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verannaca · 4 years

Text

i have to let you go

Rating: T Pairing: Kristanna (more in next chapter and on) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13583022/1/i-have-to-let-you-go

Description: It had been almost a year since Anna had lost the last of her blood-family. She'd just began to accept that her sister was gone when she felt a calling in her soul. Elsa was calling to her, and it was time to find her. She needed to know what really happened. With Kristoff by her side and nightmares plaguing her brain, it was time for Anna to see Ahtohallan.

Notes: I too am very tired of anything/everything Anna-related being dedicated to her chasing Elsa in some way, but I needed to write this cuz I am in the bitter part of grieving the loss of the relationship with my own elder sister. You can read ahead on FFnet, or read as I post here, or not at all ???? ps - yes, this intro chapter was inspired by two v sad songs that played back to back in my playlist when i was sad, and if u can guess the songs, i’ll be impressed (but no cheating)

**This is not 100% canon to the events that took place in F2.

[Intro]

The night sky was colourless; not a star could be found. The moon was hidden behind the thick, dark clouds. It was cold and hollow, mirroring the feeling in her heart. I was just so desperate to project her.

It was too late now. Her love could hold up the world. But it could not bring life back from death. Yet another body lost, never to be recovered. Lost in cold depths. Lost to magic. For a history that she was told nothing about.

She was angry. Devastated. It mixed into an unspeakable feeling. The last thing we did was fight.

At least there was a hug. A manipulative hug… but it was all she had left. She tried desperately to remember that feeling. The warmth of bodies, but cold of magic. Feeling the breath against her ear. Squeezing herself against the body that she was so desperate to hold one last time.

That body is gone now. Empty and lifeless. Lost. We're both too young to live and die this way.

All she wanted to do was protect her. Protect her from herself. From the magic that she couldn't possibly understand. Anna knew death. She knew ice. She knew magic. She knew the slow, painful crawl of one final desperate attempt to do the last right thing before her body gave out. She could remember the feeling of ice shattering in her heart before it encaptured her frame. She knew the fear. The loss. And knew it better than anyone.

She didn't listen. And now she's gone.

You've gone to a place I cannot find.

Raindrops began to fall gently from the dark sky. She looked up with sorrow; tears staining her freckled cheeks. Her eyes were tired. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept soundly. The nightmares were overwhelming. She could hear the echoes of heels on ice, bouncing off the walls of the caves. She could hear echoing laughter. Peaceful, cheerful laughter. From her sister. The sister she failed to protect. The sister she stood no chance against. What am I gonna do?

She was getting married. Not for a long while, but she needed something to look forward to. The date was set for next year, though it was subject to change if things came up.

But how could a proposal fit into this grief?

It was an accident. She found the ring. She knew what it meant. He'd tried to play it off- it wasn't the time for romance. She needed a friend and she needed security. She'd lost absolutely everything else. She needed him more than ever.

That joy. That genuine gush of love and relief that she showed when she got confirmation that he wanted to marry her. He didn't have a choice then. It was happening. It was a new book set for release next summer. It gave them time to wrap up this chapter. To process, and move on. To acknowledge the loss, and appreciate their lives.

He'd worried about rushing. Pushing her into something she wasn't ready for. Taking advantage of her grief and desperation to be loved.

No. That wasn't him. And that wasn't her. They didn't use each other. They needed this. They needed each other.

Some nights were rougher than others. Sex could only heal so much. They never fought. They yelled at each other in a respectful way to release emotions, but there was never a conflict between them. Their home felt empty. It felt… cold. Not the comforting cold that they took for granted before.

It was impossible to process. Things were perfect, and then they were gone. In an instant, it seemed.

Tears healed the most. They spent many nights sobbing, comforting each other. He didn't have as much pain as she. His pain was for her. Yes, he too lost a friend. Two friends. Two family members. And it hurt. He couldn't think about how much it hurt. How angry he was. It didn't have to be like this.

She dreamed about fighting with her. She wanted so badly to scream about the pain she'd caused. She wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her. She wanted to sob and break down, falling into her arms. She wanted to hear "I'm sorry, Anna."

"You're okay."

"I've got you."

But she'd never hear that voice again. Ever.

She looked down at the engagement ring around her petite finger, and smiled softly. It warmed her heart knowing she was loved. She wasn't alone. Her blood was gone. Her home, her physical memories; washed away. Everything had to be rebuilt. But she had him. And she had herself. And that had to be enough. It had to be. She couldn't wrap her head around it. She couldn't process it. She knew she had to live with this, or die with it. There was no other option.

I have to let you go.

She thought about her wedding. Her honeymoon. Discovering she was with child. Giving birth. Raising a tiny human as her own. She dreaded the thought of not sharing these experiences with her best friend; her sister. But she knew she had to. And she was going to honour her in every way. She'd never forget. The people would never forget.

This grief will fade, but it will never go away. This pain will last forever. But she knew they would see each other again soon. Someday.

But I love you more and more than you will ever know.

#i put all this effort #into writing bios and disclaimers #as if anybody reads what i write #HAHAHA #OH WELL #it's fine #and kind of #theraputic???#in a way???#IT GETS BETTER #I'm writing chapter 11 rn #and it's gonna be fine #ahh #whatever #Kristanna #Frozen 2

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