#im not trying to preach im just solidifying my feelings rn

[shinynx]

Cocaine was directly responsible for my first cigarette 3 years ago. When my dealer stopped supplying I was going through such heavy withdrawal and my bro and coworkers where already heavy smokers and that's how they where handling the shortage, so I got the idea to buy a pack. I still remember nervously walking into the corner store on my way home from working at the ski resort in Colorado and asking for a pack of camels (because it was easiest one to identify) and smoking my first cigarette infront of my apartment in the freezing cold. The smell and flavor was intense. (It doesn't smell or taste like anything anymore.) I was used to doing dabs and taking long hits off the bong without much coughing, so I inhaled the cigarette as if it where a joint and I coughed my guts out so bad I couldn't catch my breath for minutes. From then on it was a cigarette in the morning, once or twice at work, and then 2 or three after that. By the time I moved to Washington I was smoking 10 cigarettes a day, and that continued until a few months ago when I first tried to quit.

I stopped smoking weed about a year and a half ago. I stopped doing cocaine a year ago today. I haven't done any psychedelics in 3 years. But quitting smoking has been so much harder than all of that. It's too accessible and too much of a crutch. If I get stressed I can easily convince myself that I deserve a smoke. The pandemic is a great excuse too, I keep telling myself I'll stop when it's over.

I've 'quit' 5 times since 2021 started and the longest that lasted was 2 weeks. People guit tripping me or threatening me makes me want to keep smoking. Mentions of or pictures of cigs make me want to smoke. Its fucking tough.

Today I downloaded an app that will keep track of how long it's been since I smoked. Feels kinda weird to quit when I still have half a pack left, shit's expensive. But maybe that's for the best. I'll throw them out and that will be incentive to never buy another pack again.

Can't really think of a better way to celebrate a whole uninterrupted year off hard drugs than quitting my final addiction.

Don't comment or reply to this post if u read it, please. I'm just typing this out to get it off my chest after my recent failures at quitting. I'm doing this alone so there's no reason for outside input, especially from ppl who never smoked.

Anyway DONT FUCKING SMOKE CIGARETTES. It's the hardest addiction to break and fucks your body up forever. Even one cig could give you cancer or heart disease. Shit will fuck up your entire life and it's not worth the temporary stress reduction because the stress of knowing you're slowly killing yourself will come to outweigh that a million times over.

#drugs tw #drug mention #smoking tw #If u see this and need advice abt quitting or someone to talk to abt drug abuse u are more than welcome to send me an ask or dm #sorry to my smoker mutuals and followers who already know all this shit but aren't in a place where yall can or want to quit yet #im not trying to preach im just solidifying my feelings rn