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adepressedartist · 1 year

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For fucks sake I can't calm down from it.

What was supposed to be a great night (which it overall was) that i tell my fiancé and bestfriend about after turned into a fucking nightmare in which i tried to convince myself that someone secretly gave me Bromo dragonfly or some shit and I'm in a bad psychosis since I'm in a coma. I tried talking myself into it multiple hours because i couldn't fucking understand how me sleeping is a reason to get fucking forcibly sent to a ward. I don't get hangovers from substances but for fucks sake after over 48hrs of being awake i wanted to sleep. And without context, just "yeah what u posted on the gram seemed sewerslidal" i couldn't get it. Because omfg. When i cried and begged for help fuCKING EVERYBODY. Ignored me. But then I have an absolute amazing mood, and my mental health is good again, it's taken away from me, i get fucking screamed at by someone i once trusted which she fucking destroyed as well with that because lord forbid how often I told her how badly this fucks my trust up. I'm not getting triggered by it anymore, that was years ago. But as soon as someone starts, in a serious manner screaming at me, it's over. She can be fucking lucky there were cops keeping me from breaking the law. she can be glad I was so tired and exhausted. She can be glad I was moments before in such a good mood.

But for fucks sake. When i begged for help, i got ignored, i got a "lol same haha", i got belittled with a "yeah turn it down i have it harder rn, you don't even have a job". BUT WHEN I FEEL GREAT MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS RUINED AND I GET SENT TO THE WARD?

I don't get it tbh. Absolutely not.

Like, after having some godforsaken context the next day which she didn't even tell me but my fiancé did. I understood where this all came from. But from her i only got "you acted weird". Great. I have DID/MPD. Surprise surprise, you know barely nobody in this system because nobody wants to talk to you. If i act "weird", you probably just forgot that i exist with other people for fucks sake. And it made me even more angry in the moment because her only reasons were that i didn't pick up my phone. Didn't open up my door. And was weird.

And the best thing is. I had this happen with her multiple times now. She did something shit. We talked it out more or less. I ignored that she's victimising herself. Said alright. Let's got over this.

But she fucking continues.

I told her multiple times to not fucking do this because no, it does not make me feel bad, i actively choose when to feel empathy. But I know that it will have legal consequences if she's not stopping because she's making me fucking aggressive. So i tried to not fucking snap at, or hit her a couple of days ago and told her to fucking stop it and she felt like it was fucking funny.

If she will do it again, i will fucking try to yeet myself out of protest. Or push her down a huge flight of stairs. Nobody is fucking listenign to me, i am repeating myself so fucking often and I'm tired of it. She fucking destroyed the weekend by screaming at me that even the cops looked scared at her. By screaming at me she made my neighbors look outside their apartments. And so fucking muvh more. And tHEN SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE THE VICTIM LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU MAKE ME WANNA KILL EITHER YOU OR MYSELF. FUCKING STOP I WAS SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVE AND TRIED TO JUST BREATHE IT AWAY BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT WAS ILLEGAL. AND FOR FUCKSSAKE WAS I HAPPY THE CURSE I DID IN YHE WARD FOR HER WORKED BECAUSE GOD WAS I ANVRY AND STILL ARE. SHE FUCKING ACTS LIKE A SMALL CHILD OVER AND OVER.

Yeah so that I calmly talk to someone, is not showing what i feel towards them in any way. Iget it. It was a big misunderstanding. It led to many bad things, but that is fine. I am an understanding person.

But i am angry at one guy. Because if i hate something, is when "friends" lie to your fucking face.

And i am angry at her for being an ignorant bitch that only sees herself. Idk where the friendship is going after all the shit she has generally done in the last 5-6 months, but i will definitely cut contact a bit now, because hell nah. I'm not her therapist anymore, and if she just wants to sit at my home all day watching tiktok with me she can also fuck off.

Will i tell her all of those things politely without hurting her feelings while all the way manipulating her? Yes. Why? Because i know exactly there are people in this head that unlike me now, still hold her dear.

But she played all her chances. I forgave her multiple times, but i never forgot. I'm so fucking fed up with humanity.

