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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [obviously it's actually ages later so she clearly isn't coming back but it's also enough time that we can pretend we're fine and joke about it and that she might not reply until even later cos christmas so we feel safe to just be like nbd lol] Jimmy: *g2g Jimmy: or piss off would've worked an' all Jimmy: far as a christmas classic goes Janis: yeah, they was up Janis: you know how it goes from there Janis: didn't reckon comparing notes was gonna be any more thrilling than living it, yeah? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby timestamped to show how early he actually was up like yep] Janis: Ouch Janis: how buzzing was he then Janis: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 scale Jimmy: off it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Where was his best mate on the scale? Janis: pretty solid and manic 😆 Janis: bit of a wobble when she had to eat her lunch and stop playing with all the shit she got Janis: but what's 😂 without some 😭 Jimmy: #same obvs Jimmy: might just be Ian's cooking making me 😭 though Janis: I'll let her know Janis: feel well reassured and #seen Janis: Sharon didn't show? Jimmy: I know, mate we're all 💔 by her empty chair Jimmy: my mum neither, funnily enough Jimmy: pisstaking lack of miracles about Janis: We did see Jesus and Santa out on it so Janis: lads aren't on top form Jimmy: if he hadn't drank the 🥛 she might've appeared, needing a bit for her ☕ Jimmy: SUCH a selfish dickhead Janis: spin the trope on it's head Janis: clever Janis: could've been picking up more 🚬 too Jimmy: she left them behind, as NYE resolutions go 🚭 is a bit cliche but Jimmy: you crack on, Debbie Janis: far as parting gifts go Janis: so so at best Jimmy: Dunno I were chuffed with it Janis: of course, birth of 😎 boy Jimmy: weren't like I could follow in her footsteps out the door Jimmy: piss poor #originstory that Jimmy: have to fake it Janis: #relatable Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: when ain't we on the same page? Janis: have to 🤞 they'd never put this shit to paper Janis: poorly written fanfic and a netflix original that tanks, fine Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Jimmy: ✔✔ Janis: nothing, obviously Jimmy: 🖋🩸 it is then Janis: can sell my soul no problem Janis: good luck cashing that one in boys Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: any organs going Jimmy: won't be doing receipts, goes without saying Janis: careful how you word that one Janis: get a bit #metoo Jimmy: open to a bit of castration, since you asked Janis: Christmas does remind you of why not to have kids, right Jimmy: if nowt else Jimmy: can't all be Libis 💔 Janis: if you wanna chat to her form an orderly queue behind your brother, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: 2nd choice AGAIN Janis: who else put you 🥈? Jimmy: who HASN'T, babes 😭😭😭 Janis: oh, always the bridesmaid Janis: very you Jimmy: bit weird in this context, don't reckon we can marry off kids or spread about that I wanna wife up Libi so I were avoiding it but Janis: if the baby pink/lilac dress fits darling Jimmy: baby pink like my 😳 OBVS Jimmy: can't have a clash Janis: bad enough you're the oldest and fattest, christ Jimmy: way to drag me by my unflattering weave, hun Janis: Hate for you to make a show of yourself Janis: say these things for your own good 😘 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: I get waiting til your nan is more pissed but don't forget to secure my child bride for tomorrow 😘 Janis: They said yes already Janis: leaving out your intentions, obviously Janis: not that keen to get rid of her Jimmy: we're all chuffed she ain't gotta go in the boot Janis: radio and sweets should suffice in shutting her up Janis: for a bit, anyway Janis: no miracles occurring here either Jimmy: again #same Jimmy: so much in common, me and her Janis: sorry but no one is gonna ship this one Jimmy: PROPERLY starcrossed, what a dream Jimmy: off you fuck, tah Janis: rude Janis: and you won't be able to kidnap her without my help so at least keep me on side 'til then, moron Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: know where she lives and how to shut her up so Janis: yeah, but you don't know how to call off her KILLER dog Janis: checkmate, asswipe Jimmy: I'll have a google, be alright Janis: get your face ripped off, please Janis: get rid of the need for any of this Jimmy: SO romantic, you Jimmy: I'll miss you Jimmy: but bit rude if you ain't allowed to get married without a face Jimmy: bet the tories sorted that Janis: like fuck Janis: your outside'll just reflect the monster within Janis: easier to 🔎 even for the idiots about this way Janis: she'll get saved in no time and you'll get to be behind bars like you wanna ⛓💘 Jimmy: LITERALLY can't deal with these compliments rn tbh Jimmy: or that happy ending Janis: 💦 comes but once a year Jimmy: get your 🧠💭💕 off 🎅 it's OVER, Jodie Jimmy: he's already forgotten you Janis: he's literally all I've got Janis: fuck you Jimmy: delete your 📞 history and move on Jimmy: you've got the 🎁🎁 lads are good for nowt else Janis: I believe, thanks Janis: unlike you you bitter cow Jimmy: UGH, get a grip, babes Janis: 🤢 this is far too much like talking to actual Gracie Jimmy: won't insist on a 🏆 Jimmy: nowt challenging about doing a decent impression of any of 'em Janis: