#in which Dracula learns there are repercussions to not ensuring your roomies get their share

[see-arcane]

Dracula waking from a dead sleep with a psychic call headache: hhhWhat what is it

Brides 1-3: Where is he.

Dracula: What?

Brides 1-3: WHERE. IS HE.

Dracula: Who?

Brides 1-3: Oh, John William Polidori--who the fuck do you think we mean? 

Dracula, fidgeting in his dirt: Oh. Is he--is he not on the grounds?

Brides 1-3: If by ‘the grounds’ you mean, his room, the castle, the courtyard, or in our teeth where he’s supposed to be, no! No he is not! Where the hell is he, you old tick? Did you seriously box him up with you? Is he turned and stuck in one of the coffins? We’ve been looking top to bottom and--wait. 

Dracula, sweating: ...

Brides 1-3: Wait.

Dracula, so much undead sweat he’s now laying in mud: ...

Brides 1-3: You didn’t bar the window, did you? 

Dracula, wincing: What window?

Brides 1-3: The one you know he Victorian Spider-Manned his way out of half a week ago?? 

Dracula: ...well--

Brides 1-3: Oh my god.

Dracula: I’ve been busy!

Brides 1-3: You’ve been a slacking bastard, that’s what you’ve been. Oh, and what’s this? Is this your blood on this shovel? He was running on half his blood and he still climbed down and bludgeoned you with a gardening tool. 

Dracula: It was one hit! He got lucky!

Brides 1-3: Lucky enough to beat you over the head, steal from your money heap, and run. ...You know what? We’re cool with this. Maybe he’s out there now, coming to pummel your head in with a spade. Run free, little bloodbag. May you smash this skull like an egg.

Dracula, headache is now a migraine: Are you done? Can I sleep now?

Brides 1-3: Yeah no we’re staying on until you get out of reach, asshole. Should only be another month until you reach England. Who wants to sing a song? 99 kids full of blood in a sack, 99 kids full of blood, take one down, pass it around, 98 kids full of blood in a sack~

Dracula: -groaning into his mud-

#in which Dracula learns there are repercussions to not ensuring your roomies get their share #dracula #brides of dracula #re: dracula #dracula daily