#im under no delusion tho that my bf doesn't already know im a giant fucking nerd under all the cloak and mirrors

[lexosaurus]

Regarding your really interesting post about whether or not people share with others what they do in phandom: another potential factor is when they joined fandom! If earlier in life, when kids called you cringe for it, maybe it’s more of an instinct to hide fandom activities. If later in life, particularly as you’re learning how to embrace your inner cringe, maybe the instinct to hide fandom activities isn’t so ingrained.

I entered fandom pretty late, and started embracing my inner cringe pretty early, so I find it easier to talk to irl folks about phandom activities I do. I’ve never really had an irl partner, tho, so I wouldn’t know what the barriers to sharing phandom activities would feel like then

That is true! As I've been reading all the (fantastic) responses, I think also a lot of it has to do with like. Your personality and who you hang out with.

If you're an outwardly, unapologetic nerdy person who, as you put it, embraced their inner cringe eloquently, then you tend to attract people who also have nerdy hobbies who are maybe more into fandom stuff which would make the "i write fanfiction" convo actually not that stressful.

But if you didn't embrace your fandom cringe or if you grew up in a time/place where fandom stuff and fanfiction especially was the #1 quickest way to lose all your friends and be a social outcast, then as an adult embracing that cringe is harder, connecting with people who are more unapologetic is harder, and you don't tend to attract those same circles as others.

Not to say that people who aren't engrossed in fandom culture are inherently bad people—I'm literally dating one and all my best friends are also non-fandom types—but it does make that "I like fandom stuff and read/write fanfiction" convo a LOT more stressful.

I have one friend irl who I know draws fanart for a different fandom, and I discovered that by accident, but even then I was too shy to admit that I also was into fandom culture so I just smiled and complimented her art. And now we don't even live in the same state 😭

#i've been pretty open about this but i grew up a closeted queer kid who was masquerading as a student athlete #till an injury wiped the fucking floor with me in college #which is when my hobbies really switched and i dove into creative stuff like fandom and music #so i definitely grew up a Certain Way™️ that i haven't quite shaken off now some years later #and while im friends with a lot of different types of people and all different characters now #i definitely still hold myself to certain social standards #so that's on me honestly #im under no delusion tho that my bf doesn't already know im a giant fucking nerd under all the cloak and mirrors #but he's kind enough not to force anything #i've started letting it out more recently #(we're doing lego for our anniversary for example cuz i admitted i'd never done one before and had always wanted to) #but it's a slowwwww process