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bravdenschenn · 7 years

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Hi! Sorry if this is a weird question or whatever, but could you tell me a little about the Flyers? Like fun facts, some of your favorite players, stuff like that? :)

hi!!! first off– not weird! i am approximately 200% of the time always willing to talk about the philadelphia flyers! secondly, if i may, @the-ghost-bear recently made this post and it’s an awesome thing to check out for some insight and humor on players that are detrimental to the (current and) near future of the flyers, so 10/10 do recommend giving it a read! i’m not really gonna include many of the players on that post tbh!!

so with that said, onto some of my favorite orange boys and my favorite things about the team…

jake voracek–

actually a garbage man, taking out the trash for us. one of our highest scorers the past few seasons since i started really watching. my second favorite beard in the league (behind brent burns, but we’ll save my crying about the sharks for another day!). one of our surprisingly many gingers, bc the flyers aren’t orange enough, i guess. petting his hair may or may not be on my bucket list. probably going to become cousin it from addams family at some point? apparently a big bruce springsteen fan who takes his teammates to see the boss in concert which is one of my favorite things about him from one big boss fan to another. probably not relevant to everyone’s interests but.

wayne simmonds–

ALL STAR MVP WAYNE THE TRAIN SIMMONDS. pk subban wisely advises you should never fight wayne simmonds. shayne gostisbehere wisely advises you should never prank wayne simmonds. they are both very smart men. campaigned for the 2017 all star weekend with puppies, so if he’s not Your Fave, you’re probably wrong. a good canadian and 100% one of philadelphia’s top 5 favorite humans in existence. he deserves so much. sass level 100.

brandon manning–

i feel like it’s just important to give him a shout out for being soft and sweet and shy and according to @cneuvvora he smells good so is he the perfect man? probably. imo very underappreciated on the whole which is sad. if you take anything from this answer, it’s to go give brandon manning some love.

claude giroux–

you may recognize him as having been captain of team canada for worlds this year but truly he is the captain of my heart. you also may recognize him from “fuckin pigeon” bc truly top 5 hockey chirps. appropriately, also a ginger. maybe was not the best player this year (he had hip surgery last summer tho) but at least he has this skill going for him. mostly just wants to love you. unarguably has the best fiancee (ryanne breton check her out it won’t be a mistake) and the best dogs (who ryanne just made an instagram for harvandcharlie 100% worth a follow). got absolutely hilariously punched in the face by fellow flyer radko gudas during worlds and i laugh so hard i cry every time i see that gif.

brayden schenn–

you don’t even really want me to start talking about brayden schenn because i will legitimately go on for hours probably whilst crying. he’s a good soft canadian boy who loves food and has the brightest smile i’ve ever seen (HE SMOOSH HIS NOSE I’M!!!! so sorry i’m like this…) and allie’s post i linked above does a great job at talking about him. he is my #1 favorite flyer, though. that’s probably obvious.

michal neuvirth–

i’ve heard a lot of speculation we only resigned him to get rid of him in the expansion draft. i’m not going to get into all of that though. he’s still a flyer at least for now right!!! but regardless, he is one of my absolute favorite flyers and in my top 3 favorite goalies no matter where he ends up at any point in his career. one third of our czech connection he is dating radko gudas’ sister and i have no doubt they are going to have one of the cutest babies i’ve ever seen soon (at least, i don’t think the baby was born yet, but it’s gotta be soon??? correct me if i’m wrong). he just seems like one of the sweetest guys ever and this post is very accurate. sounds really lovely speaking czech. i just want the world to appreciate michal neuvirth.

michael raffl–

brayden schenn’s bromo as far as i’m concerned. the victim of one of my personal favorite videos in existence. got injured and didn’t play the last chunk of the season and i miss him A Lot. yet another ginger; it’s frankly absurd how many gingers we have. would anyone back me up if i started a conspiracy theory about the flyers collecting gingers? also, apparently a supermodel sometimes. idk he’s just a good funny dude and not a bad player at all!!

honestly i wish the flyers did more as far as behind the scenes/extras things, because they don’t have a lot and i’m blanking on any Quirky/Funny Flyers Things™? mostly, we cry a lot.

but they are a goofy group of boys who i love dearly

and who are just v soft and smiley

also travis konecny doesn’t know how to blow a kiss? important things to know. someone help this man.

great at sinning

probably should not take any jobs requiring them to spell after retirement

also kind of hot messes when it comes to video games (my favorite video of the flyers ever)

fellow flyers fans feel free to add on ur favorite flyers things!!

sorry this is probably v bad but i hope it at least made someone smile!!! (also none of the pics/gifs/vids or anything are mine just fyi in case anyone thinks otherwise i am just using them for reference about goofy orange boys thanks!)

#flyers #anonymous #answer

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