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jooberry · 1 year

Text

title : middle of the night

next part : part II

pairing : hyungwon x female reader

genre : smut, friends with benefits, idol!au

word count : 3,5k

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It’s raining heavily outside. Raindrops crash against the windows in loud cracks, thunder reverberates menacingly, and trees sway and vibrate along with the wind. You were supposed to spend the night catching up on some work stuff, but your attention keeps coming back to the strings of lights cutting through the sky, on the violent rumbling shaking the city. You usually find comfort in the melody of rain knocking on glass, but tonight it makes you restless. Thunder reminds you of Hyungwon now – you’ve first met on a thunderous night like this one, and the memory of this makes you crave his presence every time. You reminisce about how he had told you that you were too old to be afraid of thunderstorms but had still stayed up with you all night.

You’d lived through countless thunderstorms before meeting him, and you had a pretty solid routine to ease your mind on a night like this one; a good jazz record, noise-canceling headphones, your favorite cup of tea, and a cozy sweater had always seemed enough for you to get by until today. Today, you feel like something is missing. Hyungwon not being there to share his questionable music taste, to listen to you ramble on and on about your favorite books feels odd...almost sad. Him not being there to make you lose yourself in his touch feels so foreign.

It dawns on you that you could text Hyungwon, ask him to come and hold you through the night – he was there, you knew that because he had posted about this coffee place he loved earlier today – but something, the distant murmur of a feeling that you have yet to identify is making you think twice about doing that. Hyungwon was the one to reach out every time, and it felt better that way; you liked the idea of him thinking about you, missing you, and having to bend to your schedule. Disturbing this fragile balance would be an admission of missing his presence and you don’t feel yet ready to let him know that – even though, there is no way he doesn’t know that you cherish those moments with him.

Of course, Hyungwon knows. It’s so obvious. Everything from the way you’re always playing so hard to get, to the way you fold at the slightest of his touch screams that you’re enjoying those moments with him. There is no point in playing those games and putting up those facades when the truth always comes out when your bodies collide. You reach for your phone, but to your surprise, he has already beat you to the chase.

HW, 01:37

I know you’re afraid of thunderstorms I’m coming to save you

You can’t help a smile, the kind of those you always try so hard to hide in front of him – the distant murmur of unidentified emotions was progressively becoming louder in your mind recently. At first, there was nothing, just an unescapable attraction that you hadn’t tried to suppress, then it became a burning sensation in the pit of your stomach every time Hyungwon showed up at your door, and now it felt like a fire – a beautiful and comforting thing, but also something dangerous and impossible to control. You know better than to play with fire, yet here you are, expecting not to get burned.

You, 01:41

I’m waiting for you then

You get up, taking the headphones off your ears. You were listening to one of Hyungwon’s songs anyway – one of those where you couldn’t help but ask yourself what it was all about. Was it only a fragment of his twisted imagination? You? Someone else? You had thought about asking him about it, but there was simply no way to ask him this question without bringing up a bigger issue that you want nothing to do with. It would either mean overexaggerating your importance in his life and thus exposing some sort of delusion he would have no choice but to squash and thus breaking something in you – or exposing yourself to the revelation that you were just one of many girls who had found your way into Hyungwon’s bed, and thus breaking something in you; and who could tell if what was broken today could be recovered later?

Well, Hyungwon‘s songs were explicitly talking about love, and whatever was between you and him was not love, you knew that much. There was lust and desire, a whole lot of it, and possibly appreciation, some form of friendship, but love? That was ridiculous. As you set to fix your appearance before he arrives, you let your mind wander on a question that is making your heart beat a thousand times per second: what will you do if you’re not the only one? What could have led you to believe that you could have been the only one? You were obviously not the only one sensitive to Hyungwon‘s charm. If you were ready to compromise a job and shit ton of money over a night with him, what were others willing to sacrifice? The realization is terrifying, and by the time you’re done getting ready, all that you can feel is bewilderment. While you were originally wearing the sweater he had forgotten the last time Hyungwon was at your place, you ended up throwing it in the pile of dirty laundry.

You only have time to get the kettle going before your doorbell rings twice. Sighing, you make your way to the door to open it, and without surprise, it’s him. All the upheaval you were feeling towards him disappears when you see how drenched he is, and how he doesn't seem to mind as he smiles at you in an oddly cute way. You watch him take off his beanie, before ruffling his equally sodden hair. Hyungwon‘s jacket is dripping water on the floor, but he casually takes it off before shoving it into your clothes dryer.

“You didn’t have to come,” you say, as he bends down to take off his shoes. You can see his body shivering slightly from the cold, as he rubs his hands together to warm them.

