#im just. god this game is so frustrating in a way ive NEVER experienced before. and ive played a lot of games!!!!!

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy chapter four

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult Themes Dubcon,Controlling Behaviour, Swearing, Smut +18 Only

Chapter 0ne Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter five Chapter Six

Your escape doesn’t go as planned as Henry reveals just how much power he truly has.

You were just over a week into your 'stay' at Henry's manor and had just about had enough. Youd spent the last few days in a constant fit of frustration. I had become very clear in the first few days that you were nothing more than a toy, a doll for him to coo over and manipulate. Or maybe a better way to discribe it was the girl in a childs music box being made to dance when ever the owner decided to open the lid. Either way you felt trapped used and helpless, at first he made sure you spent as much time as possible together taking you to the office when he had to work, sitting you on the sofa with a book or parade you around the house.

After that he would put you in what became your daily cell tho never alone if he wasnt with you kal was. Day after day you were left in here a freshly decorated room that youd heard the guards refer to as the play room, it was like a large airy living room like somthing from pintrest a plush looking corner sofa around a light coffee table,large tv on the wall above the fireplace with games consoles neatly tucked away,two floor to ceiling book cases either side ,there was a cabinet full of dvds and games behind the sofa opposite there was a sideboard filled with sketch books, pens and pencils ect and a two seat small dining table sat between the two cabinets. The room was a mix of soft pale pinks and blues and was chock full of soft furnishings pillows and various blankets draped here and there and huge faux fur rug . The window was locked being ground level ,that was the first thing you checked when left alone ,not that you'd get far across the gravel drive he had made a point not to give you shoes. The saying bare foot in the kitchen sprung to mind.

He would visit you when you were in here at lunch forcing you to eat with threats of spanking sometimes worse. Being treated like a child was wearing thin and to be quiet honest you were becoming scared,finding it easier to go along with his insanity, you called him daddy without a thought somewhere in the back of your mind you knew it was wrong but after just over a week he had managed to drum it into you. It was frighteing just how quickly you could be conditioned you had to get out soon. He was overbearing always helping himself to you, kissing ,touching and generally trying to act as if you were a couple until you did something he didnt like then it was back to threats and reality hit.

Today was slightly different you woke up curled on your side his henry lazily running his finger through your hair you squinted rubbing your eyes as he leant over kissing your shoulder before running hi hand across your tummy spreading out his fingers and pulling you back against his crotch, he rocked against your bottom groaning quietly into your hair as you felt his cock springing to life he grinded harder against you before shuffling pinning you flat on your back straddling you pulling your legs to rest either side of his hips you whined in protest trying to shuffle from under him when he pulled you down tight against him he just tilted his head raising and eyebrow. The warning was clear behave. He rubbed against your mound sliding his cock along the seam pf your pussy. You closed your eyes tight already feeling the arousal build inside of you dreading what was to come, you couldnt help how your body reacted you tried to just let him get on with it but each morning he managed to coax you into participating a little more, not letting you distance yourself any longer. He grunted low i his throat as he pumped himself against you resting his weight on his hips one hand cuped the top of his cock squeezing it against you as he pushed it against your clit. You gasped as you felt his throbbing cock against you pulling high pitched moans and whines as you bit your lip trying to keep quiet. He chuckled

"Oh fuck... thats it baby girl ...come on let daddy hear you." You shook your head back and forth as your pussy weeped onto him soaking both of you you found your self panting hard when he groaned grabbing one of your hands replacing his over his cock you tried pulling away and he growled at you.

"Stay still baby.... fuck thats it good girl.. your so good for daddy" he groaed deep as he sped up before leaving wet open mouthed kisses on your collar bone then kissed up to your lips trying to pry your mouth open you turned your head away. He sighed moving his hand into the boxers that you wore finding your swollen clit flicking and pinching harshly causing you to buck and cry out, he quickly took the opportunity to invade your mouth tasting your tongue sucking you into a passionate kiss he let go of your hand placing his hand pressing your knee up to your torso spreading you out for him rubbing his cock faster with jerky thrusts skimming your opening with every movement you gripped the sheets twisting them as you felt your walls trying to clench onto him desperate for him to fill you you rocked back against him looseing yourself in him as he smothered you he released your mouth biting down on your neck leaving a mark alongside yesterdays. You became hot, to hot as you flushed under him chasing your own end grinding up against him

"Oh! oh god please! Please i cant" you babbled incoherently as he repositioned his hand thumbing your clit and thrusting into you harshly with his fingers bouncing your body across the bed you let out a load moan as his hand worked furiously rubbing amd curling his finding your soft spot befor zeroing in and running his fingers harshly across it you cired bucking out at him unsure of you wanted hi to go faster or get off your climax built and he chuckled as your clamped down on his fingers to the point of pain

"Aww baby you want to cum dont you? Thats it good girl so good is it to much?" he didnt relent still masaging that spot you nodded and cried tears falling down your face you couldnt breath it was to much

"Then cum, its ok you can cum, cum for daddy ,all over daddies fingers" you hated how his wods pushed you over the edge and even then he didnt stop he seemed to double his efforts when you arched violently with a silent scream gushing over his fingers he continued moving draggin out your orgasm he moved higher running the underside of his cock across your mound with stuttering hips.

"Oh..OH shit YES YES fuck! OH GOD Little one fuck" he let out a long gruntle moan as he finished spraying cum up your front you both laid there panting. Shame washed over you like it had done every morning he did this. You felt dirty and used he rolled on his side tucking you in his arms kissing your head praising you for how good you were and telling you how much he loved you as you curled ijto him wetting his tinto him overwhelmed. After a few moments the saddness past and you laid stock still against him as he pulled you to lie across him head on his chest stroking your hair once again.

"Iv got to go out today pet. I trust youll be good whne im gone and if your lucky I'll get you a treat" you froze at his words gojng out... that meant youd be alone the thlught filled you with dread and anticipation.

"If your naughty you will regret it when i get back."you both laid there for what felt like hours he wouldnt let you move. Tho he finally let out a breath and ushered you to the bath room showering with you. After getting dressed and having breakfast he left and you noticed he didnt put you any where. You dread to think what he was doing. But you were left the run of the house. So here you sat in the kitchen alone in the huge house apart from the security he kept on site. 'This was it.. or was it a test?..' you raced to the living room window and watched an expensive car leave the gates at the bottom of the drive as it dissapeared behinde the wall that clossed off the property. You debated in your head if he was just waiting to see if you were going to try and run or not. You had to try, somthing was happening to you here ,you didnt like how complacent you were getting with him. It was cruel really the only person that was aloud to interact with you was him, you find yourself almost craving him, you enjoyed his praise lapping it up liike a love sick school girl.

