#it's Friday and I'm in my pyjamas since like 4 PM...what a life.

[murobrown]

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#it's Friday and I'm in my pyjamas since like 4 PM...what a life. #now my stomach decided to kill me so I just collapsed on the couch and then my brain started to be self destructive too and now I'm sad #feeling kinda lonely #i love isolating myself and solitude more than anything but sometimes I just want those small things #like someone who would take me for a walk like I'm a fucking dog #or watching movie not on my own #cooking or baking for someone #and I'm trying to get over it because I'll probably never get this stuff in my life #i miss being around my family because those are the only people i feel comfortable with #all friendships i have feel like chores or job interviews #i feel like I can't feel this connection with anyone anymore #i don't share same interests or opinions with my friends anymore #i don't have same life experiences as them #and it's still alright to see them from time to time but I just don't feel the need to be intimate with them #i mean intimate like vulnerable #and I don't fucking know how to make new friends when you're 25 and introverted and little ugly #and I don't even know if I want friends #i guess I need a pet that's all #no I think I just need less free time so that I don't have time to think those things #but you know what I'm still doing good like overall I'm happy with my life #i still feel so fucking grateful for everything i have right now compared what a mess it was just few months ago #not even speaking about one year ago #and two years ago doesn't even feel like me an my life anymore #it feels bad saying it but I'm proud of myself because I did this all by myself #I'm here doing good only because of myself #like I gave myself all this stuff i always wanted #I'm making myself happy for the first time in my life #for the first time in my life I don't fully hate myself... just a little :) sometimes #sometimes I can even feek sorry or forgive my past self but that's still work in progress #i don't know what am I saying anymore this is what happens when I'm with no chores or responsibilities for more than one hour