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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Simpsons Review: Simpsons Comics #102 “Uncle Burn$” or Homercore Nudity!

Whelp out of all the commissions Kev has thrown me this one’s kind of a curveball. I mean it makes sense why cover it: It’s a pastiche of Donald Duck Comics done in the pages of the Simpsons long running comics. I cover duck stuff on here, and not only do I love the Simpsons but I tend to reference it for jokes a LOT. I just genuinely never thought of reviewing it till now, likely because earlier on in my new career of reviewing animated shows, I wasn’t really convinced I could do pure comedies. With my regular reviews of Darkwing Duck and as it comes out coverage of the Loud House (I still need to get around to Band Together), that’s no longer a real issue and I should consider doing the show in the future, especially since I have an unabashed love for the first 10 seasons and a few episodes beyond that.

As you can tell, I love the Simpsons. While I do genuinely wish it would end and have no real intrest in the current seasons, though if you’d like me to take a look i’d be willing to. The show in it’s prime was funny, witty and each episode was crammed with jokes. And refreshingly for an adult cartoon show of it’s time, the show genuinely wasn’t afraid to mix things up: Milhouse’s parents divorced and stayed that way for so long that them apparently getting back together decades later is itself a huge status quo shake up. Lisa went Vegetarian which stuck thanks to sir paul mcartney, and then went Buddhist, both of which have never wavered since and both fit her well. Skinner and Krabbable started dating. Barney went sober for a few seasons. Apu got married. These are minor changes but the show does have things happen occasionally and doesn’t just snap everything back and it adds genuine tension to plots knowing they might stay the status quo They usually don’t but the occasional change gives things stakes. I could go on for days, but I couldn’t go on for 8 weeks, point is the Simpsons are awesome, and deserve the praise they get early on I just wish they’d stop as by this point people really have stopped carring and it’s time to pass the torch and Let Bob’s burgers be the wholesome family comedy that runs forever.. and even then that one should stop at 10 seasons. Or if not at least let the kids age dammit. But that aside, while many of you simpsons fans looking at this probably have at least seen the comics, or a collection of them over the decades, many of you like me are wondering what the hell Bongo Comics is and how they managed to last so long. Bongo was founded by Simpsons Creator Matt Groening in 1993. Matt Groening had noticed that at the time there just weren’t any funny books on the shelves, funny books being comedy based comics primarily targeted for kids, with Archie and Disney being really the only ones left at the time. So he founded Bongo to rectify that, and given Fox naturally liked the sound of more merchandising dollars, the publisher was primarily used to produce simpsons comics, though looking at wikipedia there were one or two that weren’t including, of all things, a Coldplay comic tying into their album. Why did Coldplay publish a comic book at a primarily simpsons comic book company?

Though most series seem to be either short lived or one shots, there were a few exceptions: Naturally the company put out an annual Treehouse of Horror issue, there was a Bart Simpson ongoing focusing on him and the other kids of Springfield, I had a trade for that one once, and once Futurama premiered it too got a comic book that held through both cancelations. But standing above them all was Simpsons Comics, a 245 issue long runner that ran all the way up to the company’s closing, likely due to a combination of a lack of profits and the then upcoming Disney-Fox merger depriving them of the very heart and soul of the company.

Naturally being a Simpsons fan I have a connection to these comics having gotten the trades out of the library multiple times as well as the collection of Bartman’s solo series, which was my favorite and I might cover some day. In addition to the Free Comic Book Day issues i also picked up scattered issues over my life since, much like Archie, Simpsons comics were a mainstay of bookstores and super markets and the decline of both comic markets is likely why the Simpsons comics started to peter out in the first place. The quality and memorability of the stories varied but they were a fun thing to have around and it’s sad to see them go, as well as see Disney not even make a remote attempt to bring them back or at the very least republish the vast library they now have access to. Also finally if your wondering yes, there indeed was a Simpsons/Futurama crossover. And no I have not read it. So with that history, most of which I just learned some of which I already knew, in mind, it is very fitting the comic’s did a tribute to the Uncle Scrooge comics. Though it does feel very weird that I have yet to cover any Donald Duck or Scrooge comics.. yet i’ve already covered one of the Ducktales tie in comics and a Simpsons homage to it. I’m going to have to correct that but until then, join me under the cut as I dive into adventure with the Simpsons.

This issue was written by Ian Boothby and drawn by John Delaney, I feel mentiong the writers and artists should be important in comic reviews and I kick myself for not having done that or gone into them as much before. Boothby was apparently the Ian Flynn of these comics, writing more simpsons comics than any other writer according to wikipedia and winning an Eisner for his work on the comic if sadly not this issue. He was nominated for an outstanding Canadian Writer award for it though so that’s good. Point is the guy is a decorated vetran of this series and it shows in how good this issue is and I felt he deserved some recognition as most Comic Book Readers, myself included up till now, likely weren’t aware he even existed nor took over the comic in the 2000′s.

