#like ive dreaded my 21st birthday since i was like 10yrs old

[29121996]

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#i turn 21 in 2 days. and in 24hrs my best friend gets on a flight to come see me #im kinda emotional abt it all actually. #like ive dreaded my 21st birthday since i was like 10yrs old #i have no ides why but i have 😭😭 abd like . i avtually have plans for it #i mean ive soent the last 5 months putting it tgth honestly #and its costibg me a fucking fortune tbh #but like !!!! i get to see my best friend !!!! for 4 days !!!! my voyfriend n i are doing sm better atm too #which is scary bc wdym wr arent That Toxic #i dont think we ever rlly wrre i just think . i was so self conscious for majprity of our relationship #and ngl . there is so much inner worm im constsntly having to maintain and keep up #to keep this Working #and i wanna be like 'it could b easier w someone else' and while that may actuslly be True #i adore this man so much you have no idea. so im willing to do the harder work to be with him yknow. hes kinda w*rth it :/ #i also get the bar implanted tmr and im Shitting Myself over it #i get queasy when they take blood and i faint when i scratch myself Too Deep #this is something goijg into my skin i mught just Die actually. #fuck me christ. #the shit i do so i dont ruin my future :/