#idk how selling food on the street is so appealing to me

[servegrilledcheese]

the owners of a grandma & grandson run home-cooked pizza business.

#ts4 #the sims 4 #i just really had a good time playing with the stuff pack idc 😭 #idk how selling food on the street is so appealing to me

[lazyphiladelphiareviews]

Old People Candy!

Hello. This isn’t a restaurant review. This is about candy. Don’t read it if you don’t want to I don’t care. I don’t get paid to do this it is basically to make myself laugh and to send to Paul because he can never remember what this website is called.

These are the candies that old people have / eat. And what I think of them.

Good N Plenty – inedible. Poisonous. This is what they give to kids in the hospital after they eat paint and they need to make you throw up so you don’t die. These should be called Bad N Few. At least be honest.

Speaking of puke on my walk to work today I saw a lady puke on the side of a building it was awesome.

Werthers Original – I don’t know why they have to call these the original. Nobody is copying them. Nobody has ever copied them. I don’t know what their flavor is but it’s not appealing. It’s like a poor man’s butter scotch which isn’t great either.

Strawberry Wrapped Strawberry Hard Candy – I love these. I love the packaging. It shows you what you’re gonna get. A strawberry wrapped strawberry hard candy. I also love the shit in the middle when you bite into it, that blast of moisture that gushes into your mouth. It’s like an angel jizzed or squirted into your mouth, whatever your sexual preference.

Nat said these come in hickory farms meat boxes which is outrageous and hilarious at the same time.

Purple Lavender Candies – I am not sure if this is even a real thing or just a thing I saw in a movie or in a dream one time. I think they are big in Europe which is like a whole different country. The thing about these purple candies is that they taste like perfume which is not something you want to be eating a lot of unless youre one of the drunks on that show Intervention. Love that show.

Green Spearmint Jellies – These are gross. You bite into them and it leaves that weird tooth mark? You know the ones. These are like what you eat after dinner in a restaurant to help your digestion. These are a decoration only.

Speaking of decorations.

Ribbon Candy – old people keep this in their fancy crystal dish and its just for décor youre not supposed to try to eat it, but that’s what kids do is try to eat stuff. One time when I was a kid I ate a Lego. The best is when you try to grab this stuff and it shatters all in your hands and all over your Christmas sweater. Ribbon candy is like weapons grade sharpness. Its like trying to eat shrapnel. I hate it. But god damn if I don’t respect it.

Cinnamon Dots and Butterscotchs – If you eat both of these at the same time, both hard candies, it forms what my dad calls a “hot setup” and the flavors are amazing. I used to eat them all the time but then my teeth started to like hurt randomly lol.

Ice Blue Menthol Hard Candies – Grandparents love these. Grand dads carried these with them in France when they were fighting the Axis powers. They are basically medicine. It’s like eating vicks vap o rub. Good for a cough. Bad for food.

Bit O Honey – I don’t even know what to say about these except that I am not eating it. I don’t even look at this like a food. It’s like all the people you pass on the street when youre walking to or from somewhere. You don’t even realize they are people. They are just obstacles. Bit O Honey is just an obstacle that gets in the way of you eating actual good candy.

Circus Peanuts – I don’t now where you would find these things, they just like, appear in old people’s parlors next to the couch with the plastic on it. Has anyone ever eaten one of these? I never have. I have no idea what these are like. They are like a movie prop, or like the punchline of a joke. 0/10

Orange Slices – Ok these are like the spearmint gummies, I used to LOVE these when I was like 13 I would get them at 7/11 when I wasn’t digging through their dumpster for discarded HUSTLER magazines. But I don’t think I could eat one of these things now. I would probably get diabetes instantly. Like this would be my body’s final straw.

Reisens – Ive never found one good reason to eat a Reisens.

Rolos – This is like, maybe not old people candy but it sucks in earnest anyways. What a shit candy. When was the last time you saw someone purchase a Rolos on purpose? How does that candy survive in this economy?

Atomic Warheads – I am including this one because it is the opposite of old people candy. This is young man candy. This is the snapchat of candy. Imagine trying to explain Warheads to your grandparents. “its not like, good, its pretty gross, it hurts, but yeah.” They would just shake their heads and go back to watching price is right and voting for trump.

Orange and Black wrapped peanut chew things – These are revolting. I cant imagine a reason to eat one of these things. They are always what’s left over after you go through all the good shit you got on Halloween. They are the Mr Irrelevant of candy. Final pick in every draft. I wouldn’t give these to my dog. And he likes peanut butter but he deserves better. He deserves better.

Here is me and my dog this Halloween we are lumberjacks.

Candy Cigarettes – These are awesome. IDK if you can find these anywhere anymore but they were great. I loved the bubble gum ones bc you could actually blow like what looked like smoke out of them. They don’t sell these anymore if you want to be cool like we used to back then you have to do other things like vape and eat laundry detergent pods.

Dots on paper – What is the point of these? What is the point of that paper? That is just a waste of paper. Also you always end up eating paper. Eating paper! This is the CVS receipt of candy. This is a good candy to eat if you hate the environment. This candy makes Greta Thunberg upset.

Those Little Wax Soda Bottles – Idk if these are old ppl candy but I wanted to mention them bc I used to like these as a kid. Lemme sip a little of that green syrup then seal that bottle up for later. Gonna sip a little more of that action later. Love these things. Love chewing wax. I could go for one of these right now.

Necco Wafers – This is just old candy, not necessarily old people, its just fucking old. I love it though! Nice and chalky. Chalk one up for me. Except not the chocolate ones those are bad. But I can get down with a Necco wafer.

Tootsie Rolls – These are worthless. Let me ask you a question. What the hell is the flavor of a tootsie roll. Is it chocolate? It’s like some discount rack chocolate taffy and its not good at all its just irritating and don’t get me started on the different color ones like the orange tootsie roll just stop. It’s the 90s now. It’s time to grow up Gossip Girl.

Ok that’s all that I can think of right now. Let me know if I forgot something that you hate. I love hearing about things that you hate. Good n Plenty sucks and now I am like visibly angry about it.

Share this article with your friends who like candy. It will distract them from the upcoming civil war. Thanks!