We open with Burns getting attacked by a mummy! Gotta say wasn’t expecting this as where we started out but the simpsons have started with wonkier premises to end up somewhere. I mean there was the time a bag boy strike ended up with them in Africa. Also i’d say Burns should call the police, being the kind of privileged white guy they actually care about protecting and all, but frankly the Springfield Cops don’t have the best track records with Mummies:

But no it’s just Smithers, who dove in heroically to save the company 15 dollars after Homer took a bet to see how many fire crackers he could jam in his computer’s disk drive. Lenny said 20 but he proved him wrong. And yes those are all actual jokes from the comic, this issue is very funny and feels very much like a Golden Age Simpsons episode. They also all gather to sign Smither’s cast.. which naturally is a legally binding contract. Burns takes his loyal minion to get some quality medical care only to find an arcade because he traded the Medical Bay in for one during an outbreak of Pac Man Fever... again I really can’t top that and there may be a good reason why I haven’t covered the Simpsons till now. But yeah as Buns gives Smithers a roll of Pennies, he wonders who to have replace Smither’s on their annual summer treasure hunt.. which would come out of nowhere but we genuinely don’t know what they do most summers. I assumed Burns just road Smithers like a horse to play cricket while Smithers enjoyed it way too much. But a stray comment from Homer getting a Krusty Doll from a crane machine about being king of the treasure hunters leads to this.

I mean it’s an easy joke but damn if it didn’t get a laugh out of me. So later at the old Simpsons place, because this comic is fantastic, Marge and Homer talk things over, but Homer insists Burns said he’d split the treasure, and Lisa wishes she could come along. And Marge says he should, especially for his own saftey.. and when Bart complains, says all the kids should go, she already packed their bags, she’s heading to Rancho Relaxo byyyyeeeeeee. Once again, this comic is amazing, and I would say this is out of character for Marge, but frankly that’s the whole point. Plus it really isn’t when she has to deal with 4 children on a regular basis, and her sisters, and a town gone mad.. yeah can’t blame her here.

The next day at Burns Office, Homer is wearing his navy outfit.. or rather Donald’s Navy outfit. But given I did a quick google and found him having at least 4 different outfits during his time in the Naval Reserves, it’s not a stretch to assume the Simpsons Version of the Navy gave these out too. Seriously Ian Boothby has put more thought into continuity than most writers on the show proper. Also Simpsons Tide, season 9 episode, still very memorable and hilarious and not due to childhood nostalgia. Just looking up this bit had me laughing hard.

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I now want to watch that episode sometime soon so thanks Kev. Anyway Homer seems to have misplaced his plants. Now I could spare you the image since I don’t do things panel by panel anymore and only use panels from a comic when relevant. Buttttt

This traumatizing of my audience brings me to a point about this issue and why it works. While there are tons of nods to the Donald Duck comics and what their homaging is very clear, the issue doesn’t REQUIRE you know them to enjoy it. Knowing them I obviously enjoy it more, but most of the jokes aren’t reliant on you knowing anything about the barks comics and even someone with a passing knowledge of the Original Ducktales can still get the reference if not why Donald is here. It helps this is less of a parody, with the exception of some jokes, and more of an homage, using stylistic elements of those comics while telling i’ts own story as a loving tribute to it’s predecessors. Speaking of one of those jokes poking fun at the source material, Burns is delighted Homer brought child labor, which kept me laughing for a good minute, and when the kids introduce themselves we get this bit.

Not only am I 100% sure every version of Donald or Della did this to make sure they could tell them apart, very much including the reboot with Donald, but it’s a genuine hilarious bit. Donald’s response as they head off is “there’s somehting hooey Dewey and screwy about this. “ Also I will criticize the fact Bart isn’t the one wearing a blue outfit. For those wondering why, after all Maggie wears blue shouldn’t she get it, who haven’t seen this a LOT of merchandise early on had Bart in a blue shirt, due to early Merch being rushed out pre-show and since he wore one in some earlier concept art, he got to wear blue. He also wore it late into the 90′s.

Sidebar: I just found this and while it isn’t a bad joke given his character it is questionable to have a fourth grade boy tell you to buy him. Just saying. But the reason I bring it up is partly because the show itself referenced it at one point.

As well as it’s sister show Futurama

And you remeber that Bart Simpson solo I mentioned? That one frequently, both in and out of story, had Blue Shirt bart show up for some variety.