“I was nearby” Hyungwon replies, following you into the living room area. “I only got caught in the rain when I got off the car, don’t worry” he smiles again, checking something on his phone, before putting it away on the coffee table. You always ask that of him every time he comes, and it’s funny that he’s been here enough times already to have picked up this habit.

“You were at the studio?” you ask, not able to shake off the fact that you want to know what Hyungwon‘s doing when he’s not working and he’s not with you.

“Yes” he replies, running his hand through his hair “I spent the day trying to finish that one song, but nothing came. I ran out of ideas”Hyungwon crashes on the couch next to you, grabbing a cushion before closing his eyes.

“Is that why you wanted to come?” you ask, scooting closer to him so you can play with his still-damp hair. He doesn’t reply, and for a moment, you think he has fallen asleep.

“No. I just wanted to see you”Hyungwon says, relaxing into your touch. You hum at his response, and it hits you then: you will never have any insight into his day-to-day life. You’re bound to take his word for it and believe whatever he tells you. For all you know, he could have spent the day with another woman, and you’d be none the wiser.

“Am I supposed to believe that?” you ask, massaging his shoulders. He chuckles, turning his head towards you.

“Why not?”Hyungwon asks, massaging your thigh.

“We both know that’s a lie” you whisper, straddling his lap. You’ve made a mistake by introducing this topic, and the only way to get him to forget about it is to give him what he really came for. You pull on his hair to make him tilt his head back and kiss him. Hyungwon kisses back immediately, grabbing you by the waist to press your body tighter against his.

You can feel the fire you were picturing in your mind earlier burn your skin, and your whole body ignites. It’s been countless days since the last time you’ve seen Hyungwon, and it’s not until he touched you again that you realize how much you had missed this. His cute and chill attitude was only a façade because in no time he has you on your knees and ordered you to suck him off. You’re happy to follow his orders, relieved that he chose to get rid of his frustration rather than entertain your silly little feelings. You make quick work of his jeans, which he kicks under the small stone table in front of your couch, and immediately back to your task. Your eyes meet as you take as much of him as you can in your mouth, but it’s not enough – Hyungwon grabs your hair and presses your head on his cock so deep you can feel him in your throat. You barely have time to adjust to his size and he starts rocking his hips against your mouth, you can barely breathe and your eyes feel with tears.

He lets you go as you moan, and he falls back groaning against the couch. You go back for him, and this time he doesn’t have to do anything; you’re chasing the feeling so hard he hits the back of your throat every time. Hyungwon grips your hair a little softer this time and orders you to look at him. Once again, you follow his order, looking at him through teary eyes full of adoration, while he completely devours you with his gaze. His desire is so deep, so dark, that you can’t help but fear for what he’s going to do to you this time – he always manages to do the craziest things to you, to bring you places you didn’t even know your body could go. But tonight, Hyungwon has no time to play. He’s annoyed and frustrated, and your body is the perfect outlet to vent all those emotions. He gets up and throws you where he used to sit on the couch, then drags your shorts along with your underwear down to your ankles. He doesn’t even bother taking them off your body and plunges right into you. You gasp at the intrusion, your vision blurred by the sudden rush of pleasure; the grip Hyungwon has on your neck is painful and breathing is a little hard but coupled with the way he’s already fucking you so hard, it feels so good.

You’re lost in his eyes, as your mind gets cloudier and cloudier, and the pleasure gets too much, too soon, and that apart from your hand over his, from your nails against his chest, there’s nothing you can do. Hyungwon starts asking you how good he feels, how deep you can feel him, how much of a good girl you are – and it drives him absolutely insane when you do this, when you try to speak but can only form high-pitched moans and incoherent cries. It drives him insane how deep your voice gets the harder he goes; he lives for this. Hyungwon feels you clenching around him, and starts to rub your clit with his thumb, fast-charging the orgasm that was building up in the pit of your stomach for a while. It only takes a few minutes for you to gush all over the couch and on his face with a loud scream; body shaking uncontrollably off the couch – he’s pushed out of you but immediately comes back to pin you down and starts eating you out.

You’re way too sensitive for this, but Hyungwon doesn’t care, his strength is enough to lock you in place as he gives your body way more than it can handle. Your head is buzzing, and you can’t focus on anything but the feeling of his mouth sucking on your clit like his life depends on it. The pleasure is consuming and overwhelming, and yet you keep craving more, you make sure that his head is pressed against your core as hard as possible, which prompts him to insert two of his fingers inside of you and to start pumping. It’s enough to push you over the edge once more. This time you’re gushing so hard you can feel some of it spill on your face, and even with his two strong hands pinning you down, you’re shaking off the couch. When you look down at Hyungwon, the lower half of his face is covered in your juices, as well as the tip of his hair.

