#i wanna point fingers n say he just lovebombed me so hard i wasn't thinkin straight but. i don't think he even did

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

......

#i just want that rush back. how it felt when i realized he wasn't gonna hurt me n he held me to his chest n stroked my back #just tryin to calm me down instead of demanding anythin #he called me pretty. maybe it's just cause he was fucking me but still. he hasn't said that in so damn long except when he hurts me #i......guess i can kinda see why i said i loved him. i was so high on all of it. #even though it was stupid as fuck n idk if it's even true but either way i shouldn't have said it. #i wanna point fingers n say he just lovebombed me so hard i wasn't thinkin straight but. i don't think he even did #i can usually spot it when he does cause he's sayin things that are so obviously fake. even if i usually just ignore that cause i like it #this was just. the kinda affection that'd be normal from someone who actually cares for you. which is why it's so treacherous. #cause now it's all i can fucking think about i need more i need him to kiss me like that i need him to look at me like that again #i set the trap myself n strolled right in #i just. i need that rush back. i was so happy for a brief moment there. happier than i've ever been i think #it didn't last long but maybe that's cause i panicked when i said what i said. maybe if i just stop pretendin stop tryin to fight it #sometimes i feel the opposite but rn it's really hard to convince myself it's not enough that he wants me back #he doesn't hurt me when i behave but. i've never been very good at that for very long #n he'll probably get tired of me soon too. he's just lonely n nostalgic about the way things were back home. #......still though. how do i stop wanting it. wanting him. how the fuck do i stop #spdrvent