Also why yes each issue does have it’s own fun “Superman’s Pal Jimmy Oleson” Esque subtitle. And I love it so. Point is Blue Bart is part of the series legacy and this very comic company, so it’s VERY weird to not have that here. That being said there were a few Green Shirt barts apparently as a printing error, so he could just as easily be 80 steps ahead of me. I just don’t know.

Back at the plot Burns and the Simpsons show up at Frink’s lab, Frink rather obviously filling in for Gyro, with his own version of little bulb named F.L.O. who gladly shakes Lisa’s hand.. and releases a Pterodactyl but hey you can’t win em all. It’s a nice nod, though one only fans of the source matieral will really get, but the pterodactyl bit right after helps distract from it. Frink slotts into the roll well, as Frink has no reall affiliation with anyone and is basically, much like Gyro, there for various characters to go too when the story or joke needs him. Frink has two gadgets for them: Some Scuba suits that can go to any depth and a grappling claw that accidently gets him gripped to the pterodactyl. Also homer accidently switches suits with maggie, so we get an adorable shot of her serenely sleeping in a diving helmet while her daddy chokes to death.

So the next day it’s out to the open seas where The Simpsons are doing all the work while Burns lounges.. which yeah this is a typical uncle scrooge adventure all right. While the man unlike Burns does work hard and do things for himself, he spent most voyages talking about the destination while putting all the hard work on Donald, in case you thought there was at least one universe where Donald isn’t miserable most of the time. Lisa wonders what he’s doing and we get this lovely bit.

I just.. can’t stop finding that hilarious or a nice way to get the Uncle Scrooge bit in there while still fitting the Simpsons, and it at least explains what happened to Herb, whose been mentioned all of once in the 30 seasons since he last showed up. I checked. And yes for those unaware, which is fair, or who just now remembered Homer does indeed have a brother, one his dad had out of an affair who showed up twice, once with Homer unintentionally, and largely due to Herb’s own foolishness, ruining his life, the other time with Maggie helping him get back on top and him and Homer reconciling. He’s also voiced by comedic legend and your friend and mine, Danny Devito, whose still making us all laugh to this day and is a wonderful person from all accounts. Rock on Danny, here’s the only way I can think to honor you.

But yeah it’s a good gag. Burns claims to be watching for a Giant Squid.. and turns out to be right. So it’s up to the simpsons to fight the giant squid, a sentence I genuinely didn’t expect.. I thought like the Griffins they’d just ignore it.

I miss that show.. oh i’m aware Family Guy is still running but much like the Simpsons the show it USED to be is long gone. Anyways Bart tells a worried homer octopus suck out the innards and drink it first quipping “It’s not like you haven’t been drunk in the morning before homer. Homer chokes bart only for the squid to choke him which is easily the second best “Homer getting choked after Choking bart” gag i’ve seen.. the best being this one I found on youtube.

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Though personally my faviorite part of that whole bit is Bart’s proud “THAT’S BECAUSE I SOAKED HIM IN SLIME!” Anyways Lisa figures out a way to beat the squid, painting the likeness of each of them on it’s tentacles and letting the thing devour itself. Lisa lampshades it making no sense PHysics wise but with that she reluctantly accepts calling Mr. Burns, Uncle Burns and we’re off to our next location. Next up is Mt. Donrosa, a very clear nod to Uncle Scrooge maestro Keno “Don” Rosa, an avid fan of Barks work who expanded on it and turned it into a solid continuity, most famously, and what got me into the ducks in the first place, with the epic “Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck” which I proudly own and.. well I did say watch this space didn’t I? Enough hinting at the future as the Simpsons scale the mountain with Homer carrying burns up on a rickshaw. Burns however looses his lucky #1 penny, SUBTLE, and cuts Bart down to get it. We then get the best line of the issue:

Bart thankfully survives and we find out the Penny, much like Scrooge’s Dime is how Burns started his fortune.. for this issue and nowhere else but that’s standard for the Simpsons. Specifically loading it into a gun and threatning to kill Jasper’s grandfather with it during the gold rush, a nice twist. At the top of the mountain they find the fabled key of Strobl, which comes from the Taliaferro tribe.. more refrenes this time though I didn’t know them and had to google. Tony Strobl was an artist on the Duck Comics at one ponit and Al Taliforino id forgotten about. He did the Donald Duck comic strip which I had heard of and weirdly hasn’t been collected yet despite Fantagraphics covering mickey, as well as reprinting barks and rosa’s respective works.

