#idk....it just seems like work doesnt make anybody happier. why would it make me?

[mouseratz]

yes there is privilege in being able to choose whether I go to college or not. but it's kind of like. even if I did, the job market is so bad, most degrees are rendered next to useless anyway.....all of this work, and for what? you're not getting paid much better anymore, and you'll still be working likely on top of your schooling, and you'll have lifelong debt. unless I can prove it would bring me personal fulfillment, the point has started to seem a lot less clear than it did before. is it not going to just give me stress & debt atp?

the sad part is I actually like academics, more or less. I don't like homework because my brain is bad, or the way teachers often abuse their power over their students, but I like to read and write, I like to talk to people about these things, I like consistent routines and schedules. I could hate being a student more than I do.

but college just so genuinely feels pointless, at least in the way America has it set up, unless you have an incredibly specific career you want and know you need an incredibly specific degree for. unless the field is in dire need of workers, you're just going to get done with shovelling yourself in debt to not get a goddamn job in the field you wanted anyway, which I thought was kind of The Point! more and more is expected to get hired for anything, much less a job you think you wouldn't hate,

and do you know what kind of money they want from you? you'll probably be paying college debt off your actual entire life. my dad got the job he wanted, and we are doing pretty well, all things considered (hence why I have not been forced to do any of this), but it's nothing crazy. we still have to worry about unexpected bills, like hospital visits or fixing the car. and he'll be paying his debt off literally until he dies. it will never go away, only get incrementally smaller. he didn't go to the most expensive schools. he had good grades. he worked while he was in school. he got financial aid. and this is still the way it is. if they want people like me to go to school, I need to believe it's not going to fuck me over for my entire life, which is not the future I see.

#i guess the longer everything goes on. #i want structure and people in my life. but i dont really know that i want a job unless i desperately need one. #and i know that privileged to be able to stay with a parent without limits at all. but that doesnt mean its a bad thing. #idk....it just seems like work doesnt make anybody happier. why would it make me? #if we arent in desperate need of money to survive why would i make it harder for me to mentally & emotionally survive? #because i need to 'earn' my spot in life with labor? Thats just capitalism. #id do what either i wanted to do or needed to do. and i think it's neither right now.