bit rude you've faked being impressed before now then Jimmy: for me, I'm a well better actor than you, girl Janis: if you reckon that then my job here is done Janis: all the 🏆🏆 for me Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah, that kinda day Jimmy: you gonna turn this one around for me an' all? Janis: is that what you want? Jimmy: isn't that what you want? Janis: if you're saying I reckon I always can, like a saviour complex, then nah Janis: but if you're just asking if I still want to see you, then, yeah Jimmy: if either of us would have a complex like that, it's gotta be me as a white lad, come on Janis: alright Janis: I'll come Jimmy: alright Janis: I know today is shit Janis: we don't need to pretend otherwise Jimmy: didn't reckon we were Janis: yeah Jimmy: ? Janis: It is a stupid question Janis: but aside from the obvious, are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: Yeah, pretty much Janis: so what's wrong? Jimmy: how much of the obvious are we putting aside? Janis: that the kids would be a bit gutted about your mum and the food and craic from your dad would be a bit shit Janis: in a nutshell Janis: so go on Jimmy: I'll live Janis: you don't wanna tell me, do you Jimmy: nowt to tell, it's shit, you already said it Janis: okay Jimmy: if you can believe in 🎅 you can take my word for it Janis: I am Janis: okay means 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we don't need to have an entire 👌👍 back and forth Janis: I'll 💬 when I'm close and you can keep being alright Jimmy: you started it, mate Jimmy: don't be a spoilsport Janis: go on then Janis: have your fun, it ain't mine Jimmy: 🗨 to me dickhead Janis: talk back to me Jimmy: I am Janis: not properly Janis: it's gone funny again Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Janis: I don't know Janis: just what you want Jimmy: I never said I were any good with words Janis: I'll survive Janis: let's just be Janis: like normal, business as usual Jimmy: I thought you were gonna write business casual, like there's an Ian approved dress code Jimmy: 🤏 gutted Janis: I have forgone the glitter and fur Janis: though I doubt he'd be as buzzing as shit nan, couldn't risk that faux pas again Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: he'd be chuffed to bits if you were wearing that, no funny business Janis: for the throwback of it all or Jimmy: you're right, loads of people have 👀 the 📷 Jimmy: you CAN'T Janis: if he slid into the gals DMs with the goss you could 🚨 Jimmy: ootd not outfit of the DAYS Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: oi, arrest him, not me Janis: you never said you were strictly fashion 👮 Jimmy: fine, if you don't wanna drive off into the sunset with me Jimmy: offering you a getaway car here Janis: the cars with me Jimmy: if Libi's not in the boot I ain't interested, soz Jimmy: you were told Janis: 🙄 Janis: you'll have to wait and see Janis: and be disappointed Jimmy: if you're wearing that pisstake of an outfit again, yeah Janis: I told you I ain't Janis: never again Janis: 🔥 Jimmy: did you? Janis: yeah Janis: [pictures of a jolly xmas fire with that melting all over the shop lmao] Jimmy: bit rude of you not to invite us Janis: I would if I could Janis: there's plenty more to burn Jimmy: 🎄 jumpers for a start Janis: exactly Janis: see if 💀#2 wants to put her diary on Jimmy: we could do it here 🤞 the whole house'd go up Jimmy: have to move then Janis: that would be win win Janis: death or a fresh start Jimmy: not enough drama for Bill but never is Jimmy: can't win with his 👻 Janis: he'd have you picking who to save Janis: always so EXTRA Janis: take a day off, Billy Jimmy: dead easy answer Janis: Sister can save herself, fuck the dog, so the kid? Jimmy: it's obvs you so the 🎭 can go ON and ON and ON 💔🎻😭 and owt else Janis: ugh Janis: my hero Jimmy: Bill makes the rules, babe Jimmy: @ him 👏👏🌹 Janis: lemme think of a sonnet first Janis: got to win him back 'round Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: don't offer to help then Janis: lazy Jimmy: why would I want you in his good books? Janis: what's good for me is good for you Jimmy: you can only have the one 👻 boyfriend at a time Jimmy: it ain't nowt but 👎 for me to get dumped for a more 🥇🎨🖋 🎭 Janis: I've only got the one Janis: ain't nothing but the writer Janis: and his ideas usually get ignored anyway Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: oh Bill Janis: you don't have to feel bad for him Janis: is trying to steal me Jimmy: can't blame him for having a go Janis: far as 🧛 fake girlfriends go Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 far as muses go Janis: I wasn't expecting half as many of the pub crawl pics to come out Janis: and that's not sounding surprised again Janis: just that the 🥴😵 wasn't too real Jimmy: you're that dickhead who looks #goals even with the 📸 on Janis: you make me look good Janis: #talent Janis: #skillz Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me Jimmy: you just look Janis: yeah well Janis: we're #goals by default 'cos you're not ugly yourself Janis: half of 'em probably think they're doing charity work or something 🦐🦑 Jimmy: tis the season Jimmy: 💀👑 must be 💔 she can't get back on it Janis: looks great on a CV Janis: but daddy hasn't thought about that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: kicking himself when he realises she's already too thick for Trinity Janis: God ONLY knows where