can supply that myself if need be #cosmere #nevertheless cosmere

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 11)

All right, now that it’s been 4 months and I’ve read all the other things, I realized that it’s, like, 5 days until this book has been out for a year and I should probably get the fuck on with it, so. Here we are.

Part 11 encompasses pages 828-934 (previous parts)

me in July: I’m almost done! I can finish this!

me, now: sweet christ I have a smaller novel’s-worth still to get through lord let me live

Aw, damn, I left off on Interludes, but I DON’T CARE ABOUT VENLI, WHERE MY BOYS AT

oh SNAP I WANT THAT, the ability to speak and understand all languages???? GRABBY HANDS

ah yes the “the alethi enslaved us so we should rise up and kill them by enslaving ourselves to this other, more horrible godlike being” narrative. my favorite.

sigh

why we gotta EXTERMINATE people?

I’m tired. of extermination plotlines.

Maybe. Venli and her lil light spren will stop? the extermination!? I’m here for that!

“There was an art to doing laundry” HONESTLY THO, HAVE YOU MET COLLEGE-AGE BOYS WHO NEVER LEARNED HOW MUCH SOAP TO USE? AMEN.

oh.

I forgot about Mraize. 

like, literally, 100% forgot about his existence. sorry alyx.

eyy, we found Shalash!

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER?? IT WAS A TRAP??

admiralakbar.gif

...Mraize has a babsk? I didn’t think he was Thaylen????

“A resistance is not what we caught you mounting.” UGH. PICK THE HAMMER, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

Why do I feel like this is a “HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR. BRING FORTH THE BEAR” joke?

yeessssssss, VENLI!!! TAKIN RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! I CARE NOW. I WANT HER TO BE BETTER, I WANT HER TO WORK THROUGH. GIIIRRLL!!!!

HOW LONG WILL YOU VACILLATE?

YESSSSS

gr oss? Tha nk s? for the melting flesh images??

yelch

PART FOOUUUUUURRR

that’s. so many POVs. What is this, a GRRM book?

also none of the POVs are Bridge Four and. WHEN WILL MY BOYS COME BACK FROM THE WAR.

wait, I could have sworn the Alethi had been fighting the Parshendi for ten years?? but Dalinar is talking to Gavilar EIGHT years ago?

Did I miss smthn?

Did I conflate the Shattered Plains with the Trojan War? I’m confused.

Lisa has done Math for me and found out that it was only 6 years????????? Why did I think it was ten??? I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS TEN????

“his job was to loom” heheheh

so... Dalinar is the nuclear deterrent and the nuclear threat all in one?

Dalinar, leaning into the mic: “The truth is... I am Iron Man.”

#Evideservedbetter2kForever

OH NO A BABY

TINY FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ADOLIN IS MAKING MY HEART SING

“I had this specially tailored” I LOVE HIM

OHHHHH

HE’S TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS HIS DAD I’M CRYING

“When censured, Adolin only tried harder.” I! LOVE! THIS! TINY! SUNLIGHT! BOY!

I wanna write fic where Adolin Kholin meets Luke Skywalker and the world literally EXPLODES IN SUNLIGHT AND SOFTNESS.

“Who could deny him?” CERTAINLY NOT ME, I WOULD DIE FOR ADOLIN KHOLIN TOO GOOD TOO SOFT FOR THIS WORLD

me, squinting: “which Herald is Ahu?”

my running method is to just suspect everyone of being a Herald. At some point, I’ll have to be right.

WHICH! HERALD! IS! AHU!

HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE UNMADE LIKE HE KNOWS THEM PERSONALLY, TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY LET THEM IN. WHICH!!! HERALD!!! IS!!! AHU!!!!

LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE HERALDS. GIMME A BOOK ABOUT THE HERALDS, BRANDON!

GIMME THAT JUICY GOOD BACKSTORY, BRANDON!!!

me: why is there a map with the sea but Kholinar is on it???

two seconds later: OOOHHH DUH IT’S SHADESMAR

wack y fun!

ARE DREHY AND SKAR OKAY???? THEY DIDN’T COME WITH???

ARE THEY OKAY?

OH NO OH NOO I’M GONNA WORRY AOBUT THEM FOREVER

Adolin, say hi to your swwooooorrdddd

....the Oathgate has souls?

what?

Fearspren: gross.

I knew they were all bigger on the inside, as it were, but. #yikes?

“Kaladin’s not well.” “I have to be well.”

BRB SOBBING ABOUT KALADIN

I’M!

HE’S SO STRONG

I’M! HELP!

GIANT CLAW? UNMADE!!?? LET’S KILL IT. IDK IF WE CAN BUT CAN WE TRY??

“sword lady” HEH

ok well, at least we know Drehey is alive, since Shallain bumped into his soul, which is both TERRIFYING and REALLY COOL

YOU’RE NOT NOTHING, ADOLIN, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND I LOVE YOU.

*long keening noises*

I FELL ON THE FLOOR

“Hey,” Adolin said. “It will be all right.” “I survived Bridge Four,” Kaladin growled. “I’m strong enough to survive this.” “I’m pretty sure you could survive anything. Storms, bridgeboy, the Almighty used some of the same stuff he put into Shardblades when he made you.” Kaladin shrugged. But as they walked onto the next platform, his expression grew distant again. He stood while the rest of them moved on. Almost like he was waiting for their bridge to dissolve and dump him into the sea. “I couldn’t make them see,” Kaladin whispered. “I couldn’t...couldn’t protect them. I’m supposed to protect people, aren’t I?”

GUESS WHICH PART BROKE MEGAN

GUESS WHICH PART DUMPED MY HEART ON THE FLOOR

ANYWAY, I’M CRYING

THISISFINE.PNG

“I’m frightened. I talk when I’m frightened.” I LOVE HIM.

ADOLIN’S HELOIGN HIM HE’S MAKIN HIM TALK TO DISTSRAT HIM AND MAKE HIM JEEP WALKING AND I”M

I LOV A SUNSHINE BOY

SO MUCH

...is Vivenna okay?

oh shiiit, Adolin is? king????

sort of? almost??

oh man, he’s gonna be SO GOOD AT IT!!!! LOOK AT HIM TAKING CHARGE AND TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE. HE’S SUCH A GOOD LEADER, HE’S GOING TO BE SOOOOOO GOOOOOOODDD AT THIS!!!!

that chapter was a Lot

OH NO A SZETH CHAPTER

I’ve only been asking for this for tHE WHOLE BOOK

but now I’m gonna be MORE SAD

.......idk how I feel about the soul-after-image thing. it’s interesting, but I’m still a lil weirded out by Szeth...you know...being alive?

huh. Vasher knows about the magic fish? So....does this validate Lisa’s theory about the fish and the birds from that other cosmere thing I can’t remember bc I haven’t read it?

holy shit, that’s a LOT of skybreakers.....