Deciding that this may be the last time you could escape before it was to late you walked into the kitchen slowly as not to alert anyone to your plan even tho your heart was racing ten to the dozen. Quickly and quietly you pulled a small packet of plasters from one of the draws. Throught out your stay you learnt a few things all the doors leading outside and your 'play room' had pressure alarms built in you'd set one off on your forth day trying to get out into the garden resulting in another painfull and very embarassing spanking in the kitchen then experienced your first corner time, the other thing you learnt were all the guards had shifts and patrol routes the house ran like clockwork youd freighed interest in him and he'd waffled on about how it wasnt all bad and he'd take you out when you'd acclimated to your new life then boasted about the cars he had in the basment garage but you'd 'never get to drive one as driving these fast cars is to dangerous for his baby girl'. Tho you hadnt made a thing of it you kept the information locked away youd been behaving hopeing he would let down his gaurd. Once you got the plasters you put them in the pocket of your cardigan and grabbed a butter knife hooking it in the back of your jeans wedging it just under the tight waist band.

"What are you still doing in here? Get to the playroom" you screamed in suprize as the voice came out of no where you spun round faceing the man and nodded walking past him quickly.

"Wait. What have you been doing in here?" He said grabbing your arm pulling you to a stop you huffed tugging your arm.

"Let go i havent done anything" you twisted around as he patted you down you froze mouth going dry as you thought he was going to find the knife in your jeans he didnt instead his hands found the packet of plasters the cocked an eyebrow

"Im doing some crafts today these are incase i get a paper cut...im clumsy and tthought i should take a pack the keep in there just incase" he eyed you for a few seconds befor smirking at you

"So the princess was sneaking about for some plasters, im suprised you werent trying to sneak candy, would be more fitting for his baby girl." He laughed as you glared at him venomously

"Fuck you ,you cunt" you spat in his face he growled before grabbing your arm in a bruising grip dragging you out of the kitchen down the hall as you screamed at him, a few others poked their heads around to watch asking what was wrong as you were dragged down the hall once outside your day room he stopped pressing a card to the reader next to the handle disarming the door and answered their qeustioning stares.

"Nothing just a temper tantrum im sure she will regret later when Boss finds out." He turned back to you.

"He might even make a show of it, i wouldnt mind seeing her bent over" you growled as he opend the door throwing you in , grunting as you landed hard on the floor he whistled for kal and let the dog enter behind you befor shutting the door arming the device again. Shaking away tears in your eyes as you heard then others laugh about how theyd love to see 'a piece of that ass' kal sat beside you nudging you for a cuddle you hugged him breathing deep nuzzling his thick fur, he was the only company you enjoyed here after snuggling with him a few minuets you pulled away putting your plan into action you got out suome supplies fro the art cupborads scattering them hear and there to make it look like you had been drawing, hopefully if anyone came in and found you missing they would assume that you had asked one of the others to let you use the bathroom as the ensuite to this room wasnt finished. You aproached the door pulling out the knife and lowered it to the door handle, the worst thing about this system was that you werent technically locked in, the door opend but set off an alarm that was indicated by a small red flashing light on the card reading panel. Breathing deep you pulled out a plaster removing the tabs on it sticking oneside to your finger. Gentle you pulled down on the handle until you couldnt anymore easing the knife alongside the door pushing on the plate you pivoted your body opeing the door enough to get your hand in the gap and stuck the plaster over the bottom of the pressure plate securing it down. Holding your breath you waited a few moments before summerizing that it had worked when noone came rushing down the hall you quickly slipped thrpugh the door catching kal befor he could make his way out and shut the door fully. You blinked then jumped for joy you could bearly see the edge of plaster on the frame. Quickly you jogged to the end of the hall ducking low realising that not having shoes might be a god send as you were almost silent as you moved you got another plaster ready on your hand as you ducked and dived behind the counters in the kitchen making your way around to the door Henry had left through.'it must have been to the garage' you though you made quick work of the door not waiting to see if the alarm had set off as you heard foot steps coming your way you slipped through the door closing it behinde you and ran down the stairs into a large garage on the left there was lots of hooks with keys on them you toke shaky breaths scanning them befor looking over the cars there must have been about eleven in total ranging from massive range rovers to calssy two seater sports cars. 'I need on that can blend in, a hatch back or somthing, maybe a saloon' you thought running down the line of cars the most normal looking one was a Jag you quickly ran to the keys looking for a set with the same logo as the car finding two you grabbed them both pushing unlock on one set seing another car across light up you threw them on the floor using the other one to unlock the car getting in quickly you felt your tummy tie itself in knots turning on the ignition and pulled the seat forward you put on your seatbelt out of habbit then dojng a small cheer when you saw it was an automatic you put it in drive wincing as it growled to life louder then it needed to be you pulled it up to the garage door and it opend you pulled it forward going up the bank once at the top you saw a gaurd stopping staring befor shouting out to the others.

"Dont let the gate open!!" You panicked and floored it the car took off down the drive skidding you a stop near the gate the instantly began rolling open. On gaurd was sprinting down the drive behinde you. You looked down for a button to look the doors finding it by the window controls you flicked it on and heard the click at all four doors locked lokking up you saw the gate had stopped half way you spun the wheel throwing the scar around squeezing the car throuh the gate clipping the wing mirror off in the process putting your foot down you gave a triumphant shout as you tore down the road away from that house. Leaning back into the seat relaxing as you made yourway towards the town, it was the only way to get to the motorway that would lead out of the area. You wiped tears from your eyes as as relief flooded you sobs wracked your body the drive to the town took longer than you thought it would and you were suspicious as no one had chased you from the house and had spent the whole drive flinching at every car that pulled up behind you. Pulling up to a round about you stopped recognising the area deciding to take a less busy route pulling off to the outskirts of town you parked up into a superstore looking threw the car for money finding a few £20 notes a tap at the window you screamed turning it was a police officer you gulped looking in the rearveiw mirror seeing a squad car pulled up behind you blocking you in, he indicated for you to roll down the window.

"Yes can i help you?" You asked trying to sound normal

"Miss did you realise your missing a wing mirror?" You followed his gaze and smiled meekly. Getting a bad feeling in your gut.

"Yes, its my boyfreids car i borrowed it and hit a sign back there im going to book it in now hopefully get it done and he wont find out i hurt his baby" you ended with a chuckle patting the steering wheel he didn't look convinced and motioned for his colleague to join him

"Uh huh, so are you insured to drive this car? Sure you didnt hit another car?" You shook your head

" Well i hope im insured he said hed made me a name driver and no i didnt hit anyone, the car caught me by suprize i hadnt realised how much oommf it had and still getting used to the size its a bit wider then mine." You explained hoping you were convincing enough he smiled the held out his hand to you.

"Can i see your licence?" You froze then pretended to look around the car for it

"Oh shit i dont have my bag on me sorry can i give you my name instead and you can look it up on the system?" You pleaded hoping that he would let this one go

"So you dont have your purse on you? When your taking his car to the garage to get it fixed?.... yeah im gonna have to ask you to step out of the car now." He said moving back from the door you looked behind you panicking there was no way to pull out.

"Wh-what? Why?" You cried out as he put his hand in the car opeing the door

"No! No you cant do this you dont understand please!" You shouted at him as he undid your seatbelt pulling you out of the car cuffing your hands behind your back reading you your rights.

"Your under arrest for car theft,careless driving and driving with out insurance , you have the right to remain silent anything you do say can harm your defence and used in court ,Call it in we found Mr cavills car" you froze, hed called in that his car had been stolen. He used the police to track you. You wailed twisting against him as you realised why no one had chased you, he was using the police to bring you back to him.you cried as he dragged you to the squad car.