she'll end up now Jimmy: 🤞 for the north OBVS Janis: 🤔 Janis: Leeds? Janis: I'll float the idea to her Jimmy: fit right in, her Jimmy: no need to ever leave Janis: SO happy for her and her new Northern life Jimmy: chuck you an oscar in a bit Janis: you got me another prezzie? Janis: you shouldn't have 🤗😘 Jimmy: can't help myself Janis: 🎅 energy Jimmy: just wanna be the 🎅 you deserve 💕 Janis: awh, don't make us cry Jimmy: 🚗 or 🏃? Janis: 🚗 Janis: why not Jimmy: alright 🚫😭 Janis: Considerate Janis: all you know I'm already ten sheets to the wind Jimmy: I'd know Janis: alright 👮 Jimmy: give yourself away ages before I got you to do any blowing, pisshead Janis: piss off would I Jimmy: weren't a challenge Janis: didn't say it was Janis: not bringing a bottle, obviously Janis: don't wanna make friends with him do I Jimmy: could've given it to me Janis: if it's a requirement I'll keep driving, dickhead Jimmy: if it were a requirement I'd have said before now Janis: then shh Janis: I might've got you something Jimmy: weird coincidence, that Janis: you did? Janis: almost like it's a holiday or something Jimmy: Dunno, sounds fake to me, that, mate Janis: what did you get me then Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😣 Janis: mean Jimmy: come here and open it Janis: if it's your dick in box I'm gonna be a 🤏 unimpressed Jimmy: 🎀 Janis: gift wrapping skills leaving nothing to be desired Janis: got it Jimmy: [a picture of this wrapped gift like how rude look how beautiful it is] Janis: don't be a tease again Janis: I'm already driving fast as I can Jimmy: only be a tease if didn't give it you Jimmy: actually for Libi, soz like Janis: she's had enough Janis: take it even if it's another cuddly toy Jimmy: I ain't giving you no clues Janis: not even if I 🥺 Jimmy: go on Janis: [does but obviously it's very pisstakey] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: is that a clue Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might just not fancy you 💀💀💀 from the lack of attention before you get here Janis: very possible Janis: so like me Jimmy: can't take the risk Janis: all the 💪🥇 heroics for you Jimmy: tah Jimmy: nowt to do with being a dickhead who needs you to do owt Janis: 'course not Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: but crack on through the 🌨 to bring me my Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: does this mean I'm an elf Jimmy: you're poor exploited rudolf and I'm your dead keen missus Jimmy: we've switched Janis: 😱 Jimmy: crack on and save me an' all Jimmy: would call this house a prison if I were a dramatic sort of reindeer lass Janis: I doubt you're being treated to such stunning musical numbers whilst you sit and rot though Janis: actually be right there, like Jimmy: you gonna sing for us? Janis: also how you know I'm not that drunk Janis: no karaoke now Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see Jimmy: [obvs does because always that bitch] Janis: [just assuming your xmas injury is not visible?] Jimmy: [I'm gonna say no so that the bubs won't know when we go to skerries because that's feelsier] Janis: [I vibe] Janis: okay, pretty convincing Jimmy: always sounding so 😱 you Janis: I might've forgotten what you looked like Jimmy: either that's bollocks or what you said a bit ago about my #goals face were Janis: you decide Jimmy: 👌 Janis: maybe I'm just saying it's been ages Jimmy: not denying that Janis: then take the compliment Jimmy: if we're telling each other what to do, shut up and drive Janis: 1. you always try and tell me what to do 2. what do you think I'm doing, you shut up Jimmy: 1. when do I? 2. pissing about Janis: literally constantly, no way I could narrow it down to a few examples Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: well bossy Janis: #bossbabe Jimmy: OI 👏 do 👏 you 👏 wanna 👏 buy 👏 the 👏 shite 👏 off 👏 my 👏 facebook 👏 OR 👏 WHAT? Janis: Honey, you're in a pyramid scheme Janis: and the lipsticks are shit 💁 Jimmy: 💰 on that being what pub crawl Sharon or Karen 💋 me with Jimmy: might've woken up with no face and your #ultimatekinkunlocked Janis: never gonna sell 'em so she may as well get some wear out of 'em Jimmy: #entreprenher Janis: 🤢 Janis: #dirtyoldcow Jimmy: 🐑 or nowt for this lad Jimmy: and she weren't even blonde! Janis: honestly, who does she think she is Janis: walking 'round like she's 👸🏼 Jimmy: *👰🏼 Jimmy: I'm a good catholic boy now 🚫💍🚫💋 Janis: 🤞 you've just made my nan drop down dead somewhere Jimmy: merry christmas, my dear Jimmy: 👍✔⚰ Janis: best present ever 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what did you get anyway Janis: fun was watching everyone struggle to get me anything without hint or direction Jimmy: mine were Ian not bothering to surprise us with 🐱🐭🐹🐰 or 🐢🐍🦎 to go with the 🐕 no dickhead asked for Janis: Such a read of poor Twix Janis: never again Jimmy: the one favour she's done us Janis: * I read 😇 Jimmy: he wants to bring her tomorrow Jimmy: 🤞🚫🐕 allowed Janis: plenty of places we can go that are only fake dog friendly Janis: but likewise, loads we can go where she can as well Jimmy: where do you want to? Janis: where do you wanna Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I don't care, s'not about me Jimmy: or me Janis: well we can't just let them decide or fuck knows what hell we'd end up in Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: have a 💭 Janis: you too Janis: or you'll blame me if it's crap Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😒 is permanent I know Jimmy: while I've still got a face any road Janis: we'll see how far the chemical burn can drive your rating down Jimmy: it won't with you, nowt else matters obvs Janis: won't run my rating down, or won't change my # of you? Jimmy: hang on, your rating ain't the same as your #s?! 