...who have been around the WHOLE TIME???? WTF

So...Szeth can hear the Spiritual Realm.....and is going to bond a spren, of the Cognitive Realm...and is in the Physical Realm... so does that make him the Avatar, Master of All Three Realms?

(while he may have a lot to learn, I believe that Szeth can save the world)

hm. they’re so...regimented. militaristic. ritualized. They’ve got tests and rules for getting in and it’s all very well-put-together. and it’s WEIRD compared to everyone else stumbling into their Ideals. Is this what is was like before the Recreance? or is this just the Skybreakers being Skybreakers?

why are there kaladin flashbacks in the dalinar book, why, brandon, why must you hurt me in this way

Brandon: *mentions Tien* Me, softly: “no”

HE REALIZED HE COULD KILL AND THAT’S WHAT TERRIFIED HIM

THISISFINE.PNG

I’M EMOTIONAL AND KALADIN IS SAD AND I’M UPSET

Also, Syl just. grabbing his arm and snuggling him is VERY GOOD, SHE IS VERY GOOD, AND SHE SHOULD BE WORSHIPED FOR BEING SO VERY WONDERFUL

“It cannot be holy. If it truly were, it would have burned me away long ago.” I’M SAD NOW, THANKS.

I have weird emotions about people losing their faiths, and Szeth’s character arc has been particularly. compelling to me.

“Here’s what you have to do: fight him and win!” has the same energy as that obnoxious Assassin’s Creed “tip” that’s like “the trick to staying alive to is get your enemy’s health bar to zero while keeping your above zero” and I’M SO PLEASED.

ooohh shit

he drew Nightblood

which I feel is NOT RECOMMENDED

# Y I K E S

Skybreakers take the “lawful” part of DnD alignments to a very unhealthy extreme

tbh they’re a lil fucked up, ngl

Skybreakers make me uncomfortable, is what I’m saying.

“he had never mastered the ‘sleep anywhere’ skill the grunts bragged about” NEERRRRDD

WHEN WILL ADOLIN REALIZE HE’S A REALLY GOOD LEADER??? SOMEONE TELL HIM, I WOULD BUT I’M TOO FAR AWAY.

oh that makes sense

I was confused for a hot second about how Vivenna knew Adolin’s kata, but she probably learned it from Vasher who...also...taught Adolin. Duh.

“I’m just a woman who has been constantly out of her league since adolescence.” Viveennnnaaaaaa, darling. You’ll be all right.

also that makes total sense--the Horneater Peaks? If they’ve got a portal, it makes sense they’re so much more in tune to the spren. Easier border crossings.

PEOPLE live in this realm? What the??

I don’t know Nazh, but the fact that he has an embarrassing tattoo due to Horneater lager bad decisions DELIGHTS ME

hm. idk why I’d sort of assumed that Dalinar went to visit the Nightwatcher before Gavilar died, but. maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it was a consequence of Gavliar’s death. 

“the other one” GET FUCKED WITH A CACTUS, PAST!DALINAR 

OOHH

SOFT BOY

Renarin is such a Good

also, Dalinar HUGGING is SO GOOD KEEP DOING THAT THAT WILL HELP

“Humans, you must stop your emotions. They are very inconvenient here.” I think, Pattern dear, that Shallan rather thinks emotions are inconvenient everywhere.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

HERE WE ARE AGAIN

ANGER IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STAGE OF DEPRESSION

HELLO, KALADINMEGAN BRAIN, IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU WERE SO NEATLY SPELLED OUT BUT HERE WE ARE AGAIN

“You’re not angry at anyone, you’re just looking for something to latch onto. Something to feel.” To stave off the darkness of unfeeling and anger is easy. It’s irrational and warm and so easy. So it’s always the first one to go.

“It would continue until numbness seemed preferable.” GOD YUP. THERE IT IS.

It’s still really validating and really, really unsettling to see your brain problems spelled out so succinctly.

oh lord

“Men he loved, killing each other.”

I’M UPSET

(and the very tiny garbage part of my brain goes, ‘see he LOVES Moash’)

ADOLIN TAKING THE REARGUARD BECASUE SOMETIMES KALADIN NEEDS LOOKING AFTER I’M EMOTIONAL

Syl had a different Kaladin before Kaladin?? Wild.

and GOD but the symbology of the LIGHTHOUSE in Kaladin’s chapter. I’m. <3

EEEYYYY NAVANI!!!

she made them carry their own chairs, GOD THE MEANING BEHIND THAT, I LOVE HER

“Elhokar and Adolin are safe somewhere.” ABOUT THAT....

LOPEN, PLS

Bridge Four’s unwavering belief in Kaladin is SURE A THING. I love them SO MUCH.

also, god, MY BOYS, here they are, eating all the food and being ridiculous losers at a formal event I HAVE MISSED THEM SO

god, fuc you Ialai. ofc she didn’t carry her own chair, fukin JERK

good to know the assholery of the Sadeas name is being upheld, even after his death

god, every time Taravangian is mentioned, my gut just clenches, he makes me SO NERVOUS

GOD YES OH MY GOD, LIFT VS ROCK EATING CONTEST PLS GIMME MORE

I have forgotten that I love Sebarial. Petition for him to show up more often.

OH GOOD HE’S HAVING A BAD DAY. EXCELLENT. HE’S MUCH BETTER WHEN HE’S STUPID

...unless he’s super smart today and just pretending to be stupid.

fuck

IT’S SO HARD TO TELL WITH HIM ARGH

ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE DISCUSSION OF INVADING SHINOVAR WHEN SHINOVAR IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT DOESN’T HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE AT THIS COUNCIL???? JUST ME? OKAY.

also they keep talking about Shinovar as a redoubt and a haven, but....didn’t the Everstorm--going the wrong way--destroy Shinovar? Has anyone checked??

Navani is so clever and it’s brilliant.

“Taravangian was talking about having you tour Vedenar personally”....alone....so he can MURDER YOU. BAD IDEA. ABORT MISSION.

