#its fine though im very replaceable anyways. he would probably rather date an actual girl too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

svtrie · 3 years

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@sanjis-simp submitted; Hi! Can I get a matchup for One Piece if you’re still open for them? Please and thank you! I’m 5’5 and am a plus size girl. Super pale with dyed black hair with straight bangs and hair to my shoulders. Personality wise I’m an infp or 6w5. I I’ve been told I’m kind but I’m also very opinionated especially about civil rights, politics, and how people are treated so I can come off bitchy to some people. I do curse a lot and will absolutely obsess over something until I learn all I can or until I get bored of it. I’m a big homebody never really go to parties or anything like that. I’d rather stay home and watch tv or read. Thanks again!

hello ! thank you so much for requesting love, i match you up with . . .

word count; 1,440

Donquixote Rosinante / Corazon !

Now, let me start with the usual height difference between you both; I'm sorry but you look like a dwarf standing next to your 293 cm boyfriend.

Like, an absolute DWARF. (Why is he so tall god dammit)

It's embarrassing but, he first met you when he stumbled down the stairs trying to deliver paperwork to Sengoku's office ─ you were coincidentally trying to go up the stairs so Rosinante ended up kissing your shoes.

If one were to ask 10 year old Rosinante where he would see himself 10 years in the future, the answer was probably going to be something he always wanted to do; "helping people" and NOT tripping down the stairs ─ face planting and possibly kissing someone's shoes right now.

"A-Am i dead..? Am i in heaven?" He mumbled groggily, looking up to see a blurry pale figure with dark hair, "Are you an angel...? P-Pretty ...Pretty angel" The words seemed to slip out of his mouth unconsciously, but it still made you blush.

You cleared your throat, blush still visibly apparent in your cheeks, and you handed out a hand for the stranger to take, "Are you okay? Here get up"

The stranger seemed to snap out of whatever daze they were in, finally processing what just happened.

His lips pursing, he stared at your hand ─ and stared at you ─ and back at your hand ─ and then back at you; you stare at him back.

His face visibly flushed, he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly; before deciding to close it and avert his gaze to the floor that seems oh so interesting now.

"I..Uh....Are you gonna get up? You looked like you were in a hurry" You spoke out; voice so gentle yet it was clear that you held alot of confidence.

The stranger finally deciding that the floor wasn't interesting after all, looked up at you with soft hazel brown eyes, and accepted your hand.

You pulled him up; startling him as if he didn't expect to get pulled up, and he stumbled yet again ─ but this time, he was stumbling forward.

Towards you.

You immediately wrapped your arms around his torso, stopping him from falling down again and possibly bringing you down with him.

To others, it looked like sexual harassment but honestly, the stranger just seems to be really clumsy.

Your whole body was dwarfed by his unusually tall, freaky height, making it a challenge to keep him stable but you did it anyways.

"Whoa! You okay?" A chuckle escapes your lips, "You're really clumsy"

The man flushes at your comment and nods hastily, and stands up as you unwrap your arms in his torso.

You got a good look at the man, he was tall. Like TALL tall, perhaps even more than 250 cm? You couldn't tell.

The man wore a white, short-sleeved shirt emblazoned with the Marine emblem; a simplified gull with the word "MARINE" underneath it, on the back; a blue neckerchief; dark blue trousers and above his shoulders wore a coat, "Justice" on the back. He wore the coat like it tends to be worn like a cape, draped over the shoulders with the arms not in the sleeves; indicating that he was indeed, an ensign.

His unruly blond hair seemed to go towards every direction, making it (if not) tangled.

The man finally spoke out, "Y-Yeah sorry about that.." his voice was a bit deep and husky.

"It's fine, you looked like you were in a rush" You answered kindly, crouching to gather his scattered papers he dropped.

He seemed to notice this and started to panick; arms flailing around.

"W-Wait! It's okay I can pick it up!" He sheepishly spoke out, finally taking a look at you and panicking more as he saw that you were a Rear-Admiral.

"No, No it's fine." As he was about to stop you, you were already done gathering the scattered papers, handing it to him with a smile.

"You're in a rush, aren't you? I understand, i also tend to get a bit clumsy and panicky when i wasnt in time." You chuckled.

"Y-Yeah! Thank you ...once again" He took the papers from you, and bowed.

"It's no problem! Please don't bow to me it's a bit awkward haha.." You nervously trail off.