"NO! You dont understand he kidnapped me! Please you have to let me go! He's mad he locked me up please you have to help me." You kicked out as he forced you into the back seat on the car slamming the door you sobbed in the back seat as they locked up the jag and got in the front of the car.

"Please do make me go back i dont know what he'll do" you cried pitifully they sighed looking at you threw the plexiglass.

"Im sorry love there's nothing we can do for you... i wish there was but its our asses on the line" then he started the car driving towards the station. It wasnt long befor you found yourself in a cell heavy metal door between you and your escape laying on the bed crying and terrified of whats to come. Panicking everytime you heard foot steps down the hall thinking it was him. It was over an hour later when you jumped as the heavy lock on your door opened with a loud bang revealing a calm looking Henry standing beside a sympathetic looking officer he shooed them away.

"Give us a minute" he didnt take his eyes off you as he stepped into the room seemed to take over the small space you shuddered backing away from him sending a pleading look to the officer who ingored you and left.

"Well pet have you got that out of your system now?" He said crossing the cell in large strides his suit jacket hung over one arm that was in his pocket. You shook your head crying

"Pl-please im sorry i-i had to" you flinched as he brought his hand to your face. Smoothing back your hair

"Sshhh shh its ok now everything is going to be fine" he calmed you pulling his outher hand up wiping your tears away before for twisting his fist in your hair you yelped clawing at his hand trying to relieve the pain in your scalp.

"You've been a very very naughty girl havent you?" He tugged your hair back forcing you to look at him still wiping your face with his other. It summed him up caring and kind yet brutal and cruel. He grinned a sadistic grin

"I should let you know that im not pressing charges, what kind of boyfreind would i be if i did?" He teased you letting you know he was told your cover story you cried in pain as he dragged you the few steps towards him forcing you onto your tip toes

"STOP! Please Henry your hurting me!" He tutted at you looking at his watch

"Three hours away from the house and were back to Henry? What happened to Daddy? Well it doesnt matter i hope now you realise that there is no escape. You cannot run or hide from me love i have eyes everywhere." He lowerd you back down releasing your hair clutching you to his chest trapping you in a strong grip as you sobbed shaking like a leaf more out of anxiety then anything else.

"Shh shh. its ok little one... i know its been a scary day getting out , nearly crashing into the gate and then being arrested? its all going to be ok, now that you've got this out of your system you can finally settle at home. Ihave been waiting for this little blow up from you i was beginning to think the gun fiasco was it" His words filled you with dread as you began to sink in this was it for you, that there was no way out, he would find you at some point. Rocking you backwards and forwards with your arms trapped at your side he tucked his nose into your hair kissing it every so often.

"Tho this is probably my fault it was enavitable for you to try and run again, i havent trained you properly yet, not givin you the attention you truly need, but dont worry we will start once we get home. I want you to know daddies not angry, no no he's just dissapointed" he pulled back draping his jacket over your shoulders.

"I hope you know that your still in serious trouble when we get home young lady i warned you this morning that youd regret playing up" he murmmerd into your ear as he walked you out of the cell down to the reception he didnt hold you because he didnt need to there was nowhere you could go.

"Mr cavill would you sign these ,I assume your not pressing charges?" Henry looked up winking at you

"No no my girlfriend couldnt help herself, she's like a child in that respect no self restraint. Never thinks of her consequences" You shuddered catching the his unspoken threat looking down as tears of humiliation the officer chuckled as Henry said this sighing his name

"Well she does look distraught, dont be to hard on the little thing I'd jump at the chance to drive one of those myself."

Henry laughed out loud drawing some attention from the others in the waiting room

"Oh dont you worry about her, she'll find a way to make it up to me somehow wont you babygirl" he said winding an arm around your waist pulling you against him squeezing his hand painfully tight. You looked down nodding hearing a few snickers and scoffs from women in seats behind you.

"Now apologize to the officer for wasting his time baby." You scowled up at him being met with a shit eating grin opening your mouth to tell him to fuck off thankfully you were interupted.

"Oh now thats not nessasary saving a tiny thing like her from herself isn't wasting time ..I'm glad I could help" Henry smiled at you kissing your cheek feeling please with himself.

"Now isnt that nice sweety. He's happy to help us" you gave a jerky nod as Henry finished the paperwork.

"I will have someone collect the car today" he called over his shoulder as he forced you along side him stopping before he got out of the door.

"Oh baby Wheres your shoes?" He asked smirking at you knowing damn well that he hasnt got you any, you felt the eyes of the other people on you as he shook his head picking you up cradling you recieveing a few awws and judgmental stares from the women. Unable to take it anymore you tucked your face into his neck crying.

"Im sorry please im so sorry i wont do anything like this again". He sighed pushing throught the doors and made his way to the car park climbing into the back or a range rover holding you in his lap as the car began moving.

"Its a little to late for sorry baby, daddy has to punish you for being an extremly naughty little girl. Stealing and damaging daddies car running away and getting arrested lying to the police? What kind of daddy would let you get away with all that?" You shuddered mind wandering what he had instore for you, not just for punishment but the training he mentioned in the cell you squirmed in his lap as you mulled it all over feeling sick to your stomach.

#henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fic #henry cavill smut #daddy henry cavill #mob boss henry cavill #henry cavill is daddy

[lifeisaspade]

