#just gotta get through this last month!

[cuz-reasons]

What if I exploded? What then?

#this has been my mood for like two weeks now #well actually the las couple months if were being honest #but esp these last couple weeks #im just tired and stressed and anxious as fuck #and now i got a 7pm 3hr exam tonight #AND work tmr cuz LITTERALY no one else was available #so i get to go do poorly on this exam cuz im tired from work this morning and its right through my normal dinner time #and im not able to really eat now cuz im too anxious and i gotta catch the bus in like 15mins #and then come home and basically go straight to bed #so i can work an 8hr shift tmr #aauaaugghhggg #AND i got another exam ill prolly do WORSE on on the 19th #but that ones at 9 so like not much better but id rather that than the 7pm one #and that class has a group project too thats due the same day cuz it was the last day it can be handed in #i also HATE that class so much #im just like fuckim burnt out i think #straight up considering dropping out if i fail again i dont even care anymore #or at least taking a SOLID YEAR off before finishing #cuz christ alive i need a proper fuckin break #anyways i kinda went off here #oopsies! #oh well

[lexicog]

traitor to the cause forgets national holiday every year KILL HIM

#just realized i wrote may instead of marsh lmao. fuck it #trans day of visibility #trans day of eating food #tdov #tdov 2024 #transgender day of visibility #trans #transgender #lgbt #gay #my art #another year eh #still in pretransition purgatory (get me tf out!!!) #idk man past year's been bad. last time i showered was july i'm goin 9 months strong 9 months weak 9 months decrepit #i manage to go through the motions with not much else in the way of progress. eat sleap shit piss rinse reuse recycle #trans day of eating food is shaky too this year. just found out yesterday i can't eat a snack anymore that i've liked since i was a kid #discovered a new love for green beans though. everything in balance #with my living situation getting more unsafe i've been thinking a lot about asking my neighbor if i can stay with him and his family #cause i don't like... see people other than them anymore so i don't know anyone else i can ask lol #and maybe i can get my shit together and start transitioning if i get out..... it's the least i need to do anyways #at least i gotta ask if he would be willing to oversee my funeral in the event of it cause i do nnnnot trust my next of kin with that shit #go watch youtube “Protecting Trans Bodies in Death” by Caitlin Doughty. contains important info for anyone really but #especially so for the titular transengendered individual #write your will... OK? #it doesn't have to be a bummer do it with a friend make it a girls night boys night hotties sleepover #death mention cw #wish i had more to say on the topic this year that wasn't a downer. i'll see what the next year holds #and hey... if a guy like me isn't giving up a motherfucker like you sure as hell shouldn't... adios & bon voyage my compatriots. SALUTE

[dredshirtroberts]

*hangs up phone* well boys, that was the spoon department. looks like we're running a deficit this week.

the crowd of various versions of me: awwwwwww :(

buuuut, if we can get through tuesday, we can get a treat and take the rest of the week off

tcovvom: yaaaaaaay :)

#i might not be super useful for most of May #i'm just calling it now #i have been flying a little too close to the sun recently and i am already feeling the Toll #admittedly not helped by the bonkers weather patterns and my Wretched Organ and accompanying hormonal changes #(didn't we just go through this process last month?) #I gotta take the cardboard out to the garage for holding until next recycle day (so much large carboard) #i gotta contact the state about my bennies #i gotta help retrieve bedphrame #i gotta clean Old Fridge to see if usable #i gotta go to heart doctor to discuss my hardbeeps and why sometimes some blood goes back to a chamber it's not supposed to go in #plus all the other shit going on with my hardbeeps and why they go so fast and so hard for no reasons #i just have a lot of things on #but i finally changed my address and i've cleaned my room recently and couch is assembled and we'll get gids to airborts and #it'll all be good #partner will retrieve metamour and then the family will be all together

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

lowkey miss when I was posting like I was getting paid for this </3

#red rants #it's gonna comeback soon trust #I just gotta get through this last few days of the month and next month them IM FREE

[porcelainfreak-zacrucian]

