ADVANTAGES
in which…
on jay’s live, fans point out a stuffed animal on his bed, one that seems to be the other piece to your notorious missing pair. as imaginary pieces start to connect for fans, the viewers beg for some kind of interaction. and though you and jay have never met before, why not use this situation to your advantage?
warnings : crying, panic attacks, depression is depicted but isnt really said, lots of bad self talk, food/eating, having no appetite, just lots of bad mental health talk and depictions, hurt/comfort, god this chapter is PACKED
wc: 1829
i’m sorry that i couldnt be your teenage dream.
not proofread!
☆
It had been a week and a half since you had seen anyone.
Well other than the cashiers at the local grocery store but that made you look even more pathetic.
You haven’t been well, at all.
It was a horrible sight, honestly you couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror without cringy. You had no productivity and had planned to do nothing for as long as possible.
You were surprised your body hasn't exploded yet, since all you had ate was instant ramen or the three meals you could cook total.
Today was one of the worse-r days. Three hours into the new day but your mind couldn’t seem to sleep one bit.
You had zero appetite, your room was a mess, it was worse that you couldn’t even sleep away the days even though you were so tired. Your eyes were glued shut at night but your body couldn’t stop fighting the feeling of sleep.
So here you were, eye bags almost able to give the color purple a run for its money, and so puffy it felt like a balloon was stuck in there. But your eyes hadn’t shed any tears, instead you felt like nothing. Like you were just floating around with no purpose or any feeling at all.
The empty feeling in your head made you unable to do anything but scroll on your phone, letting hours after hours pass by rewatching your favorite show at least a billion times. It seemed like the world had gone gray, like the world was ending and you were the only one feeling it.
A part of you screamed at yourself to get a grip, to stop being so dramatic and realize there are still good things in life.
You tried to get better, you really did. You had researched on how to get over this drought but you never could. So every night you would lay in your bed, trying to figure out what was wrong with you.
Mornings have always been your least favorite part of the day. But it seemed to get worse with every second that passed.
Realizing you still had a whole day ahead of you seemed utterly impossible to finish, but still you would reach your hand out to the finish line, only to miss every time.
You had six hours until it was the appropriate time to wake up. You couldn’t call anyone for help, you couldn’t text anyone in the middle of the night. It was your burden, so you had to keep it to yourself and hope and pray it washes away over time.
Your phone has been your only sense of livelihood during your dull days. If you had been wasting hours after hours at least you had been doing something.
Before you could think of the consequences, you had thought of searching yourself on the internet, just for fun. You clicked on the first source, hoping that someone would see your side of the story.
No it was not fun–you wish you could warn yourself because the title of the article read; “All you need to know about Y/niora and why she’s trending”
We’ve all seen the names “Y/n” or “Y/niora” trending on X, who is she? Some might wonder. In this article I’ll be going over everything she’s done wrong, and why fans hate her for it.
Y/n is a popular streamer on twitch, known for her funny commentary and her boyfriend Jay, but recently she’s shown a darker side to her.
Her boyfriend, Jay, is also a twitch streamer, a much more popular one at that. He’s known for his good looks and his random reactions that have us crying with laughter, but why would he date a nobody like her?
If you’ve seen Y/niora’s X account, you can see that she posts provocative photos of herself, things that only lead to temptations of male fans. Fans speculate this is the reason they met, saying that she seduced him and used him for money, fame, and views.
If you know anything about streaming, you know BlueJay and his friends. Who stole the internet's hearts with their looks and cute personalities. But things start picking up between Jay and Y/n when she posts their matching stuffed animals, officially presenting their relationship to the world.
This seems to be a bad move on Y/n’s part, as her facade starts slipping through and we get to see her for the calloused person she is.
She continuously shows her disinterest in anything he’s saying. Making him repeat everything he’s said to her. This strikes up the question, does she really care about him or her fans?
Arguments of this exact topic have been trending among fans, some saying
You closed your phone before you could read anything else. Flipping your body over you could feel tears start to form in your eyes, your vision goes blurry and your breath starts hiccuping.
Wiping your wet cheeks, you start to panic when you feel like your throat is closing up, placing your hand on your chest to try to calm yourself down.
That clearly doesn’t work. As you swear you can feel the walls closing in beside you. In a last effort to stop your ugly sobs, you open your phone once more, your breath quickens when you open the phone app, calling the person that you need the most right now.
The ringing on your phone shakes you more, “Please answer, please answer, please answer.” You croak out desperately, glancing at your window to realize it’s the middle of the night, and he’s probably getting the nice sleep he deserves.
Unlike you who only makes things worse, and can’t even get a wink of sleep at night.
You sob harder after the fifth ring, realizing that he’s not going to answer. And you have to do this on your own–
“Y/n? Are you okay?” His voice brings relief to your ears, that’s until you realize the state you’re in.
“Jay I’m so–so so sorry for calling you this late.” You rasp out, “I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t stop shaking and crying, I just–fuck” Bringing your hand up, you grab a fist of your hair, not knowing what to do or say.
“Are you at home?”
“Yeah, I am.” You choke through, words barely coherent.
“I’m coming. Stay there, okay?”
“Okay.”