😱 Janis: oops, I meant scale of #1-#10 Jimmy: don't matter, we're 💕 face or no face Janis: if you wanted sympathy, a well good breakup where I look like a total bitch Janis: and you don't need to fake no terminal illness Jimmy: be a bit rude Janis: could work Janis: though the sympathy sex DMs might get out of control for the gals that can stomach it Jimmy: you're really not convincing me this is even a 🥉 plan Janis: I was just thinking of myself, ngl babes Janis: the only lads who would bother me would be the ones that like mean girls, so at least I could still piss on 💀👑's parade and steal all her victims Jimmy: 👍 Janis: is that a 🤝? Janis: 👍 Jimmy: if it were I'd have said it were Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: do it whilst you still can Janis: melty face Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: oh you Jimmy: highlight of my day, that Janis: I know that's saying fuck all so Jimmy: 🎻🎻'll say it for me Jimmy: should probably 😭 while I can an' all Jimmy: brb Janis: where you going? Janis: I'll be there soon Jimmy: not telling you where I 😭 Janis: 🙄🙄😑 right Janis: carry on Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes before you get here, nowt to worry about Jimmy: back to 😎🚬 business as usual Janis: thank god Janis: not the kind of 'pleased to see me' I'm after Jimmy: 🔧🔨🪓🔪 I know Janis: be well rude if you'd forgot Jimmy: haven't had chance to smack myself round the head with any of 'em yet, you're alright Jimmy: nowt but a dream Janis: don't worry Janis: about to be a reality Jimmy: 🤞😍🤞 Janis: something like that Janis: am I coming in or are you coming outside Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I dunno Janis: answer it and I'll see Jimmy: why would you wanna come in? Jimmy: the obvs answer to that one is you wouldn't Janis: Yeah, but mission piss off your dad is in full swing, hence I asked Janis: but alright Janis: obviously I'm not pulling up right outside your house in his car so come over park Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [chilling outside this car not at all looking like you're about to do a drug deal or something] Jimmy: [chuck this 🎁 at her immediately because we're excited and also it's a distraction from how forlorn he clearly is] Janis: [poke and prod and shake it like you can work out what it is] Jimmy: [a look like open it then] Janis: [a look like don't rush me but obviously does and I cannot overstate how actually #SHOOK we'd be like idk what you're gonna say gal] Jimmy: [jimothy just gonna assume you don't like it, thanks for the self doubt Ian] Janis: ['mine's a bit shit now' like it's just a lighter but also you got that engraved we see you] Jimmy: [gesture for that gift like I'll be the judge of that thank you] Jimmy: [we know he's buzzing and is gonna use it immediately] Janis: [handing it over like you're not that bothered but clearly are, lowkey just looking through as much of the book as we can rn] Jimmy: [please do gal because he was joking about 😭 a min ago but he'd actually be emosh af rn cos the greatest gift we have ever received honestly] Janis: [when you don't even have to explain that you had it done before he did it 'cos literally last night and it's Christmas, we're all a bit emosh and overwhelmed now lmao, slayed it too hard] Jimmy: [not putting the lighter away even after his lit both of your 🚬 -which would be a moment ™ rn in each other's grill while overwhelmed af- because we're just gonna keep tracing that engraving with our fingers lowkey forever] Janis: [the amount of times we keep going to say something, like, literally no one has ever got us a gift this good, or how much we like it, or literally any of it, but we cannot 'cos it's too much so just standing here dying and smoking] Jimmy: [hard same though, they are both very much in the same boat, but add loads of blinking for him so he don't sob nbd] Janis: [when nothing is safe rn, can't speak, can't make out, just like !!! so hard, do a feelsy lean like you okay 'cos can't verbalise so] Jimmy: [obvs gonna do a feelsy lean back which hopefully won't hurt you too much boy because idk how we're hurting you this time] Janis: [yeah just let me know when it would be obvious 'cos not oblivious but don't wanna act like she's psychic and just gonna know immediately lol] Jimmy: [can you remember what injury I did when ice bath because I remember that but not what was fucking him up at the time] Janis: [it was just general body shots/potential for a broken rib moment, I think?] Jimmy: [that sounds accurate because nhs direct were like 🚭 so of course I did] Janis: [it just makes sense for where you would hit someone if you weren't going for a face moment, so potential you might of flinched then, I guess, so we're ? and out of our feels like what was that] Jimmy: [yeah like we're hiding the fact it hurts every time we breathe in so we don't have to forfeit the 🚬 and shit on your gift giving but the feelsy lean is our undoing, literally could've just not done it boy but we know you had to] Janis: [like honestly well done for getting that far it's