"I- IM very sorry! I didn't mean to- I mean- I-"

"It's fine, it's fine ! You're going to Sengoku's office right ? Better be fast then" You gave him a wink.

The man blushes, "R-Right! My name's Rosinante ma'am" He gives you a shy smile.

You gave a smile back, "Chanae."

And that's practically how you two met; cliche yikes but it's fine !!!1!#!

You both kept accidentally crossing each-others paths and decided to atleast be friends because it was starting to get awkward with the short "hi's" and "how are you's"

As you got closer to Rosi, you found out that he was indeed, an extremely clumsy dork.

Its pretty comical actually, despite you hating the amount of bruises he gets from his clumsiness.

Rosinante grew up and up the ranks; finally reaching the marine commander rank.

While you, only going up to Vice-admiral, just like garp.

You've been offered the title 'Admiral' quite often but you declined, not wanting such a heavy title to be put on your shoulder.

Rosinante was disappointed to say the least but he was supportive with your decision.

Over the past few years of doing missions with you, Rosinante gained a not so small crush on you.

Scratch that, he mf loved you.

He wanted to confess how he felt to you; even if you dont return the feeling back ─ he can relax knowing he's confessed already.

Hence, that's why he's outside of your office, bouquet in hand, as he thinks of a thousand scenarios that would happen when he knocked the door to your office.

Taking a deep breath, Rosi finally gathers enough courage to knock on your door.

And so he did.

Knock.

A door creaking could be heard, your head peeked out of the door, face visibly displaying confusion.

"Uh- Hello Chan!"

"Rosi..? What are you doing?" You narrowed your eyes at the suspiciously acting 9 foot tall man.

"Uh..I....I wanted to tell you that I like you!- I-Uh- M-More as a friend..And i was hoping if I could take you out on a d-date...?" He trails off softly, his gaze glued on the floor, face flushed.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise, flushing lightly before shrugging, your mouth forming a smile unsconiously "Sure!"

You both took the relationship slowly; not wanting to rush and make one another uncomfortable.

You and Rosi has alot of things in common; including civil rights.

Rosinante was raised to not be like other celestial dragons; he was truly kind.

And you wanted to make sure people were treated how you think is right.

You both hate celestial dragons; you more than Rosi.

Often, when someone gets offended by you cursing your mouth off, Rosi will usually be the one who will apologize profusely while you continue throwing profanities at the celestials.

Rosi also admired your hunger in knowledge; he knows a bit but he isn't as extreme as you.

Rosi HAS to drags you to sleep sometimes otherwise, you'll loose your sleep because you were focusing on learning too much.

Rosi doesn't like to go on alot of parties either, he instead just likes to be alone with you; either cuddling you or watching you read with a lovestruck gaze.

He absolutely loves the fact that you're plus size! He doesn't care what other people thinks, it makes you supper huggable and Rosi loves it.

Likes to shower you with kisses everywhere. Literally, everywhere !!

He can and will send death glares at disrespectful men that keeps checking you out; you don't need to worry about creepy men from now on. (Rosi drinks his respect women juice !! )

Both marines, you don't have much freetime so Rosi usually buys a dozen of books to give you whenever he sees one that he thinks you'll like; it's his way to remind you that he loves you and also because he loves the way your eyes shine everytime you learn something new.

If you're both not busy though, he'll take you out on nice picnic dates !!

You tried doing a pottery date but that ended up horribly as he kept accidentally smashing his creations and kept slipping on the clay.

Rosinante absolutely adores you and your flaws; he forever will and no one could ever replace you ─ same goes to you for him.

[ Runups : Sabo )If Rosinante doesn't pair well with you.) ]

i...i think i went too far ?? i'm sorry i just love this dork alot.

sorry if Rosinante isn't the most compatible with you, although this is only my take on who would balance well with you.

note; not proofread ! sorry for any grammatical errors.

