#im just self critical already and the few times people are mean i fjkhdjkghdfgjkhdfg

[toruvi]

Hiii, I know you get a lot of messages about paychecks and some are rude and pressuring, but I want you to know that most of us are excited for it to be updated, but are happy to wait so you can release work you are happy and proud of 💕

I hope your doing well, I know school is tough (I’m there with you, genetics is killing me, I may already be dead) but you got this (:

We love you and you simply being here and sharing tidbits of your life and thoughts is something I look forward to~

thank you i really appreciate this. honestly i have so much anxiety surrounding paychecks i feel like im under a microscope LOL fskdljfksdl it's really difficult to write when a bunch of my Levi mutuals are inactive…there's nothing airing and i'm just dealing with a bunch of irl stuff i dont talk about on here. i know the fandom isnt dead but it's slowed down soooo much.

i dont think people understand how hard it is to get ideas/have inspo for content that isn't there anymore??? like sure we're getting official art but if i'm being real it's nothing exciting?? i know ill get more inspo when the season starts airing.

i shared so much of next chapter and a tiny part of me thought that maybe it'd stop the weird comments/questions but no JKHDFGJKGH (dont get me wrong i mainly shared it bc everytime i typed a sentence i got excited lol). but i feel like people think i'm trying to be…idk…professional??? about paychecks?? it's just something i do to pass the time. i'm not a writer, i dont want to BE a writer. i just do it to escape and i like sharing it with people who enjoy the little au i've made up. i dont make a schedule anymore bc the second i feel like it's a chore im going to abandon it. the dates are always estimates but shit happens aaaaa

ive JUST started writing it again and looking at the documents. and then i get weird pushy comments (not even referring to the previous ask specifically but in general, there's a lot i dont answer.) and i just lose motivation all over again. yes, i should ignore it but i'm not used to..interacting??? on this capacity?? its just a lot idk sORRY I TOTALLY RANTED….ANYWAY THANK U FOR BEING NICE <3

#its not even just anons its like on ao3 too #ive started dreading opening emails #i dont want to limit comments but maybe i should #idk every time i see the stats on paychecks i get so nervous #and the weird comments i get are from people who have never said anything until they get impatient and im like #bruh why would i want to share things with someone whos never been nice to me and only says something when THEY want it? #sometimes i really want to deactivate but i know id regret it so i just log off bc its too much #i try not to complain bc dont get me wrong a majority of people are nice #im just self critical already and the few times people are mean i fjkhdjkghdfgjkhdfg #it just makes me not want to share anything </3 #anyways im sorry if u read all this LOL #sometimes i want to just wait long enough until the rude people give up and then i update out of nowhere #and then the only people who care are the chill people who didn't mind waiting fjkghdfjkgh