Hi, hope your well. I’m starting from the beginning, I know this is the logical place to start, but I’m way too fond of starting from the end result and working my way back to the beginning. So in order for you to fully to understand why your actions have affected me for 8 odd years, I’m taking you through the same series of events you experienced too but through my point of view. You violated me. Point blank. Let’s call a spade a spade, and I find that when I speak frankly and blatant, I myself find comfort. I asked you to stop, you refused. Ive replayed the incident over in my head countless times, trying to understand how and why it all went wrong. So I met him on Facebook. We had been talking for around a month, not long I know, but when your speaking to the same person nearly every day, comfortability begins to set in. You literally begged me for like a week straight to see me. This was new to me as I had just come out of a relationship with my first proper boyfriend and we ended because he didn’t want to see me. I was flattered that someone actually thought I was worth the time to beg for. Eventually I agreed to meet up with you. Basically the beginning of the end. We sat I the park and you spoke of how you were a virgin and how sex wasn’t a big deal to you, and my heart lit up because I loved meeting new people. I loved talking to new people and the idea of having a platonic friend that fancied me a little seemed perfect to me. Naive as I was, I invited you to my home. As soon as you stepped foot in the door, it was game over. You asked to kiss me I playfully said no, you grabbed my face and did as you pleased. I can’t lie, I did not feel threatened at this point, I was a little taken back, but I thought, its just a kiss, Lami it just means that he fancies you, and we stood there lypsing. Felt like your tongue was shoved in my mouth for a lifetime. How we moved from the corridor to the bed I don’t even remember, but there I was laying hopelessly underneath you. I quietly asked you to get off, you repeatedly told me ‘it wouldn’t take long’ at this point I accepted my fate and started counting numbers in my head, whilst silently crying. My tears didn’t bother you. When you shoved your nasty penis in my vagina it hurt like hell, I screamed, pleaded for you to let me get up and still you continued thrusting yourself vigorously inside me. I tried to push you, again nothing. I tried several times to catch your eye but you weren’t looking at me you were looking through me. It wasn’t until you felt something on your thigh that you stopped. Blood. There was blood everywhere. You jumped up and told me I was a fucking weirdo for not telling you I was on my period. But I wasn’t on my period. You had literally broken me. My clitoris had been ripped. In my weak, fragile state, I dragged myself off the bed and tried my best to clean up the mess, you were frantically trying to wash you t-shirt in the bathroom. Again staring right through me, not saying a word. You grew frustrated because I was dripping all over the place, and you left. And just like that, I was alone, sitting in a pool of blood on the bathroom floor. Instantly the feeling of shame overpowered me and I sat there crying because I honestly didn’t know what to do. My phone rang, I crawled to it, because I thought it might be him calling me to say how sorry he was and he was coming back to help me. It wasn’t him, it was my neighbor, calling to tell me he had just bought his first car and if I wanted to go for a spin. I reluctantly agreed. I put loads of tissue in my knickers and slowly walked downstairs. As soon as he saw me he knew something was wrong, I said I was fine. Then he saw the trail of blood on the floor and shouting 'Lami what the fuck is wrong with you man’ and he pulled me in, He took my to the hospital, shouted at the receptionist that I was dying, and hugged me. He comforted me, without even knowing what had just happened. Looking back this was God using him to save me, but I didn’t come to this realization till later on in life. Eventually I was seen, stitched back up and told that I had to call me parents. I called my mum, she came running. No explanation needed. Called my friends, they also came running, no explanation needed. I had great people around me who hadn’t asked any questions. The road to recovery was quite lengthy. Still no one asked me any questions. No one asked how or why I had found myself in a&e on a Thursday afternoon with a ripped clitoris. I guess because people never asked, I never needed to talk about it. Life just carried on and I never had to think about it. I went on a downward spiral of being promiscuous and inviting the wrong attention because I thought I wasn’t worth anything. I was still Lami on the outside. I was bubbly and fun loving, still loved making friends and talking my life away, but it came at a price and I didn’t care. I honestly lost my mind. I stopped being real to myself on the inside. I justified all my wrong doings on the fact that I was weak. Little things became triggers to me. So I began to be more vocal but in a negative way. I figured if I was really good at talking shit, no one would be able to violate me. Anyways time passed and I had made friends with a lovely girl in Austria. Anushka. Anushka became my pen pal and we had lengthy conversations about life. I told her things that I couldn’t tell the loved ones around me. I spoke honestly and freely. She asked me questions. The questions I longed for those in my immediate space to ask me. I answered, and the conversation started. The conversation of how I had been raped. I think it was easier to talk to her because she wasn’t physically in my space and I felt like she couldn’t judge me. Again I felt like this was another sign from God and she was sent to save my life. I’ve tried to contact him on numerous occasions, but he never replied. I just wanted him to understand how disgusted I was with myself. How weak I felt. How I felt I needed to be such an exaggerated version of myself so that I could believe I was worth more than what I was. If I shouted when I spoke maybe people would be startled and not mug me. Things I had never questioned myself on began to creep up on me and turned into insecurities. Did he violate me because Im ugly? Did he not listen because I’m not worth anything? Eventually he blocked me on everything. I grew angry. Like really angry. And I had violent thoughts of what I wanted to do to him. If only I had hit him when he was on top of me. Maybe it wouldn’t have gotten as bad as it did, maybe he would have realized what he was actually doing and stopped. I went over the scenario over and over in my head and tried to come to an amicable conclusion of what I could have done, but each and every time my thoughts lead back to me being weak, thus me physically getting angry. I began to take my anger out on loved ones, my mother especially. Why didn’t she just ask me what was wrong. Mum I love you. So much. We’re so close, yet distant at the same time. We both struggle with being honest with one another and it’s always at the expense of not hurting one another but then we always end up hurting one another. Its unfortunate you can’t take back how you raised me, you raised me as a friend and then started to pull away when I reached my teens, hence why we’re so up and down now. I needed my friend in that moment and you weren’t present. I appreciated your compassion in the moment but mum why didn’t you ever help me heal? I know deep down you knew what had happened and not once did you console, educate or converse with me about it. I resented you for it. Where was my prep talk about the evil that awaited me in the world. I had to figure out what womanhood was all on my own. Now that I’m older I can’t solely put the blame on you I was (still am at times) hard to deal with but your such a quitter. You always give up. You never try. We’re so alike in many ways, but thankfully I didn’t inherit that trait from you. I talk (too much at times), I ask questions, I like closure and ending things on a positive note. I always show that I care. Fast forward to 2017, Im a mother now. I’ve found a new kind of strength. And my anger is at an all time high. I found myself in a compromising situation with a great love in my life. And I was consumed with the same anger I once felt. As stated before little things triggered me, so I kicked into action and my mouth became poisonous. And when my mouth wasn’t enough I went to the next best thing violence. I didn’t stop till blood was drawn. And instantly the regret set in and the familiar feeling of feeling sorry for myself was back. I had literally lost my mind. I sat in the room with the light off and knew how I had got to this place. It was the anniversary of the rape and I was reacting. As of today, I publicly declare that I was raped, but I’m fine. I’m ok with that being in my past. I ok with the decisions I’ve made in my life because of it. Im a trying Christian and firm believer in love. And right now I have the GREATEST love of all, my son. And because of him I’m choosing to let go of the anger and hurt. I am choosing to not let the circumstances of being rape dictate my future. I choosing to forgive my attacker because he didn’t know any better. I don’t know what trials and tribulations he had gone through in his life, but I do know that he sent me a meek subliminal message on his twitter feed 'Sorry for everything, you didn’t deserve that. I knew you were a great person then and you still are now’. I know it was directed at me because he had liked and unliked my post on tumblr of me loosely talking about it. So I’m at peace. I can’t teach him right from wrong, But what I can do is confess with my heart and mouth that I forgive him and its up to God how the rest of the story goes. I am a better woman than I was then, a better woman than I was yesterday and I can only be as I continue to be honest with myself and the people around me. I understand how and why I love conversing with people, and I also understand that I can’t force people to ask me the right questions if I don’t make myself willing to openly answer then. So here I am writing this letter to everyone in my life that loves me and I’m urging you to ask me all the questions you want, I’m here to answer them. Peace and Love Lami x

[sh4in]

ask an autistic: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29 (prime numbers)

N I C E

per usual, longer than i intend/behind cut/sorry mobile users

Did you discover that you are autistic early or later in life? How do you think it affected you?

much later, at 17, and it really makes me insecure about my diagnosis. it made me understand so many of my behaviors as a kid, but also the outright abuse i experienced expecting to be neurotypical. i dont think i got the help i needed early enough and my traits got significantly more intense later in life alongside increasing anxiety/depression

2: Which terms and words do you prefer when talking about autism?

ive never really been too picky about this but i prefer saying im autistic and the general consensus is that too, because my autism is me

3: Do you advocate for yourself and other autistic people?

i rarely do because it just brings on so much anxiety, but ive been more comfortable telling people im autistic, it’s just really hard to allow myself accommodations. i try to speak up when people are being ableist. 