KALADIN HAD AN OLD LADY SLAVE FRIEND WHO DIED AND I’M SAD AGAIN DAMNIT

“He’s got battle fatigue. We have to watch him when he’s sitting around doing nothing, not when he’s got a specific mission.” MMMMMMHHHMMMMMMM

the future is forbidden, but not to Truthwatchers, sooooooo... is. this “Oracle”. a.......... Herald? PERCHANCE.

(He’s not, but I AM SUSPICION INCARNATE)

Weren’t they lying at the beginning and saying that Shallan was an Elsecaller? Because Odium thinks she’s an Elsecaller for some reason. And I wonder...who he’s spying through and where his attention is focused and who told him the lie?

KALADIN JUST WANTS TO SAVE HIS DAD IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK

aight, which world does canned food come from? How far ahead is the mistborn world whose name I can’t remember right now but it begins with an s SCADRIAL YEAH THAT ONE how far ahead is Scadrial in technological progression? Where does the Stormlight Archive fall on the mistborn timeline?

ADOOOLLIINNN. TALK! TO YOUR SPREN!!!

THEY DON’T KNOW??? THE BOYS DON’T KNOW? HOW THEIR MOTHER DIED?

HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW?

oh my god

that

god, that’s a huge lie to believe for so, so long. ohhh my goddd

someone has been writing down all the Unmades’ names, right? So I can look them up in the Coppermind later and be confused and try to work out which is which and what they do and how terrified I should be of them? cool thanks.

HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND

HE’S GONNA TELL US SECRETS!!!!! ARE THEY USEFUL!? WILL I LEARN THINGS ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!??

I have one (1) priority in this establishment

...why does Syl have color

who is she

also LIGHTSPREN/REACHERS??? COOL AS FUCK OMG

“You don’t fly, you fall the wrong way.” Hehehehehehe <3

I HAVE MISSED KALADIN’S SELF-DEPRECATING JOKES THAT ARE FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY PAINFUL god, I love him. I love him so much. idk if y’all know this about me.

...ok, but the punny banter between Kaladin and Shallan is SO NICE Why do they have to be mean to each other so often why can’t they just be terrible sarcastic pun buddies?

“In that polished breastplate and striking figure, with her talk of chasing bounties and traveling worlds. She’s deeply mysterious.” CAREFUL, SHALLAN, YOUR BI IS SHOWING.

“The feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it.” 

NOPE

NOOOOOOPPEE

WHO WANTS TO BET THIS SCENE IS SHIP FODDER DEAR LORD

Kaladin, darling, that shit is SO UNHEALTHY, DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS

god

also like. darling. no. “I wish I didn’t have to care” DARLING ALL YOU DO IS CARE WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT CARING

THIS IS GOOD FOR NEITHER OF YOU STOP

DO NOT ENCOURAGE THAT IN HER AND DO NOT WISH THAT FOR YOURSELF, jesus

lord, ok, well, I’ve read 100 pages, so on that disappointing character note, I’m going to go to bed.

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #is it still spoilers? man have I come out the other end on spoilers? oh well #Stormlight Archive #Oathbringer #Brandon Sanderson #mmmmmm I HAVE OPINIONS #also cry a lot #I miss Bridge Four petition for my boys to come back

[preservationandruin]

Moods of Reading Oathbringer

Collected from me and @murderandcoffee screaming throughout the course of the book. Completely separate from my actually intelligent screaming in the liveblogs/

Gavilar I was willing to like you and then you went and trashed it in your literal first real scene

LET! SYL! SAY! FUCK!

Kal is Too Perfect and its Not Fair

MY PARENTS ARE  M A R R I E D

LIRIN CALLED KALADIN HIS LITTLE BOY

KALADIN! PUNCHED! ROSHONE! FUCK YES!

I trust DALINAR just not his OPINIONS OF PEOPLE

on this episode of Stormlight Archives: Syl tells Kaladin he needs to get laid

I love my dad but I hate my dad's past self

NO!!!! DALINAR! DOES! NOT! NEED! KING! TARAVANGIAN! ANYWHERE! NEAR! HIM! FUCK!!!!!!

SHALLAN AND ADOLIN'S DYNAMIC IS SO GOOD

I love my current dad but sometimes in flashbacks I m 500000% willing to fistfight the Blackthorn with my bare hands

DALINAR! REMEMBERS! HIS! WIFE!

AMARAM AND JASNAH ARE IN THE SAME SCENE AND SHE IS ROASTING HIM ALIVE GOD FUCKING BLESS

WHERE THE FUCK IS URITHIRU'S WATER COMING FROM

me, hugging Renarin and Adolin: MY TWO SPECIAL BOYS

IALAI! IS! GIVING! THE! SADEAS! TITLE! TO! AMARAM! I'M! GOING! TO! SHIT!

JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK  JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK  JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK  JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK

KALADIN IS DOING MORNING PUSH-UPS I HATE THIS MAN

@ Brandon what have you done to me

Lift??? just told Dalinar he has a nice, "tight" butt?????? I'm fucking shitting?????????????????

sometimes I forget that Elhokar has been lectured by Lopen's mom and then I remember and my day gets so much better

Elhokar is a Gryffindor but one with an identity crisis and the world's worst impulse control

Shallan is the human embodiment of that "good luck I'm behind 7 proxies" meme

oh dear jesus dalinar (in the present) is trying to pick a fight why is he like this

midwife: hands newborn Adolin to Dalinar Dalinar: LION KING POSE, HAPPY YELLING

christ, young Dalinar did not deserve Evi

THESE DRAMATIC KHOLIN MEN WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

HIGHMARSHAL AZURE JUST SAID “LIKE WHITE ON BLACK”

I didn’t expect Wit and Shallan to have the relationship they do, but I really appreciate it.

Adolin cares so much about things like people and spren and horses and swords and I love him

Dalinar better have fucking apologized to Renarin. A hundred times. I honestly do want to go back and fistfight young Dalinar

also, Adolin just gave Kaladin the Bridge Four salute I LOVE THESE BOYS

ok so I forgot that Nightblood would be there in Szeth chapters now and holy shit I love my shitty magic sword child

GOD DAMN IT MOASH

HOW DARE HE GIVE THE FUCKING BRIDGE FOUR SALUTE TO KALADIN

I WANTED A MOASH REDEMPTION ARC BUT FUCKING HELL THIS IS WHAT I GOT

don't think about elhokar and shallan being the weirdest lightweaving buddies. also don't think about elhokar making a disguise so he can sneak out and actually just be a normal person for a while

I want to date SO MANY OF THESE CHARACTERS

hey uhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK Taravangian

half of the cast has a type and that type is "kaladin" 

I feel like with the Kaladin-Adolin-Shallan trio of people, whenever two of them are fine and stable, the other is bound to be launching themselves headfirst into Drama

I! LOVE! RYSN!

fucking motherfucker Brandon putting nine viewpoints in this part like an ASSHOLE

how does Brandon manage a setup like this EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN BOOK

FUCK! MOASH!