only 'cos it was so dramatically emotional, the lowkey speed we're putting together what Bobby said, the obvious fact you were driving Ian's stolen car, like okay, so at least we don't have to ask the question, just gently holding his face 'cos can't even hug him or anything 'can I see?' like lemme assess the damage] Jimmy: [at least you would have a bit of time left to downplay how bad it is by looking at her like I'm fine before the bruises expose you because hasn't been long enough for them to fully be !!!!] Janis: [a look like, so show me then, but not as cunty as that sounds lmao] Jimmy: [I look around at the weather like do you want me to freeze to death because I love that we're communicating in looks still lol] Janis: [turning around like oh look, a car] Jimmy: [go sit in it because the weather isn't just an excuse clearly if you're gonna get snowed in tomorrow] Janis: [turn that heating on gal 'bit rude you weren't gonna seduce me' but your tone making it obvs you don't reckon you're gonna succeed at lightening the mood rn but you're alright with not making him talk about it too] Jimmy: ['bit rude of you to reckon I weren't' and a look around like is this not the perfect place to seduce you in because we will downplay this situation until the day we die so it's all nbd and we're SO FINE] Janis: [likewise looks around and shrugs 'suppose it's no less romantic than the park' and then looks out at said park and just chills in the silence for a bit] Jimmy: [we're looking too cos the mems and then eventually we're like 'come here then' as if we're gonna just hook up in this car as standard, sir your injuries] Janis: [does not] Jimmy: [nudges her like excuse you but you know that's gonna make you flinch if the feelsy lean did so then we're just annoyed for letting that happen again] Janis: [sighs, 'never promised I was gonna kill you today' like simply not in this state, and then is looking around again for something, before taking off our hoodie and getting out to assemble this snow pack] Jimmy: [OTT fake sigh to hide how big our genuine sigh would have been as if she doesn't know and then we're just watching her do this like ? before it becomes obvious what she's doing 'got loads of frozen sprouts at ours' because who in his fam would wanna eat them but we're not stopping her because we're hiding this from Bobby at least even if Cass knows] Janis: [just giving this to him like put it where you need it most 'you could go lay in it but you nah'd that idea before we even started' again, gentle pisstaking rn] Jimmy: [does obvs so you're gonna see anyway gal 'no I never, you never said that were your plan' likewise with our gentle pisstaking as if this is a normal day] Janis: [gestures like be my guest 'not a requirement I've gotta be on top of you' but we're looking the best we can without dramatically examining him right now and we're not happy with what we seeing, obviously] Jimmy: ['weren't a requirement for me to get my tits out either but that's what you were after a bit ago' as if she was asking him to flash her instead of trying to investigate whether he's alright or not, I lol] Janis: [IRL 🙄 at you boy 'you gonna try and tell me you're not that sort of girl now'] Jimmy: [crosses himself in the most pisstakey manner cos he's still him, however much pain he's in] Janis: [lols 'great, fake waiting 'til fake marriage now'] Jimmy: [is like 🤫 but way hotter than that emoji is obviously and then kissing her as if it's their secret] Janis: [the casual restraint we must show so it doesn't end up going too heavy here, but still, you can kiss as his face isn't injured rn, points to the heavens like, he's always watching babe] Jimmy: [a look up to said heavens like we're so #into that idea of a pervy voyeuristic god] Janis: [😏 'all about the #fans, you'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like a nerd 'don't sound like me'] Janis: [noise like hmm okay hun, after a little more silence, 'where were the kids?' we mean when Ian beat him up but up to you if he follows this train of thought] Jimmy: [shaking his head again before he can stop himself but obvs this time seriously like they didn't see anything because he does know what she means and my vibe is that whenever this happened Cass would've kept Bobby busy when the arguing started but because jimothy isn't ready to get into this whole story even though she's already worked it out he's gonna pretend he doesn't know what she's going on about and that was simply a confused headshake 'what?'] Janis: ['where are the kids now, like?' like what they up to, how'd you sneak out vibes, not 'cos you wanna pretend that's what you said all along but you understood if nothing else that he heard you and he doesn't wanna talk about however he understood what you said so we changing the subject] Jimmy: [nods in the direction of his house literally over the road 'can probably see 'em pissing about with all the shit he's bought from here' because we know that's the only parenting Ian does honey] Janis: [nods because we understand this type of parenting too, even if that isn't actually all that ruster do but you know 'gonna take weeks to get rid of all the fucking wrapping paper at ours'] Jimmy: [flicks his lighter she got him on and off 'you'll have a right laugh doing that' because we know she loves the one we gave her too] Janis: ['another good idea' and going to switch out his snow pack 'is it helping a