“Please” you start begging, but you barely manage to open your mouth that he’s back between your legs, devouring you so hard you’re fighting for your life to push him off you. You’re screaming and pushing back against him so hard, but Hyungwon remains unmovable, and with the fatal dance of his tongue and fingers, you’re overwhelmed by pleasure yet again. He manages to grab your legs before they give up on you and put them on his shoulders, you’re begging again – voice weak and tears filling your eyes, but he whispers a quick “shh” and slowly slides inside of you.

The moan that escapes from his lips is so beautiful, so deep, you can’t help but bite into your hand to muffle your screams. You want to hear him, only him. His pace is fast and punishing, but you want to hear and see him, no matter how hard it is. Hyungwon bends down and kisses you for the first time tonight and you can taste all of yourself on his tongue, on every part of his mouth, and just the thought of it drives you absolutely insane. You push a strand of black hair away from his face, as your gaze is lost in his; half-lidded eyes too afraid to look away, to lose the beauty of his face when he looks at you like this – like he absolutely hates every single thing about you, like he wants to destroy you. You want to be destroyed, though, so you grab one of his hands and place it around your neck.

“Faster” you beg, which makes him smile wickedly. Hyungwon closes his hand around your throat and picks up his pace. Your mouth forms a perfect o, and keeping your eyes open becomes impossible. You can feel him so deep it feels like he’s all up in your guts; you can’t suppress your moans anymore, and neither do you want to. He must know how good he makes you feel. “Faster” you repeat, even though you already can’t handle his current pace.

“You’re such a fucking slut” Hyungwon spits with a wicked grin, pressing his palm harder against your windpipe. “Begging for more of my cock when you can’t even handle this much” you put your hand over his, mirroring the smile on his face. Hyungwon keeps going, pressing his forehead against yours.

He’s caught off guard when you close your other hand around his throat, before ordering through batted breaths “I said faster.”Hyungwon chuckles, pushing your legs further onto the leather, he reaches deeper inside of you and starts fucking you even harder than before. You scream, so hard it resonates through the entire living room, and probably through the entire apartment as well. Had the floor not been yours, neighbors would have probably been knocking on your door and calling the cops by now, trying to save you from whoever was trying to hurt you. They wouldn’t know this was exactly what you wanted, being brought to this place where pleasure and pain met to form one overwhelming sensation – something you couldn’t help but crave each time you were laying with him. Your breath was stuck in your throat, and your body was right on edge, ready to fall headfirst into the most crushing orgasm since that last time in his studio. Just then, Hyungwon reaches down and starts rubbing on your clit, giving you just what you needed to sink for good.

This time there’s a deafening silence, during which your body is limp, unable to move except for your nails digging hard into his hand and his neck. You feel out of time and space, unable to think or to stand on your own. Hyungwon picks you up and makes his way to your bedroom, where he drops you on the bed before sinking two of his fingers back inside of you. You moan at the burning sensation, before gushing all over the sheets only after a few thrusts. He plunges right back, and resumes his fast, deep, punishing pace from before; you’re nothing more than a ragdoll at this point, submitted to the extreme violence of his desire without being able to push back against it – not that you wanted to. You couldn’t look at anything other than him, and how he was so focused on making you cum over and over again until you couldn’t take it anymore; until all that was left was pain.

When you start to shake uncontrollably again, Hyungwon flips you on your back and dives right back, fucking so deep and hard that your body is sinking into the mattress – he has to push you against the headboard because you keep running from him. It’s overwhelming, him inside of you, his groans mixing with your screams, his hands slapping your cheeks, his heart beating against your skin; too much at the same time. You have no idea of how long you were doing this at this point, but you just wanted to take what he was giving you. Hyungwon grips your hair, forcing your head back against his chest, before grabbing your neck with his other hand. By the way he was breathing, you could tell that his end was close and that he was giving you everything he had left. Your arms gave up on you though, and you fall back on the sheets, but instead of picking you up, he lays on top of you.

Hyungwon nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck, breathing hard against your skin before stopping after a few more thrusts. You feel him coming and grab his hand, as you feel his cock twitch inside of you. The moan he lets out is the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard from him, it sent shivers down your spine, and you moan as he slowly fills you up. You try to turn over to lay on your back, but Hyungwon pushes your arm and starts kissing your neck and your shoulder. You stayed like that for a while – you couldn’t tell how long, but you were slowly drifting in and out of sleep when he finally got up. You finally turned over just as he’s back in the bedroom, holding a glass of water and towel in each hand. He puts the glass on your bedside table before kneeling before you on the bed. It’s the first time Hyungwon is cleaning you up, and it feels oddly intimate yet incredibly awkward; you grab the glass when he exits the room again, hugging your knees against your chest.

