#im convinced i mustve been delusional to think the thoughts that i had then

[caffeinatedopossum]

Starting to wonder if I have bipolar but then I would literally have almost every mental illness. Like fr I'm not kidding you, I'm a collector and I never chose this

#it does run in my family since my mom had it #i just wonder because while im almost always suicidal the way that prevents itself can greatly change very quickly #like periodically ill be stuck to my bed very sad very mopy for like 3 weeks to 3 months #and then sudden i get this burst of false energy that is actually severe restlessness #and i NEED to do something when that happens. sometimes i just cannot sleep because ive gotta do something #sometimes i frantically draw or write and ill have these moments where i feel ecstatic and when i come back to normal levels of sadness #im convinced i mustve been delusional to think the thoughts that i had then #usually the sadness isnt as bad during those periods but the suicidality is much worse actually because i become very frantic #and have so much more energy #idk. my theory thus far has been either 1) adhd causing mood dysregulation and hyperactivity #2) fluctuations in my depression and anxiety combating each other. actually both of these. #or 3) DID. just DID. i think thats lretty self explanatory #the interesting thing is that i think what i described with point 1 and 2 would be clinically considered bipolar...? #listen clinicians dont always consider the other factors that contribute to what symptoms the person is having #especially in psychology where the lines are very blurry since diagnosis tends to be made on behavioral observations #and also on self reported symptoms.i suspect im one of the only people who would describe symptoms like 'im having x because i have y' #and not just 'im having x symptom' #skfjfh sorry to everyone who reads my tags 👍 psychology special interest go brr