#i'm a hot mess even though kookie said this is never gonna be the end

[jmdbjk]

The future: bright and scary

Having sat with this now for a couple days I have thoughts. Surprise!

I have listened to what they have told us, reassuring us. I believe them. They’ve promised. They are not disbanding. They are doing group work (that does not include new music) in conjunction with their solo activities. I hear all that and I believe them. I think because they are more in charge of their own time they will have the opportunity to spend it doing leisure activities and not just work. We just saw Hobi and Jimin at a soccer match. Such a rare sighting.

But this still might sound like I am being an alarmist naysayer. I am letting my mind work through it all and sometimes it takes some of us longer to process. Us = me in this case. Please bear with me, I will work through it and be posting nekkid Jimin pics soon. So let me just think out loud for a little bit...

There’s a few years left on their contract, like three maybe. Correct me if I’m wrong, please. So there’s that, a few years left on their BigHit contract. They have military enlistment. They are burned out on being a group. The pandemic threw all their plans out the window on how they were going to mitigate the burnout within the timeframe of their contract. They’ve literally run out of time as a group on their contract with the possibility of 2 years of military service looming.

Run BTS was a fun show. I love that show. They always seemed to enjoy doing it but after seven, eight, nine years, however long they did it, that’s a long time to be doing the same thing over and over and it’s hard to come up with new ideas. So they took a break from doing that. They say they’re back producing it but could that be because they have to fulfill the rest of their contract? And since they aren’t making music as a group, they had to do something. We don’t know.

Maybe they paused the show because that is part of the “plan” they already have in place. The “plan” that has been in motion for a long time now. The “plan” that they just broke the news to us the other day during the Festa dinner. The “plan” that was in place when they said “Run BTS is being put on pause, but will be back.” They’ve been trying to tell us things over the course of the past year. 

Maybe the big picture of this “plan” is for content to tide us through military duty. Maybe the “plan” includes a documentary movie. There were cameras in their faces when they were leaving Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas after the concerts. What were they filming for if not for content such as Bangtan Bombs, Bangtan Episodes or a documentary like they’ve done in the past. Maybe we will get to see their burnout story and hear their own words how it all played out.

I wonder if they finalized everything for enlistment and now all the pieces are falling into place now that they know what to expect. I guess if we indeed get this military announcement it will answer these questions about the future and timeframe. 

I am counting on them to have this plan and to keep their promise to come back because of what I have experienced myself.

Being someone who’s had several jobs and worked at several places, each place for many years... there are times I’ve had to leave places of work –not on my own accord– and times I’ve left jobs because I got great offers and it was time to move on.

Each time there’s always a set of emotions that go with that: Shock that I won’t be returning to a place I loved. Relief that I don’t have to put up with that stress/those people anymore. Sadness because I will miss my people and my comfort zone. Guilt that I am leaving them behind to pursue my own dreams. Excitement about embarking on new adventures. Fear about the unknown...will I be successful at this new venture? what will I do? will I fail? How will I be judged? 

After a length of time you begin to see that the trauma of this change has helped you grow as a person and that you can’t go back to what was...you don’t wanna go back to what was. The experience of dealing with change...it changes your outlook, changes how you view yourself and how you deal with other things in your life, it’s a ripple effect. Their military duty will change them as men. It is inevitable. 

But you realize that where you are in your life’s journey is where you need to be.

And I guess because I know that, I have a little bit of fear about them eventually being able to come back together again. Even if they have these engagements already scheduled like the Busan thing in 2030. That is 8 years away. Of course, whatever it is they are doing at that time, they can reunite for that. I just hope it isn’t one of those, “after all these years BTS reunites for the Busan thing.” But it might be.

Down the line they will have the freedom to make decisions outside of contractual obligations and I hope that they see BTS as part of their lives. 

I fear that they already know things that are going to happen in the future that will really be hard for us to take but they could not share them with us. Those things include the military enlistment. I think they already knew about it when they taped the Festa dinner last month and they had to think really hard about how to present all this to us and that’s why all of this is coming out as pre-recorded video straight from them.

My stupid pragmatism is running rampant. Be REALISTIC my brain says! Be prepared for the military announcement. Go ahead and just get ready for a long time of no BTS. My heart still can’t watch them looking out at the 4000 cheering K-Army knowing it was the last time as a group they’d be on stage together...I am certain that is not the way they envisioned they would spend their last concert together. Therefore they have no choice but to come back immediately as soon as they can and roll out a world tour! HAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding...

They made statements about “recharging” and about needing to step back and grow as an artist, as individuals, in order to continue as a group. We suspect the plan is in motion, they’ve been working on their own stuff since at least the beginning of this year. They keep trying to reassure us. They are the sweetest most caring artists toward their fans.

