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astraystayyh · 9 months

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If the world was ending

Felix x reader. Estranged childhood best friends to lovers. Angst and happy ending. highly recommend listening to If the world was ending while reading :)

Felix has always been there with you, from the moment you've met him when you were 8 years old, until he suddenly no longer was, and you were left to grapple with the consequences of his absence- and those of his return.

cw: description of a car accident, reader has a fear of loud noises.

skz song series masterlist

12 march 2011

Screeching brakes, a jarring collision, glass shattering all around you, shards of it embedding into your tender skin. You are too young to understand it all, but you know it's bad. You are suddenly upside down, the only thing helping you stay put is the seatbelt fastened around you. You didn't really like seatbelts but your mom always insisted on you wearing one.

Your mom, you can't see her face, she's upside down too, and she isn't talking. That's unusual because you're crying and she isn't turning around to comfort you. Someone is screaming outside of your car, and then you are pulled out. You don't know who's touching you, and you want them to stop. Where is your mom? Why did they not pull her out too?

An ambulance approaches you; its loud sirens feel like pine needles drilling into your skull. You try to cover your ears but your hands are covered in blood. The world around you is painted red- the flashing lights of the sirens and the liquid oozing from your cuts. It’s no longer your favorite color.

27 may 2011

You are playing in the playground near your home, waving at your mom from the top of the slide. She's gotten better, she smiles more easily at you now. And you are trying to be a good kid too; you help wash the dishes and you clean your room all by yourself. You don't want your mom to feel sad again and go back to that dreaded hospital.

You slide out, happy giggles leaving your mouth, before climbing up the tiny stairs once again. But as you reach the top, an ambulance rushes by the playground. You don't know what's happening, but you suddenly feel shards of glass on your skin once again. Your hands are shaking as you sit on the floor, curling around yourself in a ball.

"What's wrong?" someone asks and you lift your head tentatively. It's a young boy, he's looking at you worriedly, a tiny pout on his lips.

"I don't like ambulances," you hiccup, burying your head in your knees again.

Suddenly, small hands cover your ears, muffling the shrill sound of sirens. They are warm and sticky from the red popsicle he’s still holding.

"Now you can't hear them," he giggles, his eyes disappearing into moon crescents. Despite your raging fear, a smile finds its way into your lips.

"What's those on your face," you ask with a small voice, pointing at the faint marks dusting his cheeks.

"They're called freckles," he says proudly and you nod.

"They're pretty."

"Thank you!" he grins at you, his hands still covering your ears. The tightness in your chest seems to dissipate slowly before his kind smile- the shadows never stood a chance in front of the sun.

"What's your name?"

"Felix. And you?"

"Yn."

"We should be friends," he beams and you grin back, agreeing wholeheartedly. "We should."

15 november 2021

You are sitting on the grass of that very same playground, Felix still by your side. The night breeze is cooling as it brushes against your bodies, and you're wearing his red sweater. It smells like his cologne and your perfume- an intoxicating scent you've come to memorize by heart.

His nose tip is rosy from the cold, and you can't resist tapping it playfully. "Your nose is pink," you giggle, and he smiles, gently bopping yours in return.

"So is yours."

You look at him as he gazes up at the stars above. You love Felix, it has always been crystal clear to you. From the moment he planted the seed of his friendship into your soul, and throughout the years when it bloomed into something more, bigger than the two of you. It wrapped around your being entirely, binding itself into your every atom, until all you saw is his reflection in you.

And you were tired of treading the line between friendship and something more. You wanted, no craved being with him, your yearning so intense it spilled from you each time he was around. In rosy cheeks and shaky fingers and eyes that soften only when they rest on him- evidence of your love imprinted all upon you.

You take in a deep breath, before laying your hand gently on his cheek, turning his face to meet yours. His eyes widen slightly at the soft touch, and you lean in closer to him. You brush your nose against his, slowly, "to warm it up," you whisper, as his breath hitches in his throat.

He's close, he's so close, you can almost taste the brownies you shared earlier on his lips. You can see his freckles ever so clearly, constellations you often find yourself getting lost in. Your hand is still on his cheek, and you can feel it burning up under your palm.

You close your eyes, as his lips are now just a breath away from yours. It's electrifying- having him so near to the way you've always dreamed, fantasized about. But he needs to be the one to take the jump, all he has to do is lean in a bit, and you'd kiss him. You won't ever let go.

"Lixie...," you choke out, "kiss me."

"I want to." His voice is hoarse with emotion, as if fighting with himself for self-restraint.

"So do it," you ask, swiping your thumb gently across his cheek. Your breaths mingle with one another in a dizzying dance.

"I'm leaving," he says so faintly, you believe for a second that you've imagined it.

"What?" you ask, leaning a bit away to be able to look at him.

"I'm leaving," he repeats, his eyes tightly shut. "We're moving to another country, for my dad's job."

"You're leaving me?" you ask, bewildered.

"I'm not leaving you-"

"But you are. You won't be here anymore." You drop your hand, taking hurried steps away from him. Touching him didn't feel electrifying anymore, it felt horrible and nauseous, because you won't get to do it again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to-"

"How long have you known?"

"Yn..."

"Felix," you say, tone stern. "How long?"

"Six months," he whispers and a bitter chuckle escapes your lips.

"When are you leaving?"

"In a week."

The pain becomes unbearable, and you turn your back to him so he wouldn't see your rapidly falling tears. You are angry, as a disguise for the sadness threatening to drown you. Him leaving tasted like the salty water you gulp when you dive in too quickly into the ocean. And you did dive in, in him, in his soul and everything that made up Felix. And now he was leaving you, with no anchor to help you float again.

"Is that why you insisted on spending so much time with me lately? Because you were leaving?"

"You need to understand I didn't know how to tell you, I- I don't even know who I am without you." He pleads, his own eyes shimmering with unshed tears, reminding you of tiny diamonds. That's how it is with Felix, you found beauty in everything he did- even tearing your heart in half.

"Maybe you should've thought of how I would feel. You were thinking of leaving me while I..." Your voice breaks and you take a shaky breath. "While I was falling in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too," he quickly says, reaching out to hold your hand. "I love you, I always have." He's wrapping his arms around you, and you're letting him because it feels safe and secure. Because he’s still your Felix, even if he's leaving you behind.

You wonder what you must have done in a past life, what a horrible person you could've been for the universe to treat you this cruelly. To hand you everything you've ever wanted in a silver platter, and snatch it from your hands before you could dare to grab it.

"We'll make it work," he mumbles into your hair, placing a tender kiss on your temple. "We'll talk and we can be together."

"No, we can't. I'll just hold you back from living your new life, I can't have that."

"Don't talk like that, please," his voice wavers, words barely managing to slip out of his mouth. Regret overtakes your body so suddenly at the thought of his lips- you shouldn't have tried to kiss him. Maybe then he wouldn't have told you he was leaving.

"It's the truth. we'll grow to hate each other, distance will put a strain on us. I'd rather not talk to you than have you resent me."

"But-"

"Just hold me," you cut him off. "As if nothing's happening, please."

And he complies because Felix always does. Because he loves you and as much as he doesn't want to, he knows you're right.

•••••

It's been three months since Felix left- the days passed by agonizingly slowly, and yet the months went by in a blur, a hauntingly vivid reminder of what once was. At first, the texts between you two were frequent, but as time wore on, the messages grew sporadic, from your end, mostly. Seeing him flourish in his new life felt like salt on an open wound, a reminder that he was moving on while you were still anchored in memories of him.

You saw him in every corner of your city. The smell of brownies that he's made countless times, each time you felt sad. The way he kissed your cheek each time he won a game, while you were lying on his bed, bored. The way he hugged you whenever you were sick, gently tucking strands of your hair behind your ear. The way he covered your ears instinctively at each loud noise, knowing how scared it made you still.

And you've felt each of these emotions since he was gone. You were sad and bored and sick and happy and scared. And he wasn't here with you through them. Each moment away from Felix seemed to magnify what could have been- what should have been between the two of you.

There is a building construction next to you, loud cement blocks crashing to the ground. And you are curled around yourself in a protective ball, covering your ears with your hands, because Felix isn't here to do it anymore for you.

You and Felix have grown with one another, your soul carefully woven into his, like two threads intricately stitched into the same tapestry. Him leaving felt like half of your body was cut off from you, and you were left alone to figure out how to function with an incomplete heart.

17 july 2023

Summer break meant coming back home and sleeping in your childhood bedroom once again. Memories of Felix still lingered in there- posters he has given you and his red sweater that you've never found the courage to throw away. It doesn't hurt as much to remember him, the sharp pain morphed into a dull ache you've grown accustomed to by now.

You're watching the TV mindlessly when someone knocks on your door, and you go to open it without a second thought, expecting it to be your parents. It wasn't.

"Felix?" you stammer, stumbling back in shock. You blink repeatedly, in a desperate attempt to make sure he's not a figment of your twisted imagination. You haven't uttered his name in so long, and the syllables felt both foreign and familiar in your mouth.

"It's me," he smiles sheepishly, his hand scratching the back of his neck.

"You are here," you whisper, stating the obvious. He didn't change much, his kind brown eyes and freckles still as captivating as before. But his features were sharper, prettier, and the sight of him is making you dizzy once again.

"I am."

"What are you doing here?" You ask cautiously, opening the door a bit wider to let him in.

"I requested a transfer to your university. I wanted to come back. I missed home, and I missed you," he adds softly, making a turmoil of emotions surge within you.

You clear your throat. "So, you are back for good?"

"I am," he says, smiling slightly at you as if to gauge your reaction. You stay silent and his grin falters; his tongue resting against the inside of his cheek, a habit he hasn't let go of apparently. He then walks to the kitchen and you follow suit. You don't have to show him around, he knows your home like the back of his hand. He spent most of his childhood here after all, even though his house was only a few blocks away.

"How have you been?" he asks as he opens the cupboard to take out a glass. He closes its door softly, careful not to make it thud.

"I'm good. It's summer break so I'm finally back home, what about you?"

"I'm good too. It's nice to be back."

Your conversation is strained and awkward, so unnatural of you both. There was so much to say, so much to ask about, but you couldn't bring yourself to speak. He felt like uncharted territory to you now, one you didn't have the strength to discover once again.

"It's your mom's birthday tomorrow, right?" he smiles and you nod.

"Should we make her our cookies? Like we used to before I..."

"Before you left," you finish, bitterness dripping from your tone.

Hurt flashes in his eyes and you feel your heart suddenly clench in your chest. It was unfair for you to treat him this way. He was only seventeen and if your parents were to move away you would've followed them too.

"Okay, let's do it." You smile sincerely for the first time since he came back to you.

You both move seamlessly in the kitchen, each knowing your tasks like a choreographed dance. This was a tradition that started when you were twelve years old. You'd brown the butter while he beat the egg and sugar together. He'd sift the flour while you cut up chocolate. He'd mix it all while you preheat the oven. And then you'd roll the dough together.

Your hands brush against one another as you shape up the cookies, and it feels so intense you almost drop to the floor. You miss him, you miss him so much and he's near you and you can't seem to think straight anymore.

When the cookies are finally in the oven, he silently washes the dishes while you dry them. He abruptly pauses, hands still covered in soap before turning back to you.

"Can we talk? Please?" he says too quickly as if he's been overthinking asking this question.

"I'm busy today," you scramble to think of an excuse, you weren't ready to face him yet.

"Tomorrow?"

"I'm staying with my mom, then there is Han’s party."

"I'll be there too. We can talk then, please?" he asks, eagerness evident in his voice.

"Fine. Let's talk there," you concede and he nods, awkwardly shifting in his place. He finishes the dishes before drying his hands. You avoid his gaze and he sighs softly. "I'll get going. Tell your mom happy birthday from me."

"Will do." You smile tightly and he does the same, before finally leaving your home, and in his trail, a maelstrom of emotions you weren't certain how to deal with.

18 july 2023

You're at the reunion party Han is hosting with all your high school friends. You watch as Felix takes turns talking to everybody. He fits right in here, a puzzle perfectly clicking in place as if he's never left. He's telling a joke to Chan who laughs loudly, hitting Minho's arm repeatedly. Everyone is happy he's back, because they never had to gravel with the consequences of his absence. Because he's never ripped their heart out.

Felix is looking for you around the room- he hasn't seen you in a while. He assumes you're somewhere around the house, and that you'd like to talk when time has passed. The knot in his stomach tightens as the weight of your conversation dawns on him, he longs to be with you, to undo the past two years he has spent away from you. But he's afraid to mess everything up, once again, so he stays near his friends who are now pulling him outside of the house.

"We have a surprise for you," Han says excitedly before pointing at the sky, "look."

Fireworks, a dazzling show of blue, red and yellow. And Felix feels as if the colors were drained out of his face and splattered into the night sky before him.

"Where is yn?" he turns to Chan, eyes wide.

"Inside, I think. Why?"

"Stop- stop this, don't start any more fireworks," he urges the boy who's looking at him worriedly.

"Why, what's wrong? We have a warrant to start them, don't worry."

"No, no you don't understand. Yn hates loud noises," he explains frantically, before bolting inside the house.

He's yelling your name, and you are nowhere to be found, the sound of the fireworks so loud he isn't even sure you can hear him.

He opens door after door, and after painstakingly long seconds he finally finds you in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, your head buried in your knees. Just like you were twelve years ago.

Felix doesn't waste any time, kneeling in front of you to cover your ears with his hands, you look up at him, waterline brimming with unshed tears.

"It's okay, I'm here. Just focus on my voice," he smiles reassuringly at you, and you clasp your hands on top of his, doing your best to muffle the sound of the explosions.

"Your hands are still small," you attempt to joke, as hot tears trail down your cheeks. You hated how scared you still were.

"The perfect size to cover your ears," he smiles at you, his eyes softening when they take in your distressed state.

You hiccup, overcome by a new wave of emotion- for an entirely different reason this time. "You came."

"I'll always come. Even if the world was ending, I'll... I'll come to you," he smiles, biting his lower lip to stop his own tears from falling.

"It'd be useless if you came then. There would be nothing for us to do," you manage to say through shaky breaths.

"But I'd be with you," he insists, gaze unwavering, "It will be scary for you. I imagine it will be loud, the world can't end silently."

"Mine did, when you left." Felix's eyes go wide at your words, and you don't care that you are baring your soul entirely to him. "Please don't leave me again. I hate goodbyes with you."

"Why would we ever say goodbye again, hm?" he reassures, his knuckles brushing against your cheek softly. "I'm never leaving you, as long as you'll have me, I'm here," he whispers, before pulling you into his chest.

Your hands find his back, and his cheek rests on top of your head. And you both close your eyes, an exhale of relief leaving you both at the same time. The world grows dark around the two of you, the only thing you saw was his heart and the overflowing love he still bore for you.

You felt as if you were wandering blind and you could finally see again, as if the string tying you to him wrapped tightly around the both of you, trapping you in his warm embrace.

You don't know what will happen next, but he's holding you now, and he'll hold you when the world is ending, and that is enough.

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strayflowersstarsandlove · 2 days

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Fiance!skz vs your wedding dress 🤍✨

Tw:pregnancy

🖤hyung line🖤

🖤maknae line🖤

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minhosimthings · 4 months

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The Symphony Smut Series

A series of oneshots based on lyrics from my playlists and their songs

Day 1: Lana del Rey's Gods and Monsters;

In the land of gods and monsters I was an angel, looking to get fucked hard - Lee 'Know' Minho (Skz)

Day 2:Lana del rey's Brooklyn Baby

My boyfriends' in a band, he plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed - Heeseung and Jay (Enha)

Day 3: Doja Cat and Starbo3's D!ck

She came in like an addict - Kim Sunoo (Enha)

Day 4: Cat Peirce's You belong to me

Do what you please to me, I won't resist - Jake (Enha)

Day 5: Lancey Foxx's Lancey or Lancey

Took her to Paris, she took her panties off- Felix (Skz)

Day 6: Lana del Rey's Peppers

We write hit songs without trying like, all the time, all the time - Han Jisung (Skz)

Day 7: Julia Michaels' Heaven

they say all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you - I.N/ Yang Jeongin (Skz)

Day 8: Lana del Rey's Cherry

My cherries and wine and all of my peaches are ruined - Heeseung (Enha)

Day 9: Flo Milli's Rodeo Ride

He love how I ride it, hop on a dick made him get excited - Changbin (Skz)

Day 10: Skz's Red Lights

I cannot breathe without you being right by my side - Seungmin (Skz)

Day 11:Charlie Puth's Dangerously

I love you dangerously - Sunghoon (Enha)

Day 12: Staind "Right Here"

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting. - Hyunjin (Skz)

Day 13: Amaarae's Angels in Tibet

Louvre and Armani I like how you say it - Jay (Enha)

Day 14: Doja Cat's Agora Hills

Suck a little dick in the bathroom - Chan (Skz)

Day 15: Doja Cat's Agora Hills

Kissin I hope they caught us - Sunghoon (Enha)

Day 16: Todrick hall's Both

I can make you moist or i can make you fire - Minho and Chan (Skz)

Day 17: The Neighborhood's You get me so high

We should stick together, you're my best friend I love you forever - Jake (Enha)

Day 18: Amaarae's Angels in Tibet

Touch me where you need to, I can give you more - Minho (Skz)

Taglist: @ramenoil @mynameisniya150 @demigodmahash + whoever wants to be tagged, send an ask my way!

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yeahspider · 6 months

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10:36 🫀

Ve’s note - soft felix fluff drabble . trying to get out of a writers block so plz send requests to my inbox ! enjoy this lil piece until i finish other works <3 (slightly proofread don’t jump me i’m sorry)

oh you had definitely fucked up . you took the relationship between felix and yourself and threw it in a blender . made a relationship smoothie . laying in his bed you couldn’t tell what was worse the pain in your chest or the silence in the air . it was never supposed to happen . you both agreed those words would never leave your mouth . and so far you had kept up that bargain . until you found yourself under him for the nth time .

you didn’t know if it was the way the early morning sunlight shined on his skin , the freckles on his back moving up and down with every breath , or the teeth sneaking out of his smile as he wished you a good morning but the words left your lips before you could reel them back in . before you could take it back . say you were just joking .

i love you

your world stopped spinning , tilted off its axis when he didn’t say it back . you watched as a frown made it’s way on to its face and you’ve never wanted to be anywhere else in your life . you basically jumped out of bed , scrambling to find your clothes which were scattered across his dorm floor . mumbling out apologies about how you had class in an hour so you had to leave . saying anything to save yourself from this situation .

when you slipped your sweats ,which were actually felix’s, on to your body you heard him call out to you .

“wait ! fuck - i’m sorry don’t leave .” your body froze at his words . you heard him shuffle out of bed and suddenly his presence was behind you . hands on your waist to keep you from leaving .

