#im just so fucking burnt out & exhausted. ive been wallowing in merciless agony since i had to move back in w my parents

[ozlices]

as a person w so goddamn much medical trauma the thought of having to go through the process to find a new doctor that is not just simply compatible w me, but who is also, like. u know. an actually nice, understanding person who will put genuine effort into taking proper care of me is so taxing. like i wish it was a simpler process, but it's not. bc i gotta deal w the very real possibility that by having to go through this process, my medical trauma will be worsened even further. & it is already bad enough that i have panic attacks every time i have to go to any sort of medical facility.

im literally so fucking furious over how much this happens. & that there's no fucking consequence for doing it to a Human Being. for tossing a Human Being that needs medical care aside like a piece of fucking trash. the american healthcare system is such a stupid fucking joke.

#mine #and it sucks bc tbh im at a point where i rly wish i could say 'fuck it' & just. not bother. #but i dont have a choice bc im on daily medications that i cant abruptly stop & Have to take to function #like i literally dont even know how to like. deal w processing the doctor my family has had for potentially decades just dropping me #outta nowhere. like damn i literally cant even trust the doctor literally my entire immediate family has seen for YEARS #to fucking give a shit abt me. #ive been through such an absurd amount of betrayals this year i literally feel like a broken shell of a person #im numbing. i really fucking am. what the fuck else am i sposed to do. #like... literally i feel so nauseous over this shit. #no warning. no head's up. just 'oh btw we're not treating [them] anymore.' #like ????????????????? #bruh this year has fucking brutalized my dissociation. i literally dont feel like a real person w feelings anymore. #bc ive just been treated like a piece of shit that's an inconvenience & a burden & worth more effort than i deserve to be granted. #it's so... just... idk. man. i dont even have it in me to be sad or hurt anymore #im just so fucking burnt out & exhausted. ive been wallowing in merciless agony since i had to move back in w my parents #i am genuinely BARELY surviving at this point & Still shit just Keeps Piling On. #i literally dont know what to do w myself anymore. im trying as hard as i fucking can but holy fucking shit. #i already have way less energy to spare than the average person bruh. it's ridiculous #im sick of being told it'll be ok. im sick of being told ppl feel sorry for me. #im sick of complaining. im sick of being miserable. im sick of feeling like this. #i just want to be done w all the hardships im so fucking exhausted i dont wanna be a person anymore man. #also like. v fucking taxing bc not every doctor can nor will prescribe my adhd meds. #so. like. that's also terrifying. nauseating to deal with. #i literally just want to give up bruh and not even in a suicidal way like i just am so sick of trying for nothing #i could do nothing at all and still be put through bullshit im over it all im so fucking over it. #never in my life has being told 'it'll be ok' felt more dismissive than it does this year but my god. does it feel so dismissive & taxing. #ive literally never not been more not okay than i have been this year. & i continuously get more brutalized no matter what. #it's exhausting as shit just let me fucking breathe what the fuck jfc.