#i though the 'how was your easter/holiday?' questions would've hit harder but no

[jamescarstairs]

you know there's something wrong with me when i'm grateful work is getting me out of the house 😭

#lex waffles #pet death cw in the tags #being at home it's just so empty & quiet & there's just so many reminders of her #at least at work i'm distracted for a good few hours focusing on the task at hand #whereas when i'm at home i'll get distracted for some time and then my mind is like 'you haven't seen the dog in a while go see her' #and then i'm like 'oh i can't' 😭 #it's why going to the living room is just so much worse now because she should be there! #coming home from work for the first time since she's gone was literally nothing i could've prepared for #i didn't expect that to effect me so much #i though the 'how was your easter/holiday?' questions would've hit harder but no #idk if i would've prefered being at work last week #so i didn't have to sit at home for a whole week not leaving the house and just having to come to terms with the fact she's gone #or if it was better because then i didn't have to face anyone and pretend to be fine #(like i'm still not fine about it but i can put more of a brave face on now than i probably could've done last week) #i had to hide away one of her toys that i used to play with her a lot just in case my mum decided to rehome / throw away her toys #idk if she would but she was already ripping the bandaid off with other things way quicker than i would've liked... but yeah #i think it's hit me harder than i originally thought it would because it was unexpected and i really did have hope that she would come home #(from the vet) #and then i woke up the next morning.... #anyways....