To be fair, Hyungwon has never come inside of you like that before – even though the contraception topic had been dealt with early on in your relationship. But what really bothers you is why you grabbed his hand earlier? It had felt so wholesome, so warm that you could almost think that it was lovemaking and not fucking. He startles you out of your thoughts when he comes back and slips under the sheets next to you.

“You okay?” Hyungwon asks, bringing you against his chest. His heart was still beating relatively fast, but so is yours so you don’t think too much of it. You hum in response, awkwardly holding your empty glass as if you were afraid of moving. You stay like that for a while, listening in on each other’s breathing without a move. You thought you could just fall asleep like this and rest until he had to go in the early morning, but his voice broke the silence.

“I was being serious, you know. I really wanted to see you tonight” Hyungwon starts, putting his head on yours. “The thunderstorm reminded me of you”

“Forget about that, I was just joking around” you sigh, running the tip of your nails along his skin. “You don’t have to justify yourself” Hyungwon furrows his brows, puzzled at your reaction, but he lets you talk nonetheless. “This was never meant to be more than just sex, so let it be just that...let’s not complicate things”

Hyungwon purses his lips and pretends to ignore the complex mix of emotions clouding his mind at your words and plays along. You look up at him, and he fakes a faint smile; when you nuzzle your head back in his chest, he starts playing with your hair, nursing you to sleep. When your breathing finally slows down, he sneaks out of your bed and puts on his clothes before disappearing without a word.

#monsta x smut #monsta x x reader #middle of the night #jooberry #monsta x #monbebe #Kpop smut #kpop angst #hyungwon x reader #hyungwon smut #monsta x hyungwon #chae hyungwon #monsta x imagines #hyungwon imagine

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jooberry · 1 year

Text

title : middle of the night | part II

previous part : part I

pairing : hyungwon x female reader

genre : smut, friends with benefits, idol!au

warnings : mentions of blood, mentions of pain, dacryphilia

word count : 4,7k

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Your dark red acrylics are tapping against the white marble of the kitchen counter. You’re deep in thought, out of time, red-painted lips pursed together as you watch Hyungwon pour his favorite liquor into a lowball glass before sliding it toward you. He looks at you expectantly, the liveliness in his gaze bringing you back to the present moment and out of your thoughts. You accept the drink with a faint smile, twirling the ice cubes around the glass before taking a sip from it. He sits in front of you with a satisfied grin, pushing his too-long hair back with a flicker of his fingers. The way he looks so effortlessly good while doing the most mundane things is so unfair, it has you staring and gawking like a middle-schooler and wondering if you’re equipped enough to even be in this relationship. It stopped being fun the moment you started missing falling asleep touching his hair, for sure.

It’s the first time you’ve been to his place for what seems like forever, and you look around the place like you’re not used to everything single thing here, like it didn’t feel like home for a long time. You used to come often, stay for days on end and just watch him exist, and it was fascinating – you remember. Hyungwon always blossomed into an entirely different person when you stayed the night, he was waking up before you to fry eggs and toast bread, to let fresh air into the space so you wouldn’t feel stuffy. It was good times – beautiful times – but now everything seemed to have happened in a different lifetime, one where you were just content to exist next to him without always pushing for more. You sigh, shifting in your seat as you would back in the moment, and his stare is on you again, unreadable, and slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly you realize how warm it is here, how good it smells, how good that shirt looks on him, and how better it would look on you. Blood Orange is playing in the background, and you don’t remember Hyungwon being a particularly huge fan of them. You wish he could kiss you awake in the morning again; you wish you could hug him from behind and press your head against his skin and feel better about everything like you used to.

Something has changed in your relationship, and you can’t pinpoint exactly what. Did you stop staying at his place because you don’t feel that comfortable around him anymore? Or is it because you fear what feelings lurk in the darkness of your heart with each passing hour? Regardless of those things, it is a fact that you don’t feel in sync with him anymore, that spending time in Hyungwon's presence doesn’t feel as right as it used to. It’s been like that for a while now, and you don’t know if it’s because you decided to stop clinging onto hopes so much anymore, or if it’s just him being bored of you. Sometimes you wonder if it has caught on to your feelings and is slowly preparing you for his absence when he finally breaks things off. First, the trust you had in each other was stripped away, and now you’re at a point when everything has turned sexual. You stopped simply existing around each other.

