#is clearly beyond me but idk. just sucks to hear bigger artists tell you to just be content to be the little nothing that you are and to no

[qaanngi]

Scrolled to 2020 to try and update the file for Theo's birthday pic (HBD to him 💙) and that really was such a wonderful period for me in terms of drawing 🥲

#just wanted to update my signature but mobile app and browser don't work 🫠🫠🫠 #le whiny text post #also the few asks I got back then were just stellar 🥲 #it sucks that I don't feel the same joy and contentment when I draw anymore #idl PSA if anyone reads this far down my tags: never tell anyone they should draw: (1) just for fun. (2) for the success in their heart #(3) assume that they do not actually draw for themselves and proceed to tell them to not draw what fandoms want despite. like look at their #fucking body of work before you say something that presumptive and dismissive 🙄 #(4) don't assume they are just* clout chasing. I lost my job in the middle of COVID and still had a whole year's worth of tuition to pay #in the middle of lockdown. so no money for anything including necessities. foolishly thought I might be good enough for comms #very very VERY foolishly put out a rhetorical Q on how to build a following. again my bad for assuming I'm good enough #and then was told indirectly that 'people conflate numbers with worth' and like yeah ok #but also I lost my job Jan 🫠 #sometimes hyper positive 'encouragement' comes off so dismissive #and now (3 years later) I still can't even say what I draw is 'art.' I feel ashamed of sharing anything. I think everyone hates everything #draw (tho that is kind of a true fact with the gnshn fandom if we're talking art styles). I can't even call myself an 'aspiring artist' #I feel guilt and shame for wanting to have ever been one despite wanting to be one since I was a child and wanting to like open comms or #design prints and stickers and shit. #what they thought was 'encouraging' comes off dismissive. like getting scolded by your betters that you shouldn't aspire to have and do #the things that they have and do. and girl when I tell you it took a lifetime to get some of them to even acknowledge me 🫠 #like hoping they thought of me as a peer but it sounds like I'm beneath them #and they are bigger fandom artists. all of them had either comms or something open and literally that's all I ever wanted. the other stuff #is clearly beyond me but idk. just sucks to hear bigger artists tell you to just be content to be the little nothing that you are and to no #aspire to achieve the things you want. #and I shouldn't let it get to but 3 years later and we have given up. #even lowering goals to just such small things and those can't even be achieved 👍 #anyways HBD Theo. You gave up on the dream of being an artist. Me too 🤝💙🙃