#left 2 my moms but i Didnt n now i rlly badly need 2 theres tissues n water bottles n trash Everywhere i have 2 mostly empty boxes of grocer

[gumdecay]

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#i want 2 go back 2 feeling warm n flowing n loving n caring....... vrything feels so stale & overworked rn i shld have cleaned myroom b4 i #left 2 my moms but i Didnt n now i rlly badly need 2 theres tissues n water bottles n trash Everywhere i have 2 mostly empty boxes of grocer #ies but theyre the big aldis ones so itd b rlly conspicuous 2 take them out of my room n they have food thats wasted in them bc i was gone 4 #two whole weeks n also idk if anyone pulled the bins back in from the road evn tho garbage is on thurs so i cant take them out nyway til i c #heck i just.. hate..living here.. i very desperately want to live on my own but i absolutely Need to live with ppl im comfortable around n #im just. not. comfortable here. its too big n theres 2 more roommates than i can handle and everythings covered in a thin layer of grime and #i cant fucking stand it. there hasnt been toilet paper in the bathroom since i got here but ive literally bought every fucking roll since i #got here so im keeping mine in my room n carrying it 2 the br w me when i go and i hate it. the kitchen is a mess to the point where evn tho #i havent eaten since i got here i dont evn want to bring groceries home the counters are never fully clean theres no counter or cupboard spa #ce theres always spills in the fridge and the new roommate put the litter in the back kitchen so evn walking into the fucking kitchen all u #can smell is the litter & its disgusting! i start having breakdowns just @ the thought of leaving my fucking room and i hate it! i pay $550 #a fucking month to live in this busy dirty house and theres literally NOTHING cheaper ANYWHERE i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it #b was supposed 2 help me w rent n if he DID id have enough saved to just. fucking get a $650 a month apartment thats entirely mine but he do #esnt n hes between houses rn so i cant ask him and i just :') hate this :') i hate being poor i hate that i need disability i hate that the #gvmt wants me dead so bad they wont pay me a living fucking wage i hate that my brother gets more foodstamps than me & that both my brothers #can find jobs in a second bc their brains arent fucking melting every second of every day & their bodies arent trying to force quit bc they #werent fucking ABUSED NONSTOP AS CHILDREN i hate that im the only one in my family like this i hate that no one fucking listens when i tell #them itll b like this 4 the rest of my life i honest to god wish i wldve died any of the times i committed bc im 2 fucking scared to do it #nymore n i dont have enough of nything left to od but im fucking tired of living like this w no end in sight :')