bit?'] Jimmy: ['full of 'em, me' because we can't even with people taking care of us because when does that ever happen but it is helping so we've gotta add 'but you do alright yourself an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like it's the literal least we can do 'cos we think other people would probably have something to say or whatever rn and we don't 'you had any painkillers yet?'] Jimmy: [mimes drinking but that's clearly a pisstake because you'd know if he was drunk rn and is about to say something but actually does 🥱 because hasn't had any sleep which would hurt so thank god for this snow actually working so it's bearable] Janis: [back at it with this snow pack like we're anticipating that, before rummaging round in this car looking for some pills, gonna say there's none, at least he lives more central than you gal, looking at him like hmm 'you should go lay in the back' like get comfy whilst I run to the shops 'shame Helena isn't actually a dealer, though'] Jimmy: ['bit weird if you drove all this way to watch me sleep, Joanne' but does go to get comfy because why not tbh but because he's him he's pulling her along with him like I only will if you come and lie with me 'or in the boot' imagine if she just popped up like hey LOL] Janis: ['what are you gonna do about it?' said like a usual challenge but it simply is not, speaking of the boot reaching over now she's also in the back for the obligatory random coats and picnic blankets etc so she can cover him up so he doesn't get cold whilst having to be covered in snow as well, just tucking him in and shaking our head like oh you 'so soz I didn't kidnap any bitch for you and tie her up back there'] Jimmy: [tries to start a playfight but we simply can't so we're grumpy and forlorn but we're pretending we're gutted about the lack of kidnap only and making it OTT and fake as per 'you'll have to do' and acting like we're gonna tie her up with something but snuggling into her because we are buzzing she's here in these shit times] Janis: [just snuggling for a while, trying to make him as comfortable as possible all things considered 'I've got to get some pain relief in you before you crash' and dramatically tearing yourself away like you won't be 10 minutes or so] Jimmy: [checking his imaginary watch like no no I don't have time to crash it's alright because you simply don't want her to go even though she's literally gonna be 10 minutes lol] Janis: [pouting unintentionally 'cos likewise don't really wanna leave him like you could take the car but don't wanna drive it all over this town unnecessarily like they run license plate checks often enough to not be silly with it 'I'll get drink too, if I can, if you want' like every little helps] Jimmy: [gotta just run his thumb over that pouty lip like that's not the most distracting thing ever because if we say something we'll just be like DON'T GO!! too dramatically to even pretend is fake so we can't even talk, so soz that he can't answer a question ever at the best of times but managing to get out 'if you want' as if she's the one who needs it oh jimothy] Janis: [testing you so hard right now soz gal, 'it'll keep us warm' because you have to be at least slightly suggestive back before running] Jimmy: speaking of kidnap, my sister's coming tomorrow an' all Jimmy: can chuck the 🐕 at her soon as it starts doing our heads in Janis: 👍 Janis: we won't have to do something completely 4-6 shit then and we can blame it on her on the sly Janis: sorted Jimmy: Dunno what or where they'll all be bothered about Janis: well I have been 🤔 like you said Jimmy: go on Jimmy: what's your 🥇💡? Janis: we can kick it cliche and go to the beach Janis: but not here Janis: nan and granda got a caravan in Skerries and Libi would love showing you and Bobby around no doubt Jimmy: *#goals Jimmy: if Libi's 😁 our kid will be Janis: awh Janis: thank god they don't go to our school Janis: too much competition Jimmy: he's been going on about her all day Jimmy: don't even need #s Janis: had to wrestle my phone off her 'cos she was trying to call him midway through lunch to see if he had to eat carrots too Jimmy: the answer's he don't have to eat owt he don't want, she'd have been 💔 Jimmy: just tells Ian he's allergic to whatever it is if he starts Jimmy: he'd be well good at fake dating, oscar's in the bag Janis: honestly, coming for your job at CG next Janis: when he can reach the counter Jimmy: he can have that, they've been on at me to work tomorrow Janis: seriously Janis: who needs overpriced caffeine that badly boxing day Jimmy: what dickhead needs it any day? Janis: true Janis: but especially now Jimmy: Pete needs the 💰💰 for new 🎸 strings or some bollocks, I've told him to crack on Jimmy: 😘 Janis: he'll remember you when he's made it big Jimmy: 🤞 he'll write a song about me Jimmy: you can sing it Janis: that's cruel and unusual punishment Janis: obviously want a song written about me, not to sing about you 💔 Jimmy: you'll have to earn yours an' all Jimmy: he's no slag Janis: it is easy though Jimmy: to write a song or inspire one? Janis: to inspire one Janis: even without shifts to swap Jimmy: inspire me then Jimmy: might 🖋 you one Janis: right now I'm a bit busy getting you drugs and alcohol Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: what are you gonna do let 💊 🥃 inspire me instead? Janis: Can you even write? Janis: I'll know if you cheat and let Bill's 👻 do it for