#it starts out funny and you end up with impistor syndrome and the lowest self esteem in the world

[steelthroat]

At sone point some years ago I started saying "I am going to be productive" ironically and I could have never imagined how much damage this made. I am still trying to repair this mess and to unlearn to say this.

Philosophers were right in a way. Semantics matters, even if it looks like it doesn't. A simple word is gonna change the chemistry of the wrinkly organ if one does not pay attention.

#steel rambles #I want to unlearn the word productive #I'm serious #and many other factory-related words and phrases I use to describe my life and the things i do #it's like self-deprecating humor #it starts out funny and you end up with impistor syndrome and the lowest self esteem in the world #i would know. #ffs why is creating good habits so hard conpared to falling into bad ones? #loke when I had to shift from self hating jokes to “lol I'm fucking awesome I have a god complex” jokes because simple self love didn’t work #not even a month to develop the worst habits possible #and fucking 6 years and counting to try and repair the damage caused by those bad habits #and I get it it takes time and shit but it's frustrating. #especially when in trying to unlearn destructive behaviors you develop other (smaller) problems and then you have to work on them too #annoying as fuck. #especially when it's all diy #le sigh amirite? #btw I'm having fun with my research on Marxism does it show?