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#im writing this at 11pm bc i was thinking about it so hard i couldnt sleep
waitineedaname · 8 months
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"Amestris is an allegory for nazi Germany" you fool. Amestris is not an allegory for just nazi Germany -- it's an allegory for genocidal, fascist, militaristic governments as a whole. Yes, it has parallels to fascist Europe, but it also has parallels to xenophobic militaristic US and imperialist Japan. The point is not "look at this outlier of a country committing atrocities," the point is that the country committing atrocities might be your country and you might be complicit in it no matter how morally upstanding you might think you are. To act like only one government is capable of committing genocide blinds you to the potential that any other government might commit genocide too.
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mistymark · 5 years
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the one with the annotations.
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dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here
summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???
warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint
requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon
notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones
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ohhhhh boi
so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library
because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books
shocker there
you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns
just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books
but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts
because of dong sicheng
not to be dramatic but
your long rival
he started coming to the library to borrow books
because that’s kind of the point of a library
but he ended up liking the environment for studying
and would stay there for hours just to study
and you’d admire his hardworking nature
if he left on time, that is
you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing
just to tell everyone like
‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’
but this bitch
would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME
you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand
tapping on the wood to try and get his attention
and him slowly packing up afterwards
even tho he kNOWS you want to go home
‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’
and he’d be so furious
‘you know you cheated’
‘I don’t remember any such thing’
and maybe you did maybe you didn’t
you were like four years old
as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age
he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors
you leave in the other direction
happily leaving him behind
but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study
which are the days you work as well
he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 
but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you
and honestly?
annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night
but he keeps borrowing books
and you’re like
whatever
until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages
and you were low-key so bitter
this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it
even though,, he literally had no idea lmao
tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste
okay the same taste
but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam
anyways he returns it after a week
boy reads fast ok
and when he goes to drop it in the returns box
you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away
and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it
and when there’s a lull in the work at the library
you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it
and you notice a few pencil marks
and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book
and you do nOT stand for vandalism
but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie
on the page you just happened to open
you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene
‘this would kill someone wtf’
and u laugh and wonder who had done this
like the book had only been out for a little while
and u finish it in just less than a week
bc u read a lot during your shifts
probably a lot more than you should tbh
and seriously the comments made the book better
you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much
like the words were exactly what you were thinking
you couldnt help it
while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift
!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 
not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt
it looks like ur type oop-
and after flipping through it
to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that
u see it ALSO has pencil markings
in the borders and underlining sentences
and without even thinking u borrow it
just to read the funny comments again
and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like
‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’
and thrusts a book in ur face
and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look
and u read the writing she’s pointing at
the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page
and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’
when u read the paragraph for context
u realise it’s a confession scene
a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’
and u can’t help but laugh
like come on that was funny
but ur boss doesn’t agree
she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library
or charged with vandalism
or something
she wants vengeance
u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers
scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book
and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT
2031 times ???????????????
you almost fall of your chair tbh
then someone clears their throat in front of u
and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book
but once u look at the person in front of u
you wish you hadn’t been so nice
sicheng stands in front of you
a grin on his face as he hands you another book
smug bitch is so happy he startled u
‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’
u laugh
‘I’m not u in 8th grade’
he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying
u were soooo hoping he’d leave
even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him
like dude was hot okay
what were u supposed to do????
ur actual job????
please.
so he stays
and when it’s ten minutes til closing
u go and let everyone know
and u stop at sichengs table
and he’s writing out notes or something
idk it’s not like u care anyway lol
but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula
so he erases it
and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting
and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books
I mean he has borrowed a few of the books
and he’s into that genre
not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything
basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head
bc ur cool like that
and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation
until he’s like ‘what are u doing’
and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD
jk jk
‘have u been writing in the books’
and suddenly he’s super shy
and he has this massive grin
and he’s like ‘no’
bitch we know it was u stfu
u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’
he squints at you
‘how do you even know it was me’
and then:
‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’
and u cross your arms
like a badass bitch
and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’
‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’
‘and your handwriting matches’
subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting
and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’
you're taken aback by the question tbh
like ?????? to be a good person ??????
idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you
‘thought you'd want to know’
and he just turns back to his book
and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care
but u do :((
but as you walk away hes like
‘wait’
‘Im gonna be suspended??’
and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok
‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’
u don't know tbh
‘both I think?’
and suddenly there's panic in his eyes
another person walks past u and thanks u
and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave
everyone has left
except sicheng of course
that beautiful son of a-
wait why did u say beautiful
‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’
and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem
but then u think about it
‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’
and he seems so happy at the thought
‘would you help me? please?’
and ur sooooooo skeptical
‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’
‘I mean I need access to the books so’
‘yeah ill let u in and out’
‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’
and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase
it wasnt that hard
u just got his record up
*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’
and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’
and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono
but later
‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’
he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised
‘yeah why’
‘dude,, I loved those books’
and he smiles a little
‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’
part of u is a little impressed
the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is
but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much
other than the staying late and the snarky comments
which you actually find kinda funny-
anyways
once you've gathered up a few of the books
like at least ten each
you sit on the floor of the childrens section
beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books
most of them you've read before
and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger
but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice
and he keeps his head down
‘is it bad that im hungry’
you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng
hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags
and maybe he'd been watching u read
watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary
‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’
you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave
‘you been watching me, y/n?’