I AM SHITTINGMYSELF OHMYHDOOHMYGODMOHMYDHODHKSKSK

okay okay okay okay I Adore Shallan

Cultivation: god fucking dammit honor you DIE AND LEAVE ME TO DEAL WITH YOUR WEIRD KISMESSESSITUDE CHILDREN

I'm gonna cry, all of these characters have come so far and I'm so proud of them

JASNAH IS SUMMONING HER SHARDBLADE NOO NO NO NO NO

of fuckin course Odium has to appear as a gold and white parshman god forbid he look like a normal fuckin parshman this pretentious asshole

fucking Moash asshole I BELIEVED IN HIM

FUCK ME THE TITLE OF THE NEXT ONE  IS CHAMPION WITH NINE SHADOWS

Dalinar hauling The Way of Kings around for this whole battle is way too funny

I trust nothing and no one in this world

IM GONNA SHIT GOD DAMMIT KALADIN

Meanwhile,  Kaladin is apparently drowning in beads, of fucking course God forbid this trio keep their shit together for more than three seconds

Wyndle has to deal with So Much

SZETH!!!!!! RENARIN!!!!!! KALADIN!!!!!!! D A D

DON'T TOUCH MY DAD!!!

HOLY SHIT, NAVANI, I SEE WHERE JASNAH GETS HER STONE-COLD DETERMINATION FROM

is amaram about to eat a fucking rock

DALINAR FUCKING STAPLED ALL THREE REALMS TOGETHER AND REOPENED HONOR'S PERPENDUCULARITY

amaram vored a magic rock to fight kaladin better. great.

LET! NIGHTBLOOD! SAY! FUCK!

SHE TOLD HIM HER NAME. MAYALARAN

AMARAM IS LITERALLY HALF-CRUSTACEAN AND GLOWING WITH VOIDLIGHT AND HE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT HONOR

ADOLIN TRIED TO STEP BACK TO "LET KALADIN HAVE SHALLAN" ASFONSDOFINAOFEDGVKSKJDNG:KB

WHAT THE FUCK MOASH

LOPEN ACCIDENTALLY SWORE THE SECOND IDEAL AND PUT OUT ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE SURGEON"S TENT FUCK

LET! RUA! SAY! FUCK!

oh my god Veil and Adolin are DRINKING BUDDIES

THAT'S WHO VYRE IS. FUCK

some tiny part of me is so happy that Dalinar's having pronoun problems when trying to write about himself because WHAT A NONBINARY RELATEABLE FEEL

Kholin women are ice-cold competent ladies and Shallan is joining a proud tradition of women who seem like nerds and are revealed to be stone-cold pragmatists with their backs against the wall

JASNAH AND DALINAR'S RELATIONSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME

Adolin needs to get control of his fucking illiteracy

Adolin and Gavinor are the only two illiterate Kholins now and Gavinor has the excuse of being THREE

Venli is 'bout to be running the longest fucking scam on Odium

#oathbringer spoilers #this is just screaming #no context but i think its funny

[preservationandruin]

Oathbringer Spoilers, Part Five: Chapters 121-End

Alright, one last push to finishing the book! 

Moash is given a few tasks. Dalinar asks Navani to teach him something. Adolin has doubts for a moment and then gets lectured out of them by Shallan, and also he tells his dad something important. Kaladin runs into some old friends. Taravangian makes a bad deal. Always trust Adolin’s gut instincts about people. Alethkar gets a new monarch. And Wit makes a friend. 

For some godforsaken reason, we’ve switched to MOASH. He’s not feeling particularly great about killing Elhokar--gee, wonder why--and we get that there are only nine, not ten, orders of Fused. 

Practically speaking, I doubt they can accurately emulate the Bondsmiths. Thematically speaking, there’s that number again. 

Lady Leshwi keeps visiting Moash. She says that he has taken Moash’s pain, and will return it when he needs it. Moash just wants to forget the look of betrayal in Kaladin’s eyes. 

Good luck with that. It’s like Kaladin told Amaram. You join Odium looking for peace, but you never find it there. 

Odium has a command for him. Fuck. Hnanan--one of the higher-ups--pulls out a strange knife--bright gold metal, a sapphire in the sheath. And asks him to kill a god. 

With that ominous note, we switch to Navani. She runs out to Dalinar, basically tackling him into a hug. She sends Lopen and Kaladin off. Dalinar says he thinks he knows why the memories came back--Odium would have made him remember one way or another, but this let him prepare. He asks her to study the King’s Drop. And then he asks her something else. 

Dalinar met her eyes. “I want you to teach me how to read.” 

THIS LINE. I GOT THROUGH ALL THE REST. BUT THIS LINE MADE ME CRY. 

Shallan/Radiant/Veil is resting, or trying to. She keeps slipping between Radiant and Veil, which must make her very strange to interact with for everyone else. Jasnah and Navani both don’t make a huge difference to her state. 

Someone get Adolin, he’s good at dealing with this. Oh, good, he came. 

Adolin is the one who can tell when it’s the real one. He’s the only one who manages to pick it out. 

Adolin points out that he could carry her, but then, she’s a Radiant, and he’s tired, so maybe she could carry him. Meanwhile, Kaladin has shown up. 

Veil instantly takes over--and also, fucking hell, Kaladin has lost his boots again. 

Both Radiant and Veil like Kaladin. 

Shallan shoves both of them to the utter back of her mind, because Adolin knows her. 

Venli can now switch between old and new rhythms at will, and if she doesn’t have Stormlight, she can make her eyes red. For the moment, then, she can hide her nature. 

A Parshendi Knight Radiant. Timbre bound her because so many of their number died, and she didn’t trust the humans. 

And she walks over to the singers, and starts telling them about the listeners. 

Nale notes that “only Ishar” escaped Braize with his mind intact--but clearly,  he didn’t. Szeth swears, and the highspren--which he still doesnt’ see often--approves. 

Shallan is looking for Adolin. She also notes that Kaladin has made a habit of just perching dramatically in high places. What a dweeb. 

