#it's all just a combined ball of weaved yarn the universe is funky like that

[aceofspadegrass]

What? What’s that I see? Is it- is it another heist fic??!? :O

Heisting Yet Again

Characters: Aguni Morizono, Hatter, Niragi Suguru, Last Boss, Chishiya Shuntaro, @a-simp-20 , @niragis-right-hand-rabbit , and your local bread pentagon, Me

Genre: Crack. We're fucking heisting again.

2.3k words

Well what do you know! There is :0!!! Looks like we're at it again guys, causing havoc to Hatter and having fun while we're doing it!

And look, there's even a guest joining us! How fancy! What have we stolen today folks? Well, guess you'll have to find out!

Hatter thought they were gone for good after they stole his precious couch. It was peaceful at the Beach, as peaceful as it could get anyways, and the days were going by swimmingly. He even got a new couch to replace his old couch, which soon became just as loved as his previous couch. He still hadn’t forgotten the robbery, of course, and if he ever saw those three ever again he’d give them a stern talking to before he set the militants loose on their asses. They were traitors after all, and everyone knew what he did to traitors.

If they were smart, they’d stay out of the way of the Beach’s wrath. Hatter was sure they’d try to evade him and anyone with the bracelet that noted them as members, but there was only so much of them compared to the hundreds of people under his beck and call that could bring them kicking and screaming back to his land. Why come back to the place they had forsaken except to die, after all.

But alas, he was sorely mistaken in that thought, as he wakes up in bed to light humming, and rather itchy wrists. He tugs his hand closer to his core without making a sound, the coarse and familiar feel of rope around his wrist telling him all he needed. For good measure he tries to pull his legs, but his ankles seemed to be under the same type of bounds.

The humming continues on, undeterred, as if they knew Hatter was unable to do anything. He turns his head, and in the darkness of the room he can make out a vague silhouette trodding around his room without a care in the world, and the song was somewhat recognizable, but nothing Hatter could name.

Keeping his cool, he whistles to catch their attention, the person yelping and whipping around. That earns a chuckle out of him, followed by an annoyed whine by the other.

“ That was mean, you know! You scared me!” They whined, Hatter still chuckling.

“ Aww, but it was necessary! So! Do tell, dear, what are you doing in my room, hm? I’m in quite a predicament here-“ He tugs again at the coarse rope that bounded his arm to the bed, “ And while I don’t mind whatever comes to be in bed between me and my partner, I don’t believe I’ve ever met you~ Or have I? I’m sure you look lovely in the light.” He purrs in an inquisitive manner. The person just stays still, and from what limited light Hatter had, they were actually fidgeting a little, as if willing to walk out and leave him there.

He had to tread lightly. Whoever this was, they couldn’t be here for a rousing game of Bed Twister, seeing as he was still dressed and there was not a single inch of mood lighting. Scandalous to just do it without even a little festivities and scenery slapped in, with only ropes to keep him company.

“ Well, actually that’s just so I don’t, like…. die. Anyways, it was nice talking to you, but I have things to do!” The person approaches, and Hatter tries to get a glimpse of their face, of anything recognizable. He only gasps as they get closer and the only thing he picks up is a closed unslutty version of his kimono and an obviously printed picture of… wait is that his face? Was his rope tying captor wearing his iconic face and kimono? In his room?

“ Oh, is that what I think it is? I dare say, I wasn’t aware you liked me that much that you’d imitate me~ I’m flattered~” The person actually snorts at that, and pats his entire face with their unnaturally cold hand, fingers splayed and in short bursts, Hatter not expecting it and jerking his head away with a laugh. “ Oh my, what did you do earlier to make them that cold-” “ Exist! Anyways, here you go!” They chirp, and there’s a faint quack noise as something is plopped on his chest and they walk away, Hatter watching them go with a pout.

“ I do think you’re forgetting something, what are you to do about my rather…… prone position?~ You can not simply leave me like this!” “ Uuuhhhhh…….. get that cool steak-looking guy to help! Okay bye, have fun!” They call out to him before opening the door and starting to leave, Hatter getting only the barest glimpse of the back of their head.