‘have you been eating, sicheng?’
and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump
his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark
‘no’
you focus back on the book in front of you
‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’
‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 
you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful
or something else
‘no but I do want to sleep’
you laugh and he forces a laugh too
you dont notice the difference
when you've returned all the books
he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift
hes just standing by the door on his phone
and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him
but u cant help thinking
Jesus Christ this boy is attractive
and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago
but hey! you were eleven what could u do
the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao
but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him
making sure to lock it carefully
and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment
and ur like oh u live this way too?
and hes like nah
but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home
like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night
but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet
‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’
and there goes his heart again
he just nudges u with his elbow 
and u laugh at him and continue on ur way
when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible
and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???
but hes back at the library the next day
and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you
sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear
you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk
‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’
‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’
and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side
‘are u borrowing a book or not’
‘nuP’
he leans on the desk
his eyes staring straight into yours
‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’
you roll ur eyes
you'd barely gotten any sleep last night
but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod
‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’
‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’
you roll ur eyes aGAiN
‘go bother someone else’
‘oh is the hot librarian in?’
you push him away from the desk
but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips
‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’
he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide
‘no. please. ill do anything’
when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away
and he winks too
u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest
and later
its 8pm and the library is officially closing
and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back
but every single time hes seen you coming
and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap
away from your grabbing hands
every. single. time.
you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project
and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him
he dramatically looks up at you
‘do you need something?!’
‘do you want to get suspended?!’
he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway
he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands
a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased
but theres still a lot to go
it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day
and it had been the same thing every time;
sicheng took forever to pack up
you'd eventually find about ten books each
sit in the children’s section
laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books
tease each other
and when you'd finished,
he'd walk you home
every single time
without fail
it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you
because he'd kept you up the night before
and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng
he was just so engaging
there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him
yeah he was annoying and infuriating
but his good book taste made up for it
and his annotations in the margins of the books too
‘is this the last of them?’
he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again
its the third time hes counted
‘surely ive read more than this’
‘not from this library ://’
you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile
‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’
‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face
but you try and remain calm
‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’
he looks at you like ?????
‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’
he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’
you pout and throw a pillow at him
‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’
‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’
you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip
‘lets just finish this’
‘do u want to get food after’
he surprises you with the sudden question
and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes
but you have a class tomorrow
and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night
‘cant :((’
he nods and goes back to readng
theres silence for a while
but you find it comfortable
sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down
like
you just turned down his date
you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now
quiet
but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed
until u say something that gives him hope
‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’
and ngl boy is stunned
‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’
now its ur turn to be embarrassed
u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing
but sicheng is just staring at you
and
before even saying anything
he leans over the gap between you
with all the books
and hovers in front of your face
ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-
and then he leans forward a little bit more
and his lips meet yours
and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you
and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you
he just really needed to kiss you
like more than he needed air
and when u finally pull back
he loves how breathless you are
how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face
how you stare at him with wide eyes
‘so its a date then?’
you blush even redder
and nod
‘ye its a date :))’
but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together
small smiles playing on your faces
until u look at your watch and ur like
‘shit sicheng I have to go’
and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago
so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back
and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked
and when ur walkign to the door again
hes on his phone
u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie
and when u walk out together
without thinking he grabs your hand
and u walk home
hand in hand
after midnight
he clears his throat
‘so uh,, when actually is our date’
‘my last class ends at 5-’
‘so 5 it is’
‘are u sure??’
he nods happily
and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep
‘ill see u tomorrow’
but the next day
when u come out of your last class
a little giddy
a little too excited
and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars
effortlessly handsome
you feel your heart flip
and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him
but hes really attractive
like really really attractive
its actually just that youre in love with him
he doesnt see you coming
too focused on something on his phone
but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him
and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back
‘ready for that date?’
