#it wasnt all bad it was just painfully mid idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunwhores · 2 years

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day 1: your stats

hw: 136.6, lw: 114.4, sw: 128

cw: idk but probably like 130. its been a bad week

ugw: 88

day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height?

i'm either 5'0 or 5'1, i think closer to 5'1, and yes and no. i like that i take up less room, but i wear platforms that make me about 5'4 almost all the time bc i hate how EVERYBODY towers over me

day 3: a picture of your thinspiration. what features do you like about this person?

i absolutely hate saying this but i honestly think my biggest thinspo is choi chanhee from the boyz. i'm a big kpop fan, and tbz is my ult ult ult group, and i literally can't watch any of their videos without watching chanhee both out of immense worry and immense jealousy. he's like 112lbs and 5'10. bmi SIXTEEN. 16!! he's just so Tiny and Delicate and i want to be that. look at his jawline. and the way his chest bones are just slightly visible. and his legs are really thin but not like skeleton-y. i want that

day 4: your biggest fears about weight loss?

my biggest fear is definitely that if i ever get out of this restrict for a week, eat normally for a few weeks cycle and fully relapse and it doesn't go away and i actually lose more than 5lbs, i'll get underweight and to whatever weight i rly want to be and it won't be enough. i know myself and i know i'm going to get addicted to it and i won't be able to stop, and that scares me

day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? are you doing it for you?

probably not lmao. i'm doing it mostly bc i hate myself a LOT and i want to give everybody that fucked up my life as a young teen a big ole F U C K YOU (ahah, d. thanks for the ed in the first place. and teaching me cutting is an ok coping mechanism. thanks. 6 years later and here the fuck i am.) i really have always had an issue w my body even tho ive always been just on the upper side of healthy bmi wise, i've never been overweight? i just don't like how my stomach sticks out and how big my thighs are and how fat my jawline is and it eats at me all the time every day so maybe i kind of am doing it for myself but also FUCK YOU D

day 6: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do.

i used to binge, in the first few years of my ed, like 2015-2018. then i fasted for 3 days once in the summer of 2018 and it was like a magical switch and i havent actually BINGED since then. i have days i eat a normal amount compulsively, like 1500-2500cals, but that's not technically binging and i always stop before i'm painfully full, so no, i wouldn't say that i binge bc i know a lot of people have it way worse

day 7: do your parents know you're trying to lose weight? do they care?

i am 20 years old, currently estranged from my father. don't live with my mom but i'm moving back in with here in a little under a month. i don't know if she even knows i have an issue w my weight. like i said, i've always been relatively small so nobody rly expects it. i think she would care if she knew bc i rly dont need to lose weight health wise

day 8: your workout routine?

10 mins elliptical, 10 mins cycling, and on days i have energy i do weights for 10-20 mins too but it's usually just the 20 of cardio. and i try to go 4-6 days a week

day 9: did ppl ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

i had some dude once have a joke backfire on him so yeah. dude 1 had said "i could pick them up like that but they'd elbow me in the face" and dude 2 went "i'd need a truck to pick them up." idk how the fuck he thought that wasnt gna be offensive but needless to say it upset me so much that i left that job the next day. same dude once walked into the freezer to me sitting on the floor eating a piece of watermelon. now keep in mind, this was mid july, i work at a pizza hut, the kitchen is about 85 degrees on a good day and that tiny slice of watermelon was the FIRST thing i'd eaten that day. he goes "yknow stress eating isn't a good habit to get into." i, in a grand fit of rage, threw that good ass juicy watermelon right in the trash can. other than that it was mainly my grandma commenting on how much i eat. and a different category of bigger ppl comparing their bodies to mine saying they wish they were as small as me. that has always triggered the fuck out of me.

day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

i'm not in deep enough yet to rly have lost anything massive, but idk. i have a buzzcut so i'm not worried abt my hair. i'm already anemic and probably malnourished so i'm not worried abt my health bc i don't give a fuck. honestly probably the hardest thing is gna be whenever i move and m finds out i'm losing weight bc it's gna affect our relationship. and we have mutual friends in arkansas that will narc me out to him so i'm fucked

day 11: your fav thinspo blog and why

don't have one, just got the courage to start following ppl

day 12: what do you normally eat?

i don't have a consistent diet. whatever i want as long as it's under 1k cals tbh i don't really focus on nutrition as much as i should

day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

as of right now? somewhere in between but getting more unhealthy by the day

day 14: what is your ugw? when do you expect to reach it?

currently my ugw is 88lbs. should reach it by may first.

day 15: are you a vegan or vegetarian? if so, has this helped you lose weight? if not, would you ever consider being vegetarian or vegan?

as i mentioned before, already malnourished and anemic. i was vegetarian for 2 years and i felt like DEATH. i miss it but i'm not doing that again i genuinely felt so bad all the time

day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

i've wanted to lose weight since i was 10, discovered proana 3 days after i turned 14 and that's when it got bad

day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

diagnosed? no. but i fucking hope so lmao

day 18: what food is your weakness?

the fucking fried apple pies at work. almost 1k calories for them it's bullshit they're so good

day 19: when is the last time you ate fast food?

less than 12 hrs ago! went to mcdonalds at like midnight bc fuck sleep and i wanted nuggets god damn it

day 20: favourite diet

i don't rly follow diets i just kinda go with the flow

day 21: what are your clothing sizes?

in women's pants, i'm a 5. small shirts always fit me but i like my clothes oversized. for like shorts n stuff i usually get smalls or mediums, it depends

day 22: what was your lowest weight? how and why did you gain?

114.4. i gained bc i got off drugs lmao

day 23: did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

literally at the very impressionable age of 14 my emo ass searched "depression" on instagram and proana shit came up. started Everything. so yeah.

day 24: how do you feel abt the term proana/promia?

they're stupid and anyone who is actually PRO needs to rot in hell, but for just tagging it's fine bc i get that ppl need to vent and we want friends

day 25: have you ever purged? if so, describe your first expierience.

i did once and never again. thats triggering as fuck i'm not explaining it

day 26: what excites you the most about reaching your ugw?

uh. i don't know. the idea of hopefuly not hating myself as much mainly

day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

i don't lmao i just dissociate thru it

day 28: do you want a gap between your legs? why?

yes, they look nice and are aesthetically pleasing

day 29: your definition of beauty?

again, choi fucking chanhee.

day 30: 10 facts about you! and now, what are your stats?

i did this all in one sitting, so stats are the same, and fuck the 10 facts i'll do that next time i get bored

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 4 years

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S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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