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savnofilter · 5 years

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okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

#will i regret responding?#yes #do i care?#no.#because if you wanna believe something off the bat because you catch someone at their worst says a lot.#more than me having nasry disputes with people on the internet lol.#as ive said #if youre trying to @ me i cannot see the post at all so i am sorry if i am not responding.

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hindsywrites · 7 years

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Bill and Gabe’s Excellent Adventure: A Gen Story

Some people say there was bound to be at least friendly competition. Two famous babies born so close together, it was going to happen. Look at Suri Cruise and Violet Affleck. By the time they were four, they were exchanging insults in the tabloids. The real surprise was that Pete and William were such close friends and it still turned out the way it did. When Ashlee finished peeing on the stick, the first person Pete called after Patrick was William. "So, how did you keep Gen a secret for so long?" People talked, especially in Chicago, but anything surrounding Gen had been mum until well after her birth. "Hello, Pete, it's nice to talk to you as well. Things are going fine here, thank you for asking." William always had to do the polite portion of the conversation. Pete was too busy being his own muse, biggest fan, and harshest critic. "Hey, Bill. Always good to talk to you. How's tricks? Now, how did you keep Gen a secret?" "Oh my God! You knocked her up!" William almost dropped the phone from between his ear and shoulder. "Dude, shut up! There are five people in South Africa who didn't hear you say that." The rest of the conversation was more of the same, William trying to keep from dropping either Gen or the phone while talking to Pete about making an honest woman out of Ashlee. It was a cute little convesation and Pete promised that as soon as little Wentzbryo was hatched, it could have a playdate with Gen. The screeching from Ashlee over the name of her unborn and unplanned miracle halted the conversation before it went any further. * The wedding came and went and so did spring. By mid-summer, Pete was back to making emo blog posts, often talking about how no man was an island but that he'd fight the tide to prove the poets wrong. When no one could figure out what the posts meant, they turned to the one person they knew would be able to help them. "What do you mean you don't understand the post? No man is an island. How were you in AP English, Bill?" Patrick balanced Gen on one hip and let her touch the soundboard in front of him. He looked almost as bad as Pete these days, dark bags under his eyes and hair falling lank beside his face. "All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language blah blah blah. I know all about the interconnectedness of mankind, Patrick, I just want to know what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks he's quoting John Donne for. Especially in relation to proving the tide wrong." Bill pursed his lips and reached for his daughter. He was fairly certain he'd just seen her pull off a knob and put it in her mouth. Patrick just held Gen closer and blew a raspberry on her stomach until she dropped the knob she had indeed taken off the soundboard. "Haven't you ever made a mistake, Bill?" "Well, of course." Bill just rolled his eyes and sat down on Patrick's seat. "Okay, but the difference is that you didn't marry yours." Patrick raised his eyebrows in a way Bill was sure was meant to be significant. "So. OH! You're saying he didn't want to. Whoa. You don't think he'd be with her if it wasn't for the baby?" Bill had not been prepared for that conversation when he went to see Patrick. All he'd wanted was reassurance that Pete wasn't going for another drive in the suburbs. "Come on, do you really think this is someone he really thought he'd spend the rest of his life with?" The look Patrick accompanied the question with was designed to make William feel about two inches tall. "Well. I mean. He talked about her the same way he talked about Jeanae." Bill shrugged off the look. He wasn't Pete's best friend in the entire world, it wasn't up to him to know the inner workings of his mind. "Jesus, Christine lets you out of the house alone with Gen?" Patrick sets the aforementioned baby in Bill's lap and shook his head at him. "Yes, exactly. He talks about her the same way he used to talk about Jeanae. And who did he end up not marrying?" He knelt down in front of Bill and tickled Gen's stomach as she sat on his knee. "Oh. Oh! I get it, all right. So. They're only together because of the baby. That's. Wow." Bill rubbed his hand up and down Gen's back when she started to fuss. "Very good, Bill." Patrick did the unthinkable and removed his hat to allow Gen to play with it. "Gen, when you get older, I want you to start telling your dad that it’s a good thing he’s pretty. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to say it." He kissed the top of her head before she burbled and tried to put the hat on her head. "Hey, don’t go corrupting my daughter. That’s not kosher." Bill stood and cradled Gen to his chest, trying to keep her from reaching out and grabbing at Patrick, or worse, the knobs. "Right, that’s Uncle Gabe’s job." Patrick rolled his eyes and turned his back to Bill. "You two are off to see him, right?" "No, we’re off to see Uncle Travis first. It’s almost naptime and she likes when he raps Public Enemy for her." Bill returned the roll of eyes for an entirely different reason. "And then we’ll go back home and see what Mommy did all day, right Gen?" Bill cooed at his daughter and couldn’t help but to smile when she smiled at him. "Never thought I’d see the day when you were whipped for a kid." Patrick just smiled fondly and ushered the two out of the studio, choosing to ignore the fact that a baby was walking out with his hat. * Nobody blamed Bill. That’s what everyone told him, "we don’t blame you." Christine had wanted to leave, had always wanted to. Even when she and Bill had started dating, she had always said she wanted to leave Illinois, leave the states. The only shock was that she’d done it so quietly and that she hadn’t taken Gen. For the first few weeks after, Bill’s mother had decided to stay with them. She had only wanted to help Bill get on his feet and learn how to properly take care of a baby without someone there to pick up the slack. When that seemed to be failing, she didn’t know who to call but Patrick. "Mrs. Beckett, with all due respect, I’m not sure that him having the baby is the best idea. I mean, he loves her but…" "I know, Patrick, I know. I just don’t know what else I can do. He misses Christine, it’s obvious, but he’s not pulling himself together for the baby." Berniece looked over at her son, sitting in front of the Game Show Network and watching a Bob Barker tell someone to come on down. There was a half-empty bottle of whiskey next to him. He hadn’t touched it in a few hours, but he was still only bordering sobriety. "What he needs is to sober up and realize there’s a kid who is depending on him. Gen shouldn’t be raised by her grandparents, no offense. She’s Bill’s responsibility now and he needs to own up to it." Patrick thought of the visit a few months earlier and shook his head. "You know, you’re right. And I think I know the right way to do that." Berniece nodded to herself and quickly said her goodbyes to Patrick. That night, while Bill slept the deep sleep of the drunk, Berniece went through the apartment and gathered up all the liquor bottles and any questionable baggies she could find. The morning found a sink that smelled like alcohol and thirty dollars of recycling money on the counter, along with a note that read: William, I’ve dumped your liquor out and gone home. It’s time for you to be responsible for this child. She loves you and you won’t even look at her. Christine will be back when she finds what she was looking for and until then, you need to be the strong one for Gen’s sake. I’ve left some formula in the fridge and there are instructions for food taped onto the door. I love you, but I can’t watch this and I won’t take a child away from both of her parents. Mom After a moment, Bill recognized the noise that was filtering through his ear as Gen crying in her crib. He walked into the nursery and looked down at Gen as she wailed up at him. The stench in the room made it clear what her problem was and Bill tried as hard as he could to remember where the new diapers were kept. It had been more than two weeks since he’d even been in the same room as Gen. She looked too much like Christine, all wide smiles and soft blonde hair. After feeding her some formula, Bill rooted under the couch for his cell phone; it was vibrating and Bill couldn't be sure it wasn't his mother calling. There were several messages from Gabe from the past week. bilbo, heard about christine, sorry man. if u need n e thing, txt me. hey, havent heard back, u doing ok? beckett answer ur msgs, jfc. if i dont hear from u 2morrow, im coming there. im @ the airport, b there in 20 mns. The last message had a time stamp of five minutes earlier and Bill nearly dropped Gen again. Gabe was going to be there in a matter of minutes. Thanks in large part to his mother, the apartment