you Jimmy: even the thickest northerner would know if Bill's 👻 had a go Jimmy: all his thees and thous Janis: that's how they talk in the countryside though Janis: I've been forced to read Wuthering Heights, tah Jimmy: bit rude you ain't written me a sonnet, living out there in the middle of nowt with all them fit 🐑 all about to act as a muse for you Janis: if it don't fit on a lighter, how am I gonna get you to see it? Jimmy: carve it into my 😎 Janis: a good idea 'til you're legally blind and I've got to train the dog more than sit and stay Jimmy: if anyone could though, mate Jimmy: obvs you Jimmy: train it to walk us into traffic and that's another job done Janis: nah Janis: shit way to die Janis: where's the fun in it for me? Jimmy: never said there were, it were you saying you were busy Janis: come on Janis: never too busy for you, darling Jimmy: walked into that like I were blind Janis: you are sleepy Janis: won't be too disappointed in you Jimmy: should've let you meet Ian, that's step mum talk if I've ever heard it Janis: financially ruining him with the divorce is just the tip of the iceberg of shit I'd be more than willing to do Janis: #fakedatethefakeboyfriendsrealdad? Janis: might be the logical next step Jimmy: if that's the tip, can't wait to hear what you're willing to do on the rest of that iceberg Janis: nothing if not dedicated to the cause Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: I did forget how many places would be shut though Janis: there'll be somewhere Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: come back Janis: no you need some Jimmy: I'll live Janis: how about at yours Jimmy: 💊 ✔ 🥃✔ Jimmy: not gonna get any 🏆 off Helena or her customers but Janis: yeah but, can you go in Janis: or am I Jimmy: I get it, you wanna crack on with your iceberg strategy Janis: 🛳 Jimmy: I better crack on an' all and paint you before I 🥶🌊 Janis: you better still be under those blankets Jimmy: [a picture like 👀 peeping out from those blankets] Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: come back Janis: okay Janis: but I am gonna make you feel better somehow Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: knew you couldn't resist me, Jules Janis: never said I could Janis: but you've got to resist me Jimmy: don't challenge me Jimmy: not like that Janis: Sorry Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Janis: I know, baby Janis: so devastating Jimmy: worst christmas EVER Janis: 🥺 Janis: you would feel differently if you'd picked yourself up a 🐶 Jimmy: that'd be worst christmas ever and ever amen Janis: STOP PRAYING Janis: it's so weird Jimmy: make me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: [show back up, lowkey grumpy you forgot it was Christmas day but we're happy to see him, checking he's comfortable and probably doing the snow pack again] Jimmy: [snuggle her because she must be cold and that's obvs the only reason okay] Janis: [get yourselves situated lads] Jimmy: [opening his mouth to say a million things like thanks, I missed you, I was only joking it's not the worst christmas ever but we don't know how to say any of them so we're just not] Janis: [putting your finger on his mouth like he said anything at all there 's'alright' like it so isn't for either of you rn but you're trying god bless Jimmy: [hitting her with some intense eye contact like I hope you can read my mind rn because all those things I wanna say are so important] Janis: [at least you can kiss] Jimmy: [you both very much need to, I couldn't be that evil] Janis: [or something is gonna come out here, I can't be held responsible lol] Jimmy: [literally same so shh for a bit please] Janis: [emotions are running hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh and not jus me character bleeding] Jimmy: [they are and that's why it's gonna be so fun that they get snowed in and so heartbreaking when she leaves] Janis: [oh the delicious drama] Jimmy: [speaking of leaving neither of you are gonna wanna go home even more than usual] Janis: [like you barely have to, just to make sure Cass and Bobby are ready and you've got to get Libi gal but yes, still] Jimmy: [damn you kiddos, we know they'd just go now if not for y'all] Janis: [when you can't leave your siblings, so sad, so rude] Jimmy: [literally didn't ask to be parents rn but we are out here becoming a family unit] Janis: [god bless, at least you're all gonna have a good time on this trip] Jimmy: [we'll make sure you do, lads, casual domestic bliss] Janis: [but seriously, is there anything else we dare to say or do rn before making you separate] Jimmy: [we should probably separate you but I don't want to lol] Janis: [at least you can message when you're separated so you'll have to say something and not just snugg] Jimmy: [give her your hoodie or jumper before she goes because she's sacrificed hers for you and you easily can sacrifice one of your layers because you only have to go across the road when you can bring yourself to] Janis: [cute selfie you don't need to take to prove you're still wearing it like 5 minutes later lol] Jimmy: [one back of him taking some painkillers, I imagine they're on his sticky out tongue in a sassy manner like we're calling her out for worrying about him when he's OBVS FINE but we're sending the pic actually so she won't worry because we care] Janis: take more than the recommended dose, tah Janis: but only double, no 💀 Jimmy: I get it, no self induced