#ive waited all my life for aomething like this

[fritzllang]

honestly I think hugh grant lucked out with his glass onion role. a couple hours of shooting at most, no press work, no interviews, and he gets to be remembered by everyone as famous detective benoit blanc's live in sexy malewife

#'ill just play this 10 second cameo role no big deal' #*becomes the next tumblr girlfriend* #you guys dont understand what this is doing to 13 year old me who watched every hugh grant film he could get his hands on #ive waited all my life for aomething like this #glass onion #knives out #hugh grant #daniel craig #rian johnson

[perposfullybadwriting1dstyle]

HARRY IS A RIGHT IDIOT AND YOU BLEED ON THE DELICIOUS MATT

a story about clueless men:

After lunch, I felt the need to freshen myself up, especially being on my period, i was in the need for a shower. A scrumptious, delightful shower, sent to me by Angel Gabriel himself.

Harry left for work hours ago, he aggressively kissed my cheek goodbye - unaware I had stirred conscious from my aggressive sleep.

I stepped into the shower like a cautious wolf, still reacting to the cold bath that dried since my semen-filled boyfriend left for the studio. The steam eased my cramps like ice-cream in the sun, oooh wouldnt that be a lovely snack later! I could cronch on ice-cream all day, like a baby eagle cronching on its prey. My cravings start flowing in now.

Soon distracted by the elegant, handsome, jaw-droppingly jolly water and my thoughts, I hummed to myself, not noticing a new presence. By now most of the bleeding had stopped, the plughole still slightly tinged red for now.

I began shampooing my obedient hair until something touched my waist. "arghhhh jesus!!" I fiercely exlaimed while turning around to see my beautiful love, naked may I add, stood in front of my at the door of the shower.

"hey hey, s'just me love" he spoke softly and I turned down the pressure to hear him and feel his lips.

"why are you home so soon baby?"

"couldnt wait to see you"

"hmm, why really?"

"I kept getting frustrated with myself today, i cant hit these fucking harmonies and-"

"hey, give yourself a break for once. You are doing a little bit amazing and I am a little bit proud of you, I'm glad you chose to come home"

After a deafening moment, you were making out. As you feel something, other than arousal (tea tree oil), drip down your legs you turn the shower back up to wash everything away once again.

After a thoroughly enjoyable make out sesh that you managed to keep quite PG due

to your situation. Harry steps out of the shower and reaches to your obnoxiously white towel. The shift in weight as you climb out exerts a drop of glamorous blood onto the delicious white bath matt, you didnt notice until-

"ohh babe are you okay??"

"why wouldnt i be"

"you are bleeding like a young bear cub on a warm summers evening after being ripped apart by a ferocious capybara!! did i go too rough last night??!! im so sorry i never meant toiloveyousom-" (cerys ive got no clue what ur trying to say)

"harry calm down again, nothings wrong im just on my period. Thought you wouldnt care to know but I am so sorry I stained your matt with my satanic uterus"

There was silence. You start to fret,'does he think I'm disgusting? does he think im a cannibal? is he about to dump me? why does he look confused? is he okay? i am thinking to myself "whats one of those?" he asks innocently, like a child at nursery who draws something that adult minds can miss interpret.

"um, mestruation? Do you know about that"

yet another agressively puzzled pose.

Then he stated "y/n, I have never heard of those words in my whole 24 years of life"

a/n: this is set 2018 bc why not!

"oh okay" you wonder how this conversation will go" can i explain aomething to you?"

Harry looks intrigued this time."please do or this evening is going to end with a violent death and i can guarantee that it wont be me whos dead!!!”

You chuckle at his childish innocent excitement. "Around once a month, girls release one egg which is like the mum part of a possible baby, if the egg gets fertalized by a big fat daddy cock, it grows into a child, if not - because weve used protection, it summons lucifer the devil and he temporarily takes control of our womb and causes bucket loads of blood to plumet out of our fannys for about a week. We call this a period or 'time of the month' but scientifically its menstruation. I am currently on my period"

Harrys face was motionless yet so motionfull at the same time. I had no idea what he was thinking until he nodded slowly "ah, okayyy" and suddenly snapped to check "so you are not pregnant right?"

"correct" you giggled

“so my big fat daddy cock didnt release my sperm into your womb” harry questioned.

“no it did not” you reassured him.

"aha, phew, i don't need any kids yet"

You laughed along until he backtracked cutely.. "not that i don't want kids, or with you, just, now is not the time love" he explained. "baby, don't worry, I couldn't handle that either right now, meaning that you" you poked his chest aggressively “get to care for me and all my pains from being female" a smerk grew on your face while a frown spread on his," Does it hurt?"

You sighed in thought," the blood exiting doesn't but there are loads of symptoms to come with it, sorry if I'm a right old twat for the next 5 days" and you smacked him right across the cheek. You walked off to leave him with a giant throbbing purplish bruise forming on his face, causing him to send out the tweet, “

#domesticabuseisnotajokejim #niallyouignorantslut”