You have to admit, you’re already one foot out of this, on the lookout for someone that could make you feel as alive as he used to – as he still does, actually. The emptiness Hyungwon leaves behind is not the downside of something precious and sacred anymore, it’s crushing and cold. It’s the cruel reminder that you have selective memory and that you blissfully ignored the part where you’re friends with benefits and not lovers for way too long.

“How was your day?” You ask, pulling him out of his thoughts. His eyes widen in surprise, and it seems that it takes him a few seconds to gather himself back to you before he slowly reaches for another glass and pours himself some bourbon as well. You want to ask about what was making him think so hard but abstain when the small voice in your head reminds you of your place. His thoughts are off-limits.

“As usual. I worked, went to the gym, and had dinner with the guys” He’s pushing some ice cubes out of their tray as he speaks, and you can’t help but ogle at his hand flexing in the movement. He’d make fun of you for that if he knew how smitten you are about every single thing about him. “You?”

“I spent the day working on some new things for you and the boys” you reply, not missing any second of the way Hyungwon drinks from his glass before putting it down on the counter. You don’t miss a second of the action; the slight furrow of his brows, the almost imperceptible clenching of his jaw, the subtle movement of his lips. “And I went on a date”

You expected him to show at least some emotion at the mention of that, but he seems unfazed when he looks into your eyes; like he feels bad that you would even mention this to him when he so obviously does not care. He has girls lining up to be in your position, and you expect him to be sad that you’d date? You push aside the embarrassment and keep going as you trace the outline of your glass with the tip of your nails. “It was nearby, that’s why I figured it would be easier to just drop by instead of having you come over” you add.

It feels bittersweet to know that there used to be a time when Hyungwon truly cared about you and what happened to you. You cut your finger chopping up fruits in this same kitchen once, and when he realized how terrified of your own blood you were, he hugged you, kissed your forehead, and cleaned your wound before wrapping a hello kitty band-aid around it. He didn’t let go of you until he was sure you felt safe and cleaned everything without complaining even once – and he looked hot doing it. That was one of the first times you felt Hyungwon's affection for you somewhere other than in his bedroom, one of the first times you felt earth shatter underneath you until it collapsed that time he called to wish you happy birthday despite being busy on a completely different time zone on the other side of the world. You were on a flight to meet him by the next day, and it seemed completely normal then.

“Did it go well?” He asks, so nonchalantly, miles away from the guy that skipped an entire day of work once simply because you didn’t want him to get out of bed. He empties his glass in one gulp, before putting it down on the counter – the sound is considerably louder than the first time he did so, and you tense a little. You press your lips together, carefully ignoring the growing tension between the two of you.

“Yeah, it did.” You reply with a small smile, memories of the hours prior flashing back in your mind. “I’m happy to see him again,” you say without second thoughts. Hyungwon has proven to you that it doesn’t matter who you see, so you don’t see the point of sparing his nonexistent feelings. You just want him to know that he isn’t the only man you’ve gotten the attention of, even though you’re probably not the only one sharing his bed either. You’re fighting a pointless fight because you have no power over him while he could crush you with a single sentence.

“Then why are you here?” He asks, with a sigh. He seems annoyed, which is good enough for you as it is. At least it’s more than he has shown until now. You take a sip from your glass, before slowly putting it down. You look up at him, before blinking away – scorched.

“I don’t know” you mutter, looking down at the melting ice cubes in your glass. You’re almost afraid of what he’s going to say next. You know him well enough to know that his coldness is unlike anything else; it slowly seeps under your skin and settles there. He’s the kind of man that changes you, that you'd leave scarred and hurt. The kind of man that will break your heart without batting an eye when you push him too far. He’s done it before.

“If it was sex you wanted, you could’ve gone home with him” Hyungwon spits, his gaze dark and cold. What hurts the most when he’s like this is that everything he says is right. You could have gotten home with this other guy if you had wanted to. He would have happily obliged if you judged by the way he kept stealing glances at your décolleté, and it would have quenched your thirst for knowledge about him to see where and how he lived. But your phone rang mid-date and there was no way you could have declined his offer. Neither your mind nor your body was ready to be with another man, and Hyungwon's name on your phone still held too many promises for you to brush him off so quickly. You needed at least a final taste before saying goodbye. At least one.

“Why does everything have to be about sex with you?” You reply, stung by his words, even though you knew that was the only thing he could have told you. He shrugs, pushing his hair back with one hand, as he pours himself another drink with the other.