I mean, if I could, I’d do that. 

Oh, god, Adolin has decided to “step back” in favor of Kaladin. He says that he’s going to “let [kaladin] have you” which...that phrasing is going to go great. Also, Adolin. Adolin. 

I think Shallan can make her own call, here. Adolin points out that Kaladin can fly. 

“Oh? And is that what women are supposed to seek in a mate? Is it in the Polite Lady’s Handbook to Courtship and Family? The Bekenah edition, maybe? ‘Ladies, you can’t possibly marry a man if he can’t fly.’ Never mind if the other option is as handsome as sin, kind to everyone he meets regardless of their station, passionate about his art, and genuinely humble in the weirdest, most confident way. Never mind if he actually seems to get you, and remarkably listens to your problems, encouraging you to be you--not to hide yourself away. Never mind if being near him makes you want to rip his shirt off and push him into the nearest alleyway, then kiss him until he can’t breathe anymore. If he can’t fly, then well, you just have to call it off!”  She paused for breath, gasping.  “And...” Adolin said. “That guy is...me?”  “You are such a fool,” She grabbed his ripped coat and pulled him into a kiss, passionspren crystallizing in the air around them. 

I LOVE ADOLIN AND SHALLAN

She also notes that she thinks she’s kept it to three personas--and while Shallan’s the hardest, she can probably keep it up with some help. Adolin grins, pointing out that she said she’d kiss him until he couldn’t breathe, but he’s not even winded. 

Adolin, I wouldn’t make that bet. She doesn’t have to breathe if she has Stormlight. 

Kaladin is also happy for them. He notes that he doesn’t think he’s in love with Shallan--but being around her did make him happy. She reminds him of Tien. He’s picked up a rock, like the kind that Tien always used to give him. 

OK, SIBLING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN KALADIN AND SHALLAN IS SO, SO GOOD. 

Rock is still recovering--he sees what he did, shooting Amaram, as a broken oath. 

Taravangian admits--he pushed Dalinar aside and wanted to seize control of the coalition. Dalinar realizes--Taravangian didn’t become king of Jah Keved by accident. And Taravangian...tells Dalinar what he’s doing. 

Moash is going down into the gardens in Khoilnar. His target is a madman, with an eye color nobody can see. 

Jezrien. The Herald Szeth saw in the first prologue. The one Dalinar got drunk with. Why does Odium want to kill a Herald? 

What is this death, Jezrien asks as he dies. The Fused didn’t want to murder him themselves. Why not? Why use Moash? 

SO UH THAT HAPPENED. MOASH FUCKING OFFED A HERALD. 

Anyway, Lopen has his spren! His name is Rua, and he looks like a little boy, but Lopen calls him Naco. LOPEN IS TEACHING RUA HOW TO FLIP PEOPLE OFF LOPEN IS THE WORST INFLUENCE ON SPREN AND I LOVE HIM

OH NO, DRU REALIZED THAT, SINCE KALADIN RETURNED ALONE...OH NO DREHY WAS ON THAT TRIP FUCK

BRANDON YOU BRING DREHY BACK THIS INSTANT AND STOP HIS BOYFRIEND FROM BEING SAD

Anyway, Lopen is managing to cheer up soldiers, mentioning that if one who has lost his arm needs some jokes, he has some. Rua keeps hiding from Lopen, so Lopen has to find him. 

LOPEN ACCIDENTALLY SWORE THE SECOND IDEAL FUCK AND HE PUT OUT ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE SURGEON’S TENT

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

HE WAS SAVING IT FOR A DRAMATIC MOMENT AND THEN STORMFATHER ACCEPTED IT AND LOPEN FLIPPED HIM OFF TWICE. AND RUA DID IT WITH HIM. 

I LOVE BRIDGE FOUR SO MUCH. 

Kaladin immediately runs off, though, and Rua flips him off too. Lopen tells him not to wear it out. 

Ash is trying to take Taln to go see Ishar. And then she feels something rip inside her. Taln collapses. That’s...that’s Jezrien’s death, isn’t it. 

Oh, god, Jezrien is Ash’s father. She just felt her father die. 

She falls unconscious as the sensation stops, and I can’t blame her. 

Kaladin’s flying across the ocean, for some reason. And he finds a group of refugees from Kholinar. 

A group flying the bridge four flag. 

DREHY AND SKAR! They’re okay!!! They’re alive!!

AND THEY SMUGGLED OUT GAVINOR THEY PROTECT THOSE WHO CANNOT PROTECT THEMSELVES

Okay we don’t get that scene but DREHY BETTER HAVE HAD A GREAT REUNION WITH DRU OKAY DREHY WAS GONE FOR  A MONTH WITH NO NOTICE AND DRU THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD

Taravangian is stupid today. He reads letters from his grandchildren. He’s crying. None of his granddaughters know anything of the Diagram, and he’s determined that it will stay that way. 

He opens the window during the everstorm, and Odium speaks to him. He says he chose this time on purpose--because he doesn’t want Taravangian to ever, ever think he has power. 

Odium says that, if Taravangian serves him--he’ll spare Kharbranth, and anyone born in it, and their spouses. And he’ll be a spy, for Odium. Fuck. 

Adolin and Shallan are being adorable always. Have I mentioned how much I like the fact that Adolin loves hugs? I love it. Anyway, some of the older people are rolling their eyes at Adolin and Shallan for being stupidly sappy, which is hilarious. 

Awwwh, they’ve set the wedding date! For a week from then--they’re going fast, but hey. They road tripped shadesmar and faced down multiple unmade. She’s realizing, though, that she needs to explain some things--in particular,  the Ghostbloods thing--to Adolin. 

Apparently Veil and Adolin are, now drinking buddies. I love this so much. Watch out, Adolin, she can absolutely out-drink you. Anyway, Shallan has trouble actually paying attention to the meetings because Adolin. I love how, no matter how cutesy they’re being, nobody can really tell them to stop because one of them is a Radiant and the other is Adolin Kholin. 

“You think,” Adolin said. “Taravangian might have done it?”  “No,” Dalinar said.

I AM GETTING DECIDED FLASHBACKS TO BOOK ONE WHERE ADOLIN WAS LIKE “HEY WAS IT SADEAS” AND DALINAR WAS LIKE “NO OF COURSE NOT” 

ALWAYS. LISTEN. TO. ADOLIN’S. IMPRESSIONS. OF. PEOPLE. 

At least he notes that he doesn’t want to trust Taravangian very much. At least he’s learned a little. 