wasn't too much of a mess. In fact, the only mess was the nest of a couch Bill had spent the last few weeks on. "Gen, Uncle Gabe is coming. I'm going to put you back in your crib with a bottle and as soon as I figure out why he's here, I'll come get you." Bill wasn't entirely sure why he was instructing her like she could actually understand him but a memory hit him hard for a moment. Gen was in her crib and Bill was babbling at her when Christine had told him not to do that, it was damaging to a child's development. She needed to be spoken to like she was fully cognizant of what she was hearing. Gen just burbled back at him and tugged on his hair before he set her down in her crib. She made the universal sign for 'pick me up!' but Bill had too many other things to worry about. He couldn't understand why Gabe was going to show up. Had he really cut off that much contact with the outside world. He scrolled through the missed calls on his phone. Some time in the past two weeks, he'd found time to answer a call from his mother, a call from the Butcher, and a call from Spencer. He didn't even know how Spencer got the number. Eventually there was a knock on the door. Bill was still looking at his phone, looking at the texts he'd ignored, even one from Tom that said "mike says u wnt answr his msgs. dnt know y u wud answr mine. call him, hes worried." The knock startled him out of his reverie and he walked over to the door. A quick check of the peephole showed him Gabe on the other side practicing some dance moves. Bill had a few choices. He could open the door and allow Gabe in, resulting in some horrible nursing back to health. He could keep the door closed, resulting in Gabe calling his mother and yelling at Bill through the door that he knew he was in there and if he didn't answer, he was calling the cops! After a moment of debate, and Gabe saying 'I know you're in there, Bills, I can hear you moving around', Bill decided to open the door. The worst that could happen was Gabe deciding that he couldn't leave Bill alone for five minutes and then handcuffing him to the bed while he left for groceries. It used to frighten Bill how well he knew Gabe's thought processes. Eventualy, he just chalked it up to having spent too much time around him during a specific period of his life. "William Eugene Beckett, if you ever disappear like that again, I will cut your balls off and feed them to a snake at the zoo." Gabe threw down his bags and wrapped his arms tightly around Bill. Stumbling slightly, Bill took a step back and tried to worm out of Gabe's grip. The physical contact after so long without was almost too much and it made Bill's limbs feel atrophied. Gabe didn't let go and it was all Bill could do to not have a panic attack right there. "I'm sorry." He didn't offer any more of an explanation than that. Gabe could draw his own conclusions when he saw Christine's half of the closet, empty save for the bag containing her prom dress. Gabe just nodded and kept a hand on the small of Bill's back as they walked into the apartment. "And where is the littlest cobra right now?" Gabe looked around the living room, trying not to let himself be distressed when he saw the state of the house. It was like Bill didn't want to clean it up, like if it got messy enough, Christine would have to come back not because this was the apartment she'd left in Bill's charge but because this was the home she'd tried to build with him. "She's in her crib. I-I wanted to talk to you first, before she saw you. I wanted to find out why you were here." Bill didn't meet Gabe's eyes, looking down at the ground instead. There were baskets of clean laundry, something he was left to assume his mother did before she left. Even so, looking at it now with Gabe next to him, Bill realized how much he'd actually let the place go. DVDs were strewn around the TV, out of their cases and just waiting to be scratched. All in all, it looked like Christine had jumped ship and left Bill to fend for himself. "Bills, I'm here because you need me here. Like you invented me in your mind and here I am." Gabe was trying for levity, he was, but he couldn't quite lift the corners of Bill's mouth high enough. "I'm here because you didn't answer and I figured that maybe I could help out around here while you needed it." Gabe shrugged and let go of Bill as they approached Gen's room. Bill just nodded and opened the door, looking at Gen trying to hoist herself up and stand. She grinned at Gabe and looked between the two of them, falling back down and reaching her hands out to them. "She needs a bottle, I think." Bill disappeared into the kitchen as Gabe crossed the room and hoisted her up. Cradling the small child close to him, Gabe paced