“i love you too . i’m sorry i didn’t respond immediately i was just in shock i didn’t think you’re like ever say that to me you know with out arrangement .” felix said with a shy smile . the warmth that blossomed threw you was unstoppable as you scanned his face for any signs of a lie . but his eyes told you all the truth you needed to know .

“come back to bed please let me show you how much i love you .”

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skz317cb97 · 1 year

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Beach Bum

Felix x Thick female reader

Word count: 7.6K

Synopsis: You tag along on spring break to visit your best friend's brother in Australia. A wardrobe issue forces you out of your comfort zone and into your worst nightmare

A/N: 18+ ONLY! This one is a little tamer than my last fee but I hope you all enjoy it! If you do give it a reblog, like, comment, hit my ask box I'm always up for some feedback! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, mild violence (a punch), fat shaming (not Felix), oral (m&f receiving), cum shot, cum eating (only a little), protected piv sex, praise, body worship, pet names (angel, beautiful etc), guided masterbation (kinda), marking. I think that's everything. This one is tamer than the last few. If I missed something please let me know and I'll add it asap!

When your best friend Rosa found out you had made no plans for spring break, she insisted on you tagging along on her trip to Australia instead of you barricading yourself in your room for seven days. She was going to visit her brother Felix who you had met loads of times. Whenever he was in town he’d mention getting a room and Rosa would argue, telling him that he just needed to crash with you all instead of wasting money on a hotel, understandably so. Naturally when you both were going for a visit back home he insisted upon the same thing.

“Don’t you dare get a hotel when you get here. There’s plenty of room in my apartment.”

“Are you sure? y/n is with me, it’s not too much?” Felix laughed sweetly

“Of course not! I love y/n! She’s more than welcome to stay at mine as well.” Rosa was on the phone with Felix as you drove to the airport. You started blushing when you happened to hear him over the phone. You were possibly the biggest cliche walking on earth, a crush on your best friend’s brother.

One of the times he was crashing with you and Rosa you’d ran into him coming from the shower, towel wrapped around his waist, wet hair, skin flushed, beads of water rolling down his thin but muscular frame. You quickly apologized and fled, putting your shoes on and leaving the apartment entirely to get a hold of yourself. Felix thought it was so cute how you dashed away. It just wasn’t fair. He was sweet and funny and looked like that. Freckled face, perfect smile, big brown eyes and then his voice! Felix was the whole package and entirely out of your league. What you didn’t know was that Felix was just as big of a cliché as you. He was entirely smitten by you. You were funny and smart and pretty, you checked all the boxes for Felix but he didn’t want to be that guy, hitting on his sister’s best friend. You heard Rosa groan at her brother.

“Gahhokay okay Lix we’re crashing with you no need threaten me with mom. We’re at the airport now I’ll call you when wheels are down. Love you too. Bye.” Your friend hung up with her brother as you pulled into the long term parking lot. You took a big nervous sigh. You weren’t good with planes, you weren’t good with trips, and you had a flock of butterflies in your stomach thinking about spending the whole week at Felix’s place. Your friend could easily pick up on your nerves.

“You’re more likely to get in a car wreck than a plane crash.” She tried to reassure you. You scoffed.

“Lot of good that helps, I’ve never been in a wreck.” Rosa opened her door getting out and bending down looking into the car at you.

“Excuse but I remember your last ex... if that wasn’t a wreck...”

“YAH! Bitch! That’s it I’m not going! Have fun byyyye...” She laughed.

“Get out of the car and get your ass in that airport.” Rosa shut her door as you got out laughing and grabbed your bag.

“Ooo love it when you go all dom on me like that.” You blew her a kiss and winked and you both laughed harder, heading towards the airport with your bags in tow, ready for your break from school. Checking your bags and getting through security were as easy as expected, which was not at all, but you managed to make your flight still. To say that you were a nervous flyer would be an understatement. Typically you would drug yourself fall asleep and wake up at your destination but your flight to Australia wouldn’t take long so there was no knocking yourself out.

As promised as soon as the wheels hit the ground in Sydney, Rosa texted Felix telling him you had arrived. He replied back saying that he was already at the airport waiting to pick you both up. You had done an amazing job pretending like you weren’t having the worst panic attack of your life on the plane. Once you were on the ground and got done unboarding it all started to catch up with you. You and Rosa got your bags and she started scanning the crowd for her big brother. You were starting to feel clammy and then Rosa spotted Felix.

“Ooo there he is!” She started waving at him as you both walked towards him. Just as you got up to him you could feel the blood leaving your face.

“Whoa, y/n are you okay you look a litt-” Before Felix could finish his sentence your vision went blurry and then you were out.

“y/n!” Rosa called out worried.

“Oh shit!” Felix lunged and helped you to the ground softly instead of falling like a sack of potatoes. Felix told Rosa to run and get you some water while he tried to get you to come back around.

“y/n-ie? Come on... can you hear me? Wake up sweetie.” You let out a soft groan as the lights came back on one by one.

“There you go. There you go.” You opened your eyes and found Felix’s beautiful face staring down at you. You jumped and scrambled to sit up out of his lap and he shushed you and eased you back.

“Whoa whoa whoa slow down, just lay back. You fainted, Rosa’s grabbing some water just... take it easy. I’ve got you.” Your face started to burn, he smiled, and you relaxed. Rosa was back with a bottle of water quickly.

“Here babe drink this.” She handed you the bottle. Felix helped you sit up, you opened the water and took a sip.

“Are you okay?” You nodded taking another sip of the water.

“Yea yea I’m fine.” She looked at you unconvinced. You shook your head as you went to stand up, Felix holding your hand and arm helping.

“Really Rosie I’m okay, I promise.” She accepted your promise with the use of the nickname and you both grabbed your luggage. Felix quickly reached to grab yours.

“I’ve got this.” You shook your head.

“Oh Lix you don’t have to I can carry it.” He gave you that warm sunny smile.

“It’s no trouble really.” You allowed him to take the bag and he then led you both to his car. Your friend Rosa was very type A so the whole trip was planned and had an itinerary. Museums, shows, spa, and of course the beach. The day you arrived you just relaxed after the flight, too tired to do anything other than vegging out on the couch with Felix. As soon as the sun was high in the sky the next day, Rosa started whining to Felix about taking you all to the beach.

“PPppleeeaaaasssseee. It’s so pretty today its perfect for the beach!” He was trying to talk her out of it. It was mid-day, on a Saturday, during spring break, the beach would be crazy. When you heard her pleading you ran into the kitchen to assist.

“It really is Lixie come on pleaaaase?!” You leaned over the counter across from him begging and Felix could see down your shirt. He tried not to but your breasts were so big and looked so soft and you weren’t wearing a bra-.

“Lix?” He snapped out of it and looked at you hoping you couldn’t tell he was blushing.

“Will you?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Hmm?”

“Take us to the beach?” That’s right his brain was catching up again.

“OH! Uh... yea sure of course.” You and Rosa both squealed with excitement. You gave Felix a hug and he tried to think pure thoughts when your soft body hugged his, your breasts covered only by a shirt pressed against his chest.

“We’ll go get ready!” Rosa said dashing off quickly. You ran off quickly behind her. You drug out your suitcase and started going through it. You had packed two bathing suits for the trip, a modest one piece with a ruffled skirt attached for the beach and a bikini that you only planned on wearing under a robe at the spa you and Rosa had booked. You shuffled through your luggage looking for the one piece, not finding it anywhere.

“No. No. Nonononono FUCK! It has to be in here!” You dumped the whole suitcase and tossed articles of clothing everywhere. Felix was walking by and heard cussing, he ducked his head into your room and clothes flew by.

“Uhh... y/n? Everything okay?” You jumped and squeaked as you turned and saw Felix standing in your doorway.

“Sorry didn’t mean to startle you. Everything alright? I heard swearing and...” You nodded quickly.

“Oh yea Felix everything’s good I was just looking for my bathing suit.” He took a step in.

“Oh! Do you need help?” You stopped him stammering.

“Uh no! No I found it! All good!” He smiled and back out again.

“Okay good! We’ll leave for the beach in ten, okay?” You smiled, nodding. When Felix closed the door you started rifling through the clothes again. There was the bikini now where was that god damn one piece. Then you remembered. You switched bags. You had made sure to pack the one-piece in the first suitcase but then you switched the night before to a slightly bigger one in case you bought souvenirs in Australia. You had set the one piece aside and you told yourself not to forget it, but you needed to get to bed and you were in a hurry and clearly you had forgotten it. What the hell were you going to do you thought to yourself. You couldn’t bail, you and Rosa had just begged Felix to take you, you both had just been going on about how excited you were to go. You sighed heavily looking at the bikini.

“Fuck!” You threw the two pieces of lycra on and looked in the mirror. You couldn’t be more screwed. This was meant to be worn under a robe for no one’s eyes to see. Not at a beach full of people, not in front of Felix. Two thin straps tied at the neck and around the back of the top, the small triangular pieces of fabric attempted to cover your large breasts and did so poorly. While the top was skimpy it was the bottoms you were really concerned about. You turned looking at your ass. Two more little strings tied each side of the bottoms around your wide hips and led back to a thong, the tiniest piece of fabric that your juicy ass cheeks ate entirely. Definitely screwed. You grabbed a big hoodie and some shorts and put them on over what little bathing suit you had on, grabbed your towel then headed out with Rosa and Felix to the beach. You were just pulling up when Felix hit a bump and the slushy Rosa had to get at the convenient store got spilled on your lap.

“Shit!” Rosa apologized.

“Oh babe I’m so sorry! Leave your shorts in the car and I’ll wash them as soon as we get back to Lix’s.” You started to flush.

“You mean take them off?” Rosa giggled a little as she and Felix started getting out of the car.

“Well you’re not staying in the car with them so that would be the best option.” You got out of the car, stood behind your door then quickly dropped your shorts and wrapped your big beach towel around you.

“Race you to the sand!” Rosa took off and Felix started to but then noticed you were just walking behind. He slowed down to let you catch up.

“It’s so warm today, aren’t you burning up in that hoodie?” You absolutely were but there was no way you were taking it off.

“No I’m fine.” Felix nodded and didn’t push the subject; he knew you were a little self-conscious about your body even though he thought it was perfect. You all got to the sand and tossed your stuff down. Felix spread out the beach blanket and set up the umbrellas. You sat down under one and pulled out a book. Rosa looked at you incredulously.

“Really?” You scrunched your face at her.

“You know very well I'm a ‘read at the beach’ person not a ‘frolic in the water’ beach person. Go on you and Lix go be water babies and frolic. I’ll be fine here.” Your friend leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“Love you mooooom!” She shouted as she ran off towards the water. You shook your head as you and Felix laughed.

“You sure you don’t want to come?” His cheeks were already turning pink from the sun and his freckles became more prominent. You shook your head.

“Maybe later Lix, thanks.” He smiled and it was brighter than the sun, then he ran off to attack his sister in the water. You laid back and relaxed reading your book. After a while even in the shade of the umbrella you started to get hot. The umbrellas gave you a good deal of coverage. You took the hoodie off and wrapped your towel around your chest and relaxed back again. You closed your eyes, not to sleep just to rest them you told yourself as you dozed off. Cool drops of water were what woke you. They felt soothing on your warm skin.

“Are the kids having fun?” You asked assuming it was Rosa standing close enough to drip on you.

“Yes angel” You jumped and Felix giggled a little. You opened your eyes to see that he was standing over you drinking some water.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to disturb your beach nap.” You shook your head sitting up and when you did your towel came undone from around the top of you and suddenly everything from the waist up was on display. Felix choked on his water and almost spit it out. You were some type of goddess he was convinced. Suddenly you heard a wolf whistle and saw Rosa walking up to get a drink as well.

“Hot momma!” She called out.

“Can you stop calling me mom, I’m starting to think you have a kink.” Felix laughed and Rosa feigned laughing along.

“Oh hahaha, give me a bottle of water while you’re sitting there giving away Victoria’s secret.” You rolled your eyes and tossed her a bottle while you half assed covered back up. At that point what did the top matter. As long as you didn’t have to ditch the towel on the bottom you were fine you could handle it.

“Come on mo-othman...”

“Good save Rosa...” Felix nudged his sister.

“Shut up! Let's get in the water again, you too biatch!” She grabbed your hand playfully pulling as you shook your head no.

“No Rosa I... I can’t it’s okay go without me.” Her eyes narrowed and she pursed her lips.

“You know you’re stubborn as hell right?” You smiled nodding.

“You always say it’s a good thing and that you love me.” Rosa shook her head.

“No sweetie I always tell you that you’re stubborn as hell and it’s a good thing that I love you.” She kissed your forehead again and ran off to the water. Felix was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.

“Oh sush.” You told him. His laughter died down and he knelt down sitting on his knees by you.

“Why won’t you come in the water, are you scared of sharks? Cause they have spotters and it’s been years sin-”

“It’s not sharks that I’m scared of Lixie.” He looked at you sweetly and waited for you to elaborate. You took a deep breath you could hardly stand the way his soft eyes were fixated on you.

“I... this isn’t my usual bathing suit and the bottoms well... there’s not much bottoms...” Felix attempted to keep his brain from short circuiting with that information.

“I’m scared someone will stare or say something... because... you know... I’m... big.” Felix’s voice came out softly.

“Ohhh, y/n... no. You... I mean... well... I think you look amazing in your swimsuit. It looks really good on you.” You started blushing.

“If you want we can walk out to the water together, once you’re in the water no one will see anything. It feels really good and you can’t go to the beach and not get in the water.” Felix made it sound so easy and saying that he thought you looked good in your bikini made you feel a little more confident. If Felix thought you looked good it couldn’t be that bad. You stood up and let the towel fall down. You were still pretty much blocked from the strangers on the beach but Felix could see everything and loved it. Every roll and curve of your full body made his heart race. He prayed to god he didn’t get a boner because there would be no hiding it in his trunks. You stood there a little unsure still.

“Are you sure this looks okay Lix?” He stammered and caught himself.

“Y-y-yeah! Absolutely you look great!” A shy smile crept onto your face. Felix thread his fingers through yours and you both started towards the water. As soon as Rosa saw you both walking out she started walking up on the sand towards you to meet you halfway.

“Hey! What the fuck! How did you get her to act like a real hum-”

“Moooooooo!” You heard it. Felix heard it. Rosa heard it. Everyone in a mile radius heard it. You all turned and standing not too far from you was a frat bro, obviously drunk, and a few of his buddies. When you looked at him he repeated.

“Moooooo!” The one thing you had hoped wouldn’t happen, the reason you never dressed that way, your worst nightmare was coming true on a beach in front of Felix. The frat jerk laughed and continued on.

“Oink oink!” You choked out a sob and ran for the beach blanket grabbing your things quickly. The drunk asshole taunting you as you ran away.

“Oink oink oi-” The drunk dick head was silenced when Rosa stormed up and punched his lights out. He hit the deck and of course, with it being spring break, beach patrol was right there to see it. They started to escort Rosa away for detainment while the frat bros friends tried to help him walk up right but ended up dragging him away more or less. As Rosa was walking off with beach patrol she hollered back to Felix.

“Lix! Go find y/n! Make sure she’s okay!” He threw his hands up.

“What about you?!” She waved him off.

“I’ll be fine get y/n!” Beach patrol cuffed Rosa and braced her head as they put her in the back of a cruiser and took off. Felix quickly grabbed the blanket and umbrellas then ran off to find you. He was relieved to find you sitting by the car, having nowhere else to really go. Your hoodie was back on, towel around you. You had your knees pulled up and your face was buried in your arms as you cried absolutely humiliated.

“y/n...” You sniffled and looked up at Felix then started crying again. Felix crouched down and hugged you. After a minute you calmed down and Felix unlocked the car tossing the stuff inside quickly then helping you up and into the car, still sniffing and wiping your face with your towel. Felix started the car and took off quietly giving you some time. He could only imagine how hurt you were, the hurt he felt for you was unbearable and he felt so guilty. He had reassured you that you looked amazing, you did. That asshole didn’t deserve to lick the sand off your toes, you were an absolute angel, a goddess of beauty. After a moment of silence in the car you realized there were two instead of three people in the vehicle.

“Where’s Rosa?” You asked in a small voice. Felix glanced between you and the road quickly.

“Oh... uh... well... she got arrested.” Suddenly your problem seemed trivial.

“W-WHAT?! HOW!?”

“Well she sort of decked that asshole, knocked him out cold actually, then beach patrol drug her off. It’s spring break, they’re used to fights. They’ll keep her overnight in the drunk tank and let her go in the morning with a ticket. It’s not the first time she’s visited that drunk tank for fighting on the beach so don’t worry about her okay?” You nodded, a little half smile on your face at the idea of Rosa punching that dick head. Felix made a turn in the opposite direction of his place and you were confused.

“Isn’t your apartment back that way?” He smiled nodding, eyes on the road.

“It is. We’re not going to my apartment though.”

“Uh... w-where are we going?” He made another turn.

“I told you that you can’t go to the beach and not get into the water...” You started shaking your head no. You could not have a repeat of what just happened.

“No Lix let’s jus-”

“It’s okay, it’s my secret spot. My own personal beach. I’ve gone there for years and never seen someone else there. Trust me okay?” Your heart was racing with anxiety but you nodded agreeing. Felix pulled off onto the shoulder into some gravel, parked and turned off the car.

“We’re here.” It didn’t look like a beach was anywhere near there. Felix got out and opened your door helping you out then grabbing the beach blanket and heading for the tree line.

“Uh Lixie... where’s the beach?” He laughed deeply.

“Follow me.” He started to make his way through some brush and you quickly followed before you were left behind. When you made your way through the brush line you found Felix waiting on a path.

“Come on it’s just a little further this way.” You could hear the ocean now, you were surprised how much the tree line blocked it out. You followed Felix up the path and then you came out on a beautiful little beach. White sand, clear water, and not another singles soul in sight.

“Oh my god Felix! This place is beautiful!” He smiled ear to ear then ran onto the beach and spread out the blanket falling back and landing on his ass. You walked over and knelt down on the blanket too still in your hoodie, wrapped in your towel.

“It’s okay y/n. You can relax.” You sat down, stretching your legs out and resting back on your hands. Felix shook his head.

“I mean it’s okay for you to ditch the hoodie and towel.” You sat up again.

“Oh! Well... I...” Felix’s hand came up and rubbed your back.

“I think you look amazing in your bathing suit and it’s only me and you. Trust me?” You looked at him and nodded. You took the hoodie off first tossing it away on the blanket then removing the towel that you had wrapped around your waist. Felix’s eyes ran up and down your body.

“Lixie?” His lustful gaze turned soft when he realized he’d been staring.

“Uh... yea... okay! Now let’s get in that water!” Felix jumped up and ran for the ocean. You stood, laughing and made your way down to the shoreline stopping before actually getting in. Felix was already out to his waist in the water, he slapped a big splash of water at you and you were sprayed with cool drops.