5: Do you have any autistic family members or autistic friends in real life?

i have an autistic cousin who is a few months younger than me but he’s a child molester and abuses his mom so fuck him

and i know 1 autistic person irl and i wouldn’t say we’re friends but we’re not on bad terms by any means. i find it difficult to be friends with other autistics because we all have have such an arrhythmic personalities and we clash too much in interests and intensity, but that’s just me, lots of people have autistic friends. i also seem to never have the same special interests as other people and when i do i just get jealous because they know more than me lol

7: Which autistic trait gives you the most problems?

god i dont even know, i hate my auditory processing i can never hear people and get anxious being at restaurants

oh i think it’s the fact i can’t be outside for long periods of time without my throat feeling like it’s closing up and there’s no consistency in the length of time or how much im stimulated

also the fact i ruin everyone’s fun with an explanation of something they don’t understand and think is funny

11: What, in you opinion, is the most ridiculous social protocol rule?

not at first glance a social protocol but fckn hygiene im so bad at it and it’s so hard to do like i struggle to remember to wash my hands after the bathroom and to brush my teeth and i just wish people wouldn’t get so mad at me or uncomfortable when i can’t remember to care for myself

13: What is/are your current special interest(s)?

im kind of at a loss at the moment w/ special interests because i never have time to indulge in them but i think sound is the most prevalent at the moment

vocal pedagogy has been permeating my life for awhile, im guessing that’s going to intensify when i take vocal rep and assistant music direct this semester

its been hard to get over video game sound design and to move on from the last show i did, but i am slowly

17: Which characters do you headcanon as autistic and why?

i dont really headcannon things but if i had to, hank hill

19: What, in your opinion, is the most ridiculous autism myth or stereotype?

i really feel weird about this question because i am very stereotypically autistic in a lot of ways and people will say a stereotype i have is ridiculous. but at the same time people stereotype us in really harmful ways, i wish people didn’t hyper-masculinize autism 

23: Do you think autism influences your identity, like your gender, sexuality, religious and political views or personality?

i forgot i reblogged these asks before, here is a link to this question because it’s really long

29: Are you a get along with kids autistic or slightly afraid of kids autistic?

i am definitely a slightly afraid of kids autistic. as much as i want kids i am so uncomfortable around them mostly because i have no idea how to read what the want/need. when i was younger i was so frustrated because i didn’t understand why they couldn’t just tell me what they wanted and that still kind of permeates my thought processes. it’s hard because i want children so bad but i am so scared my empathy, theory of the mind, and executive functioning will never reach a place for kids

thanks for the asks friend, especially ones so groups so pleasingly

#actuallyautistic

[somedaypast-thesunset]

so i really think i am done now. 

like im weirdly overwhelmingly speechless but yet have so many thoughts and feelings but none of them of extreme anxiety.

he tells me he went to drop in group therapy today and that hes going to go to rehab after he takes care of me for a month and maybe he’ll be better for spring.

i’m like .........................................

oh. o.ka..y. i just spent weeks - literally weeks - being dragged along by him with phone calls and questions and requests and he saw me invest my energy and time and that i was becoming like excited for this prospect. yesterday i was being told i would make him homecooked meals and take care of his dog. like i was fed everything and boom “maybe, i don’t know, we’ll see”.

and i didnt know how to react because on one hand im like okay cool good job trying something new i hope this gives u something ur looking for and helps the situation. on the other im like wow you literally have zero care about me and even if youre sick and thats the excuse behind this back and forth - you dont care about me. is it the sickness that makes you not care or you yourself? and am i sticking around to find out on the hopes that rehab makes this better? like your complete constant inability to give any respect to another person. its not like im thinking he has to go through with the original plans or else but its like not one time did he mention hey thanks for working on this i appreciate that youre doing this with me and you put time into it and i really want to be on my top game and i know this kind of puts a bump in the road but im hoping that itll be worthwhile at the end of it because we’re on the right track but i am not.

it was just im doing this and this. cool. 

u know he cant consider other ppl right he has to only consider himself and how to make himself better while completely neglecting the massive damage he is currently doing around him but its okay because hes going to rehab and if i believe in this opportunity i wont be bothered by a bump in the road. 

yes i absolutely think my life story should be tramping across canada i guess by myself now to be with a guy fresh out of rehab. so fuck me right. and im just like.. sooooooooooo.... many emotions. im angry and bitter and sad and heartbroken and i dont know what to be. i dont know whats the “right” path for ME to take. because fuck anyone else fuck it all - whats the right path for me. do i want to be angry? do i want to cry? 

except i already knew how this went because i did it before the summer about this fucking trip so its like u must think im literally retarded. if i complained at all in anyway i was an asshole for not supporting his want to go to rehab. i didnt want him to get better. and there was no way to explain that he was just completely neglecting the damage he caused and was causing at this very moment regardless of his positive decision because nothing about making the ecision to go to rehab is that positive. its only positive because youre “getting better” otherwise youre going because you suck right now. thats not a positive decision. it is AFTER fucking rehab. but im not even on this level with him you know. im not saying any of this. i just know that if i say even one single thing about it, im an asshole even though its presented to me by an asshole. 

so i told him that i wanted to go and be sad and i talked to him later. he asked me why i was sad and really pressed on the issue and i told him it dint matter and i would prefer to just go but again he pressed and i felt anxious like either i flat out accepted what happened right now and just live my life in whatever new way i was required to in his shadow or tell him that i felt uncomfortable and sad and that he was just going to come for a month and go away again and that didnt make me feel good. 

and thus - well he was doing this positive thing and he wanted to feel better and not feel like he wanted to die everyday and you know i had this opportunity where i was too and i had problems i wasnt working on and it doesnt make him feel goo to have to deal with the stress of me being upset about his decision. 

and i was just so frustrated. like after two fucking years you still do not get it at all. like omg i could quit smoking everything tomorrow and still feel like absolute garbage and want to di ei could have a great job an still feel like garbage and want to ie because my BIGGEST MOST OVERWHELMING FEELING I HAVE NEVER NOT SHAKEN IN MY DAILY FUCKING BEING is loneliness. and its not like im forcing him to mae me not lonely. but when you offer this stupid dream world where im not going to be lonely, when you put on a mask to parade around and “care for me” after surgery but disappear promptly after its like do you not understand its literally more painful for me in my life to live with loneliness than anything this cyst does to me. anything. i could live with it for a year and it would be less worse than the all consuming depression of loneliness. and by feeling so lonely ive struggled with finding a purpose. and like i have friend(s). i have one very good friend ive had for two years that i really really connect with and really really respect and weve fought but its totally okay and when i feel really alone i honestly think of her maybe first and foremost because i genuinely feel loved by this person. i really really think they would do the most for me and in return i try to do the very most for them. and weve supported major life crisis with each other. we��ve really emapthized and like wanted nothing but the best for each other and like cried with each other and this person is truly an example of why it might be worth giving people more chances.

