#if it feels like maria turned a bit of an asian mom im sorry

[teecupangel]

Me and my time travel thing again, but it's Desmond landing in Ezio-Era Italy. And then he proceeds to try and avoid Brotherhood, except he ended up basing his fashion sense around how Ezio dresses... Long story short, it's a very confusing time for everyone because Desmond is as likely to respond to "Ezio" as he is not, and Templars have to live in paranoia of there being two of the same Auditore. The one to catch him? Is Maria. By using her mother voice when she sees him in a crowd

If Maria is the one to catch him, this would mean this would be around AC Brotherhood when she's... a bit better.

This means that Cesare Borgia has to live in paranoia of there being two Ezio Auditore who wants him dead. XD

This also means that Ezio's recruits are getting tips from Desmond and thinking it's Ezio so you'll have conversations like:

Ezio: You've gotten better. You don't lower your sword arm too low now. That's wonderful. Recruit: It's all thanks to you, mentore. I still remember your words of wisdom! 'Stop failing your hand like you're swatting flies! Think of your sword like a bigger hidden blade or something!' Ezio: ... what? Claudia (listening in): AND THAT HELPED???

Even Claudia got duped once, thinking Ezio was helping her with her target and she's all annoyed at Ezio because she can take care of herself. Ezio's just like

"IT WASN'T ME! OW! Stop hitting me, Claudia! I didn't use you to steal that bastardo's money! I don't even need his money! I'm rich! I JUST BOUGHT THE ENTIRE AQUEDUCT FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

And Ezio keeps getting sidetracked by merchants he had NEVER talked to, calling him and telling him how they have restocked their stocks, and Ezio is just confused because it's stuff like black powder that was definitely something he uses for his hidden gun, sure, but coal?? Lamb's blood??? Skunk oil???

And more importantly...

Datura??????

Then he hears guards shouting as they try to 'apprehend' him

"Be careful! He might hit us with blood again!" "He also throws smoke that smells awful! Don't get hit! My wife beat me half to death after she tried washing my uniform!"

And Ezio is confused, amused, and also a bit offended that these guards would honestly think that he would throw smoke bombs that smell.

In the end, Ezio finally 'catches' Desmond when he goes visit his mother for dinner and his not-exact double but close enough was there and, yeah the imposter was taller but those clothes really definitely look like clothes he would wear (and also looks a lot like the clothes he wore when he had the Armor of Altaïr but white instead of black).

This imposter was simply sitting in the dining room, eating dinner with his mother and he sees red.

Ezio: You have some nerves, you cazzo! Coming here and fooling my mother, pretending to be me! Desmond: I didn't! Maria: Ezio! Do you think I would be such a fool that I could not see the difference between Desmond and a son I pushed out of my vagina? Ezio: (cheeks reddening out of embarrassment) Mother! Desmond: Oh my god (covers face due to secondhand embarrassment) Ezio: Then why is he here?! Maria: I saw him on the roof two months ago and called him. Courtesan who has been in the room the entire time eating her dinner with them: She shouted "You'll get hurt jumping like that, Ezio, get off the rooftop and have dinner with us" and Desmond joined us for dinner. Ezio: You joined them for dinner?! Desmond: It was instinct! If Maria Auditore tells you to come down and have dinner, you come down and have dinner! Maria: (full-on passive-aggressive guilt-tripping) And, at least, Desmond is a sweet boy who joins his mother for dinner every night. Ezio: He's not your so- Wait, every night?! Maria: Maybe if my real son and daughter would join their dear mother for dinner, I would have introduced them to Desmond sooner. Ezio: Mother! We've told you, we've been busy saving Roma- Desmond: (desperately wishing he could just leave but can't because they still haven't had dessert yet)

#it got crack-y #if it feels like maria turned a bit of an asian mom im sorry #assassin's creed #ezio auditore #maria auditore #claudia auditore #ask and answer