#if he ever asks me out i'll let him down gently but i might gouge my eyes out by then

[yourmidnightlover]

SSA Hotchner: chapter 4 - romantic love

TW - threatening letter, a bit of combat, flirting, alluding to sexual themes but not really? let me know if i missed something :)

WC - 2,898

series masterlist

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walking into the frat house you scanned the room for spencer immediately, finding him in the corner where he could keep an eye on everything in the living room area and then some. you gave him a subtle nod when he made eye contact with you to signal you knowing his presence.

"alright, y/n. i need you to scope the place for the guy in the picture we showed you," morgan's voice rang out from your earpiece. "he'll be somewhere near the entrance looking for his next victim."

you gave two taps on your earring to let them know you understood. you began walking further into the living room, making eye contact with spencer again who nodded his head to your right. you looked over your shoulder and found the suspect.

you grabbed a cup of some unknown substance, not wanting to take a sip of it anyway. you traced your finger along the edges as you saw lucas stillwater eyeing you. you bit the bottom of your lip gently, noticing how he began walking towards you almost immediately.

"hi, pretty lady," he greeted you, his hand coming to find your waist.

"hi," you smiled softly, repressing your gag reflex from his touch.

"this dress is... something else, sweetcheeks," already two pet names. got it, dick.

"this ol' thing? i've had it for ages," you started, before moving to fix the collar of his shirt. "now you... look great in this shirt. only..." you pulled him in so you could whisper, "i think it might look better off."

"damn, junior hotch," morgan laughed. "you've really got some game."

"you don't waste any time, do ya?" he smiled as he tucked a stray hair behind your ear.

"hmm... what can i say?" you pulled back to look him in the eyes, removing your hands from him completely. "i know what i want."

"morgan, how about we don't mention my sister like that. got it?" aaron announced.

"you and me both, sugar. you and me both," he growled as he eyed you up and down.

"sir, yes sir," morgan laughed once again.

"i'm hoping that something is me?" you bat your eyelashes innocently, tilting your head in curiousity.

"that something is most definitely you," he agreed. "what do ya say we get out of here, head back to my place?" he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to his body.

"hmm," you traced his chest with your index finger. "i would love to... but i can't," you immediately pulled back and out of his grip, walking across the living room closer to spencer.

"great. now flirt with spencer to entice him more," morgan announced. "you have to get him really riled up, whatever it takes."

spencer had seen how you acted with lucas. as much as he hated to admit, it got underneath his skin. he wanted to be the only one you talked to like that, even if it was just for a case.

you walked over to spencer, biting your lip once again as you approached him. once you got to him, you turned him to face the direction the unsub was once in.

"is he watching?" you whispered in his ear.

"uh, mmhmm. he uh, he's watching," he nodded.

"i'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable," you swallowed.

you noticed the way his breathing picked up. the way his body nearly trembled at your touch. you were clearly making him uncomfortable.

"just act like it's someone else, alright?" you asked before pulling back, playing with a few strands of his hair.

"he looks angry, keep doing that," spencer announced.

"that's good," you swallowed, feeling a bit nervous about what was supposed to go down later that night. "so you're going back with me, right?" you asked with a grin.

"uhm, yea. i am," he nodded. "doing so would entice the unsub even further, ensuring that he'd follow you back."

"okay, sounds good," it was your turn to nod with a smile. "i can't wait to get out of these heels," you giggled as you brought your other hand to his shoulder. "they're rather uncomfortable."

"they look amazing," he grinned with his puppy dog eyes. "i uh- i know i wasn't really able to s-say anything before," he swallowed. "you look re-really beautiful."

"thank you, spence," you blushed. "do you think we're good to leave now?" he nodded. "great, i'm so glad i can change out of this," you laughed as you pulled his hand out the door and towards a car the fbi had gotten just for this case.

you drove to your 'house,' noticing a dark blue sedan following close behind as you pulled into the driveway. you quickly got out, and made your way inside while holding spencer unbelievably close.

once you got inside you went into the bedroom to grab the change of clothes so you could get out of the dress. it was a pair of sweatpants and a short tank top. you were also able to take out the earpiece since the unsub couldn't directly see you.

walking out of the bathroom, you met spencer in the bedroom once again. you noticed him looking at you in a weird way.

"what is it?" you squinted your eyebrows as you looked over your appearance. "i don't think there's a stain on these clothes, i just bought them a month ago."

