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#i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever
hella1975
·
9 months
Text
realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually
#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head
#went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that
#like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined
#but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear
#that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never
#be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there
#but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here
#like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her
#like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened
#i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever
#and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints
#bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF
#like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would
#give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive
#so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed
#and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs
#and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit
#and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause
#bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been
#SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair
#but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said
#she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me?
#like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum
#hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit
#like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious
#and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper
#and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off
#and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life
#but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE
#then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this
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