“Because that’s the reason why you’re here” He retorts, tilting his head in an ironic gesture. “You want me to fuck you”

You sigh, downing the rest of your glass before sliding it back to him. He pours you some more liquor, before sliding it back, this cold and arrogant look that you hate so much on his face. You drink half the glass before slamming it back on the counter. Your thoughts are becoming fuzzy and confused, alcohol and negative emotions not being the best combination for rational thinking.

“You’re right…” you mutter, scratching the back of your head, as you’re tapping on the counter with your index finger again. “It seemed to have slipped out of my mind for a while… I guess had too many drinks” You laugh, but there’s not even an ounce of amusement in your voice.

Hyungwon squints his eyes and furrows his eyebrows at your words, and you down the rest of your glass in one gulp before slamming it back on the counter. You’re afraid to look at him, you fear you’re going to combust if you do so. It’s really weird how he pretends and acts like he’s above feeling anything, yet you can feel the scorch of his anger swallow you whole and turn you to ashes. Why he’s angry is beyond you, considering how he just stomped on your umpteenth attempt to get through to him. You remember reading somewhere that what draws you into someone often ends up becoming the same thing that drives you away, and you can’t help a crooked smile; his aloofness stopped being hot when you started wanting him closer.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Hyungwon asks, just like you know he would. You sigh, before finally looking up at him. He looks like he wants to destroy you completely, to break everything that you are, and you start biting your bottom lip in apprehension. It’s one of those nights.

“Of course, I do” you reply, looking up at him with a crooked smile, before taking his glass and downing it. You’re acting on autopilot as if something had broken inside of you and the part of you that has learned to satisfy his every desire has taken over. It's one of those nights.

You get off your stool and make your way to him, melting your lips against his as your hands slip under his shirt. Hyungwon tastes like memories – like the sweet aftertaste of the bourbon that you sipped from his glass on the thunderous night; cinnamon, toasted vanilla bean, chocolate. You bite on his bottom lip when it’s time to pull away, tilt your head to bite his skin. His breath catches in his throat, and you start kissing his neck, his shoulder, and his chest, as your fingers make quick work of his shirt. The piece of fabric falls on the floor, while you keep smearing his skin in dark scarlet lipstick. You kneel in front of him and unbuckle his belt.

“I guess that date didn’t go so well after all,” he says, slowly pushing the hair away from your face with the tip of his hot fingers with a crooked smile. He seems so satisfied to have you here in this position despite what you’ve told him earlier – and you feel so stupid to fight against someone you have no power against.

Without taking your eyes away from his, you discard his pants along with his underwear before slowly wrapping your mouth around his tip, swiping his member over your wet lips a few times. Hyungwon jerks his head back in a sigh, and you’re encouraged to take as much of him in your mouth as you can. You suck him hard, creating as strong a pressure as you can around him; your lips are so tight against his member that he can’t help but moan so loud you shiver. His voice is pure honey to your ears, a sound so heavenly you’re ready to beg all the gods that you’re the only one who gets to hear him make them. While your mouth presses him so hard it’s blissful, you circle your tongue around him, and glide it over the vein running all along him; he devours you with his eyes and slowly pushes the hair away from your face. You let him go, and he holds himself and runs his tip over your sodden lips. His gaze is scorching, almost hard to hold, but in this moment when you have him wrapped around your fingers �� or your lips – you feel bold, untouchable, all-powerful.

You take him again, so deep he reaches the back of your throat; your vision gets clouded by tears and you don’t get to see the expression of pure bliss on his face as he murmurs “fuck” with a voice so strangled it doesn’t even sound like him. You keep going, ignoring the tears rolling down your cheeks and the sharp sting in your throat, until your gag reflex threatens to hit, and you pull away, catching your breath. You wipe your tears, smudging away your mascara and moving the falsies from your eyes; you probably look disheveled and dirty, but that’s just how Hyungwon likes you. You stroke him a few times, as he kicks away his pants from his feet, before going back to your work and gobbling all of him down your throat. He holds your head in place and moves his hips to meet your mouth. He reaches even deeper into your throat, and you must push back on his legs to alleviate the movement. Tears stream down your face again, and wet, gagging sounds start filling the room. He keeps going and going before pulling away in a groan, tenser than you’ve ever seen him.

