#i'm basing this a lot on my jiwoon but yeah

[obituaried-a]

@night0332 asked: 💭 + jiwoon

Headcanon • No Spin • Hak Jiwoon.

a tattered memoir written by Seok Yejun, in a dusty notebook, found inside the Léry's Memorial Institute. Year: unknown.

“Jiwoon. I loved you. For so long. I loved you. Your smile. Your laughter. You lit up a room when you walked in. You had all eyes on you, which made the rest of us feel obsolete at times. We were your extras towards the end of our careers. The embellishments to your act. You took over our performances, soured it with egotism and overdramatic flair. Nothing was ever big enough for you. It had to have more. More this and that. Back then I didn’t see it. Not like I do now. Back then, I was so full of blissful ignorance and misplaced appreciation. Minjun hyung had his doubts about you. I like to think Jaesung did, too. But JJ, Kitae hyung, and I would have really thrown ourselves on the line for you. You brought us so much joy. To be so wrapped in folly again.I have one distinct memory I can’t shake, now that I’m forced to see you kill me over and over.

It was our second world tour, when we were allowed to visit my family in Maine for a day or so before we travelled to Canada. Just near Cape Elizabeth. My aunt was kind enough to let me borrow her car to show you around. You insisted I drove for the practice, since you were already confident in your abilities, and I didn’t mind back then if it helped you take in the beauty of it all. I loved you, Jiwoon, don’t you remember? We all loved you. Especially JJ. We would have done just about anything if it brought a smile to your face. That drive was a highlight that I vowed I’d never forget. You showed me music I hadn’t heard on the old radio that had a record scratch we couldn’t shake, but it didn’t matter. You sang the words to help me really take it in. To condition me to love each song more. We parked on the edge of the cliff side, overlooking the Atlantic as the sun begun to set. You told me about your dreams to see us all become solo acts. To make it big. Be worldwide. Did you see that when we were burning alive? Did we have a future in your mind then, I wonder? I ate every word up, with the kind of stupid enthusiasm that I’d scoff at now. Dumb grin on my face as I nodded and agreed. But it was odd… a strange sensation that I felt even then,

As you told me all of your dreams, and filled my head with sparkling lights of success stories for our group, as you buttered me up with everything I wanted to hear, I couldn't help but feel the fear of the pressure you heaved on my shoulders. The crumbling weight of your expectations of me begun to eat me alive, as all you did was smile at me and assure me I was going to be a star. My stomach was in knots, and I realize now...

All I wanted to do was drive the car off the ledge, into the tide below us, and now that I look back after it all was said and done, I should have.”

#HEADCANON. #VERSE: NO SPIN. #yejun always felt so complicated about jiwoon highkey :( love hate relationship #i'm basing this a lot on my jiwoon but yeah #fire tw #death tw #suicide tw #even though it's mostly hinted #night0332 #THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS ;-;