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crazykendal · 7 years

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woah if I were you I would .totally. read though this

did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class? health class.. like family life or what

what are your feelings regarding shopping? I hate shopping

do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Honestly im mean around a lot of people and I think people think im mean to everyone which is not true. I can get really soft with some people

have you ever worn fishnets? nooo...

do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? nowhere:)

do you believe prayer really works? no

do you have one best friend who is always there for you? yeah she’s weird

describe one of your most emotional farewells. haha nonononononoonon

have you ever been tied up? like literally or mentally.. ohhh god no

how many times have you been cussed out? dunno

does it bother you when people ask personal questions? no, it just means that they might care more

do you know anyone who’s been in jail? a tonnnn

have you ever considered acupuncture? No

have you ever watched the same sex undress? no..?

have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? no

have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? no

do you enjoy mario games? like super mario yes my dads a hardcore fan

do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) no you must work for shit dood

does it bother you when dogs lick you? no they love me

do you feed your pets human food? yeah haru loves chicken

which is worse: being sexist or racist? both are absolutely horrible, but nothing is worse than a perachel shipper

do you think suicide is selfish? man.. it ends the pain but it starts more pain to people close to you. It seems selfish but it really depends

would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? No

what are the most embarrassing songs in your itunes library? i dont have any embarrassing shit that i can think of

how picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? oooohh man idk

do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? ..yyeahh..

in your opinion, is it ever okay to get back with an ex? depends on who

what’s the first animal you go to see at the zoo? i never go to the zoo

what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? idk

what animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn’t be? all of them they want to be FREED

do you like zoos or aren’t you bothered? why so much fucking zoo shit

i offer you a cigarette, you say… nope i dont want lung cancer

why do you think you were put on this earth? to fucking suffer and to make others suffer

is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? no unless they are gonna kill you

do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation also? no i hate people who believe this

are you in any shape or form, racist? no

are you in any shape or form, sexist? no but i kinda prefer girls if you know what i mean :)

how do you think the world will end? either a nuclear war or global warming haha

what natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? death :)

would you kill someone who killed a child? how about YOUR child? sure dood

what is your favorite cover of a song? halsey covered justin bieber’s love yourself and replaced love with fuck. i relate to this cover more than I do with my family

have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? no?

have you ever received or given a make-over? no..

do you know anyone who is HIV+? not that i know of

have you ever been to a desert? idk but I feel like i live in a desert

do you know any trans* people? yeah and also I met MILES MCKENNA yussss

what is your favorite beatles song? uh..

what is the poorest you have ever been? when I first had no money haha

i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? like youtubers?? oh god. I used to love ihascupquake, dantdm, and ldshadowlady when I used to like minecraft but its now more vanoss gaming, zac cox tv, thegaminglemon, thedevildoggaming, and lets play games

is there something written on your shirt right now? it says Mavel

what is your favorite song to play on guitar hero or rock band? ooh I love those games I just dont have it

where do you find the surveys you take? I follow an account

what’s one weird/annoying thing your pet(s) tend to do? BUB ATTACKS THE SHIT OUT OF MY OTHER CATS

what’s your favorite song by your favorite artist? Salt Skin by Ellie Goulding, Colors by Halsey, Secrets by The Weeknd

do you have an “original character?” what.. like something ive come up with myself? If so, dont even get me started. I literally have about 100 characters ive created for this huge long ass collection of stories ive been writing for about 3 years.

what about a persona/fursona? wut

do you ever MAKE your own surveys? no way

why’s it the woman who have to give birth anyway if the man is physically stronger in most cases? because the man isnt strong enough ;)

do you get good internet where you live? no my room has no wifi but my backyard is gr8

ever had a cavity? how many? yeah idk how many haha

ever broken a tooth? I thought i did once

what did you do on the playground at your school as a child? idk

are you into comics? I recently wrote a 60-70 page comic for a series im writing

did you ever have computer disc games you played as a kid? yeah GTA San Andreas all the way homie

what do you think of people who have therapists? pretty brave, my parents think i need one but i could never

do you have any of those adult coloring books? no I hate coloring

ever ridden an elephant? no

deserts: dreary or beautiful? dreary

ever seen a panda? like once I think

what kind a camera do you have? I only have my phone

do you have stretch marks? where? don’t be shy, they’re tiger stripes! no

lobsters: cool or scary? i pet one once

opposoms: total vermin or cute? what

what tv channel dominated your childhood? idk

ever actually seen a snake in the wild? my friend stepped on one when we were little holy fuckk

have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? no

ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! no

do you like oatmeal? no

wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? yes

ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? no i got cats

ever play hearthstone? no but I know a guy named Hearthstone :)

ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot? no

how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught? MY DAD IS OBSESSED WITH FISHING HE HAS SPECIAL KAYAKS FOR IT AND EVERYTHING. But sometimes ill go fishing (like never) I caught some fish before

coolest place you’ve ever been fishing? santa cruz is my life

which is cooler: african or asian elephant? I didn't know there was a difference

craziest thing you’ve ever eaten? nothing

what’s in a camel’s back? Idk ask the camel

steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? who dat

what do you think of people who put their whole life on social media? fine with me if they put up there credit card info :)

don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra? idc

do you truly believe we came from chimps? not from chimps but from earlier ancestors of them

well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them? people are just sometimes born like that

if you could choose anyone to be your father, who would it be? Han Solo

weirdest video game you’ve ever played? hmm gta v is weird for how inappropriate it can get sometimes even tho its the best game ever but probably sims 3

we’re having a pig-pickin’! whatcha eating? a what

ever been on a scary hay ride? no

ever been to a castle? I went to Hearst Castle once

what’s your favorite kind of penguin? club penguin :) (ive never played before tho) rip

whales. should they be allowed in sea world? NO

ever seen an albino? whether it be human or animal? yes

what do you think of the song “miss jackson” by panic! at the disco? omg have I never heard of that song whats wrong with me

what is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? my old bestfriend has a picture of her and new best friend, isnt that great haha fuck me

do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? depends :)

do you like using big words when you talk? No i dont know many big words

do you EVER use caps lock? NO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

are you loud when you’re having sex? well idk

have you ever wanted to drop out of school? i probably will want to in high school

when was the last time you watched south park? never

are you italian? nope

are you interested in photography at all? only in gta v

any survey takers that annoy you on tumblr? no

do you like bob marley? ive never heard any of his stuff

can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? I never can or do

are you interested in art? sketch my life away

don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? No but when the worlds flooding they wont regret it haha

everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? I always say cats are my favorite but i also love chickens

who’s your favorite disney character? none

have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? no

do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? idk

how much was your prom dress? what’s the most you’d spend? hahahahahahahaha kill me

would you marry someone of a different religion? ehh.. im not religious and i could never go to church every sunday so maybe not..

how did you learn the word “fuck”? my parents swear a lot

if you could make one of your enemies your best friend, who would it be? id rather stay enemies thank you very much

what is the last movie you saw in theaters? Spiderman Homecoming

have you ever got into a wreck? not serious

do you think you are an argumentative person? yeah and i lose friends because of it :)

can you admit when you’re wrong? all the time

are you easily confused? yeah people yell at me for it

do you think you would make a good wife/husband?

probably not

have you ever caught a butterfly? hey I used to be afraid of butterflies so no

have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? no

do you like being kissed on the neck? never been kissed so yeah

favorite song by the band the offspring? never heard of them

how many times each morning do you press the snooze button? never had to, ever

when you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? idk

what video game or computer game are you best at? GTA V Online, ive become so good from 4 years of experience people think im a modder, fuck all those bitches, but its really funny when they think I can just drop money for them, id love to be a modder but I dont want to get banned

how do you normally come across new music? friends or the radio

what subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? science and english and history even though i love history

do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? i dont care

are you pretty politically correct? kinda

have you ever behaved like a stalker? no i have no idea what you are talking about :)

do you appreciate other people’s opinions? depends on who

if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be? I named my cat Bub so there

do you care what’s going on in the world? If it hurts me, yes

how many partners is too many? at one time, one is good but if youve had a lot in your life time i lose respect

do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose? no

do you prefer boys to shave down there? uh..

how much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? im 14 wtf

are any of your siblings married? what are their spouse’s names? No but I think my sister is married to Finn Wolfhard

have you ever had a pet bird? no

how many times have you moved in your lifetime? once

if you could get one piercing and one tattoo, where would you want them? ahh only if it didn't hurt id get a red triangle on my right wrist (gotta be like ellie goulding) and a piercing? nose? maybe

would you consider yourself to be adventurous? yes i love to adventure but no one ever wants to come with me :’(

has any part of your house ever been flooded? no

is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? who and why? yeah, I cant say though. Their friend told me about some stuff

if you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? to what organization would you donate it?