Fucking hell I am going to have A WEEK

#my bff' bd is 29th and i wanna make them a cake myself which means i gotta find all the ingredients on our fucked up little mass market #and then not fuck up the recipe which alright i baked that thing before. ONCE. AND IT ALMOST WAS A DISASTER. #luckily my bff's sister is helping me with that and she's buying the easy to find products so that's nice and appreciated #and i won't have to grate like. seven large carrots all by myself. that would be unfortunate #<- girl who did EXACTLY that last year #i also need to get a boclx for the cake and i wanna decorate it so it isn't just. A Box #and then in the evening me and her sister will go to our mutual friend who's organising all this shit and all three of us are gonna #creepily show up at my bff's window at midnight before her birthday with this cake. we're taking a taxi THANK GOD i hated transporting #a cake through public transport to the other end of the city last time #and then we spend the night at my bff's apartment before going back to oir mutual friend's place spending all day there and potentially ALSO #staying the night and THEN! do you know what happens then? then i go take a PE exam at my uni :) #also before all that i gotta finish some things i have a deadline for at the end of the month. which im supposed to be doing now but #guess what #im typing this instead #because im a whiny bitch okay my social battery is going to be DEAD after this. and i mean completely fucking fried #good luck to me ig #it's all worth it cuz i love my bff #but god am i glad they don't have Tumblr because they aint supposed to know our asses are planning something >:) #cruci shitpost

[foxgloveinspace]

Do you ever figure out your Type and you go Oh No cause it’s just 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

#very much so #haha i’m in danger #listen. big. full face coverings weather it’s mask do helmet I don’t mind. staff maybe. long cloak. mostly the mask though we gotta focus on #the mask/helmet kink ok? that the big one here. someone who looks like they can command a lot of power. and like has the confidence to just #dominate a fuckin room when they speak people listen. but they are kind and soft and pick up kittens #and maybe they hold your hand and they definitely wrap you up in their arms when sleeping #I have a size kink and a helmet kink. I don’t know what else to say ok #hold me big man. I am small and need of comfort #I’m tired. I’m trying to hard to get through this stupid af ow battle pass to get the new hero while also unlocking Ramattra cause I didn’t #start playing ow2 until like late last month. don’t wanna talk about this post is… well it started out cuase I was think of my current fav #characters and Ramattra is on the list so it’s k #ok. him. Vessel (he counts… they all count tbh). Tron. technically Vanitas but I don’t wanna uhhh. Be With Him. #hmmmm. let’s see who else. Daft Punk. they fall under the ‘just masks though’ category of this #I liked Mando at first but he’s just kinda everywhere now and it’s Too Much for me. #anyway. big strong man with a mask/helemt. to reiterate #but also like. if they have a dark aesthetic👀 that’s a major plus. Otay okay

[nerdie-faerie]

Having a big family is too expensive. Where am I supposed to find the money for my brother's 20th, my cousin's 21st and graduation, my twin cousins turning 23, my other cousin turning 26 and having a baby all this month!! 😭

#Demon Spawn #+Extra #theres too much going on! and my mum doesnt tell me everything at once so i think i only have one purchase to worry about #and then she hits me with another one!! did you remember this? did you remember that? no i was still dealing with the last one #im sorry but siblings are prioritised then i gotta sort out my own sht if i can then afford all these other peoples things #when i dont even speak to them! then sure maybe ill get around to it but theyve all got more extravagant preferences which i cant afford 😅 #most of them still live at home and dont pay rent let alone tuition i cant afford their expectations and having 4 cousin birthdays #in a month is ridiculous have you seen the price of postage? and you wanna add in graduations and a baby into it??? #i probably sound like im btching about nothing to people who have a good relationship with their cousins but i never see them and even #when i do we dont talk its super awkward and we have nothing in common yet i gotta go spend money i dont have all at once on them #and i cant even say sht cus my mum arranged a 21st for me that i didnt want so they did end up getting me stuff #god i sound like such btch i just dont know these people and its stressful trying to get presents as is but so many occasions at once when #i have no clue is stressing me out right now its not that i dont want to celebrate its the sudden expenditure and the fact its not spread #out and that theres so many cus i already got 8 siblings and my mum is one of 5 and my cousins are getting older so theyre going through #milestones that require gifts too at the same time as their birthday

[orcelito]

1 more day here and then I'm gonna be heading back up to my apartment for the first time in over 2 weeks. Haven't stayed there since this all began. I've grown a bit of a routine here, and I'll be right back to my apartment, but without the prior norms of it.

It's home though. It's home.

I'll have to do a ton of cleaning and rearranging tho to try to fit as much of my father's furniture within my apartment. My apartment is so small and the furnitures so many. I'm determined tho. I'm gonna fit as much as I can. Took measurements today even of all the things I wanna take, so I can puzzle it out as I go.

