#like wow I was in the student pride group in both my undergrads...I could have had a girlfriend if I had a brain back then :

[amarrymeinbostonwriter]

I’m not sure my friend believed me about being a lesbian. Comp het got me bad though not as bad as it got some people because I loudly insisted I was bi or ace instead of straight for years- so I knew something was up but was unwilling to open that box fully. 

It’s just that I’m very close to my family (and currently dependent on them because of my disability but working to attempt for independence) and I know they were hoping I’d somehow turn out straight. Though it’s not like I was ever going to have any biological kids so I don’t see why it would have mattered. 

#but it's isolating in two ways now because it's assumed I was going to be straight and I guess people assumed I wanted kids? #I was glad to see my friend but wow she's way more of a normal person than me and it was kind of isolating to realize that #I wanted to ask her so many questions but I think perhaps it's better I didn't #but maybe I'm wrong and she did believe me #she used to date men before too before she realized she was a lesbian #she's very happily married to a woman and she and her wife are both a very nice couple #like wow I was in the student pride group in both my undergrads...I could have had a girlfriend if I had a brain back then :/ #I'm just an idiot who does not connect the dots fast enough #also I'm very much in my own weird world and out of touch with reality so that kind of hurt to realize #though I guess I needed that #she said I was a great friend and I really want to be but Idk it feels like I fail her constantly #she's my best friend irl and half the time she has no idea wtf I'm trying to talk about #it kind of hurts I'm not gonna lie but it's not her fault! #I'm very invested in history/literature and she's a normal person #also I feel like my social skills have definitely deteriorated as of late :/ #I'm going to be 30 next year and I won't even have my MA ;-; #excuse me as I mourn my 20s and my own inability to call a duck a duck for whatever reason #I'm not sure how much of this I can blame on bipolar disorder #it seems very catholic of me to deny myself any love and avoid things that I might actually enjoy #my chatter