Dalinar says that Alethkar needs a king--and Adolin might be it. Adolin admits that he killed Sadeas. Adolin says he can’t be king of Alethkar. Dalinar points out that he can’t, either. 

...i think i see where this is going. 

Gavinor is too young. Adolin can’t. Renarin would be worse than Adolin. Dalinar can’t. 

Shallan blinks, thinking. They need someone diplomatic, but also not someone who can be walked over. 

It’s gonna be Jasnah, isn’t it. 

Palona is collecting gossip while Sebarial pretends to sleep. I still love them. 

OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT: 

The doors to the room slammed open, the noise of it sending a shock through the room, complaints falling silent. Even Turi stood up to note Jasnah Kholin standing in the doorway.  She wore a small but unmistakeable crown on her head. The Kholin family, it seemed, had chosen their new monarch. 

Anyway, Moash is at work again, and I don’t give a shit about him anymore. Kill Jezrien and Elhokar? Yeah, I don’t give a shit about Moash. But Lady Leshwi offers him an honorblade, and a place with them. Not as Moash, as someone else. 

Moash takes the Honorblade, and is given a new name. Vyre. 

He Who Quiets. 

Fuck. 

And then, because this loves jerking us back and forward, we cut to Shallan’s wedding day. BRIDGE FOUR GAVE HER BOOTS AS A WEDDING GIFT. Shallan notes that Adolin is probably just getting....lots of swords. None of which will be as good as Maya. 

She pulls up Radiant and Veil to give their opinions--Radiant says it’s worthy, Veil says at least he has good taste in wine. 

She realizes--it’s alright to enjoy this. It’s alright to be happy. 

And then her door opens--and there are three young men. Balat. Wikim. Jushu. 

Her brothers. 

Mraize sent a note. He’s asking her to capture Sja-anat, or convince her to work with the Ghostbloods. Shallan notes that it is one of Sja-anat’s spren that Renarin bonded. 

We don’t get the wedding itself, but we do get Dalinar heading back happy and full from the feast. Szeth just kinda...chills outside the door. And Dalinar starts writing, carefully. When Navani comes back, he offers it to her to read, as nervous as though it were his first day with the swordmasters. 

“You said pronouns have a gender in the women’s formal script, and I realized that the one you taught me says ‘I, being female.’”  Navani hesitated, pen in her fingers. “Oh. Right. I guess...I mean...huh. I don’t think there is a masculine ‘I.’ You can use the neuter, like an ardent. Or...no, here. I’m an idiot.” she wrote a few letters. “This is what you use when writing a quote by a man in the first person.” 

I’m just pulling this out because, as a nonbinary person dealing with a language that isn’t really designed to accomodate that, i appreciate that Brandon realized this would be a problem. And English isn’t even as bad as Italian. I don’t even know how to refer to myself with some of the past-tense verbs, there. 

And we get that Oathbringer, the book, was written by Dalinar. And he’s so happy, so proud of being able to read. He can read the Way of Kings, himself. He can read Jasnah’s biography of Gavilar. He can write notes, and he can write his own life. 

Oathbringer, My Glory and My Shame

written by Dalinar Kholin. 

I like it. A good title. 

Wit is, as he tends to be, talking to himself, in a line of shuffling people. All great art, he says, is hated. He’s in the group of people being shuffled out of Kholinar, to work the farms. 

WIT STARTS DUSTING OFF HIS CLOTHING AND STOPS BECAUSE “HE’D WORKED HARD TO PLACE THAT DUST” 

I love him. He notes that if Rayse figures out he’s here, the entire city will be levelled, so he’s got to move it. He makes a small doll for a girl, and he...oh, he Breathes into the doll, giving it to the girl to protect her. He gives the girl the doll, and then gets a family whose child died to take care of her. 

Wit knows some of the old Parshmen. Vatwha is the current sentinel; they once danced together. He wonders if anyone wonders why the Fused are spending so much time clearing this section of the palace. He’s talking to the wall, as though it’s a person. 

He promises it truths. 

A small, scared Cryptic. 

Wit starts saying the First Ideal. 

Oh, no, I know where it came from. That was the section Moash was clearing--the section near where Elhokar died. That Cryptic...it wanted to bond Elhokar. But Elhokar died, in the middle of saying the Ideal, so...Wit had to be there for it. 

And with that, we end. 

#oathbringer spoilers #stormlight archive liveblog #FUCK YEAH BRIDGE FOUR #dalinar voice: unite them #fuck vyre honestly

[preservationandruin]

Words of Radiance Part Five Part One

We’re in the home stretch! Let’s do this thing!

Dalinar sets off on his expedition, Amaram gets FUCKING OWNED, I proceed to go off on a fucking rant because Amaram talked about honor one time too many, Shallan outs herself and Jasnah as Radiants, Rlain comes back, Elhokar’s Incompetence Rant pt.1, the Parshendi start singing a very ominous song, I’m gay for Radiants ,and Kaladin has a revelation. 

This part is titled Winds Alight and we have the points of view of basically everyone--Kaladin, Shallan, Dalinar, Adolin, and Wit. Let’s get this show on the road, gang!

Our epigraphs here are from the Diagram, which is interesting.

Kaladin is beating himself up for killing Syl, which, good. He deserves that. He also is getting toward the Weeping, which is awful for him--it’s when his Seasonal Affective Disorder kicks in hardcore. He gets Lopen and they go to watch the army leave. Lopen suggests that to get Syl back he buy her something nice, which is just so...Lopen. I love him.

Kaladin also realizes Dalinar’s force is what he always dreamed of following into battle. It’s the army he fantasized about as a child. And Sebarial, of all people, has joined Dalinar into the fight.

Hell. Yes.

And ooooooh loooook, Amaram is coming in his fancy gold knight radiant cloak with his fancy shardblade and fancy armor and yes I am still and will always be bitter as fuck about Amaram in general. Amaram is like oooOOOOOOooooo we should SEND SEBARIAL AWAY he’s UNTRUSTWORTHY and wow pot, kettle, black??

And of course, Aladar comes too. Meanwhile, Ialai points out that she and Sadeas could have a coup. Sadeas literally would--he would kill Elhokar just for fucking power. He just doesn’t think he has to.

God, he’s a waste of investiture.

Also, Ialai is the one who had an assassin with the bridges--it’s her fault that Kaladin and Shallan pitched into the chasm. Which let Shallan figure out where the Oathgate was.

NICE GOING IALAI.

