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voskhozhdeniye · 3 years

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I haven't talked about the whole Dababy thing on here. I've written and deleted multiple posts, but haven't decided how I want to approach it. Do I want to tackle it from the Angela Davis "heterosexual black men and white women are the weak link to equally" quote angle? Do I want to tackle it from the I really do not fuck with most rappers and rap culture because it's built on misogyny, homophobia and capitalistic lust? How about a more personal approach?

I was 12 the first time I seriously considered suicide. I've wanted to kill myself for 20 years now. I truly do not care anymore, and haven't for a long time. My body has been breaking down since childhood, and I'm just waiting for it to give out on me. The day I die will be the happiest day of my life. Sad yes, but that's just the truth of the matter. I don't even know what I would consider to be the second happiest day of my life. This has not been a very pleasant life, and the avenues to escape have all dried up. I've been thinking about whether or not I want to continue my education. Where is it going to take me, am I wasting money, am I wasting time?

12 was the age all of my male friends really started to exhibit toxic masculinity traits. I tried to continue to fit in with my friends, but I just wasn't that person. While I spent the summer between 6th and 7th playing Pokemon, which I had to fight my ultra religious parents for, my friends started being interested in and terrorizing girls. Girls went from friends to bitches overnight. I lost all of my black male friends. I didn't tow the line. I was a lame nigga as the rappers like to say. I ended up losing all my friends in high school. That was more me being an antisocial neurodivergent than anything else. So my former friends became my bullies. They bullied me physically, they bullied me emotionally and they bullied me sexually. Parents are of course in the religious cult, and the Bible has the answer to every problem you might have. So there was no point in turning to them. My sister has two daughters close to my age, so they're really the only people I've ever been close to.

Do you know what it feels like to be abandoned?

Rap culture is not the totality of black culture, but damnit it encompasses a large portion of it. To be black and queer is to be the enemy of rap. Sure there are queer rappers, but like being a POC in America you're never fully American. White people never refer to themselves as European Americans, but we're African Americans, Asian Americans, Latino Americans and so on. Lil Nas X will never be fully accepted by his contemporaries. Any hint of queerness invalidates his blackness to them.

Does anyone remember 50 Cent trashing Young Buck because he was with a Trans woman?

Toxic and fragile masculinity is ingrained in rap culture.

The further I distance myself from it the better I feel, but the further I distance myself from it the more alienated I feel towards my people.

That link I always reblog about gay loneliness talks about how rejection from other gays always hurts more because those are the people you're supposed to build a community with. Well the same goes with race. There's an entire genre of music made by people who look like me, and a lot of the most well known names in it are vocally misogynistic and homophobic.

You don't belong here, and we don't want you.

This goes beyond rap of course, I've heard people who consider themselves advocating for social justice and black equality spew some of the same shit. Don't say Black Lives Matter, and then pick and choose which black lives. If we all aren't free, then no one is free.

But specifically about what Dababy said. I don't know if it's because of Covid, or if my parents have finally figured out I'm not straight, but now whenever I use the bathroom they go in behind me and bleach it hospital clean.

I guess they think they're going to somehow get HIV from their 32 year old child who has never even kissed another person.

My mother was listening to some cult video when I got home about dealing with homosexuals.

My eldest niece married her long time girlfriend back in October. My mother threw a fit when her wife asked to use our bathroom the day after their wedding.

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magichcuse · 3 years

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Bio

Full Name: Eridanus Rigel McPheron

Nicknames: Eri, Dan, Danny, Eri Dearie (Breanna)

Relationships:

Eri has a strained relationship with his mother, to put it lightly. Guinevere has high expectations for him, especially since her previous children have all gone on to make advancements in science.

It's clear to Eri that his father isn't exactly comfortable around Guinevere. Chadwick has no interest the woman, perhaps even just women in general. Despite their shared unease, Guinevere prevents Eri from having a strong bond with Chadwick.

