#in the meantime he sleeps in the swamp and listens to classical music with charles and listens to bj's stories about erin & peg

[muirmarie]

i'm at work but someone dare me when I'm off to write the cas/hawkeye/margaret (dean/cas & hawkeye/margaret) time-traveling post 15x19 ptsd fic that I suddenly very much want to write

#writing ref #listen cas comes back from the empty in the wrong place and time #and his time in the empty has NOT been kind to him #and he is holding on by a THREAD. #and he walks into the 4077 basically shellshocked #and he doesn't have his angelic healing anymore but he DOES know how to handle surgery #so they kind of assume he's been separated from his unit and just. kind of. keep him. #oh potter has radar circulate his info so they can try to find his unit. but in the meantime? #in the meantime he sleeps in the swamp and listens to classical music with charles and listens to bj's stories about erin & peg #he listens to klinger talk about chicago and listens to radar talk about the family farm #he listens to the nurses talk about their plans for after the war and he listens to margaret and hawkeye bicker #he sits quietly with potter while he paints #and he speaks with mulcahy. oh with mulcahy he talks and talks and talks. #terrified that this man - this genuinely good man - will someday give a yes where he should give a no. because he's shining with it. #but as the days stretch and his nightmares show no signs of diminishing and his silence grows and his surgical skills continue to impress #margaret and hawkeye - who spend the most time watching him in surgery - decide to stage an intervention. #at roughly the same point sidney is finally free to come down to the 4077 #and when sidney manages to pull at least some of the tangled mess of isolation and touch-starved and insomnia and heartbreak from cas #hawkeye and margaret find it natural to want to. soothe. as they so often have soothed each other. #and they aren't thinking /that way/ per se. but then dean's name comes from cas' mouth. a man's name. and things. progress. #and cas knows he can't stay here forever #but hawkeye and margaret won't stay here forever either. none of them will. #this is a bubble of time. endless and yet already over. #and cas can't breathe most days let alone face dean - dean who doesn't - dean who won't - #cas has scars on both of his bodies. his wings and this human skin. the empty wasn't. kind. as he knew going in. #but he's had so little kindness in his life. #he'll go back because he has to face it. has to face him. but for a little while. until he can find a way (flightless. powerless) home. #he'll stay. #mash #spn