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and get back on your feet, smearing lipstick on your cheek, before unzipping your dress. You kick it away, and Hyungwon grabs you by the waist as he gets up from the stool, pressing himself against you. He’s hot and hard between your legs as he bites the spot under your ear, and you wrap your arms around his neck. His skin is burning against yours, his heart beating erratically, and you wish – harder than you ever have before – that you’re the only one he's doing this with. He lifts you up, holding your legs under his arms so he can slide inside of you. You bite back a scream, and let your head fall in the crook of his neck. He pins you against the window, and you shiver at the coldness of the glass on your back. When he starts moving his hips, your nails dig into his skin and your voice finally echoes in the room.

From the outside, all that people can see is dark glass, your form pressed against it, your broken screams, and your hair bouncing up and down your face is a secret shared only by the two of you. You look down at him, get lost in his eyes, your mouth wide open and your body shaking in his arms; he looks back at you, dazed, blissed out. You want to ask him do you feel it too, how right we feel together? But he kisses you, and you close your eyes, letting the thought sink into you like a bottle drowning in the ocean. Hyungwon would probably discard you if he was aware of your feelings. He would replace you with someone else; someone smarter, someone who knew their place and wouldn’t fall for him. He chews on your bottom lip, as you start shaking in his arms again. Your voice is nothing more than a cry as you gush all over him before falling limp in his arms. He caresses the small of your back, slowly coaxing you back to reality, before carefully walking you to his bed.

The smell of Hyungwon's sheets is so familiar, so soothing. You’ve spent countless hours laying there, crying, screaming, laughing, back when things between you weren’t so complicated, so rehearsed. You pull him back against you as he enters you again, more slowly this time. Your legs close around his waist, and his hands mirror the same motion around your throat. Immediately your hand is on his, your eyes close and your voice shatters in high-pitched cries as you sink deeper and deeper into a pool of crushing pleasure with each thrust. His brown eyes darkened by lust progressively disappear from your view as you start shaking again, and you succumb again. He rubs your clit with his thumb, and that’s enough push for you to explode everywhere again, some of your juices splattering on your face. You try to grab his hand to stop him but he’s way stronger and keeps pushing you until it seems like every drop of water has been drained from your body. You think it’s over, but he starts slapping your clit with his member and it feels like electricity suddenly traveling down your body. He coats himself in your juices before sliding inside of you once again.

You bite your hand at the intrusion, but he slaps it away, pinning your hand above your head with one hand. He starts slamming his hips against yours, ramming into you at a pace that makes it hard to keep your eyes open. He places his other hand around your throat again and presses so hard that your screams are muffled, cut in between by the movement of his hips. From the small you can see from your half-closed eyes, his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s biting his bottom lip, his eyes so dark you can’t even differentiate between his pupil and his iris. Hyungwon's fucking you so hard, so fast, that you’re certain of finding bruises on your legs and neck tomorrow. Your body starts to shake and lift you off the bed, but he pins you down with a firm hand on your underbelly and keeps going. It feels so good, so intense, to have him caged between your insides and his hand like this; but it also feels too much, too deep. After a few thrusts, it starts to sting a little – he keeps hitting a spot so deep inside you that you feel like you’re being split in half, and some kind of pressure starts building up and you grit your teeth. His lips stretch into a devious grin, as tears fill your eyes. You call out his name, but he keeps going.

He pushes your legs further down, going even deeper. His face is closer to yours and he starts kissing the tears away from your eyes. The taste of blood fills your mouth, and you start crying, pain and pleasure mixing deep from within you in an almost scary way. The pressure keeps building up in your stomach until it reaches a breaking point and you’re letting yourself go all over his sheets. You think he’s going to give you a break, to let you breathe for a while but he grabs your ankle and flips you over before slamming back inside of you. Hyungwon’s not even done with you yet but you’re already sore and tired, and it doesn’t get any better when he starts spanking you in a way that takes you aback. It feels so good but it also hurts, and at this point, you don’t even have the strength to move anymore.

Your head falls back into the cushions, and he starts pressing on it so hard you find yourself fighting to breathe. Your thoughts become confused, and you don’t even know if you’re conscious until you feel the sting of his hand on your ass again. You bite down on the covers, screaming into them when you start shaking and soaking his sheets again. There’s a moment of silence before he flips you back, and when you open your eyes, he’s looking down at you with an unreadable expression. You're burning to ask him if there’s someone else? if he thinks about her when he fucks you? if she tastes better than you? if she’s the one he spills his secrets to? if he loves her? If he has ever loved you? You can’t trust your lips, and your heavy heart threatens to explode and spill over his sheets.