"th-there's not," you furrowed your brows even more in confusion. "it's just... you look amazing in both a party dress and while dressed in what some would call their 'lazy day clothes,' i just don't see how that's fair," he chuckled as you went to sit down beside him on the bed.

"well i would say you look great in 'lazy day clothes' and in your work clothes and in a tuxedo and in practically anything," you moved a strand of hair behind his ear. "be sure to give yourself credit where it's due, doc."

"thank you, y/n," he said in a tone so genuine it sounded as though you had given him the greatest gift in the world, not just a kind compliment.

"of course," you smiled as you went to the head of the bed, ensuring that there was a gun in the drawer beside it.

"morgan just texted and said the unsub's car is parked outside. he's going to come in about 5 minutes from now," spencer announced.

"i have my gun, you?" you looked at him, he nodded. "great," you felt your breathing pick up.

"hey," spencer placed a hand on your lower thigh. "i'm here, alright? i'll go to the back door, that's where he enters the house," he rubbed his thumb soothingly. "he won't hurt you."

"right. he won't hurt me. but what about you?" you asked, placing your hand over his.

"don't worry about me," he took your hand and pressed his lips to it. "i'll be okay."

"if you aren't okay by the end of the night i'm gonna kill you," you warned him as he placed your hand in his lap, still covered by his.

"alright, i'll hold you to that," he chuckled quietly. "i'll be back, alright?" you nodded as he got up and made his way to the back door.

you walked up to the front door, looking out the peephole and seeing nothing but darkness which was odd. there was a porch light on, and streetlights on the street that lit it up. so why was there no light?

you moved to flip the light switch on, finding it didn't work at all. you went to the kitchen, it didn't work. then once you made your way to the back door where spencer was supposed to be, he wasn't there.

you began panicking. he was gone. he was dead. he was hurt. gone. hurt. dead? you ran back to the living room, finding spencer passed out you placed your gun beside his body to examine him. with what seemed to be a tranquilizing dart in his neck.

you felt arms around your neck and torso, then another pair by your feet. you immediately started kicking as the arm around your neck began squeezing harder than before. you tilted your chin down, bringing your hands up to gouge at the person's eyes that was behind you. he went down wailing

using your core, you kept yourself up as the person holding your torso fell back, you wrapped your legs around his body. you jabbed his gut before putting arms around his neck as you used all your strength to choke his neck, twisting your body around to the back of his body. once you were on his back, you were able to unwrap your legs from his body and use that leverage to induce more pain, he passed out within seconds.

you quickly dropped his body and pointed your gun at the guy who was still screaming, recognizing him as lucas. the door busted down, morgan rushing through with aaron, guns raised.

the heaving in your chest didn't stop or slow down, still having that rush of adrenaline from what just went down.

"you're alright," aaron breathed a sigh of relief as he went to engulf you in his arms.

"i told you i would be," you breathed in the comforting scent of your brother, home.

"damn, y/n," morgan came to clap you on the back. "i didn't know you had that in you. taking down two grown men? remind me to never mess with you,"

"spencer, he-he got hit with a tranquilizer," you announced, motioning to where his body lay on the couch.

"don't worry about him, it's a normal valium tranquilizer. it'll ware off soon," morgan informed you, a wave of relief washing over you.

"so how'd this happen?" aaron asked, you turned to face him.

"spence went to the back door to wait for them to enter since that's where he was supposed to come in. then i went to the front door just to be safe, but i couldn't see anything. it was totally dark. they had cut off power for the block," you turned to face morgan. "that's what we missed. once i figured that out i went to check on spencer, he wasn't by the back door so i went back to the living room and found him here like that," you motioned to him on the couch. "then i felt someone's arms around my neck and feet. i gouged his eyes out, held my body up and choked the other one. ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom! you guys come in," you summarized.

"i don't think i've ever been this impressed by you, y/n," aaron smiled, proud of his little sister.

"well i have been taking self defense lessons since i left home," you shrugged.

"really?" he asked, surprised by the news.

"mhmm. i thought that since dad was..." you cut yourself off. "yea, i've just wanted to know how to protect myself and others," you corrected.

aaron's eyes softened as you stumbled over your words, engulfing you in a hug to comfort you. he rested his chin on your head.

"i love you, aaron," you whispered so only he could hear.

"i love you," he replied, placing a kiss on your hairline.

back on the plane, you sat beside spencer who was still passed out from the tranquilizer. he was supposed to wake up sometime before you land, but with his quick metabolism it would probably be much sooner. you kept your gaze on his peaceful sleeping demeaner. moving your hand around his face, you brushed his hair back once more.

basically everyone else was asleep on the jet aside from you and emily. she noticed the way you looked at him. wistfully. worried. loving.