Only, this also lets him get a glimpse of whatever was placed on him, and once he saw the tiny goose on his chest coming up to his face, honking softly, he can only lay there bound like a prisoner as it comes closer with murder in its eyes before the light was snatched like his couch.

" Oh sweet toma- AH IT'S GOT MY NOSE-"

Morning comes, and Aguni comes in to Hatter’s face being used as a nest, the goose happily settled over his eyes. Aguni pauses for a second, confused, the goose napping.

“ Uhh…. should I come back later-“ “ Oh, Aguni, a little help here? I have been ravaged like no other!” Hatter calls out the moment he hears Aguni, the man coming over and looking down at his friend, Hatter’s wrists still tied to the corners. He quickly gets to work untying them, Hatter shooting up the moment he was free, the goose honking as it was launched off Hatter’s face and left to fall down onto his lap. Hatter pushes it off of him, not at all caring at the moment of its safety in favour of his own, taking off the covers and untying his poor ankles free. Aguni watches from the side of the bed with folded arms, Hatter getting up and rubbing his sore wrists with a frown.

“ Oh, you wouldn’t believe the horror last night!” “ Did another one set you up?” Hatter shakes his head, and wanders around the room and making sure everything was still in place. “ Even worse! I woke up to such a position, and without something there to keep warm in bed, and yet someone was here with me! Imitating my looks, but without the sexy factor, can you believe the horror? Oh, woe! I didn’t think it was possible!” Hatter held the back of his hand to his forehead, dramatically dipping back as if to faint. He remains on his feet, and smiles a little when Aguni puts a supporting hand on his back to help him back to a normal stand, Hatter looking at him with a now serious glint. “ I do believe they’re back, Aguni.”

Aguni cocks an eyebrow, face staying stoic. “ The ones that stole your couch?” “ That’s the one! I’m sure of it! After all, why else would they come in here and take the time to assure I could not apprehend them myself? They’re here to steal something.” Hatter grabs Aguni’s shoulders, staring deep into his eyes as his face falls into a crazed smile. “ Death to traitors, after all. We need to find them before they get away.” Aguni nods slowly, and Hatter lets go, pushing Aguni away as he marches out of his room with a totally not unhinged giggle. Aguni rolls his eyes and follows after, Hatter marching his way down and knocking on all of the executive’s doors to wake them up. There was no time to waste after all!

It takes a while, but eventually everyone is up, sitting or standing where they preferred, Hatter briefing all of them on the situation at hand. Niragi looked rather annoyed, leaning back in his seat and combing what hairs he didn’t managed to pull up into his bun out of his face.

“ Why the fuck would they come back? That’s a fucking death wish if I’ve ever seen one.” Niragi groans. “ It’s fucking too early for this." “ Well, who’s to say they haven’t already left? Didn’t you say that this….. imposter of yours entered your room possibly hours before? It would be stupid to stay this long.” Chishiya says with that all knowing tone in his voice, Hatter nodding.

“ Yes, but there’s a chance they haven’t! They must’ve been scouting out what to take next before the actual heist!” Hatter rebukes, and gives Chishiya a warning glance when Chishiya looks unconvinced.

“ So you need us to patrol the entire Beach for them, got it. Let’s go, time’s wasting.” Aguni gets up, looking at Niragi and Last Boss, Niragi getting up with a grunt and grabbing his gun. The three of them leave, and Hatter soon shoos the rest of them out to help search the entire Beach again for the three musketeers and see if anything looked out of place.

Hours pass, and yet when they regroup, nobody could offer anything of use. Ann even questioned if they were even there to take anything, but Hatter had a hunch, he just felt it in his bones. So they separate once more, Hatter making sure to comb every single place in his domain. How dare they, really, coming back here to try their luck once more.

The sound of what at first sounded like gunshots catches his attention, but he dismisses it at first, believing the militants were just doing something. Then when he hears it again followed by terrified yells, he looks up towards the source, only to see a rather giant grey dinosaur with an orange beak.

“ Hah….?” Hatter comes over to take a close look, and the dinosaur was in fact not a dinosaur, but might as well be one, the bird looking at Hatter’s direction and fluffing up its wings. Hatter stares at the massive grey mass of feather and the tiny crown that seemed to be held by a thin string around its head, the bird raising its head and making that gun-like sound again.

