#its very difficult for me to deal w these new feelings of depression & (passive) suicidal ideation that dont stem from mental illness

[antisisyphus]

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#its very difficult for me to deal w these new feelings of depression & (passive) suicidal ideation that dont stem from mental illness #but just abject despair from the world around me. #how can i want to live in a world where suffering and loss and evilness has permeated every corner of life? #when my existence depends on the suffering of others & there truly is no way for me to stop #sure i can mitigate it somewhat. but every coffee i drink has been touched by slaves and underpaid workers #by children abused by the system. that i stand atop of #when the fruit i eat has been picked by people who only want to live in peace and comfort yet who are hunted by my goverment #i dont want to die. i want to be alive so much. but it is almost unbearable to live like this. #i can only say that this feeling wont last forever #that tomorrow i will live in the same world i have always lived in and yet i will be capeable of hope and joy #i wish i could go out and lay down in the road and dissolve in the rain #okay. #okay #soon nathaniel will be over and i wont be alone