I HOPE LIKE I’VE NEVER HOPED BEFORE that they have a 2-3 year plan that involves military in/out and includes resuming BTS music and touring. 

I HOPE LIKE I’VE NEVER HOPED BEFORE THAT THEY WILL CONTINUE TO BE WITH US AS A GROUP IN BETWEEN SOLO ACTIVITIES JUST LIKE THEY ARE SAYING. 

I HOPE I AM UNDERSTANDING WHAT THEY ARE PUTTING DOWN!

I WANT TO BELIEVE WE WILL ALL HAVE OUR HAPPY ENDING!

Whew...I just want those 7 to be happy. Please just let them be happy. 

Okay, I am ready for naked Jimin now. 

#yoongi said it will be a long time before they are together like this again #their eyes and faces during mcountdown... #my heart is breaking again #i'm a hot mess even though kookie said this is never gonna be the end #i want to trust with all my heart but my heart still hurts

[thesummerfox]

so I have actually two prompts to ask (1) something happens to Karen and she ends up in the hospital (2) anything domestically fluffy PS: I'm sorry if this is to much to ask, so if you want to do just one I'm okay with that 😍💖 (but let it be the first one 😂). And thank you sooo much!!💖💖

Thank you for sending this in, oh my goodness! This has been a blast to write -- I decided to opt for 1 and add in sprinkles of 2, how about that? ;) Also, if this prompt is your jam I’ve got one other (older) fic of mine you might like! Though Death Be More Kind fits this bill perfectly, if you haven’t read it yet. ^^As for your prompt... I hope you’ll enjoy this!

Her ears are still ringing.

She winces at the high-pitched whining tone that has wormed its way into her eardrums. Wonders if the quiet in the room around her is setting it off even further, or if she just permanently suffered some damage to her eardrums from that explosion.

The fact that she’s more concerned about damage to her hearing than about the varying cuts and bruises on her body is probably a testament to how good hospital painkillers can be when they work.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” says a voice somewhere to her right as she cracks one eye open and lets out a groan at the harsh light overhead. There’s something familiar about its mellow-toned sound that’s buried deep in her subconscious. She tries to remember what it is by furrowing her brow and attempting to turn her head. Regrets the decision almost immediately when her stomach rolls uncomfortably and bile rises in the back of her throat. The voice sounds concerned about her wellbeing in the next few seconds. “Try not to move too much, okay?”

“M-Micro?” she breathes, finally remembering the name that eluded her before. Croaks out his name and winces at the rough quality of her own voice. Her throat feels like sandpaper. There’s a burn in it that doesn’t subside even after she swallows half a dozen times. She blinks both eyes open now. “W-what?”

“Well, at least your brain still works,” assesses the man. She thinks she detects a sliver of approval in his tone, but it’s gone as quickly as it came. “Rather a sticky situation you landed in. Big explosion, too. You got lucky.”

“Don’t remember.”

It’s only half a lie. There are some holes where her knowledge of last night is supposed to be. She remembers chasing a story. Remembers something about an arms deal going horribly wrong. Definitely remembers the explosion. Is a little hazy about the details. Certainly doesn’t recall how she wound up with needles in her arm and bandages wrapped around various body parts. Her head is swimming. Her stomach flips a somersault as she moves her eyes slowly to the right.

“You look ridiculous,” she croaks out when she gets her first good look at the man. “Seriously. Did you get dressed in the dark?”

Micro raises his piercing blue eyes from the bag he’s holding for a second to fix her with a half-smile. His curly hair is tucked haphazardly into an oversized beanie, he is wearing two scarves that clash horribly with one another in colour, and Karen is pretty sure that he is the only person in her life who’ll don a kimono and hoodie at the same time. He looks just a little too much on the side of kooky for anyone to take seriously. She supposes that’s the entirety of why he chooses to dress that way. If there’s one thing she’s learned about the man, it’s that he thrives off being underestimated.

There’s something else that’s bugging her.

“How did you..?” She gestures haphazardly, groaning as even the smallest movement makes her muscles ache in protest. “Hospital?”

“I’m listed as your first emergency contact,” he shares conversationally while throwing half the contents of her bedside table into the bag. She blinks at that. Huh. “I’m your doddering older brother, Dan Page. I do not trust medical professionals and it took one of the nurses five minutes to explain to me that you were not going to die.” He smirks at that. “I swiped her keycard and half a dozen pain medications while she was preoccupied.”

It hurts to smile, but Karen can’t help break out into a small grin at that.

“There you go.” Micro sounds almost relieved to see her smile, brittle and more teeth than feeling though it may be, and he pats her hand reassuringly. “Dan Page is here to bail you out.”

She frowns at that. “Bail me out?”

“Well, you’ve only got a concussion and three broken bones and a whole lot of stitches.” He shrugs as if all he’s done is announce the weather. “Nothing some rest back home can’t fix. I’ve commandeered a wheelchair. You’ll be fine.”