“ Oh, well then hello to you too- Where did you come from-“ Hatter takes another step closer, and the bird just bows its head with a head shake and then wanders off, Hatter watching it go. People around it were catering away, staring at the beast of a bird and giving it distance.

“ Strange bird….” Hatter mutters, watching it wander away. Something in his gut begged him to follow, and Hatter was a man of will, so he starts to follow this creature wherever it was heading.

It was good that he did, as he sees a very familiar trio of people, one of which was still wearing his face and kimono. The other two were wearing normal clothes, one in a different robe and petting the giant bird with a fond smile while the other was more modestly in simple street wear and a head covering. “ Hey! There you are!” Hatter calls out, and they all look in his direction.

“ Oh hewwo!” The one wearing his face waves to him, the other two waving as well. “ Don’t worry, we’re just gonna…… RUN! Go go go!” They gesture away from Hatter in three rapid hand motions. They’re all running away as fast as they could, and Hatter was not about to let them get away, chasing after them as fast as he could. With how he generally appeared, he looked like he wouldn’t have much stamina, but they have also never taken him to bed on a good day.

And today was gonna be a fucking beautiful day.

The three were still within Beach territory and therefore still had people to deal with, even if they had congregated in a less populated area, and Hatter pretty much knew the layout like the back of his hand. They ran through the space, Hatter having to move this way and that to keep them within sight. That bird was actually following them rather obediently, seeming content, Hatter internally thanking the bird for leading him to their little meetup spot.

Niragi and Last Boss appear around the corner just as they were coming up, Niragi laughing and raising his gun, fully intent on shooting them down. Even Last Boss got ready to attack, grabbing ahold of his sword.

“ Oh hi there you two!” The woman that was petting the bird earlier greets. The third of their little squad immediately just separates from the group to avoid Niragi and Last Boss altogether, the remaining two still running head on towards them.

“ Hah! You think that’s gonna stop me? I’m gonna shoot you right-“ He doesn’t get to finish as the girl leaps up and grabs his head to pull it closer, giving him a kiss right there on his cheek and slipping past the crispy raisin cake.

“ Bye you sexy giraffe! Stay sexy!” She calls out as she runs off, the second somehow slipping past the two militants along with the bird.

“ Remember to practice safety procedures you two! Don’t let your ankles get eaten!” The other yells, Hatter rushing past them as they stood there stunned by the act that just occurred.

Hatter was intent on catching them, and yet they seemingly had too much energy and nothing in their hands. Perhaps it was something small, like all the bathroom mints, or maybe even a hidden pistol underneath their clothes. Either way he had to stop them and put an end to them.

They make it out to where the cars where, and Hatter finally sees just what they stole:

“ Hey! That’s my wine cabinet!” Hatter yells, absolutely appalled by this egregious crime, the poor cabinet strapped onto a new car like it was nothing more than a box of wood as the three infiltrators climb in, the bird joining in the backseat. The one wearing the head covering peeks out with a smile. “ Oh, that’s not all! We also took all of your instant pancake mixes I hope you don’t mind!”

“ Excuse me, I do mind, thank you very little!”

The driver, now the woman that had kissed Niragi’s cheek like no big deal, pokes her head out and waves.

“ Oh well! See you later! This was fun!” She shouts before the engine rumbles to life and they peel away with his cabinet.

“ Oh you three……!” Hatter stares as they drive away with their second successful heist, shaking his head in disbelief and thinly veiling anger in his smile. “ You three are in for it now!~”

#aib #alice in borderland #aib fanfic #alice in borderland fanfic #hatter #takeru danma #morizono aguni #niragi suguru #last boss #takatora samura #chishiya shuntaro #you would think we'd be caught by now but this is also the laws of fiction so we're apparently great heisters #hatter not being able to catch us part two #yes of course I let you kiss niragi the chance was RIGHT THERE! #we're 100% on his hitlist in this version of the Beach #apparently I have several versions for the same Beach: one where we're criminals and one where we're not :D #then again the one where we're not also includes a giraffe with a man's head on it soooooo- #it's all just a combined ball of weaved yarn the universe is funky like that #in reality I would probably die the moment I start running- #yes I'm the one wearing Hatter's face it's just how it is #ask