“Get in already!” He called after you. You rolled your eyes but you were laughing. He was happy to see you smiling.

“I’m convinced every time you get into the ocean you regress to a twelve-year-old.” He laughed and splashed you again.

“Get! In!” Slash, splash, splash.

“Okay okay I’m coming stop drowning me!” Felix relented and you waded out into the ocean until you were also waist deep. He was standing in front of you with his smile brighter than the sun reflecting off the water.

“See? Nice isn’t it?” You hummed nodding running your hands gently through the water. Looking down and seeing all the little fish swimming around the two of you. Felix was staring again this time at your beautiful face while you watched in amazement. The two of you waded out a little further and it seemed like the deeper you got the closer Felix was to you. You jumped when his hand found your waist thinking a fish brushed against you, then you realized it was Felix’s hand, then his arm was around you, then both, your soft wet body squishing against his firm bare chest. Both of you warm and sun kissed. You let out a shudder of a breath.

“You cold?” He asked in that deep voice, pressing your bodies together closer. You shook your head no.

“N-no...” He was looking deep into your eyes shaking his head no along with you. His face was leaning in closer and closer. Suddenly a big wave came and crashed into the two of you knocking you under water, sending you spinning. When you resurfaced you spotted Felix frantically looking around for you. When he spun and saw you his hand went to his heart and he let out a sigh of relief. You both made your way out of the water and to the blanket to catch your breath and lay out to dry. Whatever moment had been happening before, the wave ruined and was forgotten. After laying there for a minute you opened your eyes and looked over at Felix. He was laying on his back, eyes closed, little content smile on his face. The apples of his cheeks were starting to turn a little red from the sun and you could count each individual freckle on his face. His blonde hair getting fluffier as it dried.

“Thanks Felix.” He scrunched his eyes and turned his head to look over at you. His eyes met with yours and he sat up on his elbow so he could look down at you better.

“For what?” You looked up at him and he didn’t think you could be more beautiful. Sunkissed, sea salt soaked hair starting to dry, just beautiful.

“For bringing me here... for telling me you think I’m pretty...” Felix shook his head and leaned over you, propped up by his arms, one on each side of your head caging you in under him. You were caught off guard, you looked at the two arms boxing you in then back into Felix’s eyes.

“I don’t think your pretty y/n.... I know you are.” He leaned down and pressed his lips softly against yours then pulled back, looking down at you, gauging your reaction. You touched your lips smiling.

“Lixi-” He leaned down again and captured your lips between his, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Your hands slid up Felix’s shoulders and neck, your fingers threading through the long hair at his nape. Your lips parted and Felix took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. You made out like that for a while Felix getting bold and squeezing your breasts over your bikini top, making you moan into his kiss. His lips peppered down your neck and chest.

“Lix...” He hummed acknowledging you.

“Hmm...” More kisses, teeth gently scraping.

“Lix...” He nodded.

“MMhm...” You giggled pushing at his chest a little in vain. He was nibbling your neck his ear right by your lips.

“Lixie... w-we... we can’t do this h-here.” You whispered your voice breathy. Felix stopped and pulled away quickly.

“W-we... we can’t do what?” You looked at him sheepishly biting your kiss swollen lips worried you’d assumed too much.

“Well... you know. We can’t... I can’t...” You looked down at the painfully obvious erection Felix was sporting in his trunks.

“I can’t... take care of you.” You said sweetly.

“Y-you want to?” He asked surprised. You pulled him down on you again and kissed him, then pulled away nodding, your teeth gently tugging at your bottom lip.

“Yes.” You said quietly. Felix brushed a little sand off your face and nodded. He got off you and stood up then helped you and rolled up the blanket again. He led you down the trail and through the brush again. When the two of you got into the car the sexual tension was thick. The whole way back to Felix’s apartment his hand was on your leg, fingers gently tracing, sliding higher then squeezing and tracing back down. You had been completely dried off from the ocean but your bathing suit bottoms were most definitely wet. When you got to Felix’s place, he unlocked the door and let you in first. You tried to just... act natural.

“So did yo-” When you turned to speak to Felix cupped your face and kissed you. You felt like you were still standing on the beach you were so warm all over. He pulled back smiling.

“We should probably shower the beach off.” You nodded, speechless. Felix thread his fingers through yours again like he had at the beach and started to lead you towards the bathroom.

“Will you shower with me?” He asked, giving your hand a gentle squeeze when you didn’t respond. You couldn’t help it. You were half in shock. You never thought you would have found yourself in a senario where Felix and you even kissed let alone have sex.

“y/n? You okay?” You snapped out of it.

“Yea! Yes I’m fine.” He stopped just outside the bathroom and leaned in to kiss you again.

“Will you?” You chewed at your bottom lip again and nodded.

“Yes.” Felix walked into the bathroom and held the door open. You walked in and stood there nervously as he shut the door and turned back to you. You were never good at hiding your nerves and Felix could tell.

“y/n?” You looked at him a little wide eyed.

“I-if you don’t wan-”

“I DO! I do Felix I'm just... nervous. He walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you.

“What are you nervous about angel? Maybe I can help.” You hesitated, unsure of how to put into words what you were feeling.

“You... seeing me.” Felix was looking at you with that soft expression again.

“Angel... I’ve always seen you. I’m crazy about you y/n. Always have been.” Your jaw dropped.

“What?!” He nodded and pecked your lips.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?!”

“Because you’re GORGEOUS and I didn’t know for sure if you had any feelings for me and I didn’t want to make things weird, you’re my sister’s best friend.” He was looking down and not in your eyes now.

“I do.” You said quietly. He looked at you again.

“You do what?” He knew he just needed to hear you say it.

“I... I’m in love with you Felix.” You said with a shaky voice. Felix kissed you breathless, holding your soft body against him. He pulled away panting.

“I love you y/n I love you so much.” You pulled him into another passionate kiss. Felix’s hands traveled up your back and pulled at the first string of your top, untying, and loosening it. He kissed down your neck as he tugged at the other string, pulling it slowly until your top fell to the ground. Instinctively you went to cover up but Felix stopped you.

“Please, don’t.” You put your arms back down around Felix and he started to pull at both strings of your bottoms. He kissed you and completely untied them at the same time. His tongue softly intruding into your mouth and the fabric hit the floor. Felix’s hands never stayed in one place very long, he wanted to feel everything. When he finally pulled his lips away so that you could both shower and breathe he raised his brow a little, a mischievous smile you usually only saw when he was up to something.

“Do you want to take mine off me?” You flushed but knelt down grabbing the waist band of his swim trunks and pulling down until his cock was free right in front of your face. It was hard a bead of precum on the tip. You resisted the urge to grab it and stood back up as Felix stepped out of his shorts and turned on the shower. He opened the shower curtain.

“After you.” You laughed and got in, Felix right behind you. He lathered up some bodywash in his hands.

“Can I wash you?” You nodded.

“Yes Lixie.” He bit his lip.

“I really love it when you call me that.” You smiled. Felix spun his finger around for you to turn your back to him. You turned and Felix started to run his hands along your shoulders and back not only washing you but squeezing and rubbing your shoulders and neck. Between the hot water and Felix’s hands you were so relaxed so you jumped when his arms wrapped around you and he started to rub soap on your breasts. When you jumped you pressed into Felix more and you could feel his erection poking you. He acted as if nothing was happening between your bodies and continued to rub his soapy hands all over you.

He turned you and pulled your hips close his hard cock still prodding you and Felix gripping your ass then rubbing it. He looked you right in the eyes and Felix’s had something in them you’d never seen. Pure lust. His hands ran down your thighs and he started to kneel in front of you, face to face with your cunt. He continued rubbing the soap over your thighs and down your legs, saving the best part for last. He finally ran his hand over your pussy washing you and you throbbed when his hands moved away. Felix pulled your hips forward and water ran down your body washing the suds away. Suddenly Felix’s face was between your legs and he was finally tasting your sweet cunt. You jumped and he put his arms around your legs and held you close as he continued to savor you, slow long licks of his tongue through your slit.

“F-Felix...” He spread your pussy open and started sucking on your clit, he hummed.”

“Hmhm” Was all you heard but what you felt when he hummed against your throbbing clit like that it was divine.

“F-F-Felix!” He sucked and hummed is disapproval again sending more vibrations rumbling through your cunt and then you realized.

“Lixie!” He was an absolute starved man. He loved when you called him that. He ate your pussy like it was his job. As far as he was concerned it was. You soared into your orgasm, coming on Felix’s tongue, holding yourself up as your knees went weak. He stood up wiping your juices with the back of his hand then kissed you. His hands roaming your full figure again. You pulled away and stopped him with one finger up.

“It’s time to clean Lixie too.” Felix’s cock twitched.

“Okay angel...” He ran his fingers down your cheek.

“Will you wash me?” You nodded eagerly and grabbed the body wash. You gave Felix the same treatment he’d just given you, massaging his shoulders, soaping his chest and kneeling down to do his legs, his hard leaking cock right in front of you. You took both your soapy hands and grabbed it slowly jerking him off. Felix whimpered, he’d been hard for so long and the feeling of your soapy hands sliding up and down his cock was almost more than he could take. One hand traveled down and fondled his balls as you continued to stroke his cock with the other. He thought he was about to cum but then you removed your hands giving him a little taste of his own medicine. He looked down pouting. You put your hands on his hips and moved him under the stream of water, washing the suds of soap from his body. When Felix was clean you grabbed his dick and started sucking on the tip.

“F-fuck oh y/n god.” He wasn’t expecting it but he wasn’t complaining either. Your mouth felt amazing wrapped around his aching cock. You took more of him and hummed.

“Hmhm.” You started sliding up and down his shaft.

“Y/N! Fuck!” You took a bit more of him and hummed again and then he realized what you wanted.

“Angel! Your mouth feels so good!” You started deep throating him gagging, Felix gently held your head as you suck the life from him.

“I’m gonna cum angel fuck, you’re gonna make me cum.” You pulled off and stroked his cock.

“Where Lixie? Hmm?” A hundred ways and places to cum on you ran through his mind he didn’t know what to pick. He looked down as you stroked his cock fast and saw your huge breasts bouncing with every stroke and he moaned.

“Tits wanna cum on your tits please!” You stroked him and kitten licked the tip of his cock pressing the base of his tip against your puckered lips and rubbed it against them as you continued jacking him off. He let out a soft moan and you aimed his dick at your tits just as the first streak of cum shot across them. You stroked him as his cum covered your tits and started to drip down your body.

“F-fuck...” Felix was panting.

“F-feels so g-good angel... keep stroking get it all.” You did as he asked and wiped the last drop of cum off on your chest. Felix looked down at you, he was red and out of breath. You had big doe eyes and wore his cum all over your breasts. He helped you up, cupped your face and kissed you, then washed your chest off one more time before you both got out of the shower. You dried off and you went to go into the room that you were using for the trip. Felix grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards his room.

“Absolutely not.” You giggled as you followed the towel clad man to his room. He led you in and towards his bed.

“There. That’s where you belong angel. In my bed.” You laughed and finished drying your hair tossing the towel in a near by hamper. Felix closed the space between you. He ran his hands down your arms and grabbed your hands. He squeezed them and leaned in kissing you. He let go to hold you by your wide hips and your arms wrapped around his shoulders your fingers threading through his hair. You pulled away to get air, your foreheads pressed together, both of you blushing, breathing heavy. One of Felix’s hands came up and two fingers slid into the tie of your towel loosening it and allowing it to fall to the floor, leaving you soft and naked in front of him. He squeezed his cock over his towel already so hard again then pulled his towel off tossing it aside. He cupped your face with both hands and pressed his lips softly against yours and then whispered.

“Can I have you?” Your heart was racing a million miles a minute. You looked into his eyes, bit your lip and nodded.

“Tell me angel. Tell me you want me.” You kissed him gently, once, twice, three times.

“Felix, take me, I’m yours.” He kissed you and leaned you back onto the bed, climbing between your legs. He leaned over to his nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. He ripped it open and rolled it down his length. You spread your thick thighs wider for him.

“Lixie...” You said in a sweet voice. He lined up his cock with your wet hole.

“I’ve got you angel don’t worry.” He slowly pushed in and you both relished every inch of him sliding into you. Felix had the sexiest moans and when he bottomed out he let out a grunt and a big breath.

“God! You’re so tight, so soft. Feel so good, I always knew you would you’re a fucking goddess, this body... fuck do you know what you do to me?!” Feeling you squeeze him was unreal. He started to set a rhythm pumping into you, your breasts bouncing with each thrust. Felix leaned down and started sucking on one of your nipples still rolling his hips into your plump cunt.

“Oh my god Lixie MMMmm tell me! Tell me what I do to you!” You ran your fingers through his hair and held on as he sucked a mark on the side of your breast and pulled off.

“Angel I’ll tell you, goddess, fucking beautiful being, every inch of your body is worth tasting and sipping on your sweet pussy is like tasting nectar from the gods. I can not believe I get to have you, fuck you.” Hips started thrusting into yours harder.

“Yes Lix right there oh my god!” Felix gave it to you right there, over and over pushing you towards your second orgasm.

“Is it right there angel hmmm? Is that where you want it?” You nodded.

“Y-y-yes Lixie mmm harder.” He held your hips and fucked you harder until your cunt turned into a vice grip squeezing him, quivering and twitching as you came on his cock.

“FUCK! HOLY Sh- that... mmmm.” He started to fuck you faster chasing his high and prolonging yours. He held your tits with both hands as he rolled his hips and thrusted into you fast and hard.

“Can I cum on your tummy angel, god I wanna blow all over your cute belly. Please?” Words were not easy as Felix fucked you into oblivion.

“Y-yes Lixie c-cum... cum...” You were softly rubbing your clit still riding the buzz of your climax. When Felix looked down and saw you pleasuring yourself he loved it he thought you made the prettiest face when you came.

“That’s it baby work yourself up, cum with me. Play with it.” You started fingering yourself faster pressing two fingers firmly against your clit.

“Yes rub it faster... FUCK I’m gonna cum so hard... you gonna cum with me angel right?” You bit your lip and rubbed your clit faster nodding.

“Gonna... gonna cum Lix...mmmm yes!” He hummed his satisfaction.

“Hmmm fast and hard baby I’m gonna cum!” You rubbed your clit as fast as you could and started to cum moaning out Felix’s name.

“FELIX FUCK!” He pulled out took off the condom and started stroking his cock and moaning.

“Uhhhfuck!” Cum shot across your tummy streaking again and again Felix stroking fast as he unloaded all over your belly. He moved your hand and rubbed the tip of his cock against your sensitive clit causing you both to twitch and jump from overstimulation. You laid there a little fucked out, Felix crawled up next to you and ran his finger through his cum on your belly.

“Wanna taste?” You sighed content and nodded. Felix stuck his finger in your mouth and you sucked the cum from it.

“Mmmmm... Lixie...” Felix’s cock twitched.

“Hmm we’ll take five, get my cum off you, and then I’m gonna bend you over and really fuck you angel again and again baby I’m fucking you all night.” Your pussy clenched and you pressed your legs together for a little friction.

“Promise?” Felix crawled between your legs, head hovering over your swollen cunt. He licked a fat stripe through your slit collecting your cum on his tongue and smiling when you jumped.

“Oh I promise. To hell with five minutes. Lick that cum off while I eat you good angel. You’re gonna get this cock again.” And he did. Felix fucked you all night long. You lost count of the number of orgasms the man gave you. It made him so hard seeing you clench and ooze for him, he went wild making you cum. Finally when your bodies gave out on you, the both of you fell asleep tangled up in Felix’s bed.

“WELL I’LL BE GOD DAMNED! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!” You and Felix both jolted awake and upright gripping for blankets, sheets, anything to cover up with. There in Felix’s bedroom doorway, a tad more than shocked, was Rosa. You were so worried that she was pissed at you for sleeping with her brother, you felt so guilty. Felix started to explain.

“Rosa look w-”

“To think! I was rotting away in prison and you’re here boning my bestie?” When you heard the lilt to her voice you knew she wasn’t mad. You and Felix may have never told her but the girl is not dumb, she knows when she see two idiots in love. Felix rubbed the sleep out of his eyes more. You groaned and slumped back in bed still exhausted from the marathon of love making you and Felix had the night before.

“One it was the drunk tank, two I called they wouldn’t let me bail you out. Also no one told you to go Mike Tyson on the guy.” Rosa scoffed as if she’d heard the most ridiculous thing.

“You think I wasn’t knocking teeth for my bestie?! Do you even know me? Also keep it in mind cause it’s what I’ll do to you if you hurt her.” He threw up his hands.

“What the fuck, I'm your brother!” She shook her head.

@acciocriativity @caroline-ds-world @chansynie @ughbehavior @jquellen27 @jisuperboard @fixation-dump @lachinitaaaaa @rinrinndou @bangchans-angel @laylasbunbunny @owo-manii-uwu @armystay89 @b00dyguts @purplenimsicle @caticorn61 @lauraneuuh @channieandhisgoonsquad @minnysproutgriffinteddy @svintsandghosts @the-sweetest-rose @alice05280 @3rachasninja @m0ri-apeuda @eastleighsblog @linoification

“Don’t remind me. Now both of you get some god damned pants on we have an itinerary to keep!”

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

#stray kids smut #skz smut #lee felix smut #lee felix yongbok smut #yongbok smut #lee yongbok smut #skz317cb97 #cal 🖤#skz317cb97 thick reader series pt 2 #skz317cb97 thick reader series

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soolh1k · 29 days

Note

I’m not sure if your requests are open or closed but if it is closed don’t mind this (😭)

But I had a really nice request idea!! It’s angst btw!! How about skz forgetting (r)’s birthday? ORR ORR MAYBE skz forgetting their anniversary!!! Also can I be

-🥭 (I HAVENT BEEN ONLINE FOR SO LONG BUT HIHIIHIHI :3)

^᪲᪲᪲ si tú me quisieras ^᪲᪲᪲

synopsis. your boyfriend forgets your anniversary or your birthday and things get sad

pairing. bf!skz x reader genre. angstyy

a/n. hiii i know it took some time but school has been eating me up and I haven't been able to be very active on Tumblr, I LOVE U MANGO ANON 💗💗💗 THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR REQUEST, I'm already writing the other one you sent 🤭 I hope you like it a lot 😖🩷🩷🩷

warnings. english is not my first language so apologies for any misspellings or grammar. let me know if you'd like to be tagged !!

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ BANGCHAN

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ MINHO

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ CHANGBIN

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ HYUNJIN

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ JISUNG

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ FELIX

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ SEUNGMIN

✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ JEONGIN

└────── ⋆☆⋆ ──────┘

Tag list !!

@albaficaslover

@damselettism

@moon0fthenight

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sungdonnie · 9 months

Text

Innocent?

Warning- smut, handjob, fingering, cam

MDNI!

Not proofread so don’t mind any mistakes plz

Summary: you thought going through your innocent best friends phone was a good idea.