Anyway, Aladar was one of Sadeas’ biggest supporters. And he finally can’t convince himself to support Sadeas when Dalinar is out there doing the right thing. Aladar and Dalinar even have a moment where Aladar is like listen, you know I’m not some shining knight, I have blood on your hands, and Dalinar’s like, well, I’m not either, but we’re what we’ve got.

Amaram is like ooOOOOoooOOOO it would be SO COOL if we could WIN THIS ALL ON OUR OWN we shoudn’t WORK TOGETHER DAL and Dalinar’s like, that’s bullshit. And then he sees Kaladin and asks Amaram to come with him.

God, the first time I read this I was entirely made out of anxiety.

Anyway, Kaladin is seeing the men off, and they’re yelling at him for walking around on a badly injured leg.

“I thought,” Kaladin noted, “That I was your commander.” “Nah, can’t be,” Teft said, “because our commander would be smart enough to stay in bed.” “And eat much stew,” Rock said. “I left you stew to eat while I am gone.”

I LOVE BRIDGE FOUR

Also they see Dalinar coming and Rock is like wow now you’re definitely screwed. Also I would like to note that all of bridge four doesn’t trust Amaram.

Also, Moash was left to guard the King, and Kaladin nearly dies upon realizing that. And then we get the exchange that causes my soul to ascend from this mortal plain.

“Amaram,” Dalinar said, waving for the highlord to step up. “You told me that you’d never seen this man before arriving here on the Shattered Plains. Is that true?” Kaladin met the eyes of a murderer. “Yes,” Amaram said. “What of his claim that you took his Blade and Plate from him?” Dalinar asked. “Brightlord,” Amaram said, taking Dalinar by the arm, “[insert bullshit sanctimony that I don’t want to type out] But his allegations regarding me are obviously preposterous.” Dalinar nodded to himself, as if this were all expected. “I believe an apology is due.” Kaladin struggled to remain upright, his leg feeling weak. So this would be his final punishment. Apologizing to Amaram in public. A humiliation beyond all others. “I--” Kaladin began.” “Not you, son,” Dalinar said softly.

Not you, son. Not you, son. Not you, son.

Not you, son.

I shit you not, the first time I read that I yelled aloud in the middle of class. This is the single most evocative sentence in the book for me--and it’s three words. But it flips your perception of what Dalinar’s been doing on it’s head, cuts through the building anxiety like a knife, and fuCKS UP AMARAM ROYALLY.

Dalinar had been laying an intricate trap for Amaram that required him to be a cheating, lying backstabbing son of a bitch--and Amaram, being a cheating lying backstabbing son of a bitch, fell for it completely. Dalinar is trusting.

That doesn’t mean he’s stupid.

“Sometimes good men must die so that greater goals must be accomplished.” THAT’S THE BULLSHIT THAT YOU ALL ARE PULLING, ISN’T IT, AMARAM. SONS OF HONOR MY FUCKING ASS. YOU DON’T KNOW HONOR FROM YOUR OWN SHIT. STOP SPITTING SANCTIMONY, YOU MURDERER. YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING REGRET IT. YOU THINK YOU’RE THE SECOND COMING OF SOME FUCKING HERO WHEN YOU’RE JUST A CRAVEN, POWER-GRUBBING BASTARD WHO CAN’T POSSIBLY COMPREHEND THAT A SLAVE MIGHT BE MORE IMPORTANT IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS THAN YOU ARE. I WANT CULTIVATION TO LEARN THAT YOU’RE USING THE NAME OF HER DEAD PARTNER TO CONDONE CRAVEN, DISHONORABLE, CORRUPT BULLSHIT AND I WANT HER TO TEAR YOU APART. BETTER YET, I WANT YOU TO DIE KNOWING FOREVER THAT KALADIN IS MORE CRUCIAL TO THE SALVATION OF ROSHAR THAN YOU ARE, AND THAT THE HERALDS ABANDONED YOU. HONOR IS DEAD, AMARAM. HONOR IS DEAD AND YOU DO NOTHING.

SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT HONOR WAS WOULDN’T HAVE KILLED KALADIN’S MEN. SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT HONOR WAS WOULDN’T HAVE LIED. SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT HONOR WAS WOULDN’T HAVE WATCHED WHILE SADEAS TRIED TO CRIPPLE ADOLIN AND RENARIN. SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT HONOR WAS WOULDN’T STEAL AND KILL FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL POWER.

YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT ABOUT HONOR, MERIDAS AMARAM. YOU AREN’T WORTHY TO EVEN TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE CLEARLY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS.

um. anyway. the plot. that thing. I should probably get back to it.

“Thank you,” Kaladin said to Dalinar, “For believing me.” “I do listen sometimes, soldier,” Dalinar said. “Now go back to camp and get some rest.”

GOOD DAD, BEST DAD.

Also, Dalinar notes that holding a Shardblade feels wrong to him. Those Radiant Senses are tingling.

The Diagram notes that Szeth could possibly put extra strain on people who are exploring the Nahel bond, and lead to them becoming Radiants sooner. Which kind of happens, but not in the exact way they think--it’s keeping Kaladin away from Dalinar--and near Elhokar--that causes the problem.

Whoops.

Shallan and Adolin are flirting, by which I mean Adolin is teasing her for having a slow horse and she’s threatening to remove his toes.

There are further hints of a burgeoning love triangle that I am deliberately ignoring because I refuse to even think about that happening. No. Don’t you dare, Brandon. And Shallan finally actually gets a copy of Words of Radiance.

Also it mentions “women who could melt a stone with a touch” and a) DUSTBRINGERS PLEASE TELL ME MORE and b) I’m. gay.

Also Navani offers to help Shallan with her work, realizing that she should have offered much sooner. Also we get a wonderful line from Navani: “My little Jasnah, insufferable and wonderful.”

Shallan also tells Navani that Jasnah was a Surgebinder.

Kaladin is dealing with the Weeping. And Moash, in this chilling moment:

“Sometimes lives must be spent for the greater good,” Kaladin said. “Yes, exactly!” “That’s what Amaram said. In regards to my friends, whom he murdered to cover up his secrets.” “Well, that’s different, obviously. He’s a lighteyes.” Kaladin looked to Moash, whose eyes had turned as light a tan as those of any Brightlord. Same color as Amaram’s, actually. “So are you.”

Fuck, that’s a powerful Not So Different moment. Although Moash brushes it off and then leaves.

