#i was also listening to Fourever while roaming around aimlessly and when Happy started playing i immediately teared up

[savageday6]

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#word vomit alert!!!!! #i love solo trips out bc i get to do whatever i like without having to make conversation with people but omg....... #this trip has evoked alarming levels of loneliness and melancholy for some reason #maybe it's got something to do with just seeing Too Many People at once... and seeing people live their lives and enjoy company #n then i see myself n while i see an independent carefree person who's at peace with herself there's also a tinge! of! melancholy n pining.. #for companionship... for easy conversations... for connections! #i was also listening to Fourever while roaming around aimlessly and when Happy started playing i immediately teared up #i think i just have too many things on my mind djskfksmmdskkd i need to get back to journaling n meditating. too much anxious energy #also during dinner i sat next to a couple who seemed to be on their first date post dating app conversation. n it reminded me of my prev rs #dkfkfnmsfndnmdm i wouldn't call it ptsd bc they were good memories but personally i would most likely never use a dating app ever again..... #it's just too much pain having to talk through icebreakers n get to know each other with the topic of Dating already looming in the bg #n it's just a lot of Work for a first date you know??? anyway i'm tired of relationships. i would love organic platonic companionship tho #like i would love more friends. just not a Partner shdkfjdndndmd #but with that said !!!! it's sometimes lonely being single. but the thing is. there's no company that i'd prefer more than my own #i bring too much joy and peace to myself that i feel like it's almost impossible for anyone to meet those standards #it's very much like that tiktok where op said her app guy asked her who his competition was and she answered: Myself. your competition is me #and that was just the truest thing i've seen #also met an unkind worker at dinner. wasn't directed at me but the energy he gave off was just so Bad that it ruined my evening KDKDJSKDK #like . how can someone be so miserable n unkind n mean to the people around him??? as if they aren't deserving of respect... it boggles me #n so todays trip has been so . strange. i felt sad! witnessed unkindness! i felt a little lonely! #i unknowingly self-reflected a lot n probably spiralled into a rumination cycle! thought abt work n how it seemed like there was No Way Out #but !! it is what it is!!!