A/n: this is my first time writing smut so have mercy on me lol. But I hope you enjoy the story.

——————————————————————————

You were sitting on seungmins couch watching a baseball game with him. That one of the few things you guys have in common. Seungmin and you kept yelling at the tv when your team was losing or not moving fast enough.

“ bro I don’t know what is going on with them today” you sigh

“ I agree they acting like this game isn’t getting into the championship.”

“ well I can see that they are gonna lose this game so I mine as well take a quick shower so we can cuddle together” seungmin said excitedly.

He hugged you and went his room to take his shower. You heard the shower turn on and gate when you knew he was in the shower.

You turned to the left and saw his phone. That’s when you got the idea to go through his phone.

‘What could he possibly have on his phone he is so innocent’ you thought.

Luckily for you knew his passcode, that’s how close you guys were to each other.

You first went to his camera Roll which was nothing but pictures of cute dogs ‘look at him having pictures of his family’, him, you, family,and his friends.

Then you got the idea to go to screen time because that shows what he apps mostly goes on.

You were surprised when you saw ONLY FANS ON his most used app.

‘ OH MY GOD WHY DOES HE HAVE ONLY FANS’ you thought.

You took a breather to calm down your heart. ‘ maybe he watches it’ you thought quickly.

You pressed on the app and went to the home center. ( I don’t know how only fans works tbh so I don’t know how to explain the layout lol)

That’s when you saw videos of a boy with his dick out. ‘ omg I didn’t know seungmin was into this type of stuff’ you screamed your head.

You clicked on the video and heard moans not just any moans SEUNMIN’S MOANS.

‘ oh my god seungmin makes porn videos!’ That’s when you heard the water stop. You swiped up and closed out the app.

You were in shock but you had to act normal so he didn’t ask you any questions.

You heard the door open and heard footsteps coming toward the couch. “So did they win y/ninne”. You didn’t respond bc you were still thinking about his only fan’s account and his duck that you saw by accident. It didn’t make it any better that seungmin put his cute ass face in yours to get your attention. “Y/n, did they win?” Seungmin asked again. “ No, they suck”

“ weeelll we can watch a drama and cuddle” he said

“ yeah sure” you said quietly.

Seungmin was a little confused on why your mood changed but he didn’t question you.

You guys spooned and watched ____ together. You felt like you were gonna die of if you didn’t tell him what you saw and also you couldn’t stop thinking about dick up under you.

“ Seungmin I saw your only fans video because I went through your phone don’t be mad at me” you said very quickly.

Seungmin sat up looked you and you did the same.

“ y- you did what” he says embarrassed

“ you heard me min and I said don’t be mad” you say quietly.

“ y/n I’m not mad at you I’m just surprised” he assured you.

“ okay that’s good” you say relived.

“ do you have any questions” he teased while crawling his fingers on your body.

You turned red and did the same to him.

“ what made you do it?” You asked him.

“I needed some extra money for like my college tuition so I thought why not only fans. I was like I’m making money and …..pleasuring myself. So why not.” He replied

“ respectable” you say.

“ can I help you make one?” you say out the blue.

Seungmin thought you were joking until he saw how serious you were.

“ your down for that” he asked you In surprise.

“ yeah why not we could do one right now if you want?” You asked

“ are you really okay with this y/n” he questions.

“ you sound like your the one that doesn’t want to do it and if you don’t I’m fine with it” you say.

“No it’s not that of course I want to do it I’m just making sure you want to do it that’s all”

“ so where do you do it?” You ask.

“ in my bedroom” he replies

“ so what are you waiting for”

You and seungmin walk to his room. You were little anxious to do it but you low key wanted to hear seungmins moans again.

When y’all got in the bed you waiting for seungmin to do his little set up.

Seungmin put his phone on a tripod so it can get a good angle of his crotch area. Your heart was beating so fast right now that you were actually in the moment of doing this to him.

Without warning he took off his pants and was just there in his underwear.

You were staring at him and he was staring at you.

Y’all both said “can I ki—”

Next thing you knew it your lips was on his and you guys were kissing like it was the end of the world. You noticed how his lips were so soft how you imagined and how he tasted liked the candy he had earlier.

Seungmin suddenly pulled away and said “ you know how long I have been waiting for this to happen y/n”.

“ me neither min, your stupid ass never took the hints I gave you” you laugh.

“ I knew you would be flirting but I just thought you were playing with me” he shyly.

“ Minnie I would never play with you, your literally boyfriend coded” you assured him.

You were sitting in his lap with your little black shorts and your oversized sweater. You decided to take it off since you were getting all hot from kissing seungmin. While you were taking off your sweater you flashed seungmin on purpose.

“Y/n you accidentally showed your tits” he said shyly.

“ I know” you said while putting your lips back on his.

You started to grind him which caused him to moan so you took that opportunity to slip your tongue in. Seungmin was practically falling apart under you at this point and you weren’t even doing much.

This time you pulled away and asked him “ Min have you done this before”

“ no” he replies shyly but put his lips on yours so you don’t ask anymore questions.

You feel him get hard so you ask him “ should we start now?”

“Yeah”

“ I’ll start the video when your ready min”

You were behind his phone to get ready to start the video. You then saw his dick sprink free from his underwear. When you saw it you were surprised it was like the prettiest dick you have ever seen, it was a perfect one in other words. You were staring and seungmin caught you.

“ you like what you see?” he laughed

“ yeah infact I do” you tell him.

“You can start recording now y/ninne”

“ kk”

You start recording and starting to feel excited. You climb the bed to get to him. You look at him for confirmation to start and He nodded for you to start.

You wrapped your hand around his veins cock and started pumping up and down slowly.

“ fuck baby” seungmin whined.

You started to get wet by him saying that to you like that. You add another hand to rub his slit. This time seungmin whimpered really loud. That made your stomach turn. What you really wanted to do is push him down and ride him forever but you couldn’t cause this stupid video y’all were recording.

At this point your underwear was practically damp. You craved more of his moans so you pumped your hands faster. he let out the most vocal moan ever. You looked at him and saw his face get red and you slightly laughed which caused you to go slow. But that caused seungmin to whine. You went back to the pace.

You saw seungmin bucking his hip up so that let you knew he was close. So you went squeezed tighter and payed more attention to circled his slit. He let out a whimper and came all over your hands.

You looked at him and saw him looking practically fucked out. You stopped recording and went to the bathroom to wash your hands. You looked at your face in the mirror and then took tissue to clean up seungmin and the mess made.

You saw seungmin still sitting there with his white shirt.

“ y/n I just posted the video” he told you.

“ do you have a lot of fans on the app min” you ask him.

“ yeah you could say I get like 100k a month” he says shyly.

“ well I’m gonna clean you up now min” you saw while getting your tissues ready. You drag the tissue up and down his veiny cock to clean the cum up off of him. He breathes heavy when he feels you clean him up.

When you finally finished cleaning up him up he was hard again.

“ do you wanna make another video?” You ask him.

“ no y/ninne I wanna make you feel good this time don’t worry about me” he replied softly.

“ min you don’t have-“ you were cut off by seungmin saying “ I want to do it and plus I can practically smell you” He says. You hide your face in your hand because your body literally told on you but you wanted to be touched anyway.

“ if you insist, but first put on a show or something I hate the quiet ” you say.

Seungmin was quick grabbed the remote and put a random show on. While he did this you took your black shorts off but kept your underwear on.

“I’ll guide you since never done this before, okay”

“ okay y/ninne”

You grabbed his fingers (specifically his index finger and middle finger) and put them on your clit. You moaned at the contact from it.

“ y/ninnie your really wet is this normal?” He questions in concern. You laugh at this ‘ he acts like he’s all innocent’ you thought.

“ yes it’s normal, it just shows that you turned me on” you tell him. He nods.

You take his fingers and rub them in circles on your clit.

“ min you can continue doing this motion it feels nice” you tell him.

You were never the vocal type when getting pleasure so if it felt good you would just make low moans. While Seungmin played with your clit you sent often low moans.

Suddenly Seungmin stops and asks “ y/n am I not doing good job I can do better just tell me what to do” he says in a panicky tone.

“No your doing fine I’m just not a very vocal person don’t worry” you tell him.

“ well can you make noise for me please.” he whines.

“ sure, just for you” you told him.

End

#bang chan #hyunjin #lee felix series #felix angst #changbin #lee know #stray kids jisung #stray kids #jeongin #txt #seungmin smut #seungmin #seungmin fluff #skz smut

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dwaekkilinos · 3 months

Text

wind and water (pt. 1) | lee felix

summary: People always had a way of looking at you as if your skin were composed of paper mâché and your heart was made of glass. They just assumed you were kind of like a weak bird . . . but Felix Lee looked at you like you still had some flight left.

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader rating/genre: 18+ Minors DNI | surfing au, childhood friends to lovers, slice of life, angst, fluff, eventual smut word count: 15.7K chapter summary: you're in the wind, and felix lee is in the water. both of you are sons and daughters of no one anymore. warnings/notes: ok so! i originally posted this on my main blog but then i decided that'd be too confusing so it's getting uploaded here hehe (i also decided to split the chapter up to make it short but i can't promise that for future chapters), this fic is literally just hurt comfort with smut like i have no excuse, moving on: explicit language ahead, probably many typos, character death (reader's mom and felix's parents) fictional names for chris's family, hyunjin and jisung being the absolute best besties, forced proximity aka reader and felix have to share a room, mentions of death and everything surrounding it, grief, extreme coping mechanisms (reader goes a little insane and that's ok), insomnia, and i think that's it for this part but if i missed anything let me know, ok ok hope you enjoy <3

chapter one: this house is haunted ( next → )

Look for me in the wind.

There’s something people like to say at funerals. It’s stupid really, maybe even a little self-involved, but when the forsaken bell tolls and some poor soul in a casket rolls around, some sorry sucker will without a doubt preach that when people die, they’re never truly gone. It’s supposed to be comforting. It’s supposed to lighten the mood. It’s supposed to make things better; make you better; make you feel better that this person you once knew . . . that this person who had been in your life day in and day out was now gone, sure, but their memory was still there.

That’s supposed to make it better . . . right? It’s OK that they’re dead and gone—an empty cavity with nothing but bones and stitches keeping their flesh from sliding off—because at least they have someone to remember them.

It’s supposed to be OK.

It’s supposed to be.

But it never is.

Nothing is ever OK again. Because the truth is, when people die . . . they’re gone. Dead is dead, and dead is gone. They’re gone.

They become nothing once again. But that's the tricky part, isn’t it?—the fact that they were something once.

And it’s never easy letting go of something that still exists in some nature; because an abandoned house is still a house even with no heart, and a body is still a body even with no soul. Both have the bones to keep them standing for a little longer. Both can withstand a great deal more. And both will.

But they’re still . . . less. The house will never be a home again, and the body will never be a person. They’re just there, not fully present and not fully gone. They exist in this limbo, and it is this in-betweenness that makes letting it all go so . . . hard . . .

How do you put something like that to rest?

But . . . dead is gone, right? Dead is dead and dead is gone, so, fuck! Why was it so hard? She was gone. She was gone, gone, gone . . . but . . . but . . .

Look for me in the wind, was what your mother had told you the day she died. It was something you knew others in the hospital would kill to hear instead of a forced goodbye before a surgery everyone knew would fail. You supposed that should have brought you comfort: that your mother had left you with something irreplaceable.

But it didn’t, because you knew what it meant.

It meant that the rumors were true. When people die, yes, they’re gone, but a part of them is left behind. Only for you, it was the part of her you didn’t want to remember. You didn’t want to walk the streets of New York, always cold and windy, and think of your mother’s dying words.

Look for me in the wind, she had said and hours later she was gone.

When people die, they might not be truly gone, but that didn’t mean you weren’t left with memories you’d rather have died with her. And now . . . now all that you were left with were her final months.

It only reminded you that she was still dead. Even if her memory was there . . . she wasn’t.

You supposed it left you feeling a little . . . lost.

OK . . . maybe lost was a bit of an understatement.

It just . . . it didn’t take long after your mother’s death to figure out she had been the thread holding your family together. And when she died, everything fell apart . . .

It started with your father. At first, you, neither your sister, Erin, saw it, until three shoes by the front door turned to two, and he stopped coming home for dinner, insisting the two of you were grown adults and could fend for yourselves. But you knew what that meant. You’d always known it would happen, too, but your mother would never have allowed it. But you knew. God, you’d known since you were seventeen and you saw the messages on his phone.

Your father had found someone else, and quickly, it seemed. No . . . not quickly. She had always been there. Ever since he went away on a business trip one year after his mother’s death and came back with a secret and a request for a divorce. Your mother never allowed it of course, and they stayed together.

(You supposed you should’ve known he’d stay with her, too, and . . . wait.

Which he did, right? Congrats, dad, you were patient enough to fuck someone else two minutes after mom was shoved in the grave!

Class act, your father.

Whatever.)

So, your mother was dead. Your father was already planning a new family. And you and your sister were stuck in your childhood home, sitting opposite each other at the dining table while the empty seat with an equally empty plate resting on one of your mother’s special placemats, haunted the two of you. Because well, that wasn’t your father’s seat. No, the two of you stopped setting a plate for him the first day he didn’t show.

This seat used to be your mother’s, and that plate was for her . . . or her ghost, you guessed. (It was Erin’s idea. Obviously . . . )

Neither of you had mentioned it.

Neither of you planned to.

Neither of you would.

. . . This went on for a few more weeks.

Then . . . it was August once again. Fall semester was starting. It was going to be the start of your senior year at university. You were almost there. Almost.

Your sister left two days later. Back to Texas. Back to her husband and his kid. Back to her life. Back to normal.

She was twenty-nine and had a life, you got it. You were only twenty-one, just shy of turning twenty-two, and had no clue how to navigate . . . anything.

So . . . you . . . you stayed stagnant in that house.

Now, it was you who sat at the dinner table, not a soul in sight, just you and the empty seat where your mother used to eat when you were growing up. The plate was still empty, maybe even a little dusty now, because no one dared to touch it. Yours was always half-finished. You could never stomach more the second your eyes locked on the empty seat where your mother should have been.

And every night, you’d toss your half-eaten dinner in the trash, glance toward the still-set plate waiting for your mother, wait a few minutes . . . just to see if her ghost truly would take the seat, and when no ghost showed, you’d turn off the lights and head up to your childhood bedroom for the night.

Until . . . it was the night before the first day of the semester, and you realized it would be back to your apartment, and the house . . . her house . . . would be left empty for who knew how long. No more childhood, no more falling asleep on the couch and waking up to your mother carrying you to your bed, no ice cream as dinner, no nothing . . . not even a whisper from . . . her . . .

And like her body that you knew was rotting away day by day in her grave, her house would no longer be a home the second you stepped out the door and returned to the life you had made for yourself. It would stand, bones and all, days passing it by while it slowly rotted away without a single hand to dust its edges and sweep its floors. And so, it, too, would be taken to the weeds, leaving behind memories no one wished to remember. (Perhaps those memories would rot with it, too.)

It all just made you think, and the longer the gears in your brain turned, the more this sliver of rage grew inside of you.

A house with no bones, it would slowly become.

A house with no bones. A house with no heart. A body with no soul. A child with no mother . . .

Your mind just kept spinning and spinning and . . .

You supposed that was when you went a little . . . off course? Downhill? . . . Crazy, maybe? Well, perhaps a little more than that. Maybe like . . . utterly insane. (You were being generous, of course.)

Unbelievable, you say?

Well . . . sit down, buckle up, let’s just see what you have on the checklist.

Trash your childhood home, destroying all evidence that your mother even existed, but obviously leave the plate on the dining table just in case she comes back? Check.

Block everyone you know on . . . everything? Check.

Only show up to class in your mother’s clothes, wearing her makeup the way she used to, asking to be called by her name, basically becoming . . . her . . . ? Check, check, check, and . . . check.

Flunk all your first and second exams? Check, of course.

Midterms come around and your average for all of your classes is about hmm a good forty-six percent? Check.

Eventually withdraw from all your classes, dropping out of university entirely? Yeah . . . check.

The news somehow gets back to your father via bank statements, because how else would he get in contact with you? Oh, and then when he does finally find out about it, he decides that maybe you’re not OK after your mother just literally, oh you don't know, died. And does this mean letting you stay with him and his girlfriend for a little, maybe some therapy and a hug? Maybe? Well, no, of course not!

This means calling up your mother’s childhood friend, practically begging her to take in his delinquent child (AKA you) because well, obviously, you just need to feel connected with your mom again, so duh, that means shipping you off to your homeland or her homeland whatever same thing . . . which is P.S. another continent (Australia of all places . . . yeah) for like their summer or whatever and then you’ll be cured.

. . . Um . . . anyway . . . check!

Yeah . . . you supposed you really fucked yourself with that one.

. . . Whatever.

That was what you kept repeating, at least. Whatever this and whatever that. What else could you do? It wasn’t like anything mattered anymore.

Whatever, you muttered to yourself as you boarded the plane, with not even a second glance. No one was in the airport to bid farewell to anyway. So, whatever.

Whatever, you groaned as you finally landed in, you guessed it, Hell’s hotspot: Sydney, Australia. Whatever, you huffed as you caught sight of the Bahng family—Irene and Monty Bahng and their two kids Chris (one of your childhood friends . . . apparently) and Grace—waving to you. (Supposedly another member of the family was missing—Felix, one of Chris’s friends who you were, once again, supposedly supposed to supposedly know from childhood. He was apparently living with them since last year for unforeseen reasons that no one bothered to mention. But. He didn’t show due to more unforeseen reasons.)

You forgot to groan out another inner whatever the second you stepped into the backseat of their minivan, too wrapped up in your own head to care. Grace kept mentioning this and that, saying how excited she was to have another girl in the house because it was so horrible living with two adult boys. (She was fourteen, interested in being older than she was, and curious about the world. You got it. You used to be that young.)

And Chris, well, he was three years older than you and, as you would like to reiterate, apparently one of your best friends from childhood before your family packed up and moved just before junior high. You remembered little about him, but it wasn’t like it mattered. (You were just glad he kept Grace at bay, telling her to leave you be.)

Irene and Monty were fine, too. They kept asking you how your flight was, if you had eaten, and blah blah blah which you hated and responded with quiet hums as an answer, but . . . whatever. It didn’t matter if they were nice. You were stuck there and you hated it. You hated being back home, too. You hated everything and nothing mattered, so . . . whatever!

You remained silent the entire rest of the way to their house in their shitty, hot, no-WiFi-bearing town from Hell. Your silence carried on even as they ushered you out of the car, taking it upon themselves to carry your bags in without even a single hand from you, claiming that you should walk around the property while they got your room ready so you could get used to . . . everything. And you simply nodded without another word because . . . well . . . just because . . .