The diagram has an interesting fragment: “We must find one [honorblade] Can we make to use a truthless can we craft a weapon” So the diagram may have been behind Szeth being called Truthless. Yikes. He’s not going to like that.

Anyway, Shallan likes the Weeping, and is drawing Jasnah in one of her last moments--tired, terrified, in the cabin of the ship.

And Shallan tells Dalinar that she’s a radiant. By making a small image of Jasnah. This is just a deeply important moment. Dalinar then thinks to make Shallan lead them, and Shallan is like. hell no. nope. not me.

Dalinar just lead them yourself.

Dalinar stopped in place, and stared at her in surprise. Then he grunted, his face barely visible. “I see Jasnah in you.” Rarely had Shallan been given such a compliment.

And then they find a Parshendi body with red eyes. Yikes. And also, Rlain comes back! Well, Shen, but he’s Rlain, and he’s Bridge Four. Fuck yeah.

“Yes. [Eshonai] was my commander. But now...Sir, I have reason to believe that everyone I know...everyone I loved...has been destroyed, monsters left in their place. The listeners, the Parshendi, may be no more. I have nothing left...” “Yes you do,” Skar said from outside the ring of guards. “You’re Bridge Four.” Rlain looked at him. “I’m a traitor.” “Ha!” Rock said. “Is little problem. Can be fixed.”

I LOVE BRIDGE FOUR SO MUCH.

Also Shallan is doing scouting and apparently Dalinar was just like “Get Shallan to come back and if she doesn’t tell her that I’ll send Adolin to cart her back over his shoulder” and Shallan is like “nice sounds hot anyway, science”

Anyway, Shallan finding the Oathgate is the only real retreat plan that the army has, so like, no pressure.

Kaladin is dealing with the Weeping and his injury, and getting through the training ground while limping. Also, when he gets back, Elhokar is there, waiting for him--aaaaand Elhokar is drunk.

Wonderful. Also I love how every time they describe Elhokar they point out that he has a big nose.

So we get Elhokar Inadequacy Rant no.1. Elhokar is sharp--he notices that there is a pattern of heroism around Kaladin, and he also knows that he himself doesn’t have any success--he gives himself a brutal smackdown of his own flaws:

“When I try to be strong, I make a fool of myself. When I try to be merciful, people walk all over me. When I try to listen to counsel, it turns out I’ve picked the wrong men! When I try to do everything on my own, Dalinar has to take over lest I ruin the kingdom. How do people know what to do? Why don’t I know what to do? I was born to this office, given the throne by the Almighty himself! Why would he give me the title, but not the capacity?”

Like, he’s going about this wrong, but god, this shit is fucking relateable. Elhokar does not have the personality of a good leader. But he can’t exactly not lead, becuase the kingdom still holds to the divine right of kings. So he grasps at straws, too uncertain of himself to make a solid choice one way or the other, too proud to admit his mistakes, craving flattery because it reassures him he’s not useless but knowing at the same time in his heart that it’s all a fucking lie.

Anyway, Kaladin refuses to teach him, and says he’s a bad king. Elhokar did ask. Also, Elhokar notes that when Kaladin came, the “shadows”--what Elhokar saw in mirrors and the corners of his eyes--left. Interesting. Very interesting.

The Diagram here mentions the Unmade and the fact that some of them can probably think.

With Dalinar, they’re about to actually join in battle with the Parshendi. Aladar freaks out because holy shit, Voidbringers, and Dalinar basically gives him a “get ahold of yourself” speech to get him to actually lead.

Okay, here’s a main difference between Dalinar’s viewpoint and Amaram’s. Dalinar is willing to sacrifice his army to stop the voidbringers, true. But he is only doing that because he is taking the same risk. He will lead that army because he wouldn’t ask them to go if he wasn’t at the lead, taking the same risk.

I’m going out on a fucking limb and saying that Amaram isn’t willing to go through what he put Kaladin through. Or what he did to Kaladin’s men. He thinks he’s too important to risk himself, and that’s why he’s such a sanctimonious ass.

Also, Dalinar gives impassioned speeches to Roion and Aladar, and then Sebarial is like where’s mine and Dalinar’s like you...can just go into the command tent and Sebarial is like Nice.

Time for another Good Dalinar Battle Speech: Yes, those are Voidbringers. Yes, we’re going to fight them. I don’t know what they can do. I don’t know why they’ve returned. But we came here to stop them.

I know you’re scared, but you have heard of my visions in the highstorms. In the warcamps, the lighteyes mocked me and dismissed what I’d seen as delusions. Well out there, you see proof that my visions were true! Out there, you see what I have been told would come!

I have been sent by the Almighty himself to save this land from another Desolation. I have seen what those things can do; I have lived lives broken by the Voidbringers. I’ve seen kingdoms shattered, peoples ruined, technology forgotten. I’ve seen civilization itself brought to the trembling edge of collapse.

We will prevent this! Today you fight not for the weath of a lighteyes, or even for the honor of your king. Today, you fight for the good of all men. You will not fight alone! Trust in what I have seen, trust in my words. If those things have returned, then so must the forces that once defeated them. We will see miracles before this day is out, men! We merely have to be strong enough to deserve them.

And then the Parshendi start singing, and it’s a completely new song that is more frenetic, and Rlain is freaking the fuck out. He says that Dalinar has to stop the song at all costs.

Back over to Kaladin. He’s wading through the training ground, which is now a small lake. He goes to seek out Zahel, who has strung up a hammock on lightning rods because he fears neither god nor man. As well he should--I mean, it’s Vasher. 

His metaphors remain hilarious. 

“Excellent deduction. Like fresh blue paint on a wall.” 

Anyway, Zahel asks what Kaladin wants. 

“Have you ever had to choose between two equally distasteful choices?”  “Every day I choose to keep breathing.”  “I worry something awful is going to happen. I can prevent it, but the awful thing...it might be best for everyone if it does happen.”  “Huh.”  “No advice?”  “Choose the option that makes it easiest for you to sleep at night. That’s what I wish I’d done.” 

This turns out to be the exact advice Kaladin needs to hear, tbh. He grabs a spear and goes to try to practice. He also starts literally yelling at the storm. And he realizes the rationale he’s using--”It’s right to remove the wounded limb. This is what we have to do, to stay alive” is the rationale that was used to kill Tien. 

And Kaladin realizes that for Dalinar, Elhokar is Tien. 

#stormlight archive liveblog #i loathe meridas amaram #FUCK YEAH BRIDGE FOUR #elhokar is trying his best #hi vasher