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#im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here
lightningfilledsaber
·
2 years
Text
I can and will make everything about being trans
#mud rambles
#thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog
#the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week
#ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point)
#but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl
#all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as
#my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to
#call me by my correct name
#so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be
#attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought
#that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point
#im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore
#and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it
#especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a
#year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard
#it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life
#idk idk like i said this has been hard for me
#im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here
#ask to tag
#oversharing
#abuse mention
#abuse ment
#mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO
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