The Bahng’s lived atop a hill in a small bungalow with yards and yards of land which overlooked the ocean. You didn’t exactly know which ocean because you’d never cared to learn anything about anything. You’d been a biology major, and you hated it, so it wasn’t like you particularly liked learning. You had just put up with your degree to make your mother proud, and now that she was gone, well . . .

You swallowed hard. Never mind.

It was pretty. You’d give Southhaven that. But that was it.

This wasn’t your home. It never would be. You weren’t sure if you even had a home anymore.

. . .

With a soft sigh, you slightly tilted your head back, eyes closed as you faced the sun. Its heat beat down on you, and for once, you let it touch you. You let it caress your face, desperately trying to warm you, but you had never felt so cold.

And when it seemed your blood had almost frozen in your veins, you felt it . . .

. . . the wind.

In response, your jaw twisted so tight you wondered if it’d be enough to crack a molar. But the slight breeze in a world full of heat nudged you forward, causing your hair to slap your face.

Begrudgingly, you flicked your hair out of your face, forcibly tucking it behind your ears. But the wind persisted, seemingly tugging you toward the edge of the property.

You didn’t want to listen. You wanted to shove off the wind and stalk toward the house, but like the call of your name from your mother’s lips, you couldn’t turn the other way. No, instead, you followed the wind, you followed her voice, and approached the edge of the property where the ocean resided in the distance.

And only then, when you were overlooking the water below, did the wind seem to subside. Like a current, the tide had come in. No more whispers in your ear, but you could still feel it, just . . . in the distance.

You wondered what it meant. You always had. But how could you question the wind? How could you call out to it and beg for its presence?

Swallowing hard, you nearly attempted to question this intangible thing, until something caught your eye.

As you stood atop the hill, quietly questioning its existence, the suddenly wind returned, whipping through your hair, as the image of a man below on the shore stalked toward the ocean, surfboard tucked under his arm. His hair was blonde and wet as if he had been at this all day. His skin was marked with redness and small scratches, showing evidence of his advances. And he had this way of holding himself that just told you he not only held this . . . resentment but also . . . fear toward the ocean.

The wind whispered in your ear once more. You blinked. It was almost as if the wind were telling you to keep watching, to listen and hear the pounding of his heartbeat from up there.

Could you hear how loudly it was beating as he stared down the ocean? Or was it your own heart that you heard?

Was this man even real? Were you?

But that didn’t matter. Real or not, you couldn’t tear your eyes from him. You watched in silence, you and the wind atop the hill, as he paddled out into the water, positioning himself perfectly to catch a wave.

You watched as he waited and waited. You watched as wave after wave became big then small then nothing, and he was left still waiting. And when a good, strong wave did come, he tried and tried, but . . . failed.

And time and time again, the waves kept coming but . . . they seemed to elude him. He missed every single one.

Frustration seemed to consume him as he smacked the water before tugging his hands through his hair to push back the wet, blonde strands. And as he continued to battle with the waves, you could see his anger mounting. The more he missed, the more his frustration grew. You watched him take deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but it seemed even that couldn't bring him the solace he sought.

Finally, you watched as he breathed in sharply through his nose, tilting his head toward the sky as the sun beat down on his face. Just like you had done moments ago, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to soak in the warmth. It seemed . . . it seemed; however, even that couldn’t help him, his brows furrowed and his mouth in a permanent frown as the wind twisted through his wet hair, causing him to shiver even in the sun.

And you began to wonder . . .

. . . Did the wind haunt him, too?

“He’s good, isn’t he?” you suddenly heard from beside you, but you didn’t jump, you didn’t even turn to greet the person. You already knew who it was anyway. Chris, of course. (You supposed his parents had made him become the spokesperson for the family given the fact that the two of you had been friends a million years ago. Or maybe he was just that . . . out there.)

Whatever.

“Hmm?” you hummed out, remaining as silent as you could.

Chris gestured to the vast ocean below, toward the boy (No, man? . . . ) who still sat on his board, eyes now scanning the waters before him once again. “Felix,” he restated.

Oh. You bit the inside of your cheek.

That was Felix.

“You remember him, don’t you? Taught you how to keep your head above water. You had quite the trouble getting a hang of your sea legs.” Chris chuckled, shaking his head. “I remember you’d cry any time you’d get salt water in your mouth.”

“No,” you murmured. “Don’t remember. Doesn’t seem like he was a very good teacher either. Hasn’t caught a wave once.”

You could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t turn to meet his gaze. Still, it seemed Chris was hard to turn away. He, like you in the wind, stayed stagnant, solid as stone as he stood beside you. Not even the brisk air could turn him away, even when it seemed to get colder the closer he stood to you. You’d thought maybe he’d catch on; to the fact that in all of Southhaven, the coldest spot was right next to you. But he didn’t. He stayed put, and then . . . then he spoke.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t make it to the funeral,” he spoke softly as if he were talking to a child.

Your heart plummeted, and the sliver of rage grew inside of you once again. A wildfire now, it had become.

Sure, he was a few years older than you, but he didn’t have to treat you like . . . that. You could handle things. You handed your mother’s death for god's sake, so why couldn’t he talk to you like you were an actual person and not some fragile—

“I won’t try to understand, because I don’t,” he continued, knowing you wouldn’t respond. “And I won’t try to make you feel better. I know it doesn’t work that way, but Felix . . . “ He sighed, before breathing in sharply. “He lost his parents a year ago. I won’t try to understand, but he . . . he already does.”

Your eyes snapped in his direction then. But your lips remained sealed.

Chris took this as his sign to continue. “Just—“ he wet his lips, brows raising— “don’t be too harsh on him. If there’s anyone who understands how you feel . . . it’s him.”

Remaining silent, you could only swallow your thoughts, your feelings, your words. You shoved it all down and continued to stare, eyes surely unwelcoming and dull.

But he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Maybe . . . maybe he was used to it.

“Anyway—“ he huffed out with a growing smile— “come on, your room is ready.” He reached forward to grab the bag you still held in your hands without another word. “You’ll have to room with Felix, but I promise we’re trying to set up the shed for one of you. It’s just a little fucked between Dad’s workshop and Grace’s many, many, many abandoned projects . . . but we’ll get there . . . promise. But, hey, you get your own bathroom and—“

Of course, his blabbering didn’t stop there as he began to lead you toward the house, but you couldn’t spend more energy trying to listen to him. It was all useless anyway. You had a room. There were bathrooms in the house. Food. Everything else you’d need to survive.

But . . . your thoughts were elsewhere. Your gaze landed on the boy . . . Felix . . . once again, watching as he remained still, almost as motionless as the sea that surrounded him. It was almost as if he were waiting for something. Even if he caught a wave, it seemed he’d remain there until that something came around.

Quickly, you began to wonder, would it ever? Or would he remain in that water forevermore?

. . . Would . . . you remain stagnant, too?

And amid it all, the wind returned, whistling in your ears . . . and then . . . then you began to hear a faint voice calling your name. You knew it was Chris, but you didn’t care. You were so deeply immersed in your own thoughts, so consumed by despair, that the sound seemed distant and muffled. It was as if a thick fog had settled over your mind, clouding your senses and preventing you from clearly hearing anything other than that cruel wind.

The calls continued, but you remained trapped within the confines of your own mind. You were rendered deaf to the outside world, and you yearned for a moment of clarity, a moment where you could hear . . .

. . . a moment where you could hear . . . her voice again . . .

Chris called your name again, and you squeezed your eyes shut. It wasn’t her. He wasn’t her. It was his voice that called out to you, not hers.

She was gone, the wind serving as a cruel reminder of this.

And finally, you forced yourself out of this haze, shoving out the thoughts of your mother as you tore your eyes from Felix, who still resided in the ocean, and faced reality; faced Chris.

“You good?” he questioned once your eyes were on him again, and you could finally hear him.

But you didn’t respond.

No, instead you hurriedly approached him, snatched your bag from his hands, and stalked off toward the house, leaving everything behind.

But the wind followed, consuming your senses, and you realized it always would.

When you were a kid, you had a hard time making any friends. You were awkward and kept your mouth shut at all times. The messages in your yearbooks would always be directed toward how nice you were, but they didn’t know you. You didn’t have a kind soul. It took a while to realize that. It took even longer to accept it—that you were a miserable child who grew into an even more miserable adult.

Boys didn’t like you. Girls didn’t either. Some days you wondered if your parents even liked you. Sure, your mother loved you (albeit, she’d loved your sister more, but that was a given), but some days you wondered if she even liked the person you were.

And your father . . .

You were sure your father was trying to cut ties with the life he had made with your mother the moment they met. (And as time would see it, as soon as she was gone, the love he claimed he had for you and your sister went too.)

So if someone were to ask you if you had been a lonely child . . . You wouldn’t have known what to say because the truth was: if you’re alone all your life; if being alone is all you’ve ever known, then how do you know if you’re lonely?

Was there a checklist for that, too?

Now, yeah, sure, you knew people growing up. Sure, you talked to people throughout junior and high school. But nothing ever carried on outside of the school grounds. Everything had always just been surface-level with you. (At least, from what you remembered, which . . . wasn’t much.)

Being alone wasn’t so bad either. It was just normal. Your normal. So it hadn’t really bothered you when your birthday “parties” consisted of just you, your sister, your mother, and—sometimes, perhaps, maybe if he had the time—your father.

But it wasn’t until university that you realized what it would feel like to lose something.

It wasn’t until the one random art credit you signed up for managed to fall under the same time you had decided to move the rest of your shit into your dorm, leading to you racing to the Creative Arts Center (which was, by the way, located across campus) just for you to end up being the very last person to storm into the classroom, meaning yes, there was only one seat left, and yes, you had to awkwardly claim it with everyone’s eyes on you. But! But! Well . . . the open seat just so happened to be next to Hwang Hyunjin, who would very quickly become the only friend you had ever really had.

Now . . . Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t a tough nut to crack. While you were slightly off-putting and quiet, he was kind and always had something to say, with this odd warmth radiating off him wherever he went. He just seemed to make people . . . better.

His art was that way, too, but that was a story for another day.

Anyway . . . you didn’t exactly remember how the two of you became friends. You supposed it kind of just . . . happened, but one second you were alone, then the next it was where he went you did too, and vice versa.

And halfway through that October, when he introduced you to his dormmate, Han Jisung, the two of you quickly became three, and the rest was three years of history.

It was only then, in those three strenuous years, that you realized that now, for once in your life, you had something to lose. (You’d be a liar if it didn’t keep you up some nights. You’d be a liar if those nights you didn’t cry yourself to sleep, mourning something that had yet to happen. You’d be a liar.)

That was the thing: you always thought it would end. You never thought that this thing you now had would ever last for longer than a few years.

So . . . when you lost your mother, you supposed something in you decided that this was it. It was time to give them up, too, because now that you had lost something, it was time to lose everything, you supposed.

But what you hadn’t accounted for was that Hwang Hyunjin, the poet he was, did not believe in endings. He believed things happened for a reason. He did not believe the two of you met for nothing, and he would be damned if he just let you slip through his fingers like . . . that.

You really did try, too. You tried to avoid him. You tried to lock yourself in your apartment and let the world just . . . fall away. But Hyunjin never gave up; whether it was dropping food off at your front step so you wouldn’t starve, to forcing you to let him and Jisung inside the house just for the three of you to watch a movie in silence, because at least then you wouldn’t be alone. (You were also positive the reason why you even had like a thirty-seven percent in Ecology was because Jisung did your homework and his.)

Somewhere down the line, you realized sometimes you meet people and the rest is history. No matter how hard you tried to push them away like you had done to everyone else in your life, they refused. There was no without with them.

Some things were meant to stay even when you’d already lost everything else. And nights when it felt like you truly had nothing and no one, there would always be a text on your phone from their group chat.

(Some days you wondered if you would even still be here if they hadn’t pushed their way into your life . . . and those days you cried yourself to sleep.)

You supposed there was no more time for that as you glanced behind you, eyes locked on the twin bed situated across the room from yours. There, this Felix, would sleep, the two of you forced to share a room with a bathroom connected to it, sure, but . . . you’d only shared a room your first year at university in the dorms, and that was enough for you. And now . . . this . . .

(You would’ve rather taken the casket next to your mother’s.)

A whiny call of your name tore you from your mind, forcing you to leave behind the past as you turned back to your phone. The faces of Hyunjin and Jisung met you immediately as Hyunjin squinted his eyes at you, taking in your odd demeanor while Jisung tapped away on his phone in confusion (a constant state for him).

Oh, you thought, blinking slowly. You had forgotten they were on the call.

“Hmm?” you hummed, but didn’t speak a word further.

A twitch of confusion tugged at Hyunjin’s brows. “The guy,” he reiterated, trailing off as if waiting for you to chime in and cut him off. But you never did, and for a brief second, you saw him bite the inside of his cheek (something he did when he was worried) before he quickly covered it up by shaking his head and opening his mouth to speak once more. “What’s he look like?”

Before you could get a word in, Jisung clicked his tongue as he lowered his phone. “Do you have to be so cryptic all the time? I get it’s part of the whole tortured artist bit, but—“ he cut himself off with a wave of his hand.

Hyunjin was glaring at him in a heartbeat. “Tortured—“ he scoffed— “Tortured artist? You’re crazy.” He drilled a finger into Jisung’s shoulder. “You sound crazy, know that?”

“Crazy?!” Jisung retorted, fully putting his phone down on the coffee table now. (This was for an ulterior motive, of course, as the next second he was eyeing something out of your sight, which resided on that same coffee table.) “Give me that sketchbook.” Quickly, he bent over and snatched the sketchbook, wasting no time flipping through it. “What have you been drawing, huh? Porn?”

Hyunjin nearly pounced on him. “What the—What is wrong with you? Who even says that?” he grumbled out, trying to pry the sketchbook out of his friend’s hands, all the while, Jisung fought him off long enough to flash you a few of the pages. “It’s called—“ he finally ripped his sketchbook out of Jisung’s grasp and secured it under his arm with an exhale— “figurative arts. Something you’d know if you ever cared to come with me.”

Jisung leaned back, sinking into the couch as he spread his legs for a more comfortable position. “Why the fuck would I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to go draw naked people with my roommate?” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “Roommates go on coffee runs together, not draw dicks, which, might I add, you have to pay for?”

“Because it’s art.”

“It’s porn.”

And with that, Hyunjin tapped out. With an exasperated scoff, he sent one more glare Jisung’s way before he was flipping through his sketchbook, trying to access the damage done, all the while, muttering under his breath in his native tongue. (Something about Jisung being an idiot, of course.) Jisung caught onto this, too, and sent you a sideways look before he began to taunt and mock the older boy.

Only then when you felt yourself laugh under your breath, did you realize you had been fondly smiling at them the entire time. But that was just how things went. They were always like this, being roommates for all of university, and it never ceased to fill you with a sense of belonging. (It also never ceased to fill you with a sense of dread . . . because if your suspicions were correct and you did end up alone . . . then this . . . this would be something you’d miss about them the most.)

But until then . . . you’d mourn quietly. You had to . . .

Clearing your throat and head, your smile slowly fell into a straight line as you glanced between the two boys. “Are you two done?” you heard yourself ask before you even felt your lips moving.

“Yeah, when he’s six feet under,” Jisung retorted, crossing his arms over his chest as he eyed his friend up and down.

Hyunjin nearly rolled his eyes. “Like you won’t be buried right beside me just out of spite.”

“Well . . . I hadn’t thought of that, but now that you mention it . . . “

This time; however, Hyunjin did roll his eyes. “Shut up, would you?”

And at those words, Jisung’s mouth hung open with the click of his tongue. He eyed you as if to ask if you had heard the same thing, but you only shook your head at the two of them, trying desperately to bite back the stiff smile spreading onto your face.

As your smile flattened out into the same thin line, you shifted atop your bed, laying on your side with your knees pulled up to your chest as you held your phone in your hand. “I haven’t met him yet,” you muttered out the next second, before either of them could continue this little ruse they had going on (you knew what they were trying to do anyway . . . (Whether they admitted it or not, you could see the change in the way they acted around you after everything . . . happened (now everything was done to get even a smidge of a smile out of you.)))

Jisung quirked a brow, glancing at Hyunjin with his lips pursed as he asked, “Who?”

“The guy,” Hyunjin vaguely explained as he pointed at you through the screen, or rather the bed behind you that could slightly be seen in the camera.

“Oh,” Jisung hummed with a snap of his fingers, “the one you’re going to fuck?”

Hyunjin pinched the bridge of his nose. “What is wrong with you?”

“Listen, I’m always right,” Jisung exclaimed, glancing between you and his roommate. “The two of you can fuck off. It just makes sense. You’ve known him since you were a kid, right? So, a little reunion blah blah blah, you have to sleep in the same room, you’re drunk, you’re horny, you fuck. It’s the circle of life.”

Silence.

Then . . .

A snort from Hyunjin. (You were sure he’d called him an idiot under his breath, but the connection cut out toward the end.)

And you sighed. “OK, Ji . . . I haven’t seen the guy since I was, like, ten,” you explained, trying to explain to your friend all the one-hundred and one reasons why you were not going to sleep with this . . . this stranger. And then, your mouth opened before you could stop it, and words, words that didn’t even sound like your own fumbled from your tongue . . . “Plus . . . he seems like a nutcase. He didn’t show up at the airport because he was apparently busy . . . but when I got here, he was just surfing . . . not even actually. And that! That was five hours ago. He didn’t even come up to eat. I mean that’s crazy, right?”

Shuffling further up the bed, you grabbed the pillow to hug, while awaiting your friends’ responses, but . . .

“Crazy, huh?” you heard a deep voice question from behind you. And this wasn’t a voice you had heard before, which led you to one solution . . . Felix . . .

Fuck.

Hastily, with your eyes wide, you slapped your phone face down as you shot up in your bed, gaze immediately snapping toward the door.

And there he was.

Felix stood in the doorway, towel in hand as he dried his wet, blonde hair (no doubt dyed a month ago guessing by the appearance of his dark roots peeking through). “Didn't realize I was being analyzed today,” he muttered in a soft chuckle.

But you remained silent. It seemed you’d become more afraid of your voice in recent months anyway, so speaking really was rare, but this . . . this had you speechless for an entirely different reason.

In your silence, you let your eyes wander, and noticed Felix only had one foot in the room, the rest of his body lingering in the hallway as he glanced from your face to your phone to his dresser. It was almost as if he was . . . afraid . . . ? No, hesitant. Yes, hesitant to walk in this space that the two of you were now expected to share as if you hadn’t seen each other in a decade or so.

Because the thing was, yes, you remembered him, but not in the same way you’d remember something that happened a long time ago, but rather in the same way you’d remember a childhood pet. There was warmth there; a certain fondness that you could only place when you truly saw him face to face like this. But it was lacking—like you couldn’t remember why or how you felt this way, you just knew you did.