the room and let her press her ear to his heartbeat. "Don't worry, Gen, we're going to fix this." "Did you say something?" Bill reappeared with a bottle, handing it to Gabe, who recoiled back from it. "What's wrong?" "You have to test it on your wrist." Gabe used his free hand to turn Bill's arm over and tap some of the milk onto it. "Her mouth is sensitive." It was almost as though Bill had forgotten everything about how to take care of a child. He knew all of this, Gabe was aware of how Bill had attended parenting classes. Gabe let Gen curl up to him and rocked her slowly back and forth, allowing her to nod off. "Bill, you can't just let this swallow you up. You have a kid." "Everyone keeps saying that! Everyone keeps saying that but they don't understand what this feels like. Nobody understands what it's like to see a child and think the worst things imaginable. To wish that she wasn't here. That she hadn't been born." Even as Bill was talking, he was reaching out to stroke Gen's hair. "You don't think that. You can't think that." Gabe wrapped a protective arm around Gen. "Come on, you need to sleep or something. I'll clean up around here, just take a nap or something." Gabe continued to hold the sleeping baby as he led Bill to the bedroom. His place in New York is too minimalist to be messy, so he needs to organize the clutter of Bill's apartment. "Do you have a back or chest carrier for her?" Bill was already out like a light. "Okay, Gen. It's time you learn about how to keep an apartment clean." Gabe looked around the living room and settled on putting Gen in a baby romper while he tidied up. * If anyone could've predicted Bill's reaction to Gabe staying there, everyone else would've laughed in his or her face. With someone watching Gen again, Bill returned to his trusty bottle and steady diet of The Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune. Gabe did his best to keep Gen away from it. He had nothing scheduled coming up, so he didn't feel bad about staying there longer than he initially said he was going to stay. A few weeks turned into a few months and before long, he had set up a cot in the living room, and he'd taken the baby monitor with him. No one in Bill's band could say anything because they didn't know what to say. He'd been heartbroken before, but he'd bounced back stronger and better than ever. While Gabe was at home having tea parties with Gen and listening to her babble in a mixture of Baby and English, Mike and Johnny took turns picking Bill up from bars around the city. It wasn't long before everyone was called to a meeting at Bill's place. Even Pete was there, as distracted as he was by the messages constantly coming in on his Blackberry. They'd conferenced in Victoria, Alex, and Nate. Ryland was out buying groceries when the call actually came, but he said he'd be back in half an hour. "Look, guys, we're just going to have to put things on hold for a few months. I want to make sure he- Gen is okay. I mean, she already had Christine leave, I can't just go now. She's used to me." As he spoke into the speakerphone with Mike and Siska at his side, Pete still pacing the kitchen, Gabe clutched Gen protectively. "He'll snap out of it soon, he wasn't ready before and I don't think it's going to be a slap and then he's fine. He just needs a little more time." "Are you sure this isn't you just wanting to be the hero?" Alex's voice sounded very far away through the speakerphone. "No, it is. But. I can't just leave them, okay? I'm sorry and I'll explain it all. Or you guys can come out and visit, but I can't just leave Gen here until I know Bill is okay." Gen was starting to babble in more words now. Pete and Patrick were no longer interchangeable, she'd developed enough of a vocabulary to call Pete "Monkey" and Patrick "Lunch." Needless to say, Patrick still didn't find his nickname amusing. "I'll come out there and I'll check the situation out." Victoria hadn't had much to add to the conversation, but she felt that it was important that she add this. "It's really admirable what you're doing right now, Gabe. I'll back it as long as it doesn't put me out on the streets." "It won't." Gabe felt relief rush through them. As long as she knew what was going on, she'd understand enough to pass the message along to the rest of the band. When he'd hung up, Gabe turned to Mike and Siska. "I'm sorry, I'm doing the best I can with him." "We know, man. It'll take some time. Maybe you should go pick him up tonight and we'll watch Gen." Mike extended his arms to the sleepy baby and grinned when she reached for him in return. BLAHBLAHBLAH Gabe and Bill get together and raise an awesome daughter.

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