idk

describe the best friend you’ve ever had, or the best person you’ve ever known. ive been friends with her for about 10 years and we've been fighting for months and ive finally come to realize she cares about me a lot more than I do about myself and she is really worried about me ever doing anything with myself. Ive just been really down with myself these past months

have you ever adopted a stray animal? maybe

what time did you wake up this morning? 8:28 dont ask how I remebered

ever wonder if you’re someone’s everything? yeah but I know that it’ll never happen but like theres this one person id give my life for (just one person) she knows who she is

would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde? like once ok stop it

what is your mom’s middle name? Lei

do you know the color of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s eyes? n/a

have you had your wisdom teeth out? no

your appendix? no

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i-dont-want-to-forget-this · 7 years

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hi i just wanted to talk

i dont really have any sort of direction or reason that i wanted to talk but its 9:30pm and im alone and im in a typey mood and i dont want to just watch more how i met your mother. (im on episode like 17 i was on like 2 this morning thats so embarrassing.) anyways. i should probably watch a disney movie to help fuel the reigniting fire inside of me, but idk it just hasnt happened yet. oh im waking up at like 6am tomorrow morning rip me amiright or amiright. obviously relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. theyre hard. honestly, i know that once one of radk starts dating someone im going to feel the need to be a know it all (WHICH IS SO ANNOYING SUCH A BIG FLAW I HAVE) and be like ok but dont believe all the sweet things they say because boys lie!!!!!!!!! which is true. lets be honest here they do. they say very very sweet things to win over your heart because they want you and they know that saying those things will make you swoon. and it sucks because it will work and youll believe what theyre saying, hell, they may believe what theyre saying at the time but surprise things change sometimes. and thats ok. the world is constantly changing. it jsut reallt really really really sucks when soemthing you thought could be a constant is not. FOR EXAMPLE:::::

1. “camille, listening to you is infinitely more important than this right now,”

which, in his defense, wasn’t a lie. he said right now. but thats not the point the point is that i could have sworn phil laplante would listen to everything. every complaint every hope every dream every belief everything. but we are about to hit 4 months (oh my gosh only 4 months) and i cannot tell you the last time i truly felt listened to by him. which hurts my heart does not hurt my heart as much as:

2. “i love you my dearest, kaibigan, unconditionally.”

i just literally dont believe you. i dont. and heres the thing. tears shed over phil suck/ed. ok. theuy stunk before im sure theyll stink in the future, and it hurts and it sucks but OH ME OH MY IT IS NOTHING. NOTHING IN COMPARISON. TO THE PAIN INFLICTED ON MY BY ONE OF THE LOVES OF MY LIFE. i feel like shes not even mine anymore. is this a dramatized version of camille speaking? probably, but she deserves to have a say too. and it sucks. so much. to feel like youre all alone because the one person you swore would love you no matter hwat you did or what you coujld do would still love you just kind of stops becasue she finds new firends to become obsessed with this sucks because i used to be that new friend. she used to be obsessed with me and thar hurts likea mother tucker. i think ive developed shades of trust isseus. maybe. id ont really know i jus tknow that it sucks SO MUCH to think of my two favorite people on the planet both being uninterested in me wow that hurts a lot. and it makes me sad to think that i could be someones favorite person on the planet and i ditched them im sorry i dont wantt o make you feel that way but i feel as though i ahve and i am so sorry. THERE IS SO MUCH HURT IN THE WORLD AND THAT SUCKS ASS. A LOT. LIKE A LOT OF ASS. But there are also some beautiful things in the world. things like music. i love music. things like stories. stories are so fascinating. there is constantly something happening on earyh and there is a select few numbers of people who will experience it.

im rediscovering myself. i lost her somewhere. somewhere in the mix of the kissing and the new bralettes and the frozen fruit snacks and the engieneers and the design projects i left her somewhere. shes out there. or maybe shes in here, tucked away behind a familiar smell. or maybe a new smell. i dont know what she likes. i dont know how to coax her out of me. shes made some appearances, for example when i was scrolling through instagram after that himym episode and it was earthyandy showing off some of her vegan ice cream with 10,000 emerald pools playing it jsut reminded me of humans existing and it was beautiful. and there are shades of her still in me writing this todaybut she doesnt overflow me anymore. which is ok. id rather have her be a little hidden than be garbanzo.

things that hurt:

thinking about the honeymoon phase.

and i know that this is like with God, am i in it for the reward or am i in it for Him? (ive come to discover im still very much in it for the reward i think. i am not the best. but im working on it. am ia ctually working on it. or do i just say that and ignore it. id ont know but i cant afford to put myself through the hurt of telling myself that im doing nothing.)

but God, like actually God, I miss it.

i miss the romance. i miss feeling like i was floating, like the world was saturated, and my face was hot and things were sweaty in the best way. i miss feeling like i was flying, and like nothing had and ever would hurt me (sidenote, things did hurt.) i miss

i miss still being pure

thats a rip

i am weak

but its in the past

i dont know if ive actually forgiven myself for that one yet

i feel less disgusting and more loveable than i did previously, which is good.

maybe im not ready fora relationship.

but when will i be

i need to learn somehow

has phil been perfect?

no!

no he hasnt!!

today he told me “im going to stop replying for a while, dont get offended.”

which.