What you could remember felt like a dream. It didn’t feel like it had actually happened. And sure, nothing ever did lately, but this . . . this was different. You knew him. God, you knew him but you just couldn’t . . . place it. You couldn’t remember anything about him. Just those freckles that adorned his sunkissed cheeks, a wide, toothy smile with dimples, his laughter kept floating through your head as you stared at him.

You could remember a boy around the age of eight, and he was laughing. A soft giggle with eyes that smiled too. Then . . . colors. Sunsets. The feeling of floating. The bitter taste of seawater and . . . oh what was it (?) . . . taffy! Yes, the taste of Cherry Cherry saltwater taffy. And . . . (you swallowed hard) . . . the warmth of a hand in yours . . .

Had the two of you really been friends or was that just something your parents said? . . . How close had you been?

Slightly, you shifted on your bed, body inching toward him as if you were dying to say something . . . anything. But no words left your lips and you remained staring at him, and him at you . . . only he wasn’t looking at you in the same way. No . . . he . . . he was just staring at you, his eyes empty; it was like he wasn’t even there, his thoughts carrying him elsewhere while you remained grounded, wondering who he was and why he had meant something to you if you couldn’t even remember him.

Did he not remember you either? Or—

“It’s silent. Is he gone?” Jisung whispered (well, if you knew him, you’d know that his whispering just meant yelling in a hushed tone . . . so really . . . ).

You remained silent once again, unable to tell your friend to keep quiet. Your eyes just stayed on Felix, taking in the way his drenched shirt clung to his body, evidence of his day’s endeavors. And then you began to wonder . . . did he finally catch that wave?

Swallowing hard, you eyed the small scratch on his cheek. The waves, it seemed, had fought back against the punches he’d thrown them earlier in the day. Had they thrown him to the sand? Or had it always been there?

“Well . . . he’s got a voice on him, yeah?” Jisung piped up again after a minute of no words from you or Hyunjin or . . . him.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you felt your face grow hot. And it seemed Hyunjin knew this would happen, too, as you heard the sound of him slapping Jisung on the arm.

Jisung cried out in retaliation, “What? What?! Tell me he doesn’t sound hot? No, no, Hyunjin, look me in the eyes. Look me in the—“

But this time you were one step ahead. Instead of letting your face grow warmer, you haphazardly snatched your phone and hung up on the two boys before Jisung could say any more.

And then . . . it truly was silent, only the sound of the wind whistling outside mixed with the crashing of waves in the distance could be heard. (That and probably your heart hammering in your chest. (You forgot to mention that you didn’t take well to . . . embarrassing . . . moments.))

You glanced at the scratch under his eye once again as you shifted on the bed, pulling your legs to your chest.

Now . . . you’d like to defend yourself . . . the thing about you was the very fact that you did not do well with people. You never had and you didn’t think you ever would.

For a long time, you tried to claim it was because you simply just didn’t like them, but you knew better than that. What you wouldn’t admit was the fact that you just didn’t know how to talk to people.

You’d always known why people didn’t like you. Even as a kid, it had been obvious. You just . . . didn’t know how to be like them. You didn’t know how to view things in moderation. You didn’t know how to enjoy things. You didn’t know how to talk to them or laugh with them. You supposed you just didn’t really know how to be a person.

And everyone saw this, too. That was why you graduated high school with no one to celebrate it with. That was why you went home every day after school and just sat in your room. That was why you had always tried too hard to fit in, only resulting in looks being sent your way. That was why you had always been alone, waiting for everyone to eventually leave. That was why you still wondered why Hyunjin and Jisung hadn’t given up on you yet.

That was why you now sat in front of someone you once knew; someone that you should recognize; someone that meant something to you but you just couldn’t remember why . . . and now . . . now you couldn’t even utter a word. Because . . . you didn’t know how to speak to people; to him . . .

That was why you had always been alone. And that was why you were alone now.

You were sure he could sense it, too. You were sure he wouldn’t want anything to do with you even if he could remember what you couldn’t. You were sure he’d ask the Bahngs to let him sleep somewhere else as long as it wasn’t next to the odd girl who—

“You must be the American,” Felix suddenly sighed out, stealing you from your own mind. “Can’t say I remember you being this . . . charming.” He sent a glance your way as he finally entered the room, heading straight toward the dresser on his side.

With careful almost fearful eyes, you watched as he rummaged through his dresser for some clothes. “You weren’t meant to hear that,” you found yourself mumbling out, barely audible and hoarse. Quickly, you cleared your throat, and repeated the words once more, this time clearer and a little louder.

(This kind of thing used to happen to you all the time as a kid. You wouldn’t talk for so long that when you finally did, it was like your voice wasn’t even your own. It was like the longer you’d go without speaking, the closer you were to losing your voice altogether.)

Felix laughed under his breath. “Mmm, but I did,” he commented as he glanced over his shoulder at you with clothes now in his hands.

However, when you only stared back at him like a deer caught in the headlights, he sighed. Felix ran his free hand through his wet hair, pushing it out of his face as he fully turned around to face you, leaning on the dresser for support. “Look . . . it’s OK,” he hummed with a small smile . . . one that showed his dimple but only for a second. (Only long enough for you to remember that same dimple from your younger years.) “I don’t mind. Don’t sweat it. Swear I’m used to it.”

Your brows twitched in response, waiting for the ball to drop. When would the flip switch? When would he exile you like the rest?

But nothing ever came.

Felix simply just sent one more tight-lipped smile your way before he headed for the bathroom door attached to the room. And you watched in shock, still waiting for him to say something . . . anything that would send you wallowing under your covers for the rest of the night.

Still . . . even as he stopped in the doorway, nothing came; instead, he mumbled out, “Let me know if you need anything, yeah? I’m gonna hop in the shower. It’s all yours after that.”

And then he was gone. The sound of the shower came a few seconds later, while you stayed stuck on your bed, staring in shock at the place where he once stood.

When you were a kid, you had a hard time making any friends, and it seemed some old habits never died, yes, but . . .

This was different.

This was a boy from your childhood. This was someone you once knew. This was someone who meant something to you once. You knew that. You knew he had to have meant something.

When you were a kid, you had a hard time making friends . . . except, it seemed . . . for him. Only . . . you couldn’t remember why or how or . . . or . . or anything.

With a defeated sigh, you fell back onto your bed, memories of sunsets and a warm hand in yours playing on repeat in your mind.

The next few days went like this:

Day one: wake up to the sun shining through the curtains, nearly blinding you; realize the view out your window isn’t the busy city streets of New York, but rather a just about deserted beach; rot in bed until three in the afternoon when the thoughts of your mother’s face finally become too much; quietly greet Irene in the kitchen before heading outside with a piece of toast in hand; find Felix surfing just below on that very same deserted beach; watch him miss wave after wave until the sun goes down; dinner, blah, blah, blah and suddenly you’re in bed again, trying not to look across the room where Felix lays; eventually let yourself sneak a peek at him out of the corner of your eye, and when you do, you realize he’d fallen asleep with his lamp on, his face the picture of innocence and yet . . . a pinch in his brows catches your eye; quickly and quietly turn his lamp off before slipping back into your bed and falling asleep with questions of what was playing on his mind.

Day two: wake up, groan at the sun, hate the heat, and stay in your bed until two this time; sit in the living room with Grace (she’s preoccupied watching whatever’s captured her attention on the TV, while you get to work in your sketchbook (something you’ve picked up since that first art class)); dinner, wash, bed; Felix climbs into bed an hour after you have and you realize you’ve subconsciously stayed up, waiting for him; stay silent as he mutters a quiet goodnight to you before the lights are out; stay up an hour more, wondering if he caught a wave.

Day three: Grace wakes you up before it even hits twelve (and you let her because . . . whatever); let her, along with Chris, show you around town as she drags you from store to store, telling you how Abigail Newton would so totally buy that hat but would hate that belt when she passes every mannequin; eventually buy her that very hat so she can tell this Abigail to shove it because . . . whatever . . . ; head back and let her convince you into watching her show with her for the rest of the day; smile once . . . or maybe twice because, of course, you have to indulge her (and that was it); try not to make it obvious you’re staring when Felix comes waltzing into the living room, seemingly coming from his room (your room?) (and not from outside; not from the ocean), plopping down on the couch opposite of you, claiming he just loves this show (but you know he says it to make Grace happy); wonder and wonder and wonder why he’s given up surfing for the day.

Day four: ah, day four, yes . . . manage to wake up at ten (only because Grace told you to the night before); get dressed, touch the locket your mother gave you for your sixteenth birthday for good luck . . . but wait . . . where’s the locket . . . fuck, fuck, fuck; proceed to freak out for the next half-hour, tearing up the entirety of your belongings in hopes of finding it, only to find absolutely nothing; freak out some more, maybe cry a little, and just when you’re about to literally pull all your hair out, there’s a knock at your door and in comes Felix . . . with your locket in his hand; nearly trip over everything just to grab the locket from him, desperately trying to put it back on, but your hands are shaking far too much, only for . . . Felix to gently put a hand on your shoulder before taking the locket back from you; let him brush your hair aside and clasp the locket around your neck; remain frozen in shock as he mutters something about how it must have fallen off your neck last night while you were watching TV on the couch . . . and then . . . he’s gone, and you’re still there.

Day five: Felix is gone; he’s been gone all day and by night, there are people over . . . it’s a cookout apparently . . . spontaneous one, too; awkwardly stand in the corner of the yard, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone because this is too much (everything has always been too much); try not to lose it . . . repeat: try not to lose it; swallow your tears and stay stagnant even as this person who you only know as one of the Bahngs’ family friends comes up to you and starts . . . talking; and then:

“We were so sorry to hear about your mother. She was a good woman. . . . How are you holding up, honey?”

Those words were spoken and you felt your blood run cold. The world caved in a second later. You felt small. Small and worthless. You wanted to disappear. You wanted to run, but you couldn't. Your mind had been the only thing to stay alert. Just run, you thought. Run. Get to your room. There won't be anyone there. Run. Fucking run.

But you couldn’t. You wanted to but the memories of the night your mother died kept rushing in, paralyzing you. You could hear the monitor beeping. You could feel her hand in yours, oddly cold. You could see the nurses and doctors and whoever else scrounging around you, desperately trying to bring her back while someone pulled you back. You could hear your own voice, screaming out for her, screaming for them to put you down, screaming for them, it, whoever to take you instead of her. You could hear her whisper, look for me in the wind, and then you couldn't breathe.

I can't breathe. You tried gasping for air, but it never stuck in your lungs. I can't breathe. You could have sworn this was what drowning felt like as your breaths came out quicker and quicker. Oh, my God, I can't fucking breathe.

You needed air. You needed space. You needed to get inside; to get to your room.

Your eyes darted to the sliding back door, and knew what you had to do. You forced her legs to move as you tried to make it to the door. But you never made it; a hand grasped your arm and you whipped around to face the same woman once again.

“Honey, what’s going on? Are you OK?” she questioned, concern clear in her eyes but you didn’t care.

She couldn’t see it. She couldn’t see that when a child loses their mother, they lose everything. Your mother. Your mother. Your fucking mother. It didn’t matter if you had fought or if some days you didn’t like each other. It didn’t fucking matter. She had been your mother, and she was fucking gone.

Fuck! She couldn’t see it. Unless she did. Was she doing this on purpose? Who even was she? Had she hated your mother and that’s why she was doing this to you? No, you were thinking too much into it. Fuck, fuck, you had to throw up. No, you had to get to your room. You couldn’t be here. You had to get away from this, from them, from everything. You had to be alone as you always had been.

And then you were gone, running inside before taking off through the house, weaving past all these people until you finally caught sight of your bedroom door. You were going to throw up. Fuck, you were going to throw up. Your pace sped up and then you were there, hand on the doorknob, swinging it open and slamming it shut behind you before you lunged for the bathroom.

Another swinging of a door occurred as you whipped the bathroom door open, hand already on your mouth to stop yourself from vomiting all over your clothes. You didn’t register anything else as you slapped your hands down against the sink, instantly peeling over and spilling your guts.

And only when you were done, did you realize where you were, what you had done, and who was staring at you in the mirror.

In silence, you wiped your mouth on your hand, realizing you’d have to take a shower after this anyway, all the while, your eyes remained locked on the person staring back at you in the mirror. Regret and horror filled you, because none other than Felix was standing behind you, chest bare, but with pajama pants on and hair that was still slightly damp from the shower that he had most likely just taken moments before you barged into the bathroom unannounced, and vomited all over his night routine.

Felix still stood in confusion, and perhaps concern, with a floss-pick hanging out of his mouth while he took in your appearance. And while he stared, you lowered your gaze, finding it too hard to maintain eye contact.

“What—” he began, but you quickly cut him off.

“Food got to me,” you muttered out, throwing your hands up with a quick laugh. “Hamburgers’re too rare for me, I guess.”

Felix remained silent, tonguing the inside of his cheek. “I’ll leave you to it then,” he murmured, eyeing you one last time before tossing the floss-pick in the bin and exiting the bathroom with his white tee clasped in his hand. And as he turned you watched him quickly tug the tee over his head, but not before something caught your eye.

“How did you—“ you found yourself saying before quickly holding your tongue. But it was too late, your words had already got to Felix.

He glanced over his shoulder, slowly turning to face you again. “Hmm?” he hummed, searching your eyes with that same consuming gaze.

You only shook your head. “Nothing.”

A beat of silence.

Felix didn’t move, as if still waiting for your question.

No question ever came.

You were sure a minute had passed before you cleared your throat and pointed to the shower. “I’m gonna . . . “

Felix blinked, his eyes widening. “Right,” he mumbled, clearing his throat now. “Sorry.” And then he was gone, closing the bathroom door behind him, and leaving you to your reflection in the mirror.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to face . . . well . . . yourself. Your steered clear of your reflection, your mind too dizzy to comprehend anything other than what you had seen . . . because as Felix had turned his back to you, you had caught sight of a large, deep scar starting from the tip of his shoulder and ending just above his waistline.

Perhaps you couldn’t remember much about him, but you were sure you’d remember something as drastic as that. It seemed dark too, not quite new but not old in the slightest.

And then you began to wonder . . . what had happened to him to cause a scar with such brutality . . . ?

On a dreary day of a random Tuesday, you were born to a room of only your mother and aunt. Your father had never made it, due to his new office job, and Erin was forced to wait outside of the room with your grandmother because she was only four at the time. And amid shock from her labor, your mother named her baby girl.

Rosebud was to be your name.

Your mother recalled her little girl coming out of her womb with a small port wine stain on the side of her neck. You were red like a rosebud, she used to tell you as a bedtime story when you were little. Rosebud was to be your name, and it had been.

The little girl was named Rosebud and everything was blissful behind the cages of your household. And all was actually well and right until Erin started jumping up and down at her little sister's bassinet, calling you by the name she’d chosen, not Rosebud. She'd cheer your name over and over again, refusing to call you anything else even when your parents scolded her.

But nothing ever stopped Erin. Back then, she could never be confined by her parents, even in the simplest of terms. To her, her little sister was not this Rosebud.

And eventually, after a few days of Erin refusing to call you anything else, your parents gave in. Their newborn was to be named by her older sister. Not Rosebud or anything else your mother had written down.

Luckily, the papers hadn't been signed or anything of that sort, so their little girl was to be named by none other than your very stubborn, now very stern, older sister.

(Your mother, as stubborn as she was, did get her way by gifting you with the middle name of her name. (You sometimes thought this was your mother's way of branding you, like naming you after her was her way of inserting herself into your soul. (If only she had known she’d forever be etched across your entire being just decades later.)))

Anyway . . .

There was the kicker: you didn't just come to be. Your sister had named you, and thus, a very long and very strenuous name for a very angry and odd girl was born (Sometimes nicknamed Rosebud).

In the past week you had been with the Bahngs, you wondered how little Rosebud ended up alone on the other side of the world. It had been on your mind ever since you arrived and saw how this family acted. It was as if you were witnessing a real family for the first time in your life.

When you were a kid, you’d sometimes see other families while sitting in the stands for your sister’s soccer, basketball, lacrosse (etc . . . ) games (as well as her student council lectures and her flute recitals . . . including that one time she joined the school play for Romeo and Juliet (she got Juliet . . . obviously)) . . . Whatever . . . you’d see how other families acted towards each other at these . . . electives. Some were like yours, but other . . . other had this genuine warmth that you just . . . you just couldn’t wrap your head around.

Those were the times you wondered if your family was normal. If mom and dad fighting every day was the same for everyone else. If sisters battling against each other to be the best . . . the most loved was . . . normal.

You’d learned later that it hadn’t been, but truly seeing it every day in and out like this . . . it was . . . well . . . you were sure there were pieces of your heart beginning to wither away further and further and . . .

The Bahngs (plus Felix, if you were being honest) were a family. A real one.

And there you were, always watching them like something out of place.

It made you wonder . . . had Rosebud been the beginning of an end for your family. Was the day you were born, the day the love in your house died?

Had you screamed too loud? Had you been too fussy of a baby?

Had you drained the love from them, sucking it all up because you were just so desperately greedy for it? Were you still?

. . . If overstayed your welcome; if by the end . . . would you end up draining the Bahngs, too . . . ?

“It’ll pass . . . “ the words suddenly echoed throughout your ears, and you almost thought it was your own mind tricking you into hearing things, but then you realized . . .

You realized where you were. You realized you werent seven or thirteen or even eighteen, still being your family’s shadow. No, now you were twenty-one, left in a strange country with no overbearing mother, no absent father, and no perfect sister. You were alone, yes, tucked into your bed in the Bahng household, but you weren’t entirely alone, because on the other side of the room laid someone you used to know; someone you couldn’t quite remember; someone who was now staring at the ceiling with you.

The lights were off save for your lamp which you had your hand resting on for probably a while now as your mind drifted somewhere . . . else. While . . . Felix endured the light, kind enough not to bother you until . . . now.

It’ll pass, he had said, and you knew what he meant.

When you first arrived to Southhaven, Chris had told you Felix was living with them because of what happened to his parents; because he had lost them a year ago. You never asked what had happened. You never planned to, but given that . . . and him being witness to you literally puking your guts right in front of him, you could guess he knew your mother was gone, too, and you weren’t exactly . . . handling it well.

It’ll pass, he’d said, but what did he mean? What would pass?

You could never get over this if that was what he meant. You weren’t strong like that. Your sister was. She could handle this . . . but you . . . nothing was every temporary with you. Once you’d experienced something, once you’d had something; once you felt it . . . it all stayed with you. Even your first heartbreak . . . you didn’t have to still be in love with him to remember what it had done to you; what it had made you become. The thing was: there was no without with you; everything stayed and you were always changed, never the same again.

“Let me guess . . . “ Felix began again once he realized you weren’t going to respond, or rather . . . couldn’t respond.

You swallowed hard, awaiting.

“They asked if you were OK?” he asked, his voice a little softer now.

Your brows twitched. “Yes.”