I. Also. Need to bring June to the vet. Bc she's got worms. Lol. Lmao even. I am trying to not think about it rn.

#speculation nation #i tried calling the vet but they didnt pick up so ill call tomorrow #i think it'll b fine. just gotta get treatment. #with everything else though i am so fucking stressed #trying to think about the money. cheering myself up by thinkijg about the money #i will get 7 times the amount of money that i made the entirety of last year. all in 1 go. #whenever the insurance companies give it to me. lol. haha. lmao. #3 months until summer classes start. after all this furniture moving im going to be so so so so free #maybe ill try to get a lot of writing done during those months. itd be the perfect time. #im nervous about going home. i dont know how ill feel there. its gonna be so weird #ive been in limbo. my life has majorly changed but im in limbo so i dont truly feel it #but ill be back home. and not have to go to work. and ill have a frankly obscene amount of money to get all at once #putting it towards school. finishing school. gotta finish school. i will finish school. #but then i can get a decent job and get a house with a garage and a patio where i can garden #and learn how to ride a motorcycle. Properly fitted to my size. #and i can play my violin without anxiety of upsetting unit neighbors with the sound #im getting through the current times by thinking of the future. just gotta think of the future. #animal illness/ #tagging jsut in case #bugs ment/

[lovelyisadora]

it isn’t the end of the semester but i’m already having my end of the semester breakdown oh my GOD I am going to have a heart attack. sprite save me

#nothing is done!! not my applications not my interviews etc #I am running out of time to graduate in June and I could just graduate in august but then I have to admit to my family that I fucked up bad #it takes 3-6 weeks to get IRB approval I need to step on it #it’ll take at least 4 for my paid leave forms for work to go through and I don’t know if it’ll get approved #and if it does when do my benefits start #I feel like an idiot where those forms are concerned because it needs an occupation code and I don’t know if it’s specific #or if I can just select the one that best matches my job description and I can’t find that info anywhere #my body is literally shutting down I have two golf ball sized tumors and I can’t get out of bed but I can’t sleep #my car is kaputt and I have to call several different shops to get it seen because the one I took it to couldn’t fix it #and is any of it worth it!! is any of it!! #I cried for like three hours today bc I tried to talk to my mom about it and. well. she was very much a mom about it and not helpful #like yeah! obviously I want to graduate in June! but my research isn’t even approved because I haven’t been able to get myself #to complete the application for the last six months! Jesus Christ! #I can’t sleep and I’m so tired I’m so so tired my brain just straight up isn’t working! #I swear to god if I finally meet with my advisor and he does his well you don’t seem to need my help bullshit again #I’m gonna actually snap and kill him #anyway. need to do three things by end of Wednesday. just three things #clean. irb. and paid leave. that’s it that’s all. #it’s what I’ve tried to do the last four days and I’ve accomplished none of it but. Jesus Christ it’s gotta get done #FOUR THINGS I have to call the shop to get an estimate for a car I’m not even going to bother to fix #ok vent session over #delete later #fkdjdjshhaa im a MESS #sprite save me 😭 #save me sprite. save me

[robinsnest2111]

I'm actually super upset about the fact my body is actively working against my carefully planned free time activities 😭

#I WANNA GO TO THAT GIG SO BAD WANTED TO SINCE I HEARD ABOUT IT LAST MONTH #got half a mind to just push through the pain and dizziness and go #but then there's the issue of The Blood.... #and also... i'd get home around 1.30am tomorrow. and i got work tomorrow #and not getting enough sleep would make the pain and dizziness even worse #idek if i can work like this actually. but i don't wanna call in sick!!!!! #because i cannot call in sick over something so minor!!!! but also i cannot adequately care for myself at work #gotta be up and about for 8 hours no toilet breaks #but i cannot do that when i need a pitstop every 3 hours ughhhhhhh #i hate this body and all it stands for fr fr

[welcometogrouchland]

I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors

#ramblings of a lunatic #i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before #(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust) #so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY) #and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends #cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation #i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries: #anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern) #it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane #i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways #but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month #and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too #and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN #so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning #but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it #I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting) #it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it #but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying #anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast #LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)

[dadbots]