The key is suspended in the air by what Lisa suspects to be magnetics, and while Burns plan is naturally “Have Bart swim in it and see if he surivives”, Bart, still pissed from the penny and not wanting to die today, grabs the Penny and uses his slingshot to fire it at the Key. The bad luck from the penny casues an erruption, but Bart once again saves the day and has them surf down, with naturally tons more great jokes. The family enjoys some steamed Seafood, except Lisa whose eating Seaweed, while Homer enjoys a sting ray “It tastes as good as it stings, Ow, Ow.” ON to Goddfrodson Trench, an odd choice given Floyd Goddfrodson was barks equivalent for the Mickey Mouse Comics and not really a duck writer, but he still deserves the honor regardless. Under the Sea, no accusations just friendly crustaceans here.. our heroes are close to the treasure but loose the map to the Jailbird Boys, aka Snake and his cousins, who found out due to Lisa’s blog. She didn’t want to loose any more readers to Sheri and Teri’s Olson Twin’s Fan Page.. which.. it’s 2004.. weren’t they dead by this point? Nope still alive? Still are today in fact? Alrighty then. Also this bit, and some of the other references are a bit heavy handed, I will admit that, but the jokes are high quality enough otherwise that it just comes off as a bit of an adorable wink more than laziness.

Snake and co cut their air with Starfish used as throwing stars.

The gang tie their air suplies to avoid dying, and Maggie, in a clever bit, talks with the starfish, since they communicate via sucking, to attack the Jailbird Boys. Again..

I genuinely don’t know, but our heroes find the fabled vault of Barks Billion.. named after Bark Barks, that polar bear from the sonic games.. no of course it’s named after Disney Duck God Carl Barks, who created the Duck’s share of Donald and Scrooge’s supporting cast: Uncle Scrooge himself, Daisy Duck, a fact I just learned but given he created her first short “Mr Duck Steps Out, shouldn’t of surprised me, The Beagle Boys, Magica DeSpell, Goldie O Gilt, Flintheart Glomgold, Gyro Gearloose, Gladstone Gander, The Junior Woodchucks as a whole, Neighbor Jones, John D. Rockerduck, The Number One Dime, Gus Goose, April, May, June and Whitewater Duck. Just the sheer impact he’s had on the comics on all continents cannot be overstated. He is also the one who refined Huey Dewey and Louie from hellraising little shits to the good little boys they are today.. well okay they were, thankfully the reboot has created much better versions. Point is what a man, what a man what a mighty good man, he is truly missed. We get two great homer gags in the same page, one where somehow he’s put the giant key on a key ring and still can’t find it.. with Bart helpfully taking it from him, and then we get this, which I missed on my first read through.

Naturally Burns betrays them, using a Gold Magnet, kay, to suck up all the gold and naturally planning to leave the Simpsons for dead to no one’s surprise. But thanks to Bart teaching Maggie how to use the spittoons, Homer gets one stuck on his head.. and starts getting sucked up with the Simpsons using them to escape. Naturally Lisa’s first instinct is obvious.

But Burns weasels his way out by promising them free gold after their free lunch. Naturally the next day this turns out ot be a trick as their lunch came from frinks and thus, for now, their weightless.. but Karma gets Burns when he tries swimming in his new gold vault... only for the natural result of what happens when am an who never exercises and who doctors once described as having so many diseases packed into his body at once they tripped each other off and that a strong wind could kill him, trying to do with a similarly aged but still physically fit and well trained at swimming in money man does on a daily basis.

We then close on a quick gag of weightless homer getting caught on fire and we’re out.

Final Thoughts: This was a really excellent comic. It captured the tone of the Simpsons at their best and while stiff in a place here or there, it’s mostly just really funny, entertaining and a nice and warm tribute to Donald and Scrooge’s long comics history, not really mocking it but instead just homaging it, while still throughly feeling like the Simpsons. It honestly feels like the Treehouse of Horor Segement on the shining, a bit that parodies something, but for the most part the jokes still feel firmly rooted in the simpsons and their cast. This was a treat to review and i’m glad Kev comissoned it and I may take a look at more Simpsons in the future. If you guys like this review, you can follow me on patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet, or if there’s a specific simpsons or ducktales episode or a specific comic you want me to review, you can comission your own review for just five bucks. Just send me a direct message on here through Tumblr, or take a look at my ask box or submit. However you want to do it. I take payments through paypal and until next time: Happy Days are Here Again.

#scrooge mcduck #the simpsons #carl barks #simpsons comics #montgomery burns #homer simpson #bart simpson #lisa simpson #maggie simpson #don rosa #professor frink #bongo comics #waylond smithers #reviews #ducktales

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be-a-nice · 7 years

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Introduction

Hello! I am Eunice! I’ve existed on this planet for a little more than 17 years. I decided to make a studyblr because two of my close friends have a studyblr (@biochemistryy (which I’m manually linking because Tumblr refuses to acknowledge its existence?) and @symphonystudies ) and that seems fun!