And you could have sworn you heard him sigh across the room as if . . . as if the question bothered him, too. And then: “Fuckin’ hate when they do that . . . Threw up the first time, too,” he murmured. “You’re not alone.”

Oh . . .

You hadn’t expected that. You knew he must have felt what you were feeling once, too. Maybe he still did, but . . . It’ll pass, he’d said, but no! No! Losing your parents . . . It was like losing everything you had ever known, including yourself.

You’d been so rude to him, too when you knew how this felt. You knew how immobilizing it was. You knew what it did to a person, and you had still said those things.

And yet . . . there he was . . . comforting you . . .

Only then did you turn to face him, finding that he was still staring at the ceiling. “Felix?”

He turned, eyes meeting yours. “Mmm?”

Wetting your lips, your eyes searched his. “Thank you.”

Felix smiled. It was small . . . lacking, but . . . there. “Room full of orphans,” he nearly whispered, the smile still there. “Gotta’ stick together, right?”

And then . . . you began to smile, too. It was small . . . lacking, but . . . there, just like his. It was enough. It was all you had. Perhaps it was all he had, too.

The lights were out a second later, leaving the two of you in the dark silence. You knew you wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon, and you wondered if he was the same.

There was a period after your mother’s death when you couldn’t sleep.

It started with just a few less hours of sleep where you’d just stare at the ceiling, listening to your old clock tick seconds, minutes, hours by while you just laid in silence. You’d never known it could be so loud—the silence—until she was gone.

That should’ve been comforting, right? How even in the silence no one is ever truly alone, but it always managed to make you feel . . . worse . . . small. It made the world seem so much greater than you or your family or anything you had ever cared about. It made her death seem like just another number to add to the end of year tally.

It made everything seem meaningless.

So you laid awake . . . and listened . . .

Eventually, you’d let yourself blink just for a second of nothingness, and then you’d roll over, letting sleep take you. Until it was two weeks after your mother’s burial, and you began to realize it had been two days since you’d slept.

Two days of continued nothingness; of being in that house without your mother; of breathing when she no longer could.

You supposed that was when it started—when you began to hear her voice in the wind; when you convinced yourself that you were seeing her out of the corner of your eye; when you started wondering if maybe just maybe there was a chance you’d see her again in some form or another.

When you finally did sleep that following night by some miracle, you dreamt of her. You dreamt of her at the kitchen table with a plate stacked full of all the foods she loved. You dreamt of her warm smile. You dreamt of her gentle hand brushing the tangles out of your hair. You dreamt of her . . . and when you awoke, your eyes were sore and your cheeks were damp.

You supposed you should’ve talked to someone. Your sister, perhaps, but . . . your family was never one for . . . talking. (She wouldn’t know what to say anyway. Erin was perfect, yes, but she had no bedside manner.)

So the sleepless nights went on.

And when the semester started up again, two nights of no sleep turned into three, then four, until you stopped taking note of what nights you slept and what nights you didn’t.

You tried to ignore the depersonalization. You tried to ignore how you clung to your mother’s clothes, wearing them to class and even when you slept. You tried to ignore the need to be called by your middle name . . . her name. You tried to make it seem normal . . . but . . .

Then the hallucinations started.

At first it was in your bathroom mirror . . . then more whispers in the wind which turned to straight up conversations you thought you were having with her. And then . . . then you started to see glimpses of her on campus. In the beginning, it was people you didn’t know—people you’d just pass by while walking to class . . . but as the days and the nights became longer, you’d see her in your roommates, your friends . . . Jisung . . . even Hyunjin.

And you weren’t proud, you weren’t even sure if it even happened, but you’d been in the library one day, and you’d seen . . . her, and you just couldn’t take it anymore.

. . . Apparently, you’d attacked someone in the library, screaming at them to tell you what they wanted from you. (You didn’t find this out until you woke up in Hyunjin’s bed the next morning and he’d explained the entire thing . . . not leaving out the fact that you’d passed out immediately after, but maybe that had just been in your imagination, too? Right? Because you really couldn’t have done that to someone? Right . . . ? . . . )

Between the attack and your failing grades, the news reached your father in no time. You’d take fault for the grades. You’d own that . . . but the attack; the sleepless nights . . . you didn’t want to know you were capable of that. (But the sleeping pills that were forced down your throat every night after the attack were proof enough that something wasn’t . . . right.)

You knew what this meant. You knew what that made you, and you didn’t know how to accept that. (You supposed you didn’t know how to accept most things.)

Sleeping was easier now, albeit, the dreams you had were just as excruciating as those days you’d hallucinate seeing her on the street . . . but at least you knew what was reality and what was not. (There had to be an upside in that. There had to be.)

It had been a month since then. The end of December now. In Southhaven where your winter was their summer and the weather was gentle, not the harsh rain and snow you were used to.

Now you could sleep, and dream of her, yes, but you’d wake up every morning and she wouldn’t be in your mirror. Now you woke, turned to the side, and glanced at a boy who seemed to be holding onto just as much as you were, and you’d be a liar if you said that didn’t interest you.

Because you wanted to know; you wanted to know if losing yourself this much after losing someone was . . . normal. Because truly, either everyone felt this way even just a little bit, or you were completely and utterly alone . . . and you were sure that would be the thing to kill you.

But there was no way you could admit this; there was no way you could ask him what he meant by his little ‘It’ll pass’; there was no way you could ask him when it would pass. So, for the time being, you watched him in silence as you had watched everyone growing up.

This was normal for you anyway. When you were a kid, drifting through middle school and high school alone, you used to watch the people around you. You used to watch how they acted around each other; how their social media posts matched . . . how their smiles matched in them, too. You used to yearn for that—to be liked like that; to have people like that; people that wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with you.

It didn’t help that your sister always had someone over, whether it was friends to boyfriends. You used to watch her, too. You’d sit in the armchair while she chatted with her friend on the phone, lying horizontally on the couch. You’d hang around in the kitchen when she’d have her friends over for pool parties, sleepovers . . . whatever . . . and she’d always shoo you off, but you wouldn’t go far. No, you’d wait on the staircase, tucked behind the railing as you listened to them laugh.

And when you’d finally asked Erin if you could join them next time . . . she declined. We are sisters, not friends. Get your own friends, and stop scaring mine away, she’d said, and you understood.

You never did end up finding any friends, of course (well, at least not until university but . . . you know . . . ); instead, you figured out how to make yourself invisible. And so . . . a shadow you became, learning how to communicate with other people through conversations that weren’t your own.

You learned how to read people; how to tell them what they wanted; how to know what to do when no one else did. (You supposed it all went to shit when your mother died and you realized you could watch people and watch people but you’d never be able to figure yourself out; you’d never be able to help yourself.)

Whatever . . .

The point was: learning about people from afar had always been familiar to you, and when it came to Felix, you decided it was better to watch him in silence than speak with him. He was just that type of person, you had gathered.

Now, you knew how it sounded, but people watching wasn’t like flat-out stalking (Ok . . . you could admit it wasn’t exactly the sanest thing to do but . . . whatever.). Listen, listen, you just so happened to end up waking up when Grace would call you, letting her drag you wherever she wanted because maybe she had grown on you a little over the past few weeks. And most of the time, Grace would take you down to the beach where her brother and his friends apparently liked to surf (well, where everyone in this town preferred to surf) and sometimes Felix would join.

So, were you keeping a close eye on him, curious about everything that he was and who he had been to you in the past? . . . Yes.

And the days he wouldn’t show, you wondered where he’d go. No one ever mentioned it. He never said a word about it, and you were left wondering.

Maybe he was off to that sandy beach just below the Bahng residence. You just didn’t know . . . and that bothered you more than you wanted it to.

And those days that he didn’t show, you’d taken to drawing in your sketchbook. God, fine, you’d taken to drawing him. But, but, listen, the only reason you were was because of what you had seen your first week in this godforsaken place—his scar.

Perhaps that was what had entranced you. Or maybe it was the past you knew which included him but couldn’t quite figure out the rest of the pieces. Or maybe . . . maybe it was him who intrigued you.

Fine . . . like Hyunjin had said on the phone last night . . . maybe you had a small crush on him. Like . . . maybe . . .

You couldn’t help it. He was just so . . . so . . .

. . . you didn’t even know.

Whatever . . .

Anyway . . . today was different. Grace woke you up early, yes, but when you finally stepped outside twenty minutes later, you found the entire Bahng family dressed and ready to go. Irene was busy trying to shove all the beach bags and surfboard and towels and sunblock into the trunk of her minivan, while Monty was already dabbing Grace’s face with sunblock and Chris . . . well . . . he was in the front seat, waiting for everyone to hop in so he could drive.

And you, you stood stuck in the doorway, watching this family be . . . a family while you . . . you had . . . no one. You could have sworn you heard your heart break a third time in your life, but before the floodgates could open, a hand had clasped your shoulder. You turned, in shock, and there he was—Felix.

With a squeeze of your shoulder and a small smile, he nodded toward the minivan, gesturing for you to follow him. And with that, you, and Felix, who was seated behind you in the very last row, climbed into the car. He sat there alone, too, and you couldn’t help but watch him out of the rearview mirror the entire trip, wondering why he had taken the back seat and not you.

That . . . that was about an hour ago. Now . . . now you were the one sitting alone on your beach towel, sketchbook in hand and a pencil in the other as you drew the scene in front of you. While you drew, you desperately tried not to throw your pencil down and flip to the page where you had drawn Felix’s scar.

A call of your name tore you from your sketchbook as you glanced up finding Grace just a few feet from you, holding up a rather large seashell and waving it around to show you. You couldn’t help but smile at her. A real smile, too. Wide and toothy and just like your mother used to get out of you.

Because you couldn’t help it; not when you looked at Grace a little too long and found that she was only a fourteen-year-old kid and reminded you a little too much of who you used to be at that age.

So you smiled, and she grinned back wider before going back to shell searching. And you . . . you watched with that small smile on your face before your eyes slowly flicked back down to your sketchbook and you began to draw the scene before your eyes once again.

Only this time, as you were about to shade, another voice drew you from your mind. Only this time, the voice was much deeper and coming toward you. Only this time, it was Felix calling your name. Only this time, you quickly slammed your sketchbook shut before he could catch sight of what you had been drawing. Only this time, you looked up in horror, trying to act normal but completely failing as you made eye contact with . . . him.

It seemed Felix had caught onto this, too, but instead of mentioning it, he only bit back a grin. And you swallowed hard, shifting slightly as you realized he was going to sit beside you on the towel.

His hair, blonde with dark roots, was wet, and he was wearing a rash guard this time, unlike the first time you saw him. But he still looked . . . good. You could admit that, because well, he just had this . . . way . . . about him . . . but . . . whatever . . .

As he sat down beside you and released a gruff sigh, a few water droplets flicked onto your own bare arms, catching your attention immediately. You blinked at it, unmoving.

A beat of silence.

Then:

“Gracie seems smitten with you,” he mumbled your way.

Your eyes finally snapped from the water droplets sliding down your arm to your lap where your sketchbook lay. “I guess,” you muttered back, fingers playing with the edges of the sketchbook.

“Chris won’t say it. He’s too fixed on you being, like . . . different or whatever . . . but . . . just . . . thank you for being kind to her. I know she comes on strong, but that’s—“ he waved his hand in the air, exhaling sharply— “The kids around here are . . . “ he swallowed audibly that time, and sighed once more before continuing, “awful, so . . . keep up the good . . . work?”

And that time, as his words left his lips, you could have sworn you saw him grimace at what he’d said. And that . . . that got a small, barely audible, barely even noticeable, laugh out of you.

But when he glanced up to meet your gaze, unsure of if he’d heard you correctly, you quickly covered up your amusement, wiping the grin off your face. Instead, when his eyes met yours, you only nodded in response, giving him a small, tight smile.

Felix, however, had caught your little laugh. You knew he did, and he knew you knew. So it was a no-brainer when one side of his mouth tipped into a half-grin as he shook his head. “You don’t say much, do you?” he mused, scooting a little closer, but not close enough for it to seem deliberate.

Wetting your lips, you mumbled, “Not much to say.”

Felix nodded, leaning away from you once again, and you thought you’d lost his attention, but then: “Do you like the ocean?”

You blinked. Why was he so interested? Had he found out about your drawings? Was he taunting you? No, no, that . . . that was stupid. But—No.

You quickly shook your head, then released a sigh. “Um . . . I guess,” you said, nearly under your breath as you shrugged. “I haven’t been this much since I was a kid.”

“Is it weird being back then?”

“I don’t know.”

Felix narrowed his eyes, not in a menacing way or anything like that but almost as if he were considering your response. But he didn’t dwell long as he switched the conversation. “What’s it that you’re drawing anyway?” he abruptly asked, gently tapping your sketchbook.

You blinked . . . again. Shocked . . . again. “Nothing,” you quickly tried to cough out, “just . . . nothing important. It’s shit.”

His brows twitched, his head tilting to the side as he took you in. “Nah, you’re just—“ he cut himself off, shaking his head, but his eyes never left you. He continued on searching your face as he spoke. “We’re our own worst critics, you know?”

You glanced at his nose, then his cheeks, and finally at a freckle that oddly seemed to resemble a heart before you decided that yes, you would like to draw this next—him like . . . this. “Just a realist,” you hummed out, still completely in your own mind as your eyes danced over his features.

“OK, maybe you are,” Felix said with a shrug. And then he was leaning in again, chin in the palm of his hand. “Draw me then. It’s my face. I know it well. If it looks like me, you pass. If not, you gotta hand over the pencil.”

Oh . . .

You swallowed your words.

If only he knew . . .

But instead the words that spilled from your lips were: “And if I don’t want to draw you?”

Felix shrugged, unbothered. “Then . . . draw yourself for me.”

Your brows raised. “And if I don’t want to do that either?”

Another beat of silence.

Then, Felix laughed through his nose. He was staring at you again, kind eyes and a small smile on his lips. “Alright then . . . What do you love, sad eyes? Hmm?” he asked, his voice low.

What do you love?

You didn’t know anymore.

But you had loved something once. You knew you had.

Sunsets. The smell of sunscreen. Sand under your fingertips. Sea water on the tip of your tongue. Cherry Cherry saltwater taffy. And a hand in yours.

“Got it?” Felix asked again, tearing you from a past you couldn’t even remember. “OK . . . now draw that.”

Sunsets. A hand in yours.

You sighed, your next words shocking even you, “What if it’s something . . . intangible?”

“Then how can you draw it wrong?”

How can you draw it wrong? he’d asked you, but you couldn’t respond, because you didn’t know. You didn’t even know what the memories meant. How could you even begin to draw them?

And just as you were about to write him off again, the sound of Grace’s soft laughter echoed throughout your ears. Without any forethought, your head snapped in the other direction, eyes quickly finding her . . . and . . . Chris and . . . Monty . . . even Irene.

It seemed that Monty and Chris had snuck up on Grace, grabbing her before she could realize it, then taking off into the ocean, their laughter in the air. All the while . . . Irene stood where the water met the land, a wide smile on her face as she softly chuckled at their antics.

And you realized something else then. That is what you would’ve drawn. That is what you loved.

Your family had never been a good one, but it was yours. Even your father hadn’t been so bad when you were younger and unaware. You still felt loved by him when you didn’t know the world. And back then, when you thought their fighting was normal, you still came together at the end of the night and watched movies as a family.

That was the last time you remembered being truly . . . happy, and you couldn’t quite place when that all stopped . . .

You thought you’d miss it forever. And you knew that . . . that was what you loved most in the world—a family that didn’t exist anymore . . . perhaps a family that never did.

And yet here were the Bahngs, and they had what you wanted most in the world. They had it effortlessly, too.

Fuck. You swallowed the quickly forming lump in your throat, realizing a little too late that your body and your mind were too many steps apart. Your hands had begun to shake, and before you knew it, that queasy feeling in your stomach was back. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You needed to get out of there.

That was your motive. You quickly stood to your feet, sketchbook still in hand as you tried everything not to look Felix in the eyes. “Sorry, um . . . “ you stammered out. “I have to go. I have to—bathroom.”

And then you were gone, stalking off toward the minivan in hopes it was, by some chance, unlocked. You just needed a minute alone. You just needed to be alone like you always had been.

Alone, you repeated in your head as you finally made it to the minivan, your breathing uneven and shaky. Alone, you begged as you grabbed onto the door handle, pulling repeatedly. Alone, you all but cried as you realized there was no way the door was going to magically unlock just for you. Alone, you knew as you fell against the car, silently crying into the crook of your arm.

It could have been hours that you were standing there, silently mourning a family you could’ve had and a mother you never would. It could have also been seconds, but you did know that you wished you were back home with Hyunjin and Jisung and New York with its cold weather and noisy traffic. At least then you wouldn’t be reminded of the family you didn’t have.

And once you had finally calmed your breathing, you glanced up at the sun, your eyes swollen from crying, and sighed. Is this what your life was now? Is—

The clearing of a throat tore you from your mind, but you didn’t jump. You already knew who it was. You could tell by just the sound of his voice.

“You don’t have to stay, Felix,” you sighed as you remained facing the sun, not wanting him to see you like . . . this. You just wanted to be alone like you had always been. You just wanted him to leave, but then . . . you refused to tell him this. You refuse to tell him to leave, and perhaps . . . perhaps you wanted him to stay or perhaps you were truly going crazy again.

“There’s no bathroom here,” Felix mumbled after a minute, his voice lacking as he ignored your previous words.

Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you nodded. “Yeah . . . “

With that, Felix stayed silent, just watching you as you wished for the ground to swallow you whole. But it didn’t and you stayed put, realizing this someone you used to know was seeing you at your very worst—tears, snot, and all.

And with a heavy sigh, you let it happen. You let everything fall away just for a second as you sunk to the ground, eyes closed as you leaned with your back up against the minivan.

But what did surprise you was the fact that a few seconds later, you heard Felix step toward you, and then . . . then he was sitting down right beside you.

You didn’t dare look at him. You weren’t even sure if you could. Instead, your eyes fluttered open, small tears rolling down your cheeks as you quickly brushed them away, keeping your gaze trained on the sandy parking lot.

Felix didn’t speak either, and you quickly realized he was waiting for you to say something first. He was waiting for you to do it yourself when you were ready.

And when you finally were ready, you clutched your sketchbook closer to your chest, before you spoke. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry by the way,” you found yourself saying before you could come up with a different response. “For that day; the first day we met. It’s not right . . . but sometimes I just say things. I don’t know why. I never mean it.”

You knew it was almost a month too late. You knew he probably didn’t give a shit now, but you had a habit of clinging onto things, and well, it had never left your mind.

So the words you said, you meant, and you hoped he knew that. You hoped he could feel it in your voice.

And when he didn’t respond, you glanced up, brows pinched upward, only to find he was already looking at you. But only when your eyes met his, did he smile, and you realized he had still been waiting for you.