"he's alright," emily spoke up, sitting in the chair closest to the couch. you rose your eyes to meet hers.

"i-i know," you nodded. "i just... i thought he was-" you cut yourself off.

"but he's not," she titled her head as you looked back at him sleeping. "he's breathing. he'll wake up soon."

"there was a moment when i saw he wasn't there, by the back door, and i just-i didn't know..." you sighed as you traced his cheekbone with the side of your finger.

"you know, he's pretty smitten by you, too?" emily asked with a smirk.

"please," you rolled your eyes. "he's a genius."

"after he first met you, he asked me all about you. he wanted to know where you went to college, your hobbies, interests, whether or not you had a boyfriend," she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"that doesn't mean anything, em. it just means he's curious of a new person," you finally refocused your eyes on her. "besides, how do you know i like him?"

"come on, y/n. i've known you for how long?" she whisper-yelled. "i know when you have a little crush on someone."

"who said it was little?" you laughed "no, i just haven't ever had a real relationship before. i don't think i'm meant to be in one," you shrugged.

"why not?" she furrowed her brows

"i've just never been lucky in the dating aspect. i've learned to be happy with myself... by myself," you proudly announced. "and you know what happened with my parents, it just doesn't seem like many relationships these days are actually happy. they all end in divorce or someone stays because they're too afraid to leave or... or it's just not a good idea."

"if this is because of your dad..." she trailed off.

"it's not just because of my dad, it's because i don't think relationships are necessary. i don't think romantic love is... real," you brought your hands to spencer's, fiddling with his fingers to calm yourself down.

"you don't believe in love?" she asked incredulously.

"i don't believe in romantic love," you corrected.

"how did i never know this about you? i mean not believing in love is kind of a big thing..." she rose her eyebrows comically.

"it's never really been brought up," you dropped his hand and shrugged your shoulders.

spencer began stirring in his spot, he leaned up and squinted his eyes at you. he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around you, bringing you as close to him as possible.

"you're alright," he sighed into your hair. "i thought they were going to hurt you."

"they didn't. i'm alright, spence. i promise," you stroked his hair gently, trying your best to calm him. "i'm okay," you tried to pull back, only to find his grip on you tighten slightly.

"just... just let me hold you for a little longer?" he pleaded as he placed a kiss to your forehead.

"if you're gonna do that then i wanna take a nap," you giggled as you moved the two of you to lay down together, his arms under yours as you curled into his chest.

"whatever you'd like," he sighed.

he heard what you said about love not being real. he heard about how you liked him, but how it couldn't go anywhere. and he was determined to change that for you, no matter what it took.

and he didn't know much about yours or aaron's childhood. from what happened in his own, he understood why someone would want to keep it under wraps. he just wanted you to know that it was alright to confide in him as he has you.

he wants to be that person you went to when you had nightmares about your past. he wants to be the one to chase away the bad guys from your past. he wants to be your future, as well. he wants to be the one you come home with. he wants to be with you. he wants to love you. he wants to be loved by you.

as much as you hated to admit, he's already starting to break down your walls. and that scared you more than your childhood ever did...

the next couple of weeks went by quicker than expected. you quickly found your place within the team, no surprise there since you already knew them. after penelope found out how you had taken the two men down she began calling you her 'little dynamite.'

spencer and you had hung out a couple more times outside of work. he had come over to your place and watched another movie, you went to his so he could give you a lesson on chess, and the two of you went out to eat after a hard case, finishing it with an ice cream with one another.

aaron had been a bit less protective of you after he found out how you had taken self defense classes. he knew you had training with the bureau, but knowing you had training outside of work just eased his mind a bit more.

emily hadn't pressed you on the whole 'romantic love' topic, but she had pressed you on you crush on spencer. she was convinced you and he would be the power couple of the bau.

the rest of the team had gone out together a total of two times after cases. you went out, didn't drink because you needed to drive yourself home, and then went back home.

there was one more letter. one more threat.

i can't believe people actually look up to you. why do they think you're so perfect?

you don't even know how to do your job right and you have men falling at your feet.

you should rot in hell. maybe i should send you there.

no big deal. yet.

#ssa hotchner #y/n hotchner #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n

[meanderfall]

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6.     Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8.     Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25.  Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27.  Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28.  Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29.  Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45.  How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

#aroacedrienne #about