Though Eri has a friendly relationship with Sigmund and sees him as another father figure, Sigmund's infatuation with Guinevere makes him feel uneasy. He understands why, but it makes it hard to trust him.

Eri doesn't get to see his siblings all too often, but he feels safe around them. They're able to sympathize more with him, just wanting to see him be his best self regardless of what that means.

Breanna changed Eri's life for the better. Meeting another hybrid with shared interests allowed him to feel much comfortable exploring himself. He's absolutely smitten with her, though he can't help but feel like she deserves better.

Although Eri was initially intimidated by Franklin, he eventually became a safe figure that Eri could go to. They can relate in a lot of ways, like feeling insecure and being non-magic users in a relationship with a magic user. Franklin encourages Eri to be his authentic self and is very protective of him.

Samson may not be his biological child, but that doesn't stop him from acting as a father to him anyway. Eri adores his infectious positivity and has fun whenever they spend time together.

Eri was overjoyed when Sláine was born, amazed to have had a part in making another person. However, he makes sure not to show favoritism because of biological ties. He's accepting of Sláine's differences and is sure to accommodate for them.

Likes:

History— Eri is genuinely interested in history and would excel in it if his mother didn't constantly devalue it. Fortunately, he's able to explore this interest more after he starts seeing Breanna.

Helping with Breanna's vintage clothing business— Sometimes he'll help out with errands or managing finances, but he usually does this through modeling her work and promoting it to other people.

Listening to documentaries/podcasts— Though Eri might give it his full attention sometimes, he usually listens to them in the background as he works on other things.

Dislikes:

Science— Although Eri wants to be supportive of his family, he can't help but resent science because of his own failure to meet his mother's expectations.

His mother— Her suffocating nature and unreasonable expectations makes it difficult for Eri to tolerate her or anyone who sympathizes with her.

Sports/Athletics— Eri doesn't have the strength or stamina to play a sport and he dreads going to gym class.

Hobbies:

Historical Reenactment— Eri likes to go to historical reenactments, usually wearing an outfit he proudly proclaims was made by his wife.

Thrifting— Finding worn out items and giving them a new home is something Eri enjoys. Sometimes he'll repair/revamp items if they're really beaten up, but he usually leaves it alone.

Book restoration— Similar to the previous hobby, Eri likes to breathe new life into a worn object. While he likes the look of worn out books, it important to preserve the information contained within them to ensure they aren't lost to time.

Fears:

Eridanus is intimidated by any sort of authority figure.

He's also afraid of slipping up and potentially losing everything.

The idea of living with his mother for the rest of his life makes him physically ill.

Five Positive Traits:

Detail oriented— Eri picks up on small details, which is helpful in many cases (ie. finding gifts, studying history, etc.)

Introspective— Eri spends a lot of time thinking about who he is as a person and how he can personally improve

Considerate— Knowing what it's like to have his boundaries violated, he's conscious about others' personal boundaries and wants to ensure they're comfortable.

Appreciative— Eri values the effort and care someone puts in something even if it isn't seen as valuable to other people.

Accepting— Being considered unusual himself, Eri is fond of people or things most people would find unusual or weird. He doesn't give up on someone just because they do something considered taboo.

Five Negative Traits:

Insecure— Lacking encouragement for most of his childhood, Eri naturally developed a lack of confidence. This can get in the way of him finding happiness sometimes. (ie. Hesitating to ask someone out because he doesn't feel "worthy".)

Unmotivated— When Eri was just starting to find his place in the world, he saw himself as useless and gave up on trying at all. He eventually grows past this, but it takes a lot of time.

Eridanus isn't able to focus on anything he isn't interested in. This feeds into the previous trait, back when he still didn't know what his purpose was.

Bad at reading emotions— Being socially isolated by his mother, emotional cues tend to slip past him.

Submissive— Though Eri improves on this as he gets older, he often sacrifices his own comfort for the sake of someone else because "My needs didn't matter before, why should they matter now?"

Picture:

#{behind the magic} | ooc #bios #long post

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