Plus, I’ll be starting university this fall and it’ll be nice to start a blog at the same time as I start this new chapter of my life. I’m undeclared for now, but I intend on majoring in Computer Science. I hope to major in something else as well, although I don’t know what yet. I’m the worst at studying but I want to work really hard and be the best that I can be in college, so I hope that making a studyblr will help make me more productive!

This ended up being really long so… more after the break!

PERSONALITY:

I’m really relaxed, slow, and carefree but I’m also really timid and cannot operate under stress at all. I’m also kind of scared of people (and being judged–actually, I’m well aware that this introduction is super long and I’m having second thoughts about posting it so that maybe 1.5 people will see it and judge me on it. But `I spent way too much time on this so there’s no going back) and not very sociable but I’m working on that, so talk to me! I have the tendency to be vague (”Concerning this project… I have goals in mind. What goals? Well, to be specific… many”) and to exaggerate things (”The clock may have shown only a minute has passed, but I’ve literally been doing this for 10 years and I can feel myself dying already”).

I tend to dream big and would usually set my standard way higher than my current ability level or I just don’t have standards at all. For an example. I realize most people’s introductions are not as long as this or as self-obsessive as this, but I before I began, I had established the goal of having several subheadings in my introduction and a decent chunk of writing per subheading and I am not about to give up on that goal because of something as silly as “the reader will get bored.” My tendency to overshoot is not the best since I also have approximately zero energy ever and I’m super lazy so I never do anything if there are no repercussions to my inaction. I’m also terrible at finishing things and I usually have a ton of half-written stories or projects lying around, although this might be a byproduct of my inability to set and follow through on reasonable goals. I’m trying to do and finish more things, though. I’m making some progress. I mean, I have this studyblr now, right?

That quickly got kind of negative at the end, but in general, I love being myself. It’s great. I just tend to compare myself to people and feel inferior sometimes, but I bounce back in a day, at most.

FANDOMS:

I’m not really an intense kind of person and usually, I fall in love with something for a couple of days or hours and then move on from that honeymoon phase so I don’t actually belong to any fandom.

MOTIVATIONS:

It sounds way lame, but my extrinsic motivations to do things are usually one of the following:

+ I can listen to music more

+ I’m expected to do this

+ People will think I’m cool

+ People will dislike me if I don’t

+ People will like me if I do

+ I wanna make my friends/my family/whoever proud/surprised

+ I want this to exist but it doesn’t

MUSIC:

My favorite genre of music is musicals! Ahaha… That doesn’t really count because there is a wide range of genres in musicals. I’m not a super-fan with knowledge of some obscure musical or whatever, but I casually listen to a couple of popular ones, and I’m fine with that. Currently, I really like Be More Chill, In the Heights, Spring Awakening, and Evita. I really like musical cartoons like My Little Pony and Steven Universe. They’re just so cute and brightly colored! There might be more, but I can’t think of any right now. I wish there were more cartoons with a ton of songs. I like any music though–although I’m super partial towards music with vocals because I’m a choir person–and I would love getting music recommendations!

I vaguely know the theory behind guitar and piano. I never practice ever, though, so my ability level is embarrassingly low.

HOBBIES:

Since I was small, my response to the question “What do you like to do?” has been “write, draw, sing, read.” I don’t do them all in equal measure though. For an example, this year, I’ve hardly written or drawn for fun. I’m doing those more so far this summer, but it pales in comparison to when I was in that “phase.” My writing phase was mostly in late elementary school and then it happened again early high school. I was in my drawing phase in early elementary and the middle of high school. I had my singing phase late middle and high school and my reading phase was all of elementary school, early middle and high school, and late high school. I really like fantasy and supernatural kinds of stories. Or anything funny, I guess. I also like books about cognition and sleep. Basically, the functionings of the mind. Recently though, the only thing I’ll read are translated light novels about transmigration of a modern human to another fantasy world that’s usually an otome game or something. It’s so niche and cliche I could die of embarrassment. Luckily no one will read this except for maybe the two people I gave a shoutout to, so… Hello, friends! Please ignore me!

I’m absolutely terrible or at best, average, and all of those things, though, so that’s kind of sad. Although I can read pretty fast and stay focused for long periods of time while still retaining the information if I am actually interested in the text, though, so I’m kind of proud of that.

Other than those things I do all the time, varyingly, there are other things I picked up recently that I love and want to do more of. I really like sewing because the idea of making things is just so nice to me, programming because that’s amazing and I can do everything with is and that’s amazing I just need to actually figure out what I’m doing first, and probably other things, but they aren’t coming to mind right now.

