#im apparently so offputting the only person to ever show true interest was ??? lying about it maybe??? out of?? pity?? or smth??

[semercury]

Really hate when people imply I should be in a relationship with someone, be it specific or in general. Bc like. I'm ugly + I'm annoying + I have issues with physical and emotional intimacy. That's three strikes and I'm out. Nobody want me and nobody should want me. I rest my case etc.

#stuff sarah says #it always hurts bc like. i would love a relationship on theory! #i have so much love to give and id love the idea of expressing that in every way possible! #unfortunately God intended me to die as a baby so i was never supposed to get this far #so to keep the timeline intact i can never have a long term relationship. friendships are already pushing it #plus my affection is a reason to mock those receiving it so why would i do that to someone? #im apparently so offputting the only person to ever show true interest was ??? lying about it maybe??? out of?? pity?? or smth?? #other guy does not count. so much alcohol was involved i doubt he saw my face or registered me fully #like me ghosting him was a favor. i hope he knows that #like i dont even want to spend the rest of my life with me. why would someone else? #and i dont say the bits about me being ugly like. for trying to get people to say the opposite. bc its just true? #like i have eyes. i have ears that heard all the people say it #some people are just ugly and thats okay. im fine with it. people usually leave me alone bc of it which is nice #i mostly just feel bad for everyone who has to look at me #but ive felt bad about that since i was what. 7? #sorry i exist and you have to see my rotten form