#if you know my priv you can request but i might just kick you out jhdjdh sorry it panicks me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bas-writes · 3 years

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So... Not so great news, I think?

First of all - I apologize, if my post came out whiny and pitiful. It wasn't my intention, but my social energy is so low I scrape the bottom of last reserves, so I have no idea what kind of emotional message I am sending. Please, excuse me that.

Lately, I've been more and more self-conscious about my writing. I have no idea if it's a result of generally... bad family situation, health problems and getting used to meds, a massive burn out, or just painful realisation how much I lack when it comes to life experience. But I feel like I am lying to you all the time. After all, how a person who has never experienced the feeling of being loved and/or desired can write about being loved and/or desired? All I can do is coping what others write and tell, presenting a mere imitation, puking out empty cliches and dry descriptions.

I feel pathetic, gross, fake. And honestly, if I didn't have paid commissions, I would simply delete this blog. I don't think it deserves to exist, that such compilation of pitiful lies should be immediately erased.

I know you probably - hopefully - don't think this way and you don't care, if I experienced what I'm writing about or not. But I do think this way and it's a huge problem, affecting my work. I never had confidence in what I created, always struggled with impostor syndrome, since this blog started gaining popularity everything I was doing was an attempt to repay for a kindness and attention I received. Now add to that my newest depressive fixation.

Anyway, now what it's the most interesting for y'all:

What about your commission?

Yes, I am painfully slow with them, and I'm aware of it. It shouldn't have taken place, considering you paid me for it. I'll do everything in my power to get them done within next 2-3 weeks. If you want a refund due to long wait, I'll be able to do it in the beginning of June and - if more people than I can afford will decide to do it - past 15th June.

Please let me know: @animequeen122 @sir-crocodile-smile @opopnomi @doctorgerth @quirky-and-kind @yunohawkeye @mysticaltigersorceress @your-local-trainwreck @quartermera @bravevesperia01 @pirate-shrimp @mintyshanowo - are you okay with waiting a little bit more or do you want to be paid back?

If you aren't on the list above and you paid me for a commission, please contact me immediately. It means I lost commissions notes somehow.

What about the requests in the queue?

I have 12 mini drabbles left (hopefully, I'll get them out tomorrow/monday) and half of Pride event done. So those two will definitely get out. As well as few headcanons I did somehow meanwhile.

I also want to write three scenarios I have promised as prizes and the collaboration event. So plenty of my writing would still appear, even in the worst scenario.

What about the rest? I'm not sure. I'll see how my mental state will look after I get through them and paid work. I might get through them slowly, I might abbandon them together with the blog, I might just delete them and start anew. Time will show.

What about the challenge?

Nothing really changes. If the worst aka inifite hiatus happens, the works will be still reblogged and still two of participants will be chosen. Just the prize will be delivered on priv.

That's... All, I think? If I haven't mentioned something that concerns you, feel free to kick me. I apologize for disappointing and worrying you all. Please, take care of yourselves in those hard times.

#bas speaks

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