LANGUAGES:

The only language I know is English but I want to know literally all the other languages that exist in the world. My top five, however, are:

1. Japanese - Most of the media I consume are natively in English or Japanese so it’ll be nice to learn Japanese so I don’t have to wait for forever for the translations. Plus, I’ve always wanted to learn since I first watched anime while I was an elementary school kid.

2. Mandarin - After English and Japanese, Mandarin makes up the greatest amount of media I consume (mostly light novels). Plus, it’s widely-spoken so it must be useful! Since it’s spoken in so many places, there are a ton of different accents and so native speakers are more forgiving if I mess up so I don’t need to worry that much about my accent! A lot of my friends speak Mandarin as their mother tongue or are fluent in it, and it’ll be nice to connect with them in this way.

3. Cantonese - My parents came from Hong Kong and speak Cantonese as natives. I really want to get in touch with my roots and learn it too! Plus, a lot of my family and some of my friends speak it natively and I want to be able to connect with them in their native language.

4. Spanish - Spanish is also really popular and musicals like Evita and In the Heights make me want to learn Spanish. Besides, I live in California and California has a sizable Spanish-speaking population. One of my best friends speaks Spanish natively and it’s so cool and I want to talk to her in Spanish too! Plus, it is from the same family as English so it won’t be as hard as learning something completely different like Hindi or something… ?

5. Korean - A lot of my friends are excited about K-pop and want to learn Korean and I want to learn Korean with them and be a part of that experience. But really, the main reason why I first wanted to learn Korean was because the spelling is very logical and I thought “eh, why not?” I couldn’t remember the Hangul at all though, so I dropped it by the day’s end, hahaha. But I went to Korea recently and I love the clothes and things and the people seem really nice and I want to be able to make a friend in Korea and maybe didn’t even know English because that would be different! And cool!

MISC. FAVORITES:

I love cats! I’m allergic, but that doesn’t stop my love for cats! Dogs are cute too and birds are way up there too, but cats have purr-loined my heart! I really like puns too. I think they’re cute and clever and people who can make constant puns and turn of phrases are amazing. My favorite characters are the energetic, excited child (or child-like) characters such as Seven from Mystic Messenger or Wheatley from Portal 2. I also really like Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights and Erik from Phantom of the Opera though, so that’s not a hard and fast rule. Although… I like writing dark and moody characters as well as childish and excited characters, especially them being best friends and acting as each other’s foils, so that’s probably where my character preferences come from. I love pastels and I love clothes and I love pastel clothes! I’m terrible with fashion though and I’ve been wearing yoga pants and a jacket basically all my life. It recently changed to leggings, a t-shirt, and an outerwear, and I’ve been trying to dress more nicely recently, but all in all, I’m still pretty hobo-like in appearance. I like anime although I haven’t really been reading or watching anything in particular. I just like anime in general and it really reflects in everything I do, whoops. I’m kind of embarrassed by that though.

GOALS:

(For this summer)

+ Be more sociable

+ Be more cheerful, excited about life

+ Actually stick with things and don’t drop them in three seconds

+ Set goals better

+ Accomplish something measurable by the summer’s end

Welp, it’s 1:11 AM here in Canada so I should sleep.

#170618 #studyblr #studyblr introduction #summer goals

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pinkcatsy · 7 years

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i fucking hate fair game

tl;dr There are too many words – a majority of the words in this story build up to obnoxious and redundant/otherwise unnecessary sentences, paragraphs and thoughts.

Fair Game by Monica Murphy is a New Adult Romance that is largely about how badly cliche insecure lead Jade Frost and cliche rich playboy Shepard Prescott want to fuck each other and, occasionally, how much Jade Frost and Shepard Prescott enjoy fucking each other. There’s some hubbub at the begin about Shepard “winning” Jade in a bet but it’s largely of little importance to the plot besides being one of the many little bits of misogyny.

Fair Game currently has largely positive reviews – it’s not very many reviews, I doubt I’ve seen more than 10 either Goodreads or Google Play, but they’re not just positive, it’s 4.4/5s. This is initially confusing to me and anyone else who’s had to listen to me talk about how much I hate this book and its characters (especially Jade, seriously fuck her). But it makes some sense once you consider fanfiction.