August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes. #I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh. #idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs. #best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just. #where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda. #just one of those moments yknow. #it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest - #- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing. #I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it. #I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month - #and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really. #don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow. #maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year. #not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all. #won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well. #and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really? #shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year. #I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now. #let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way. #hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

[born-to-lose]

How did House of 1000 Corpses traumatize me lmao

#i watched it 10 months ago and was like *chuckles nervously* what the fuck #can't even see bunny costumes without thinking of that movie rip the things you do for love #in my defence i couldn't ruin my first date like that so i sat through it and pretended to like it but. what was that. #anyways i'd rather stick with the classics or ghosts shit or fun slashers #it was NIGHT and i was ALONE. for the last two thirds of the movie. basically. because he fell asleep. and i couldn't sleep afterwards #it's just uhhh no offence to fans of the movie but i sometimes still get nightmares inspired by that #welp good thing it ended before i had to watch the rest of the trilogy i guess #my sister and mom always say it was the first red flag 💀 #they were like oh fuck at house of wax (which we collectively like now) and i was like girlies you ain't seen nothing yet #how can that movie be 'pivotal to who you are as a person'?? it was gross and disturbing #from now on people gotta pass the romcom test before i watch disgusting horror movies with them smh #mel talks

[kalmeria]

CALENDULA NAGISA I GOT CALENDULA NAGISAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

#made me change the card in my profile from the maid tsubaki one #which has been there for… months and months now? before she was my blog header here #and i know i replaced that header when the ynk cover mv came out and that was five months ago. so yeah #anyways! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee #had to grind for that last ten pull (it took eighty in total) which made me be relatively high on the current event top #considering the wild competition that seems to be happening. the battle live rooms are like always full #anyways time to now go and work some more on getting the other nagisa’s card in the other rhythm game. that unbloomed might be one of my #favorites. great story moment too cant wait to read it voiced #(was just gonna go skip through the whole thing for dia and then realized that oh shit this is voiced i gotta reread it then #but this is not about any of that! this is about calendula nagisa! my first groovyfes card btw! #also abt me tricking non gurumikuers into believing that there is a canon they them character in this game lmao #kori plays d4dj

[happikattwuzheere]

alright just because the thing google said to do didnt work and its worth at least trying even if it gives the internet a small idea of what i do in my free time: does anyone potentially know how to rescue a corrupted save on the playstation version of minecraft? my ps4 just spontaneously experienced a severe error and turned itself off yesterday while i was playing on a world i’ve been working on for literal months, and the only interaction that i can now do with this world is to delete it, which im very nervous to do. internet said i could download an old save which i attempted w/ the most recent one but that didn’t fix the problem. do i need to go back to an even older save? do i need to delete this one first and then it’ll be fine? or is the thing really unrecoverable because thats severely upsetting lmao,, 

#katt blather #minecraft #shot in the dark but can someone hold my hand and talk me through this like i am a tiny baby. #ive built and explored so much of this world and the thought of starting over and not being able to do anything in this world anymore is #its a lot and it did happen very suddenly #i just like playing on peaceful and exploring/building stuff ok its chill. #also the new frogs are raw serotonin #but i cant go look at frogs to cheer myself up because the new world i briefly tried playin on #to cheer myself up #(which did not work so i drew snarly dogs instead because thats a fave thing to draw) #is no frogs yet to be seen so id have to do a lot of exploring and peaceful or no i gotta get a base first or else ill get lots #lost* #i am rambling and i apologize point is am i borked or can i salvage this #save i tried yesterday is from the second #next newest save is i believe the 23d of last month

[verycluelesscreature]

Hiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! I’m not dead!

(I just feel like I am)

#this week has been crazzzy so many things with work and dealing with the aftermath of impulsive decisions and stress stress stresssss #I’ve had so many new and worse symptoms. I was brave and went to the doctor and they did a bunch of bloodwork. some of it came back abnormal #buuuut my doctor is not going to do further evaluation for another 6 months!!! #because if I still have symptoms in 6 months then I for sure have it. but like literally the last thing I need is another diagnosissss >:( #oh ooor it could mean my neurological disease is progressing. but I don’t get updated brain scans for another 2 months to see! #I just want to not be in so much pain and to function relatively normally. ughhhhh! But it’s whatever. just gotta push through. #anyways hi! #if you messaged me just know that I saw it and I love you and I probably won’t respond <333 #cluelessCC #personal ramblings