but i experience such an isolating loneliness and my personal battle because life has decided i will and have experienced this  is that i need to embrace being alone because of all the people who have hurt me. i am not prepared in any form to vouch for someone being okay. ive made so many excuses for shitty people and shitty behavior that deeply reflects and scarred my soul so fucking bad. im soooo tired of making excuses for shitty people. im really tired. 

i try to bring up that he had fed me all this crap and he bounced between saying “i knew it wasnt true” that he was “pretending to be normal” and that he was still buying the land and he didnt understand why this was such a problem for me because “nothing changed” and finally that he was “sorry” and kept asking me what i wanted or what i wanted him to say and its so disgusting to put the victim in a position where they have to teach you what it is you did wrong when its so fucking obvious that you lied.

and so i thought about it briefly after hanging up and once again - dont get surgery. i was so uncomfortable now. i was like downtrodden and disrespected and nothing of what he said gave me confidence in fucking anything so i had a choice of pretending like it was all totally okay and watching him leave at the end or being upset about it and getting the bare minimum care from someone who kept filling my head with ideas that were never going to actually happen. so now im like vulnerable and have to experience this person no matter what and like i dont even want to talk to him now. im so shocked. lke the full weight of what he just did has not even set in fully but i know that its so fucking heavy it just changed my soul and like the minions are working overtime to figure out how to put this shit back together because i cannot even believe the level of how he trie to sell me on this shit and have zero fucking compassion towards the idea that  he once again had to take a new path alone and “couldnt consider me anymore” but “nothing had changed”. dont be upset.

hes going to rehab. 

and like im sorry i dont really believe in the recovery of this person other than the symbolic “i went to rehab” because he smokes weed. he refuses - flat out fucking refuses to see what actual fucing hurt he caused people and hes the only person who can work on these things and in no fucking way what so ever do i believe weed has any part of what hes doing. i really dont. if i can be proven wrong in the end ill take it back in respect but fuck him anyways because if a heroin addict shot me in the leg he still shot me in the fucking leg. forgive but im not forgetting. 

like the shit he has made me do and go through is abysmal and hes never ever going to admit to anyone that he did these things to me so at no point is anyone going to turn to him and say uhm u did fucking what. so wheres my bonus in all of this when / if it all comes back in the spring and hes ready to go because omg guys he went to rehab and now hes enlightened and sober and better than all of us and still the giant piece of shit to me hes always been. and now more so because i still smoke weed and god u know im a real drug addict. 

i told him i was uncomfortable with getting surgery knowing i would essentially be stuck with him for this time and right now i was just really uncomfortable and upset. he said that was fine but he was offering to “fulfill his obligation” of caring for me and he still loved me and if i only wanted him to come make meals and change my banages an leave then he would.

and its like man no. at this moment right now. right fucking now i am full realization that this is super abusive even if youre sick. even if youre sick. because i know this. i did this. and i did this very similarly u know like this woman loved me. she loved me and she cared for me but lke there was alot of things i id wrong like i was lazy and ungrateful and spoiled and a bitch but she cared for me and especially - ESPECIALLY if i was “sick” she really “cared for me” and that cleared her record. everytime i was sick - well u know she did this and this for u. but like she was killing me EVERY OTHER FUCKING DAY and all of this - al of this my whole life with this crazy woman was because she was sick. she was sick and this happened. and he was sick and this happened but like no matter the sickness this fucing HAPPENED. you damaged another persons soul like omg do u think u can get away with punching one of ur kids and going to mental ward one time and never ever have it brought up again no u damaged that kid and ur whole fucking family forever cuz ur sick. 

so ur saying before you go to rehab you will come back and care for the person that you have to “have no concern over” thereafter and that person can have literally no fucking emotion like youre a fucking home care nurse they never met before. like omg. are you for real. am i dead? why am i crazy because i think this is uncomfortable, stressful and awkward for the legitimately physically ill person. 

he says i can decide what i want, its my body but hes still offering to care for me and he doesnt want to play games because he was fine to take care of me and get surgery before he brought this up and i had already done this before and its like man why are you gaslighting me making me thinking my feelings about this are a manipulation tactic against you when its a legitimate fucking concern for my own well being and why is it insinuatingly so offensive that i switch to concern primarily for myelf when someone says theyre also doing the same thing. thats what makes you the most sick. and no one will ever reall see this. and its like when i realized i would never get anything back from my sick father and 10 years of caring for him and its just like damn. no one - no one will ever fully know what you did and thats how you actually won in all of this. even if i go out there and i say well he did this and this you already diminished my reputation of being like a logical level headed person in relationships and now i look fucing insane especially the embarassment of sticking around. 

like i cant even explain all the ways it oesnt feel right to get this surgery. ive had nightmares of dieing and its a nothing surgery. like maybe the anasthetics kill me or something. i have a surprise heart attack from my years of smoking. and if that doesnt happen then im here with him and like i dont even want ot look up what the surgery is because im 50% still in hope that like ill jump right up and be cool and like have no problem taking care of myself and i overestimated how much care iw ould need and its all good. best case scenario. then 50% im like okay if the cyst is as bad as it was and theyre cutting out a whole chunk of flesh and stitching it my likely best case scenario is moderate swelling and pain, moderate body movement and anxiety over a fucking wound thats so deep and like ive never had such a deep wound before and in this area i cant even bend with a cyst and its stitched what if i bent and it ripped like fair enough i could ask many of these questions of my personal anxieties with a doctor. and maybe what really happens is a bit of both and i struggle with feeding and bathing myself and my biggest concern is the set of stairs to the apartment and living in disgusting filthy room. 

so now im dealing with maybe a home care nurse level of care. im made some food. my bandage is changed and im left to fend for everything else even though there could be some limited mobility and stairs and just like.. not really being able to do anything strenuous and i imagine not alot of sitting and like this all sucks and now im watching the person i looked forward to the most feed me the bare minmum and leave. or he stays and is of more help and i fall into the same bullshit again. maybe he feeds me over and over these romantic bullshit lines like once i get out of rehab wel do this and this and blah blah blah because hes still fucking sick and theres no controlling what he will actually do so what he demonstrated is that hes unstable an i have no been freshly duped by him and i dont feel mentally strong enough to take the rollercoaster with him in any way shape or form. 

as he was repeating some shit about needing to respect him getting care for himself, my phone died and i took a deep breath and put it dow and was kind of thankful that the fates of technology decided this for me because i was really really super done. i know hes serious about going and i know hes serious about having no concern for me because hes already done all of these things so everythhing that happens is tainted to yeah hes right - “i knew all along” that he was a lieing piece of shit and i was wasting my time. 

and it bothers me that like on paper im like real shit luck in life, been through so much, have very little in posessions, no family and this person was like oh hey we’ll go do this and this and frolic through the land and its like do you even comprehend the weight of what you just did to this person. and to turn around and say make a way for yourself like im piggybacking off of you? omg. 