1. sucks. or well, is odd.

if he had opened and left me on read i wouldnt even flinch

if he just sent back a smiley face id be like lmao, probably send back a bitmoji

but he told me it was going to happen. which is just so weird.

2. i feel like im more offended that he told me to not get offended. dont tell me what to do. which, ok, i realize could be crazy, he jsut doesnt want to hurt my feelings but believe it or not phil its a little late for that its happened and im ok im fine ive forgiven it. i think. maybe. i just want to be there for you and with you and actually scratch that i want you to want me to be there for you and with you. i just dont feel very wanted by you sometimes which, weve discussed before i know that you know that youre not affectionate. or at least not when were in real life and not honeymooning (sidenote i feel like our honeymooning phase was shorter than others were and i find that unfair but whatever.) i signed up for htis. im consciously dating someone that is distant. am i okay with that? i dont want to jsut date boys to feel like im flying though i want us to

i dont know

i was going to say be a team

but thats what phil says

and i dont want to let him pick these words for me

remember when i wrote that poem about chaos

and how i felt like i was in a storm and i dont know what to hold onto and i was like oh jk i want to hold onto you

yeah

me too

i think im there sitll

and like you said

the storm is inside your brain

and i want to be able to be the one to calm it

but maybe thats not my job

mabye thats a different persons job

maybe it is j=my job but its my job for later

maybe its your job

i dont know

but the idea of youd ating someone else really sucks

like a lot

liek a lot a lot

because i know

i know what the hunt is like now

i can imagine

all of our friends

sitting somehwre, id ont know

and all the boys are checking out the hot girls around

and maybe im just old fashioned

maybe im still naive

maybe i am still just a noob

but that sucks so much

i dont want to be replaceable with a deli girl

or with ffg

not that theyre bad or anyhting but its the princile of it

that when im gone you jsut go back to sitting in the purple chairs at storms planning how to talk to the next girl

WOW THAT SUCKS

A LOT

THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS FOR GIRLS

And mayb ethats the point

actually i tak that back

im sure thats how it isf or some girls

but phil im not just some girl

phil im the girl that made lauryn hurley feel loved

im the girl that helped bring radk together

im the girl that blew ms crsit away

im the girl that used to look down in the damn hallway but looked up because she liked a boy

i didnt look up because i wanted to see a hot rack with blue eyes and a nice ass

i looked up because i wanted to be noticed

and intriguing

and wanted

and i jsut dont really feel like any of those things by you sometimes

and that hurts a lot

what is the point of this

this just sounds like i dont want to date him anymore

but i do

do i or do i jsut not want change

i do

i think

id ont know

but camille

right now you get the best of both worlds

you get to date him

who is goofy

and smells really good

and is strong

and is hungry for God

and is grateful

and is

well

i was going to say a good listener

sometimes

but there is so much space between you two becaues this is a time for you

no one but you, camille

you can grow

this is a summer of self improvement.

you lost yourself somewhere and tou dont need anyone to help you find her

thats a lie

who i am is reflected onto me by those around me

but still

i dont need him.

i dont want to need anyone yet

i am young

im still finding out what i want

im still discovering myself

dear God,

i cant do this without you

youre the only one who will love me and satisfy me

“the human world, it’s a mess”

youre right

but thats knida the point

we feel things

we hurt

we love

we lvie

we cry

we laugh

we do all these things

and feel what we think is great

but then when we get to feel you, oh lord, we are blown away.

you are so much greater

and i am not worthy, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed

im sorry

im sorry for disappearing

and i honestly cant see myself running back soon

which sucks

and i dont know how to fix it

i think i hurt a lot

which is so backwards

but im doing what they say normal people do

am i normal though

i literally jsut said im not

God i need you

help me find you

i bet you know how to find me.

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