This is not a knock on fanfiction, I’ve read many incredibly good fanfiction. Some of the best pieces of writing I’ve ever read were fanfiction. I wrote fanfiction from the age of 12 to about 16/17 – I wasn’t mega popular but I had reviews blowing up my inbox at my peak. From experience, I can tell you that it’s not really difficult to write enjoyable fanfictions. It’s not hard to write fanfics that people will like. Because someone else has already done most of the heavy lifting for you – it’s not necessary to work especially hard to establish characters or develop relationships, most of your readers are already know all of it and, most importantly, most of them are already emotionally invested in them. I got by writing romances by just hitting a few beats; I didn’t need to know why Inuyasha and Kagome would fall for each other or think especially hard about what they like about each other, Rumiko Takahashi sorted that shit out and it’s just safe to assume it carried over somehow.

I don’t think this covers all of the positive reviews or all fans of Fair Game but, personally, I assume some of the emotional investment people have in Fair Game, its core “romance” and its characters are not a result of anything that’s actually in Fair Game. I’ll admit to you right now that there’s tons of manga, anime, books etc. that I have read and enjoyed because the characters hit on archetypes I was already invested in or because they reminded me of my characters, not because of the writing of the material itself because sometimes it was kind of garbage.

Another thing I will talk about is yaoi – I’ve recently gotten particularly into yaoi, especially reading it off the ebookrenta site. Most of them are pretty trashy – some of them are honestly, kind of garbage, some of them know what they are and know that engaging characters and romantic developments are absolutely not necessary. I can tell you I’ve read a lot of garbage, although I’ve read some really interesting, emotional and complex stories, most of it is just finding a way to get two hot guys to fuck each other. And, to be completely honest, that’s all I’m reading it for anyways. So it’s not particularly important that their relationship seems fairly shallow or contrived; that if I really thought about it, I couldn’t tell you what the characters like about each other or even much about them at all – the art is cute and the sex scenes are decently drawn. And maybe I would’ve felt that way about Fair Game if they’d spent less time talking about fucking and more time actually fucking and if they also spend less time thinking stupid, obnoxious and redundant stuff during the sex scenes so that I could focus on what they were doing and not how much I fucking hate Jade, how douche-y Shep is and what a misogynist Monica Murphy almost certainly is.

There’s also the likely fact that the other readers probably have a higher tolerance for all of the absolutely hokey sounding shit that’s in the book, a lack of well developed anything and MISOGYNY.

Let’s talk about the misogyny for a bit, actually. There’s nothing that’s out and out women are dumb stuff, there’s just little things like:

· all the obnoxious, unnecessary moments of slut-shaming like:

o Jade describing her roommate jumping from relationship to relationship while stressing that she wasn’t a slut

o Shep remarking that the revealing top Jade wore to a party is revealing but not trashy

o Shep lifting Jade about as a natural beauty by putting down all of his previous sexual partners as being fake or deceitful by wearing heavy makeup and dying their fucking hair

o Jade’s use of the word skank

o Jade’s roommate (Kelli) use of the word whore (which could be a sort of friendship thing if not for the rest of the fucking book)

o the fact that Jade is adamant on not having sex with Shep purely because she seems to think she’ll lose something by just having a one-night stand with a guy she finds sexually attractive - up until they actually get to having sex, then she’s scared to catch feels

o and the following aren’t centered around women but it’s actually slut-shaming all the same:

§ the use of the word man-whore to describe Shep

§ the pervasive idea that there’s anything inherently wrong with Shep being uninterested in pursuing romantic relationships – he’s hooking up with girls who are also only interested in hooking up, that doesn’t make him a fucking asshole or even a playboy so you fucked up your archetype here Monica

· the way all the other girls interested in Shep are treated (which is probably also slut-shaming) and, in fact, the way any girl that is not Jade or Kelli is described in this story

· the PMS stuff on both Jade and Shep’s part

· the way Shep sexually objectifies Jade every time he talks about her and I mean literally every time

· the way Shep just plain objectifies Jade and how the story doesn’t seem to think of it as problematic – he suggests that she be thrown into the pot during a poker game, he tries to use “winning” her in the bet as a way to get close to her at least twice which is two times too many, he calls her a fucking prize near the end

· the fact that Shep “changing” just means he’ll tone down the misogyny and douchebaggery when it concerns Jade and only Jade

· the fact that Jade suggests Shep should go and hook up with a drunk girl instead of with her

· the fact that Shep thinks Jade being on her period is a test from God and this is allowed to continue without any hint whatsoever that it’s a disgustingly self-centred notion or douche-y thing to say

Additionally, there’s little bits of actual misandry because Jade is the fucking worst:

· she says something to the affect of “you’re a man, of course all you think about is sex”

· she literally says “men are so pathetic”

· she’s disgusted by a toilet purely by thinking of all the specifically male butts that have been on it

And just as a bonus, here’s things I hate about Jade:

