#i was so excited. honestly. when i got accepted to my 4year

[bpdame]

mom telling me about how she essentially bragged to a job interviewer about how my brother "set the path" for me and how i learned to do things so quickly because of him:

me wanting to have my own fucking accomplishments for once and wanting to have some aspect of my life not be tied to him:

#i cant even really deny it like yeah its probably true that i wouldnt have been such a smart kid without him #and even now i tend to follow his example but #everything is about him. everything #i cant just be a smart kid. im specifically smart because of him. #every aspect of my life revolves around my brother #im never gonna fucking be better than him #never #nothing i ever achieve will be as good as what hes done #i was so excited. honestly. when i got accepted to my 4year #the same day i told my parents i got accepted #to minor fanfare #my brother came over and talked about a promotion he got #which they were distinctly more excited about #i was so worried about my 4year if i didnt get accepted i didnt know what i was gonna do so #seeing them be so flippant about it was so upsetting #and then for them to start congratulating him and acting like its the best thing to ever happen #it sucked #theres a million examples #im never gonna be good enough #im never gonna be better than him #i am always going to exist in his shadow #i dont even blame him for it. hes just doing his thing living his life #he has achieved a lot and im happy for him #its our parents really #i mean hes not innocent either he has the same anger issues that everyone in our family does #i dont think he really respects me or sees my concerns with the weight i see them with #sometimes i wonder if he even likes me #he never wanted a sister #♡ . ameposting #♡ . vents