#it’s just the delusion ties into my erotomania in general which is crappy because it feels more real

[voiceshearingyouloud]

Actually fuck my therapist for saying ‘but is your delusion actually true though?’ because of all the unhelpful things to ask someone who’s grip on reality is already tenuous…

#and now I’m obsessing over what’s true and what’s not which like come on man #this is the delusion about being in love with/attracted to this guy #which I’m not because I am not attracted to men and the idea of kissing or fucking him either makes me laugh or want to throw up so I think #I can safely say I’m not attracted to him #it’s just the delusion ties into my erotomania in general which is crappy because it feels more real #I do like the feeling of the delusion though #like when I’m really fully out of touch with reality and caught up in it it’s quite a lovely feeling #like a really easy all encompassing love #which is why it’s also easy to believe it’s true #but for the aforementioned reasons it is not true #and with my therapist saying that kind of shit I was like dude actually come on. like why would you say that? #if someone has identified that something is a symptom of psychosis; even if You think it’s actually true how would you know better than me? #and why would you say something that would make my grip on reality even less secure when you know I just came out of an episode? #why would you ever say ‘but have you considered you are actually deluding yourself still?’ to someone who’s psychotic?? that’s evil. #anyway clearly I’m more mad about this than I thought but turns out people setting off your psychosis freaks a person out! #anne speaks #yes it happening like two or three times is a coincidence and also makes me freaked out it’s true but why would you feed that fear? #and just to clarify I am not romantically attracted or platonically attracted to him because I suppose that would be attraction too. #he’s kinda funny and I don’t mind playing cards with him at the euchre club (where we met and where I see him and the delusion is sparked) #but he’s a homophobic and transphobic redneck capitalist #so not really my type let’s just say that #I suppose I didn’t know that when the delusion started. but I do know it now and if it was a real crush it would’ve died a terrible death #once I knew that #anyway. I need to get out of the brain loop of obsessing over it or it’ll become like ocd #thanks again; therapist! love this for me