‘yeah, where are we going’
‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’
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jess-oh · 5 years
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Reflection
whats up journal?!
im just gonna go ahead and write this now bc this is something that i want to get back into doing but i really dont think i’ll have the energy to do it tonight. anyway, hi. how are you, how have you been? some things have come to light recently that i wanted to document and write down so that i dont forget them. 
first off, this past week was HECKA TIC. HECTIC! so busy! so stressed! i havent felt so stressed in a while and i am pretty sure it’s bc i didnt have a solid grip on everything that i could control. a lot of things were out of my hands that i couldnt predict or do anything about. it’s not so much that i was busy but bc of unforeseen events and circumstances, it affected everything else in turn and turned my world right upside down! AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AH!
NEway, yeah. that was tough. but yeah. last night, i had a prayer meeting that started at 11pm and ended around 3am this morning and i.... was surprisingly not exhausted once it ended. a part of me was relieved but another part of me was really glad that i could have the opportunity to pray and read and share life with the people there. they were all strangers and who knows if i’ll ever actually meet any of them in person. but i was glad to be with them nonetheless. i did mess up and make mistakes but ultimately, i did what i was told and got through it okay. i definitely felt like dozing off on more than one occasion but really tried to make an honest attempt to stay awake and pray during the times that I could. I felt like my prayers weren’t good enough at times and felt discouraged when people prayed over the same passage. but theres definitely a learning curve there. and just being able to pray with everyone for so long and aloud in my home, it made me realize just how little time i actually spend with God. Especially this past week. I was busy, yes. But I definitely have time that I could be dedicating to Him that I don’t. I know that I’m worried about the response if I read my Bible at work but who cares? They like me for me anyway and I’ve done it before. What’s the harm in that? And even if I am too afraid to be bold and open about my faith at work, I could still at the very least read on the bus or the train or while I’m waiting for it to come! So often, I jut read comics and webtoons to pass the time and keep myself invested and I am genuinely interested and invested into them but the time that I spend reading and catching up on comics, I could’ve been using to read the Word and spend more time with God all this time. 
I feel the worst in History of Communication Design bc my friends and I act like such mean people and I hate it. I am so much more concerned with fitting in with my friends than I am in actually succeeding and doing well in the class. Who cares if people call me a nerd? At least I actually made the most of my money and got the full worth out of it. No, I don’t particularly like Richard and no, I really didn’t enjoy being with Jilly. But I also don’t think that gives me any right to so openly and outright hate them and only fuel that desire but making memes and making fun of them openly during class. I hate who I am when I’m with them and I wish that I could just stand up for myself and call them out and do better. And be better. But I don’t. Or at least, I haven’t yet. But it’s definitely something that I want to do. God, please give me the strength to do so. To stand up for my beliefs and fight for love instead of giving into the hatred of the world. 
We had our MAST meeting today and it actually went pretty well! I think I’m on pretty good terms with everyone and we were able to laugh and joke around while also learning real and insightful things from the first chapter of Philippians today. I’m glad! I’m a little sad that we didn’t all join together afterwards for lunch but I understand that people already had their own commitments and plans to attend to. I was just glad to spend anytime with them at all and I am excited to continue to grow in our faith with Christ and relationships with each other as the year progresses! 
I was worried things would just be awkward between me and P. Josh when we went to get food but surprisingly, it wasn’t. It normally is but today it wasn’t. We actually had a very deep and meaningful conversation. I felt honest and it was refreshing to share my own story, perspective and thoughts and to listen and process his viewpoint in return. I really don’t think I’m deserving of the encouragement he or anyone else gives me because I don’t think that I’ve done enough to deserve it. But he shared some good wisdom with me and I’m glad to also be growing in our relationship together as well through MAST and Movement. 
Finally, on the same note as earlier, I don’t want to read webtoons anymore until I have a better grip on my spiritual life and actually reading the Bible in moments when I can. I know that it’d be so much easier to pass the time with Webtoons or my shows but what’s the point if God is missing from all of it? I want to really reassess my priorities and take a hard look at my life and focus it around God once more. I’ve always been happiest whenever everything that I did was about God and I hope to get to that place again. This past week served as a huge realization and wake up call for me. On Monday, I thought I was just chillin. I thought my life was totally fine and under control. Through this week. God showed me just how wrong I was. 
Last thing, I think it’s interesting that I act more shy and timid at church than I do at school. Because my friends and co-workers would definitely not think to label me as an introvert, shy, timid, passive, or anything in between. But at church, I guess that is the image that I present of myself and I do wonder why the two versions of me are so different. I know that my sense of humor isn’t always PG and thus, better used at school but I think it goes even further beyond that. I think it’s an underlying issue that has something to do with the hurt that I felt back home with Sa-Rang that I haven’t yet made amends with. But I am hoping to really meditate, process, and reflect on that so that I can serve better in the near future through Movement.
Thank you so much for everything, God.
I really don’t deserve any of it.
I pray this all in your name,
Amen
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