His tone is so soft it scares you. How could he be talking to you so sweetly knowing the mess you made? How could he be talking to you so sweetly knowing that you are burdening him at such a late hour?
Your throat tries its best to keep your hammering heart inside your chest, but it closes up, your breath is so uneven you're not even sure you’re breathing at all.
That is until you let out a soft apology into your phone, but it’s covered by your staggered breathing, and the sound of you stuffing up your snot back into your nose.
The silence coming from him is apparently meant to drive you insane. Because the nausea of it all starts to get to you, your condition is crippling so you can’t even move from your curled up position on your bed.
You can hear your door slam open, eliciting a strong flinch from you.
Your heart seems to be racing too fast for your liking, almost like it’s fighting to get out of your chest. “Jay?” You mutter, as you can see his dark silhouette standing through the doorway.
Before you can actually decipher if the man is actually Jay or just some random burglar who found your spare key, you feel his arms wrap around your body, tucking your head into the space between his neck and shoulder.
You conclude that it’s Jay’s warmth you’re feeling right now.
For a second you feel safe, for a second you feel like he’s just hugging you, not because you are literally having a panic attack.
That snaps you back into reality. God were you really having a panic attack over an article? That you chose to read?
Feeling your chest tighten and your eyes water up, you tuck your head impossibly deeper, letting your tears and snot get all over his shirt.
It’s grossing you out how you can physically feel his shirt dampen with your tears, but you’re too focused on figuring out how to breathe rather than the mess you made on his shirt.
“You can let it out, or you can just cry, I don’t mind.”
You sob even harder than you were before.
He’s so warm. He’s so warm. And you have no idea why it’s the perfect descriptor for him.
“Jay,” You mutter, being muffled by his shoulder, “I’ve ruined everything.”
His arm rubs your back gently, “You haven’t ruined anything, pretty.” He whispers, talking like if he speaks any louder you’ll crack into hundreds of pieces (you actually might but that’s not the point).
“I have! You can’t even deny it without lying,” You hiccup, “I mean—I’m trying so hard, but I can’t do anything right.” You pull your head back to look up at him.
He stays silent, letting his hand cup your face, wiping away any tears that fall down.
“And I’m so tired. I’m so tired of doing everything I can but still being hated for not doing enough. I mean who wouldn’t? I can’t even cook a proper meal, it just goes to show how hopeless I am.”
“Y/n you can’t possibly think about yourself.”
“I can because it’s the truth.”
He tucks your head back into his shoulder, “Y/n, not being able to cook a proper meal is okay. Some people never learn how to cook an egg.”
Your breathing calms down slightly, you let out a small chuckle, trying to stay forever in his warmth.
“I’m sorry for calling you here so late, I know you’re tired from streaming or something.”
“I could never stay away from you for too long, even if it’s in the middle of the night.”
Letting out a breathy smile, you look back at his face, a small smile spreads through his face looking at you.
Your eyes were tired, for the first time in a week your body was tired. “I’m going to go to sleep. Thank you, Jay, seriously.”
He gets up from your position, you feel the absence of his warmth even though he just got up, he’s about to walk out the door when you build up the courage to ask, “Can you stay? Just for tonight?”
Looking back, there's a smile on his face as he replies “Always.”
Walking back to you, he lays himself under your blanket, tucking you in before wrapping his arm around you, he pulls you into his chest.
And for the first time in what felt like forever. You fall asleep, in Jay’s arms.
☆
back masterlist next
yenqa > um title is reference to teenage dream by olivia rodrigo! umm hope u enjoyed while i ripped my heart out and put it in my writing… thanks!
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For better or worse
summary: As a son of one of the wealthiest men in South Korea, Yn always knew he was going to end up in an arranged marriage. Moreover, he was sure his younger sister Wonyoung was going to marry Jay, the son of their father's closest business partner, who they knew since childhood. You can imagine the surprise when the one Jay plans to marry is Yn.
pairing: enhypen jay x male reader
featuring: enhypen members, Wonyoung from IVE, Yeonjun from TXT, Yuna from Itzy, ocs
genre: smau, fluff, humor, light angst, suggestive sometimes, arranged marriage, CEO! Jay, rich! male reader, Jay is filthy rich but not a dick like Goo Junpyo but his father kinda is, (Jay's also lowkey highkey down bad)
content warning: kms jokes, sexual jokes, cursing, alcohol consumption, low self esteem because I project, both Yn and Jay are also kinda emotional whumpees but only a little because I can never hurt my characters too much (says the bitch that wrote fics involving su1cide, torture, gore and child abuse haha)
status: ongoing
began: 11.4.2024
finished: tba
taglist: OPEN (comment/ send ask to be added)
@starchasing-cryptid @onementally-unstabel-kid @nootnootpinguuu @kkurbys @gnusihcom @silkentides @monstaxpuppy @bubblztaro @lavanderxamour @zzzavid
a/n: the people have spoken and I shall listen
disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and is not meant to be taken seriously or as a representation of the idols.
navigation:
profiles:
profiles 1 profiles 2
chapters:
negotiations (written + smau)
engagement
wedding planning
wedding
company dinner
injuries
memories (written + smau)
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