That was when he spoke—when he had your eyes on him. “And I told you, it’s alright,” he hummed, his voice deep yet . . . soft. “There’s the American way, then there’s the better way . . . Australian. So this . . . this is my way of showing you a little bit of Australian hospitality. Water under the bridge, yeah?”

But you didn’t respond. You didn’t even nod. You couldn’t. How could he be so . . . so . . . kind?

No one had ever been so . . .

No one had ever . . .

No one . . .

Felix seemed to catch onto this with just another glance at your face. “Look . . . “ he began, his features contorting into questioning, “if you need it to be forgiven, it’s already done. It’s—”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” you couldn’t help but ask, cutting him off for the first time. “It doesn’t make any sense. You don’t even know me.”

A deafening beat of silence.

Beat.

Was that your heart or his?

Beat.

Then, a sigh from Felix. His brows twitched, his eyes squeezing shut and he tongued his inner cheek. “There are certain things no one should have to go through alone,” he slowly began, his words slow yet still so . . . so soft. His eyes fluttered open a second later, and you saw his words before he spoke them. “Losing your mother is one of them.”

Your body became limp at his words, your sketchbook falling to your lap, but your hands stayed locked firmly around it. Felix noticed this, his eyes flicking down to where the black sketchbook lay. He pursed his lips, then nodded, and you waited, knowing he knew.

“You draw dead things . . . “ Felix mumbled a second later, his eyes still trained on the sketchbook in your lap.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you knew there was no running from him now, because he knew. He knew.

Grief made people do tricky, sick things, and you knew this well. It had turned you into another person, and in your downfall, you’d taken to a new . . . hobby—drawing dead things.

You didn’t quite know why, you just knew that when you’d stumble across those poor pigeons hit by cars or those squirrels and moles and mice that cats liked to leave on your doorstep, you always took pictures of them, later drawing them in your sketchbook.

It was the only thing that managed to make you feel better, because there it was—death.

Death had taken your mother, and it would surely take you, too, but if you drew it maybe you could have something over it. Maybe . . . maybe if you made death into art then . . . then you wouldn’t cry every time you heard your mother’s voice in the whispers of the wind.

And at the beach, you’d heard your mother’s voice, you’d felt the wind, and then you’d seen the poor fallen seagull as the current carried its lifeless body to and fro. You couldn’t stop yourself from sketching it while everyone else was busy in the water. But Felix had caught a glimpse of it when he approached you on the beach. Now, you knew he had.

Your sick little secret was no more. Felix . . . had been the only one to uncover it.

That you couldn’t run from.

So, instead, with a heavy sigh, you released your tight grip on the sketchbook, and whispered, “Yes.”

With the release of your words, you couldn’t help it, you grimaced in preparation, wondering when he’d leave you, too. Because he would. That was just how things went.

But . . . it wasn’t disgust which he met you with. No, instead . . . instead, he shifted in his spot and then you saw it—his hand was now resting on his knee, palm up with his fingers spread, and you finally realized what he was offering you.

You glanced at his hand, fully now, and swallowed hard. He was holding out his hand for you to grasp.

But you stayed frozen, unmoving, unsure.

Until . . .

“You don’t have to . . . but . . . “ Felix began, his deep voice a little hoarse now. “When I was a kid, I had problems falling asleep. Nightmares, you know . . . kept me up half the night. And my mom . . . she’d stay up with me trying everything. Glass of warm milk, counting sheep, whatever. Most of the time we’d just stay up watching TV until I eventually knocked out. But there were times when nothing would work . . . so eventually she’d put me to bed and say that she’d be there the entire night, holding my hand, so even if I had a nightmare, it’d be OK . . . and . . . every time . . . I’d wake up and my hand would still be in hers.”

Finally, his eyes met yours.

Your brows twitched, eyes searching.

“I was able to sleep after that,” he mumbled once more, offering up a small smile. It was lacking but it was there, and it meant something. It meant something. “No more nightmares. I guess I felt . . . safe.”

A beat of silence.

Or maybe it had been your heart pounding in your chest.

Beat.

Then . . . you shakily placed your hand in his. Warmth at your fingertips. Sunsets. Cherry Cherry saltwater taffy. A hand in yours.

With a complacent sigh, you let the incomplete memory in as you slowly threaded your fingers through his, securing your hand tightly in his.

Sunsets. A hand in yours. His hand in yours. His hand.

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secretsecretbunny · 3 months

Text

Just friends: stray kids smau.

Part 1.5: The Rumor.

paring: lee minho x f!reader - roommate!skz

genre: fluff, angst, roommates au.

warnings for this chapter: angst, cussing, alcohol mention, assault mention, sex mention, fighting.

Notes: ⚠️THIS IS A FLASHBACK CHAPTER. PLEASE READ THE CHARACTER INTRO AND PART ONE FOR THIS TO MAKE SENSE. ⚠️

College. The origins of your friend group date back to your high school days, when you, Chan, and Changbin first bonded over your shared love of music and movies. From then on, the three of you were practically inseparable, supporting each other every step of the way.

Come freshman year of college, Chan and Bin befriended Minho, someone they met in class, but your friendship with Minho began later on that same semester when you were assigned that fated project together. After you and Minho got over your distaste for each other, your friend group became four, constantly together and causing trouble, much to Chan's dismay. It stayed that way until the start of sophomore year when Chan started inviting his cousin Felix to join in on your hangouts, and then Felix invited Jisung and Hyunjin, and finally Hyunjin started bringing Seungmin and Jeongin around. Eventually, you were a close knit group of nine wild idiots.

You had always been a platonically touchy person, craving physical contact and intimacy in all your friendships. Whether it was holding hands, cuddling, or simply sitting close together, you found comfort in the nearness of your friends. As a result, your circle embraced this trait and soon enough, it became the norm to see you all piled up in a cozy corner, phones out, scrolling mindlessly or studying together.

Halfway through sophomore year came the rumor. It had started at a party, most of your group was drunk save for Innie and Seungmin who were merely tipsy. In the midst of the lively party at the frat house, you discovered a secluded nook, packed with an assortment of soft bean bag chairs and pillows, which became the perfect setting for your drunken cuddle puddle.

You were sitting between Chan's legs, your back leaning against his chest while he stroked your hair. Jisung was sat the same way between your legs as your hand rubbed his arm while you scrolled through TikTok with the other one. Felix lay on both of yours and Chan's thighs, Minho rested a shoulder on Chan's left side and Jeongin did so likewise to his right. The remaining members laid across each other nearby. You were all touching in some way or another just vibing, chatting, and giggling.

After a while you started noticing people looking your way, whispering, laughing, and staring, but in your drunken state, you didn't think anything of it. Suddenly Chan sat up straight, lurching you forward a bit. "We need to go." He said sternly, looking at his phone, eyes wide, anger and concern written on his face. "What? Why?" you asked, clearly confused. Minho looked at Chan's phone over his shoulder, his face taking on the same expression. "What the fuck..." he whispered. "What?" you asked again. "It's nothing. Let's just get out of here, okay?" Chan reiterated. "What's going on, let me see!" you giggled, reaching for Chan's phone, he pulled it out of your reach. "It's not important." he lied. You pouted "come onnnnn, Channie." you whined. "y/n..." After struggling to get hold of his phone for a moment, you eventually succeeded but were taken aback by the unexpected image on the screen, making your face drop.

On his phone sat a photo posted on the school's official Facebook page. A photo of the nine of you, mere moments ago, with the word 'whore' scribbled sloppily across your face, and 'simp' scribbled on each of theirs. The caption read "I bet they pass her around like a joint". As you scanned the comments, reading each one, you noticed a common theme..

- "Ew. I bet those boys are infected with something now 🤢"

- "She's probably looser than a child's tooth lmfao"

- "bet she's had more turns than a door knob."

- "I heard she sleeps with professors too 😬"

- "wonder if she gets paid for it, I heard the two pretty boys are rich."

- "how many of them do you think she's taken at once? 😏"

- "at least she's hot, you think they'd share her with me?"

When you finally stopped reading the comments, all eight of the boys were looking at the phone with you, their faces reflecting a deep sense of horror and disbelief. Your eyes burned with tears as your face heated up with embarrassment, your heart racing and your mind filled with thoughts of shame and self-consciousness. Chan took his phone back and stood up, pulling you up with him. The boys followed suit, trailing behind you as Chan lead you out the door by your arm, guiding you through the crowded frat house with a firm grip. None of you even bothered grabbing your jackets from the corridor, the cold air outside nipping at your skin. It seemed nearly everyone there had gotten the notification about the post. They all stared and whispered as you made your way out of the party.

Your group's steadfast pace didn't stop until you were off campus, Felix mentioning that his family had a property that they could go to instead of heading back to their respective dorms. The boys came to a decision that you would all take the bus there, the next one arriving in somewhere around 30 minutes from then. You hadn't said a word since leaving the frat house, your eyes glued to the ground, unable to make eye contact with any of them. Changbin had given you his hoodie to keep you warm as you all waited for the bus.

"Who the fuck posted that?!" Changbin finally snapped, breaking the silence.

"I don't know but I'm going to kick their ass." Seungmin chimed in.

"No one's kicking anyone's ass.." Chan growled.

Minho scoffed. "Speak for yourself, Chris."

The four of them began bickering before Jisung finally spoke up "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE UPSETTING HER!!" he shouted at them. They went silent, looking at you with concern. Tears were streaming down your face as Jeongin rubbed your back gently and Jisung squatted in front of where you sat on the bench, holding your hands firmly. Hyunjin and Felix stood off to the side, scrolling through the comments on the post, attempting damage control by responding to negative remarks.

"It's gonna be okay, bug. I promise." Jisung whispered, rubbing the tops of your hands with his thumbs.

Jeongin stroked circles on your back. "Try not to let it get to you, noona."

The bus ride to the house was silent except for Felix and Hyunjin whispering quietly to each other while still engrossed in their phones. Minho sat next to you, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, holding you close as the dark scenery outside passed by in a blur.

The bus dropped you all off at the bus stop nearest to the house, but you still had to walk about 10 minutes to get there. Once you arrived, Felix punched in the code and ushered everyone inside. The interior was chilly as no one currently lived there full time, so the heating system didn't need to be on. Felix clicked it on and turned on the lights. "My parents were just here a couple of weeks ago when they came to visit, so there's probably still snacks and drinks if you guys want anything." He said, leading everyone to the living room.

You didn't speak again until a couple of hours had passed, everyone submerged in their phones, most likely still doing damage control. You broke the silence. "I'm so sorry.." you whispered, though in the thick silence, it was deafening. As you sat there, your eyes refused to leave the torn fabric of your jeans, as if searching for an answer that only they could provide. Your knees were pulled to your chest as if trying to shield yourself.

Hyunjin spoke for the first time in what seemed like hours "What? Why are you sorry?" he asked, sounding almost offended. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I- I should have known how it would look to everyone.. I'm always hanging all over you guys.." your eyes started started tearing up again. "how many relationships have I ruined for you guys? ...you never date.. is it because people see me all over you? How long have people been assuming this? Was this even the first post? What if they-" you were rambling when Felix stopped you "Hey hey hey, we all hang all over each other, bubs. It's not just you and you shouldn't be putting blame on yourself like that." Seungmin nodded in agreement "Those fuckasses don't even know what they're talking about, all they have is sex on the brain, obviously it's clouding their common fucking sense." he spat out, arms crossed over his chest. "Plus anyone who thinks physical affection is only sexual surely doesn't have a fully developed brain." Jeongin chimed in. Your hands were shaking, something that didn't go unnoticed by Minho. "Take a deep breath, princess." he said softly, taking your hands "this is gonna pass, everyone will forget about this soon enough."

But it didn't pass, and no one forgot. When you all went back to your classes on Monday, the whispers and stares were seemingly worse. Word had spread like wildfire and it felt like everyone knew about the rumor, even the professors and staff. It continued like that for weeks before things gradually got worse.

Guys would not leave you alone, all of them thinking you were easy and that they had a chance. They would get in your space, whistle at you, even straight up ask you for sexual favors. You even had to stop wearing skirts because guys would flip it up when they'd walk by you. Their behavior eventually caused your friends to get into fights. First it was Changbin, landing a punch to a guy who had grabbed your ass, successfully breaking the guy's nose. Then it was Seungmin, full on kicking a guy to the ground who dared to lift your dress to check the color of your panties. Jisung and Minho followed, teaming up on a few guys who had you cornered against a wall in the back of the library. Even sunshine boy Felix found himself in a fight or two. They all repeatedly got in trouble for violence while those creeps got away scot-free.

Eventually you started skipping your classes and began avoiding your friends. You even stopped staying at the big house and held yourself captive in your tiny dorm room, ignoring their calls and texts. Tensions ran high between the boys, they were always arguing and fighting, their group was completely falling apart and they hadn't seen you in almost two weeks.

Finally, after weeks of being ignored by you, who had suddenly become distant and unresponsive, Chan and Minho decided that they have had enough. Chan organized a group meeting in order to confront the issue head-on. Since you were still ignoring everyone's texts and calls at this point, Minho took matters into his own hands by physically going over to your dorm and practically breaking in just so he could retrieve you. "You can't just fucking ignore us like this, y/n! Do you know how worried we were?!" he said, his voice raised. You said nothing. "Chan wants to talk to everyone. We're going. Now." He stated, almost a demand. He threw some decent clothes at you for you to change into before basically dragging you off campus, and getting you an uber to the house.

When Minho got you into the house, he lead you to the living room where everyone sat, quietly bickering. "Got her." Minho stated as you both entered the living room. Everyone went quiet, looking at you. "Jesus, bug, you look like you haven't slept in weeks!" Jisung said as he got up, pulling you into a hug.

Seungmin broke the silence that followed. "So, what, why the hell are we here acting like we're having some sort of twisted intervention?"

Chan sighed, clearly frustrated. "I'm tired of this tearing us apart. This needs to stop. We're constantly fighting with each other and other students. Hell, Seungmin and Minho are one fight away from expulsion for fucks sake!!" he yelled.

Seungmin raised his voice back "yeah well y/n is just avoiding the fucking situation while we all fight for her ass!"

Okay, that one pissed you off. "Who the fuck asked you to fight for me?! Did you even stop to think for one god damn moment that I'm removing myself from the group to stop the fucking rumor!?!" you shouted. The room fell silent as everyone's eyes turned towards you, their faces etched with shock and disbelief. Never before had they heard you raise your voice, and rarely did you even show a hint of anger, especially not towards them. "Am I just supposed to continue like everything is normal?! Continue ruining your lives and reputations!? Having me around you only made shit worse!! Tell me, have you even gotten into fights with other students since I disappeared?!" You screamed. More silence followed. "Yeah.. that's what I fucking thought.." you mumbled, voice cracking. "Having me around will only make shit worse.."

Felix broke the next bout of silence. "but we want you around, y/n. We need you around." Now his voice was cracking.

"Our group isn't the same without you, sweetheart" Chan followed up, his voice barely above a whisper. "You're our glue."

"I miss my smoke buddy.." Jisung added.

"I miss my noona" Jeongin followed up.

Hyunjin chimed in next "who's going to judge people and gossip with me if you're not around?"

"Yeah, and it's not like these guys will watch cheesy dramas and romcoms with me.." Changbin all but whined.

"I mean I GUESS I miss you or whatever.." Seungmin grumbled, turning his face away to hide the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"Well, I definitely really fucking miss you, princess." Minho whispered, wiping a fresh tear from your cheek.

You let out a shaky breath. "What do we do? If I'm around you things just get worse.. they'll never stop talking about it. They'll never leave us alone. There's a new post about us almost every week! They're not going to let it go and if I keep going to class I'm just going to keep getting assaulted and you guys are going to get expelled for fighting!" You cried. "I miss you guys so fucking much it hurts!" you were full on sobbing at this point. "But what are we supposed to do besides drift apart?" Your last question came out as a whisper.

There was that silence.. Jisung was the one to break it again. "I mean.. what if we just.. dropped out?" he suggested.

Everyone looked between each other. "Well, I mean.. I'm going to be honest, I'm not even planning on using my degree." Chan said. "I've already started producing music in my spare time, and I know Bin and Ji are into it too, I'll have no problem building us a platform with it."

Seungmin shrugged. "I'm already in the process of starting my own business, and people seem interested. Shouldn't be an issue for me either."

"To be honest classes have been stressful with having a job at Bean Artisan, I like coffee a lot more than school, I skip half of my classes anyway.." Jeongin said with a shrug.

Minho looked at you. "I've been offered a full time teaching position at In Motion Studios. I wasn't going to take it because of school but.. I'd like to."

"and Felix and I have money coming out of our asses, who needs college?" Hyunjin added, Felix nodded in agreement before adding "and my family really wouldn't mind giving us the house. They only ever used this place to visit me because I was staying at the dorms."

You looked at all of them, your lip quivering. "why... why would you all drop out because of me..? I'm not worth that.." you murmured.

They all spoke together in a cacophony of convictions, each one trying to drown out the others with their own certainty. The air was thick with the clashing of various 'of course you are's, 'don't say that's, and 'we want to's. You chuckled through tears as you heard Seungmin throw in a "who cares, fuck the system!"

"and we can take care of you, bubs!" Felix said "I won't even notice a shift in my account if I started spending on you"

You shook your head "No, no. If we do this, I'll find work. I.. think I know a girl who could get me into something that pays well.."

The steady rhythm of the clock's ticking filled the quiet space, emphasizing the pause in conversation.

"Sooooo, are we doing this?" Jisung questioned with a smile, looking to you for the answer.

The attention in the room shifted from each other to focus entirely upon you; every eye turned towards you like a compass needle pointing north - making this moment yours alone to decide what happens next. They waited patiently (and perhaps also anxiously) for your answer to set the conversation in motion once again.

You looked between them, your eyes jumping from one boy to another, finally landing on Minho's encouraging gaze, his pleading eyes and nod of approval filling you with the confidence to finally speak. "...fuck it. Let's do this." you decided.

With wide grins spreading across all their faces, Chan quickly rounded everyone up until they were enveloped within one massive embrace where you sat snuggly at its heart. "Don't you ever disappear on us like that again, sweetheart. You worried us to death." Chan cooed, his chin resting on your head as he stroked your hair.

"Yes, daaaad~" you teased.

As Chan rolled his eyes, his subtle smile gave way to the amusement he felt, prompting the boys to snicker.

After a few weeks of adjustment, things finally started feeling like they were back to normal again, albeit a new kind of normalcy that everyone had to get used to. With everyone now living under the same roof, you all began to grow closer and more tight-knit as time went on. More jokes were shared as well as quality time, and you didn't have to worry about anyone judging your group for being affectionate with each other. Everything just seemed to fall into place and you were content. Happy even.

The only stress you had was brought in the form of your newly acquired job. But that's a story for another time..

mlist || part two

a/n: hopefully this will hold you guys over until I finish part two!! Please please let me know how you liked this by liking, reblogging, or leaving me a comment/ask!!

I don't do taglists!