#just a quick lil thing for steddie week. dont know if i'll participate every day but i like pining haha

[strangersteddierthings]

Steddie Week Day 1: Hunger / Pining / Somebody to Love by Queen @steddie-week

It's right there. It's just inches away, hanging off the edge of the popcorn bowl, like when Steve had set the bowl between them on the couch, he couldn't be bothered to fully move his hand away. Or, more likely, he was keeping a loose grip on it so that it wouldn't go flying off the couch, spilling popcorn across the floor like last time. (Eddie maintains his innocence; it's not his fault he's fidgety and nervous around Steve, so really, it was Steve's fault for, like, existing or something.)

Steve's hand is inches away and near the popcorn. He could reach out, just brush his pinky against Steve's, all nonchalant-like. If it brought about a negative reaction, he could always brush it off as reaching for the popcorn blindly and misjudging the distance.

This shouldn't be that difficult. He's held Steve's hand before! Or, well, Steve held his hand, and he didn't exactly hold back but that was on account of the three-day coma, and then later because he didn't have the strength to. Sure, once he was fully awake and aware, Steve quit holding his hand, but he knew. And by knew, he does mean he asked Dustin if he hallucinated that bit and Dustin was delighted to tell him, no, not a hallucination, Steve couldn't be pried from his hand except by a medical professional.

He's seen Steve hold other people's hands, so he knows Steve's a hand holding kind of guy, even platonically (he does not want this to be platonically, but he'll take what he can get). Steve holds Robin's hand all the time. Most of the time it's because Robin is overthinking something and Steve is acting as an anchor to reality, but Eddie's certain the lack of hand holding outside of (minor) crises is because Robin isn't one for hand holding.

Steve's held Dustin's hand, usually when they've picked a movie that perhaps shouldn't have included the younger ones of their group. He holds El's hand all the time. She'll just walk over and grab it, linking their fingers and just stand or sit in silence by each other. Eddie doesn't ask about it, even as he's vibrating on the inside to know how that habit formed, and why.

And it's not like Steve shrinks away from touch in general. People are hanging off of him all the time, between impromptu dogpiles and piggyback rides around the pool, someone always seems to be in Steve's space, leaning on or otherwise touching him. A hand rest on his forearm while Nancy chats with him, Argyle leaning his whole body against Steve with an arm slung around him as they chat and laugh about who knows what, Max having no problems manhandling Steve to the ground so she and El can use Steve as a human pillow for a summertime nap in the shade.

Eddie, himself, has rarely dared to reach out, though. For all the bravado of that fateful spring break, with as much as Eddie leans into Steve's space, he can't bring himself to touch. Touching might destroy him. To get to reach out, to touch, even just the brush of Eddie's fingertips against Steve's arms might break him. He knows he'll crave it so much more than he does now.

And oh, does he crave to touch. Holding Steve's hand is the end goal, but he's not sure he can even work up to that if the thought of brushing his pinky against Steve's is almost working him into a panic attack. It's just him and Steve, watching Star Wars on a Friday night.

No big deal.

Except it's a huge deal.

Eddie's wanted to hold Steve's stupid hand since he first noticed him. Steve was a freshman, and Eddie a sophomore. He didn't notice him right away. It was after Christmas break. The fire alarm had gone off and everyone was gathered on the football field, awaiting the news about if it was a real fire, or someone smoking in the bathroom. Eddie was looking for George, his only friend at the time, and his eyes had landed on Steve at just the right time. Snow lightly dusted his hair, and his head was thrown back in a genuine and loud laugh, so loud and genuine that Steve ended up making a snorting noise that startled Steve and the guys around him. Eddie watched as Steve's face turned pink with embarrassment before he doubled over, laughing at himself. His friends followed suit and Eddie couldn't stop staring.

(Never mind the whole bit where Eddie's crush waned as Steve became mean, King of Hawkins High and whatnot. Also never mind how it surged back during Eddie's second senior year, Steve's only senior year, when they were in a lot more classes, and Steve wasn't friends with Tommy H and Carol anymore, and also more subdued. Not enough to forgive his past transgressions, but enough that Eddie could allow himself to think of Steve as cute again without too much shame.)

It's a miracle, Eddie's sure, that he's even on this couch with Steve at all. The journey they've been through just to get to a point where Eddie can pine from eight inches away instead of afar.

He glances down at the popcorn bowl again, finds it half empty. Watches as Steve reaches for another handful of popcorn with the hand not holding the bowl -honestly, you spill the popcorn once- and brings to up, shoving the whole handful in his mouth at once. Steve's cheeks puff out like a chipmunk's for a moment before he furiously chews and swallows, like some heathen. That was a full hand of popcorn!

Eddie's in love.

His eyes dart down to Steve's hand again. He can do this. He can. He will, in fact. See, just watch. Arm lifted. Moving sideways, it's less than four inches now. Three. Two.

Aaaaand now he's got a handful of popcorn he doesn't actually want to eat. He cradles the palmful of popcorn with the hand that betrayed him and uses his other to pick up one piece at a time and eat them slowly.

Tastes like buttery sadness.

The movie probably has twenty minutes left and Eddie has spent the movie hyping himself up for nothing. He's not brave enough to do it.

He wipes his hand on his jeans and reaches for the bowl again. He might not be brave enough to reach out and touch, but he is brave enough to hold on to the bowl, an imitation of Steve's hold. Their hands are barely an inch apart this way and Eddie supposes that will be enough for now.

He tries for 5 minutes to focus on Star Wars, but then something brushes his pinky. Unthinking, Eddie just pushes back, and that must have been all the confirmation needed, because then Steve is hooking his pinky over Eddie's.

Eddie, ever subtle, whips his head sideways to look. To confirm. Then his eyes fly up to Steve, who is looking back. For a moment Steve looks like he's been caught doing something wrong and his finger twitches in Eddie's grip, like he's going to pull back. Eddie tries to tighten his pinky with Steve's and give him a small smile.

Steve returns the smile, small and almost shy, before turning back to the TV.

Eddie does the same, even as butterflies erupt in his chest, and he feels like he's going to throw up or faint.

#steddieweek2023 #steddie #ficlet #pining #just a quick lil thing for steddie week. dont know if i'll participate every day but i like pining haha #steve had to put the popcorn bowl between them or he would have jumped eddie fyi #my fic