#if anyone needs me I'll be over here laying on the floor in self inflicted emotions over my own oc ok thank u goodnight

[byanyan]

byan being a timid kid.

byan being a timid kid because they used to be an outgoing and energetic kid, but they'd get in trouble for being too loud and annoying, too rambunctious and distracting, and struggled to make friends because they were too overwhelming and wanted too much attention. byan being a timid kid because they don't know who to trust because they've been hurt so many times in so many ways by the people who were supposed to protect and look after them. byan being a timid kid because they always manage to disappoint everyone, because they aren't smart enough or talented enough or good enough and they can never seem to do anything right. byan being a timid kid because they're afraid of what they're capable of, because every time their anger has boiled over, they've done serious damage to people, because they've ended up hurting someone far more than that one person ever hurt them.

byan being a timid kid because they don't know what else to do, because every part of them seems wrong, and now being themself just doesn't feel like an option.

#and then of course byan flipping that on its head one day when the final straw snaps #bc being quiet and timid and trying to be well-behaved never actually made things better it never changed anything #byan embracing their anger in a very 'you think I'm a disappointment and a problem? fine I'll BE a disappointment and a problem' sort of wa #hi I've been having a lot of middle of the night thoughts again lately #tonight it's thinking about how if you compared byan at a certain point in their childhood with byan now #you'd never guess they were the same person bc they're such complete opposites #bc they spent so many years trying to be all these things they weren't and none of them were fucking good enough for anyone #if anyone needs me I'll be over here laying on the floor in self inflicted emotions over my own oc ok thank u goodnight #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.