theres like a top 5 worst people ive ever personally known. my mother almost always tops the list for pure longevity. i have an ex friend who turned so vicious it like fucked us both up in the long run and im bitter about it. my most recent friend would maybe me number 5, maybe in running with my alcoholic friend because besides being nice theyre terrible people. but in this list, possibly #2 has to be him. he is worse than my ex because my ex’s “sickness” was being dumb as fuck and hes like.. hes just dumb. hes not terrible hes just really dumb and like not a good person to be around and even though i got him arrested im not ure he would be top 5. he was just so dumb that im not like traumatize by him im just like man thats on me. thats rly rly on me. but this guy --- im not so fucking retared im just running back to a piece of shit to be shit on with zero fucking bonus to my life. this person has to actively participate in making me want to come back by actions and words. im not stuck with him at all. no money ties. i dont live with him. why woud i go back unless he was gving me something i wanted? 

but he was never going to give me anything i truly wanted. and its my fault for sticking around. he told me all of this so i shouldve known even though “we’re going to have a sugar shack, we’re going to have a dog” - and just this mention of the word “we” was soooooooooooo fucking nice to me you have no idea. this really like.. stuck in my head and made me feel a tiny comfort like wow theres a we. i’m not just an i. i’m finally a we.

does he care? no he doesnt fucking care. hes sick. hes going to rehab. 

the bestthing he could do is leave me alone. thats truly the very best option. my trust is broken. like nothing he says to me from this point on is believable or true or leads to anything substantial. i should put no weight at all on anything he says which makes any conversation with him totally useless. because even if our convo is political i dont believe thats what he believes anymore. maybe tomorrow he believes something else. 

and if you love me. if you actually fucking love me you dont “love me to death”. thats not it. true love of me is an actual understanding of who i am and what ive been through, to really deeply respect where ive come from just lke i have to respect everyones living family my story should be equally respected and taken seriously and not toyed with. thats showing me a true love and if you cannot do this you need to step away and honestly man. its not like a step away for awhile and we’ll see like people are like wow ur so black and white but why am i fucking with a future you when both present and past blew it? there is no evidence to even back up future you and by the time future you outweighs all of this karmically, who the fuck cares that we ever knew each other its like some kid i sat beside in a classroom. like cool bro ur still alive wow nice. i never want to deal with him or anyting about him again. he made me carry so much of his weight he refuses to see it and i didnt need any of this in my life and i didnt ask for him to do any of this in my life. but i shouldve walked away sooooo long ago. i can reprimand myself fo this. but i also know im on my process and this is part of it. this is three years out. im not even homeless or fucked up im just like super sad about all of it. 

he had this speech about how i had to get the surgery before because we had to be ready for spring. so he had intertwined this surgery with this proposed future and i had to do it to be prepared and show him im serious and now im like bro if i get one in 3 months who cares ill just go to the hospital again. this is an option. they never said i would die if i idnt get it. its just a like.. quality of life surgery. and my quality of life is shit anyways this surgery and these cysts mean nothing to me and having to go through all of this man.. at one point he had literally said “if you dont get surgery because of me then thats how itll have to be” 

so you stepped on other people, you hurt other people and if they dont do a thing to better themselves because they have to deal with you “then so be it”? im going to ~rehab~.

i havent turned my phone back on for a few hours i guess and i really dont want to. he wont have done anything differnt, ill have gotten no messages but i dont know. i just.. i want to forget all of this. him, the surgery. just continue to hobbit for the month or something and “figure something out”. 

[maritabaptiste2-blog]