“Jesus,” she mutters, then, catching on to all the things Micro is not saying, “he’s going spare, isn’t he?”

Micro has the grace to wince. “Like one of my kids' fucking wind-up toys,” he affirms. “I have half a mind to knock him out and check if there’s some kind of battery removal function.”

The laugh that bubbles up in her belly has her wincing in pain. White-hot agony shoots through her as the laugh escapes her lungs and stabs the air around her haltingly. She hisses as her throat clamps down on the bile that keeps on threatening to spew forth from her. Micro’s cool hand finds her brow seconds later. She moans in contentment as his hand stays on her feverish skin. Closes her eyes and lets the dark sink back in.

*

Karen Page sometimes wonders when exactly her life got to this point. She thinks even her longstanding bad luck charm for trouble must one day just.. run out. It has to. Keeps thinking that maybe it will as she gets older, but is somehow left dodging bullets and running away from danger more often than she can count.

Not that she’ll be doing any running any time soon.

A whimper escapes her as she inhales a little too noisily and her ribcage beats a steady protest against the motion. Oh, she’s going to kill Micro once she’s able to sit up without wanting to vomit. Vows to do some serious damage to the man so he can find out for himself that half the painkillers he swiped from the hospital don’t work well enough. She moans out a curse as the ceiling finally coalesces into a familiar sight. Doesn’t know what exactly she expected from the word ‘home’, but is pretty certain that a dingy basement that somehow always smells like lightning does not fit that bill completely.

“Hey, hey, don’t move.”

“Please tell me this is your bed and not his,” she groans out in reply, praying that she won’t throw up a third time as she shifts into a more comfortable position. “I don’t trust that Micro knows the meaning of the word clean.”

“Oh, he knows,” comes the answering chuckle, “but he likes upsetting you more. He did think it would be smarter to put you on my bed, though, I’ll give him that.”

“He’s weird.” She wrinkles her nose at that. Resigns herself to the pile of pillows and blankets she’s surrounded by. Tries to smile. Almost falters in her bravery. “Thanks.”

“How’re you holding up?” His voice may be gruff, but the gentle hand on her belly and the even gentler hand that brushes her hair back out of her face speak louder than his words. “Micro said you were pretty out of it when he transported you..”

She snorts derisively. “I puked all over him when he picked me up to put me in the wheelchair. I passed out after that.” Heat rises to her cheeks when she remembers Micro’s soft curses and the icky smell in her hair. “When I came to, again, we were in the van and he was hollering ‘I have a permit!’ at some irate hospital security guard who kept repeating he should not park in the ambulance’s spot.” She grins fully now, despite the fact that her face still throbs with pain. “Micro flipping everybody in the vicinity off was something I didn’t know I needed until I got it.”

It’s this that finally draws out a full laugh from Frank Castle, as she knew it would. “I’m pretty certain that permit just said ‘I can do whatever the hell I want’,” remarks the man good-naturedly as he settles down beside her on the bed. “You still queasy?”

“Less. But still.” She wrinkles her nose again. Wonders why her hair smells like bubblegum. “Did you.. uh..” She hedges the words carefully. Doesn’t want to presume. “Did you wash my hair?”

“Yeah. Micro’s idea. Said it’d make you feel better to wake up with clean hair and stuff.” His hand hovers nervously over the blankets she’s buried under. She raises her head slowly. Meets his furtive gaze head-on. “Are you.. uh..?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.” She smiles, more real this time, and folds her hand around his own. “I’m sorry I made such a mess of things. Didn’t expect it’d go that badly.”

Frank looks like he swallowed a good-sized chunk of lemon. His breathing goes irregular for a moment, as if he is no longer in the room with her but somewhere else entirely. She curls her fingers around his. Weighs him down and waits him out. When he finally does speak, his voice is scratchy. Rough with disuse, as though he’s only ever said these words in his head before. She senses the need that drives them. The worry. The fear.

“Thought you were.. weren’t gonna make it. Thought that night would be it. I’d never get to..” He lets out a shuddering breath. “You.. uh.. you..”

“I scared you.” Her voice is just as soft as his. “I’m here now. I’m okay. That’s what counts.”

It has to count. They both don’t voice the fear that one day they won’t be in the same place. If there’s one thing her life has taught her, it’s that everything is a fleeting series of moments. She just tries to hold on to the good.

Thinks she succeeds at a part of that when he sweeps his legs up on the bed and comes to lay beside her. Knows she succeeds at some of it when she wakes again to soft lips brushing against her brow and the smell of chicken soup wafting into her nostrils.

In these moments, fleeting in her life as they may be, Karen Page thinks she’s going to be just fine.

#kastleff #prompts #sourwolf1999