You get on your knees, pulling him out of his thoughts as you close your lips around his tip again, lowering your mouth to his length until he reaches the back of your throat. This time he grabs a fistful of your hair and moves his hips at a pace so punishing that the sounds you’re making are echoing against the walls of his bedroom. He keeps fucking you hard, his hands shaking and his voice shattering a little more every time. You push back against his thighs, but he holds your head in place until he finally lets himself go and fills your mouth in a moan so heavenly you feel yourself shiver. Looking up at him, you swallow everything with fluttering lashes and the most innocent expression you can muster. Hyungwon caresses your cheek with a smirk, before leaning down to kiss you. You fall back on the sheets, and he crashes next to you, pressing your head against his chest. He starts playing with your hair, in that same oddly intimate way he does every time. He always feels like a different person after sex, and it’s hard to know which one is the real him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, kissing the top of your head as you slowly hum in response. You curl up around him, basking in the feeling of his skin against yours, of his smell mixing with yours and becoming one. It feels so right, yet it can’t go on any longer.

“I can’t keep doing this” you mutter, as Hyungwon keeps playing with your hair. You take a deep breath. “Sex isn’t enough for me anymore, I want all of you” You’ve thought about this long and deep, slowly building up the courage to say those words to his face. Your voice – unlike your heart – doesn't even crack when you speak, and he doesn’t seem taken aback either. “I want to know your thoughts, feel every single one of your emotions, and know all of your secrets…I know that’s not what we agreed on, but that’s how I feel”

Hyungwon acts like you didn't even speak, his hands stil drawing a soothing motion in your hair. It hurts to feel him so close yet to sense that he's so far. His heart has forever remained out of your touch, to the point where you start to believe the ones that you told he didn't have one. How he can be capable of so much affection towards you while simultaneously be so cold and detached is something you simply don't get. Does he even feel anything towards you? Was it just his way of keeping you there, of giving you just enough treats to keep you around in his house, to stop you from looking for attention somewhere else?

“I wasn’t expecting you to say anything” you add, sitting up so you can watch him. He gets up as soon as you do, placing his hand on the small of your back before pressing you against his hot chest. “I was just hoping you’ll listen and understand my heart…” you whisper, tracing the lines of his abs. “I will miss you, Hyungwon” Your lips stretch into a small smile before you slip out of his bed.

You don’t even cry when you’re alone in front of the bathroom mirror, maybe because you know he’s only seconds away and will be able to hear every single sob. There’s no point crying here because he won’t come to hug you through the pain this time, but will probably stay in his bed and wait for you to leave while he texts another girl to come and fill in for the second round of sex you failed to deliver. You don't have to know about that.

You open a drawer with shaky hands and grab some oil and a cleansing balm, before closing it. It’s funny how you know so many things about Hyungwon, yet you know nothing about him at the same time. You know his favorite dishes, his favorite drinks, his favorite color, the lyrics to his favorite songs, who his favorite artists are, where he likes to go on vacation, what he does to ease his mind when he feels anxious, yet you don’t know who he is or what he feels. You don’t know what all these years with him were about. You don’t why he took you where he grew up, why he called you to his studio in the middle of the night countless times because he “needed you to finish some songs,” why he becomes cold every time you mention another man. You don’t know anything, actually.

Hyungwon suddenly appears behind you in the mirror as you’re smearing his toner on your face. You tense a little at the sight of him; his hair is comically not messy, but you can still see where you’ve bitten him on the neck. He leans in the doorframe, arms crossed on his chest, looking at you with an expression you can’t read – not that it matters anyway. You quickly comb through your hair with your fingers, before opening the cupboard, looking for some lip balm. You search through the mess, and your eyes land on the familiar shape of your perfume sitting among countless bottles of other ones and lotions.

“You still have this thing?” you ask excitedly with a laugh, turning around to show him the bottle. He nods, and you turn back around, spraying the perfume on your neck and on the insides of your wrist, before turning it around to see if the engraving of your name is still intact – it is, and you smile. You forgot this bottle in the bathroom of his hotel suite when you joined him the day after your birthday. When you asked about it, he had told you that he didn’t find it – yet here it was. “I thought you didn’t find it?”

“I wanted it for myself” Hyungwon answers, uncrossing his arms. “I was afraid you’d find me weird for keeping it” you sneer, placing the bottle back in his cupboard before closing it.

“You’d find me weird if I wore the clothes you forget at my place?” you ask, and he smiles. You shrug with a little smile, before walking past him to make your way out of the bathroom, but he grabs you by the waist to bring you back against his chest. You wrap your arms around his neck without even realizing it, and he nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck. You soak in the moment, filling yourself in his embrace and drinking in his smell one last time. You’re going to cry, and the urge to leave becomes urgent. Hyungwon seems to sense it, and hugs you tighter.

“Don’t leave” he whispers in your ear, “Please.”

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