atk scary hairy - A Review Of Hot Hairy Vagina Pics

I didnt go on my first legitimate date until I was 19 and in college, and the sum total of sexual experiences I had during this blissful undergraduate years wouldnt even require the remaining fingers of a grizzled old high school Wood Shop teacher to count, so while I wasnt completely inexprienced, Id hardly say I had a particular set of skills, acquired over a long career. Somewhere between general study at one university and applying for much higher education sexy furry pussy at another, there was a seismic shift in my ability to interact with women I find attractive and, more importantly, their overall interest in me. Im wired a bit differently than a lot of guys I meet - flat tummies and thigh gaps do fuck-all for me. As a result, I now refer to my graduate school career as the Era of Man Slut, because sweet bouncing bits, I had a lot of sex during that time. Stephanie was a bit on the thick side, meaning she had a little extra of all the things I particularly enjoy - tits, ass, thighs, and that bit of belly that drives me completely insane. So Stephanies body was on point, but what really pulled me in was her hair. If you enjoyed this article and you would like to get additional details concerning hairy cunt women kindly see the internet site. Good god, she had this huge mane of thick red curls. In my first year, I met a young woman well call Stephanie. I went from zero to erection in one single stare. This was during a time when big hair wasnt really in fashion, so at the time having her natural hair be so giant was a major and immediate turn on for how different it was. However, we were both attracted to each other, so it was inevitable that during one of our afternoon hang out sessions at her apartment that we would finally make out, which was enough for me but atk hairy login naked amateurs I didnt realize for a while was not enough for her. Im not going to bore everyone with the slow story of how we met, the multiple conversations we shared, the gradual flirting, and etc. Its not that I cant appreciate a woman who works hard on maintaining that figure, but I get so much more from a woman with a little more substance. Instead, she threw me for a loop when she said, "I need you to be aggressive. Stephanie told me early on that she didnt want a boyfriend, and that was fine with me, because as much as I enjoyed talking to her, she wasnt what I was looking for in a long term relationship either (we had some ideological differences that would have made a serious relationship fall apart eventually). I felt a bit like an idiot for not realizing shed wanted more, and tried to rectify my mistake immediately by grabbing her and holding her close to me as I began to kiss her neck, and suck her earlobe into my mouth to nibble it. " I had to pause at this because her words could mean a lot of different things and I needed to make sure we were all very clear, because I was definitely not going to be okay with anything involving hitting or choking or other simulations of physical abuse. She wanted me to use her to get off, basically. I breathily asked her what she wanted to do, assuming shed just shyly kick her pants off and pull me into her on her couch. This changed when I entered graduate school, though to be honest, I dont know what specifically changed, or how I can harnass it for amazing personal gain (because if I could do that, Id already be living in Atlantis and fucking my harem of mermaids - I like to dream big). It was perhaps Day 3 of making out and some general feeling up that she finally became frustrated and began to ask me if we were ever going to do anything else. Give your partner what she wants is a pretty solid philosophy thats served hairy cunt women me well and resulted in some pretty phenomenal sex. I pondered this for all of a nanosecond before I reached out to run my hand through her hair and pull her face into mine for an extremely hard kiss. I tightened my hand in her hair as I kissed her and pulled, which caused her to gasp into my mouth - a moment that still puts a smile on my face when I remember it - and I saw in her eyes the exact moment that she went from curiosity to full-blown lust. Fortunately for me, she sighed, shook her head and explained that she wanted me to "be selfish," to have her do what I want to do. I leaned in close to her ear and in a voice that wasnt quite a whisper but wasnt loud enough to be heard beyond that couch, I said to her, "I want you to get on your knees and show me what that slutty little mouth can do. My dirty talk game is generally on point but I recognize that it is not for everybody, and its a real crapshoot determining if your partner is going to be into it or completely offended by it. I have some personal history there that still renders me feeling a little sick if I think I might be hurting somebody. " That statement was a gamble, I realize in hindsight. At this early stage of my life I didnt quite realize that dropping a "slut bomb" even in the height of passion can have the potential to end sex really fucking quick (I learned this lesson the hard way later). Can I quickly say as an aside that I love watching a woman do the slow descent to her knees? I decided right then and there that if this is what she wanted, Id deliver something a bit rougher. She moved slowly, photos of hairy women pulling me out, but then seemed unsure of herself. " Not in a commanding way, or a laughing way, but in a voice that communicated that I had an expectation and couldnt see any reason why it would not be met. For her part, she was still a bit slow. In later hook-ups from her I came to realize that she did this on purpose to coax me to be rougher or meaner, but at the time I genuinely thought she was a bit shy and wasnt sure what do do now that I was legitimately delivering on her request. Luck was with me that day because she immediately bit her lip and stood up from the couch only to sink down to her knees between my legs. This wasnt some tender necking session at this point. As my hand was already in her hair, I once again tightened my grip, giving a very light pull close to her scalp. She held me in her hands and sort of looked back and forth from my cock to my face, as though she coudlnt really figure out what came next. I asked you to suck my cock. It was cute, but definitely not what Id asked for. That was all the evidence I needed that I was on the right track, so I decided to up the ante a bit by saying, "I didnt ask you to lick my cock, sweetie. She gasped again and I distinctly remember her legs came together, and as I held her hair she was squirming in place. " This demand, coupled with the hair pull (which I later found out was the way to get her from zero to soaking wet in a matter of seconds), caused her to drop all pretense of being coy. She crammed so much of my cock in her mouth it actually surprised me, because nobody in control of themselves or their words would have experienced that scene and uttered out, "Whoa! She dove onto my cock, for lack of a better word. I was still a bit high off of taking on a more dominant role, so I gently pulled her head forward and said, "Now suck my cock. She was very regularly gagging herself on me, to the extent where my concern began to rise and I had to fight back from saying, "Jesus, holy shit, maybe we should calm it down for a second; its not like the cock is going anywhere. Try to imagine James Bond saying that the next time a supermodel joins him in the shower, just really shocked and surprised but mostly happy to be there. " It felt like every other second I heard this glangh sound come from her mouth and throat. Rather than immediately taking me in her mouth, she began a series of slow licks up my cock punctuated by tiny kisses to the head. Im normally not into frantic, fast blowjobs full of noise and drool, but damn if this girl didnt try to convert me. I can honestly say no girl has ever blown me like that since and Im not sure Id want any of them to because it was so fast and intense that my cock reached a sort of heightened numbness that more or less gave me a zero chance of achieving orgasm. Now, its not necessarily important that I set much more of the scene, but just in the interest of full disclosure, Ill mention that she wasnt dressed for classic seduction. I could feel her spit just collecting at the base of my cock and dripping down my balls. She was wearing loose sweats and a t-shirt. " To be fair, the reaction was appropriate, because she proceeded to give me one of the sloppiest blowjobs Ive ever received. 007 emphatically crying out, "Whoa! And to be fully honest, that laid-back comfort look does more to turn me on than any sexily cut dress or lace covered night-time attire that can inevitably accumulate in a womans closet specifically for those times when she suspects shes going to get lucky. They werent the biggest, but they were more than big enough to work for me. And, when she quickly and quietly assumed her position at the end of her couch, I found a matching green thong as I pulled those loose sweatpants to the ground. Shed been prepared for the whole thing. Lazy home clothes that communicate disdain at the idea of another evening of light kissing and then solo frustration, but underneath? No, wear the old oversized t-shirt you got for free at some stupid event - the one that communicates "business hours are over. The "I might get lucky, who knows? The somewhat frumpy outerwear hid secret treasures underneath. " underwear collection. I was in love with it the moment I saw it, and Im not exaggerating this because I immediately kissed each one of those pale white cheeks and said, verbatim, "I am in love with this ass. The thong was a good choice. " I never claimed to be smooth. She was so wet that I actually saw a droplet run down her leg. Her t-shirt had come off at some point during her insane blowjob and for a good portion of her head game I was treated to this green lacy push-up bra that did an amazing job of putting her tits on display. " So I pulled her panties to the side and, with very little preamble, began to slide myself in. An amazing choice, because while she didnt have the biggest tits, she did have an enormous, fantastic ass. I had the remedy for this because, quite frankly, I felt like shed more than earned something for her as well, so with yet another tug on her hair, I pulled her off my cock and, breathing heavily, told her to bend over the arm of her couch. I was just outside of her, and then, suddenly, all the way in. Id intended to tease a little bit but this one singular action caused her to grip the couch and growl out, "Holy shit, just fuck me. Within seconds I had both hands gripping her hips so tight I swear my knuckles turned white as I began colliding with her repeatedly. From that point forward every time I fucked her was either doggy style or with her bent over some piece of furniture, because there was no way Id ever miss the sight of that ass jiggling and reverberating with each hard thrust I gave her. I licked it, and the trail it left, all the way up her leg and back to her pussy. There was no need to ease myself in. " She, on the other hand, picked up all of my slack about halfway through, turning her head to look behind her at me (thats a fucking power move, FYI, save that - face forward until you need your partner to go nuts and then do the look behind) and her face was just all angry lust as she spouted out a litany of amazing material that I cannot remember verbatim but I can paraphrase thusly: "You like that tight pussy? Yeah, you take that pussy. That pussy is yours, you take it whenever you want. The most I was able to utter out was an occasional "Fuck, that feels good," or "Love this fat ass. Her pussy clenched tightly on me several times, as Id later come to learn she orgasmed very easily, and my constant hard fucking drove her over the edge repeatedly. My capacity for dirty talk was completely out the window and all I could concentrate on at that point was just fucking her with every last fiber of my soul. She was tight, but so wet that I hit bottom without the slightest hint of resistance. This pussy was fucking made to milk that fat cock. I was not wearing a condom and even though she was on birth control, it was my first time having sex with her and for all I knew she could have been a harbinger of sexually transmitted diseases that modern science has yet to even discover. Quick PSA, sorry to interrupt the fapping - this was fucking stupid of me. On her end, she wasnt kidding about the milking part, because with each blast of cum I shot inside her, those inner walls were stroking me, tightening and releasing to try and get every last drop out. I completly collapsed on her back, kissing her neck and for a long while she just worked her inner muscles on me. She was nice enough to let me take a shower with her, but nothing particularly sexy happened and I eventually softened up again. I came hard inside her. " That whole built for comfort look just makes me want to extend business hours. Thats the power of a solid gold fuck. She did such a good job that I never went completely soft, and in no time at all I was fully hard again, but at that point shed decided she had enough and she booty bumped me backwards, sliding me out. I am massively, massively lucky that I didnt wind up with some kind of penis rot. I wasnt complaining - Id just had fantastic sex with every indication that Stephanie and I would hook up again (and we did, several times, until she found an actual relationship and wanted to keep it monogamous with him), so after I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she playfully told me to get out, I was able to walk back to my car with a spring in my step which is miraculous considering that my next stop that day was a tutoring job for a guy I nicknamed Pringles because the dude always smelled like Pringles. " She threw out so much dirty talk all at once that she drove me completely over the top. Or silver if you have some kind of gold allergy. Thanks for reading, everyone! Even Pringles couldnt keep me down that day. I hope all your fucks are also solid gold!