#idk why i can write meta better in tags shdhssj whoops

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

The way people keep telling Carmy he's dead (because they mistake him for his brother), not even that he should be dead like his dreams say, but "you're dead," "aren't you dead," and it makes him seem like a ghost, like nothing more than a reflection of loss, but at the same time he keeps the restaurant alive because he IS still alive and he knows it so he keeps on making food (which obviously is massively connected with life and life-giving) he keeps on going into the restaurant because he's! not dead! Even though people keep telling him he is! Alexa play Hesitant Alien by Gerard Way!

(I still haven't been able to watch more than two episodes but I am Always Thinking About Them)

no but like!! that's the thing!!! is he keeps being told he's dead and it's not even on purpose but his dreams tell him it SHOULD be!!! and YET!!!!!! he keeps choosing to live and to try to get better and to try to make things better for other people!!! and WITH other people!! and this is very clearly illustrated specifically in the way he consistently apologizes to people when he screws something up/is a jerk!!! he is TRYING. trying for life and connection and healing and hope. Alexa play Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance

#literally the second song i put on this playlist akskskdjksjs #(the first was punisher by pb bc ''i can't open my mouth and have nothing come out even if i could wouldn't know where to start #wouldn't know when to stop'' makes me think REALLY HARD about sydney) #i have like half of hesitant alien on the playlist maybe once you get to see the rest of the episodes I'll send it to you/post it #but like #YEAH it's about CHOOSING to live and CHOOSING to grow and get better and keep hoping!!!! #it makes me SO insane #the thesis i think really is ''and then you put the fire out'' bc that's.. a very specific but succinct way of summing it up #you can let everything burn down around you- life work hopes dreams- because of the pain and maybe that would #make it all stop hurting. ''if this place goes away it'll take all my anxiety with it'' #and it isn't carmy who says then you put the fire out- it's MARCUS who says it and then carmy repeats it #(this is from ep5 sorry skskjfhdk it really is the thesis moment tho) #bc not only is it about making that choice to ''put the fire out'' and keep on living #but also. it isn't a one-person thing. you cannot do it alone he can't do it alone!!! #there needs to be COMMUNITY!!!! richie putting out the actual fire towards the end of the show etc etc etc #syd is the sharpie that works she's the missing piece!!! #idk why i can write meta better in tags shdhssj whoops #this ask may have made my day btw ily <3 #Lu rambles #asks #meta finding tag #the bear #BTW GRACIE BABE when u get to watch the rest pleeeeease feel free to throw Thoughts into my inbox 👀 #i eagerly await your opinions on the rest of it skksskkskks