· she’s not strong or defiant – she’s just rude for no reason and blatantly dishonest about her feelings throughout the whole story for also no reason really; it’s treated not like a major character flaw but it’s actually something Shepard likes about her

· the way she thinks – just the way she phrases things sometimes just piss me off

· she says repeatedly that “[Shep] confuses me” but Shepard is actually pretty straight-forward and honest about his feelings the entire story – he’s not confusing, you’re just insecure and projecting that onto him which is something you should be at least a little aware of, given that you’re a fucking psychology major

· her insecurity feels like it’s there because of the clichés anyways

o she’s had 2 boyfriends – 1 was pretty long-term and they only broke up because they didn’t want to do long distance once they picked different schools and the other one tries to get back together with her but apparently neither of them ever said she was beautiful

o even though her performance anxiety is driven pretty hard before she has sexual intercourse with Shep, it’s barely there immediately before she has sex with Shepard, it’s almost as if she only has performance anxiety so that sex with Shepard is that much more special and unique

· the story tries to act like she’s a strong character but she just does whatever she’s told after saying no maybe once or twice – and despite Shep saying “she doesn’t fall for my shit” every thing she does in the story, with few exception, is motivated by him in some part and she’d been taken with him since chapter one

· even though she’s only had 2 boyfriends, she later talks as if she’s very experienced

· it’s later strongly implied that the only reason she’s never successfully orgasmed during intercourse before is because she wasn’t willing to communicate her needs or wants with her previous sexual partners yet somehow it’s their fault – Shep doesn’t have “magic” fingers, he just asked what you liked and you actually fucking told him, it’s not hard you fucking dolt

· Jade: "Has he been keeping tabs on me? I hope not, I'm infinitely boring, especially by Shep standards."

Jade, literally on the next page: "Not that I care what this man thinks of me anymore."

· "I'm supposed to hate it when he calls me baby, but I don't." – who told you that Jade? Why are you supposed to hate it, JADE???

Things that annoy me about Shep (besides the stuff under the misogyny list):

· every time he says or thinks something and then goes BOY AM I DOUCHEY or WOW EVEN I THINK I SOUND LIKE A RICH ASSHAT

· the fact that he thought Jade being on her period was a test from G O D

· the fact that he didn’t immediately follow the “maybe she’s on her period because God is trying to make me fail to hook up with her” with one of those BOY AM I DOUCHEY moments

· every time outside of a sex scene that he told us his dick was twitching

· he’s not really funny

Yeah so this book is terrible. If I’d paid money for it, I would be furious. If I could give it negative stars, I actually would. Monica Murphy seems like she doesn’t know how to convey things subtly so whenever she can, she makes sure to spell it explicitly in some of the most obnoxious cases of telling instead of showing that I’ve seen in my entire life. Every time something about the characters, their feelings or their relationships are referenced, it is like it is the first time it’s ever been mentioned.

Also, there’s a superfluous “plot” point tacked on at the end about Jade’s mom selling their home and Jade needing a place to stay. It serves no real point and is wholly unnecessary as what little it does do could be done in literally any other way. In fact, Jade’s relationship with her mom is talked about a few times but it adds nothing to her character or the story so it’s also totally unnecessary.

I didn’t buy their romance – I don’t think these characters know much of anything about each other because I don’t know much of anything about either them besides what establishes their archetypes and their physical appearances. When they do start to learn about each other, aside from one scene, it’s all basically “off-camera” and we’re told about it after the fact. These are not two people falling in love with each other, these are two people who wanna fuck each other and love fucking each other. It was also extra annoying whenever the story acknowledged that these are two character who barely know each other falling for each other for apparently no reason.

Also stuff like this was actually written and (self-)published:

· Guys like to watch. They're visual beings. Hello, porn.

· I come face to penis within a few shocking seconds.

· Damn he's so strong. I'd really like to see him naked.

· God, look at me. Yes, me. Straight-laced, good girl Jade Frost is hanging out with a billionaire spoiled sexy brat who runs an illegal freaking casino in a house just off campus. What have I done? Who am I, for God's sake?

· I need to be able to handle all of her moods. Is this some sort of test? Is God upstairs laughing at me, throwing me one obstacle after another in the hopes that I'd fail? (this is the PERIOD thing and no I’m not over it)

· She slowly shakes her head, all those wayward strands of hair tickling her cheeks. Her hair is like fire. Vibrant and bright, wild and free - I sound like a fucking poet in my head. Jesus.

· "Five minutes," I tell her, leaning in so I can press a quick kiss to her surprised lips. Who knew lips could be surprised? And they would taste so damn good?

#pinkcatsy reviews #fair game #monica murphy #shitty review tbh #whatever

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