coma unless you're there to take advantage Janis: if Sandy ain't gonna Jimmy: how many oscars has she got? you should've have 'em off her Janis: has she got any? Janis: you're her biggest fan, you tell me Jimmy: it's you bringing her up Janis: sounds fake Jimmy: you'd know about that more than me Janis: Why would I? Jimmy: you're going for her oscars Janis: on my own Janis: I think not Jimmy: don't reckon they'll cut one in half for us Jimmy: and as long as I've got the #fans convinced I why would I need owt else? Janis: long-winded way of saying you'd be 🥈 Jimmy: what you thought I were done giving you 🎁s Janis: don't cheapen the actual gift, dickhead Janis: also if you aren't, gonna have to do the classic see-what's-lying-about-to-wrap so Jimmy: nowt cheap about 🥇 Janis: is if you reckon you're giving it me Janis: got to earn it or what's the point Jimmy: don't you reckon you have? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: what for? Janis: for our 💘story Janis: what else? Jimmy: not today I've not Janis: yeah you have Janis: anyway, no cunt works christmas Jimmy: you have 🚑 Janis: that's not 💘 Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: then you was fucked up, what am I meant to do? Janis: anyone would Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: that's what loads of people would do Janis: nah Janis: not a pussy Jimmy: 💔🧛 there weren't no 🩸 though Jimmy: next time 🤞 Janis: you might be pissing it Janis: but I'm not thrilled about that Janis: lack of a piss fetish aside Jimmy: I'll leave out the selfie one way or the other Janis: 💡 Janis: don't wanna get banned, babe Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: love a ban, me Janis: fine Janis: can you not just do an appropriately placed 🍆 sticker Jimmy: depends how massive the sticker'll go, babe Jimmy: no promises Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Jimmy: 🚫🩸🧠 Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: no need to tell the fans it's 'cause I'm pissing it out Janis: 🤫 Janis: though no need if you plan on going live next time you need a slash Jimmy: only if the 💊🥃 really inspire me Janis: 🙄 Janis: soz we're not going away on a bender Jimmy: have to rely on you for my 🎨 then Janis: nice of you not to demote me Jimmy: here Jimmy: [whatever today's doodle the final one of this advent is] Janis: it's the last one Jimmy: don't have to be Janis: you gonna keep doing it 'til 💀💔 Jimmy: why not? Janis: not very goals if you get wrist strain Jimmy: I'll spread it about it's not 🍆 related, don't worry Janis: tah Jimmy: 😘 Janis: you'll run out of ways to draw me before long Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: ✏🖌💪 Jimmy: Oi you forgot 🖋🖍 Janis: 🖋 is Bill's 🖍 is Bobby's Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you're being the hog Janis: learn to share Jimmy: gave him the last roast potato ages ago Jimmy: just the kind of brother I am 🏆 Janis: show off Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, I'd have given it you if you'd been here Janis: had a plate load myself, don't you worry Jimmy: sleep easy now, tah Janis: that makes one of us Jimmy: I get it, you're 😁 for tomorrow Jimmy: you and our kid both Janis: more like Libi won't leave me alone now for the same reason Janis: she basically does acrobatics in her sleep so that'll be well fun Jimmy: 💔 we can't chuck the two of 'em in a room in a bit and leave 'em to it Jimmy: 'cause he'll be as bad Janis: you're gonna have to sleep on his floor Janis: hard surface will help in the long run Jimmy: dunno how I'm explaining that Jimmy: 🦷🔦🦷 brb just checking for monsters mate, don't 😱😭 or owt Janis: duh, say you wanna go camping Janis: then he'll inevitably wanna join you and you can have the bed to yourself when he crashes Jimmy: make up your mind, Janet Jimmy: hard surface you said Janis: just rather you didn't get booted Janis: either or on where you end up Jimmy: weren't in my #ultimategoals Janis: obviously, I ain't there Jimmy: what you trying to make me 😭😭😭 for? Janis: not my ultimate goal either Jimmy: that'd be turning the 🚗 round Janis: 'course Janis: what could be more cinematic Jimmy: nowt, which is why I said it Janis: shame you don't write the scene directions Jimmy: yeah Janis: he's such a cockblock Jimmy: SUCH a slag for the tension Janis: bit rude 'cos he had them married, fucked and dead in the space of like 3 days in the OG Jimmy: what's he trying to say about us? the dickhead Janis: maybe he's trying to be more #relatable to a modern audience? Janis: he's seen the ❤s and the views Jimmy: next go round he'll do it so they never meet IRL Janis: 😱 oh god Janis: I'd kms immediately Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: job done in even less than 3 days Janis: at least I get to 👀 at you Janis: an actual fake boyfriend that doesn't exist is well 🎻 Jimmy: the 🎨 would be SO shite Janis: probably 'cos I'd have to do it myself Jimmy: nah 'cause I wouldn't be in it Janis: 😂 Janis: bighead strikes again Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: you never did sing to me Janis: shh Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't just sing at you Jimmy: why? Janis: 1. it'd be weird 2. contrary to popular (your) belief, I don't think I'm well mint at everything Jimmy: 1. you're making it weird 2. you never will with that attitude, dickhead Janis: 😑 Jimmy: *3. please Janis: let a good song come on the radio first Jimmy: as excuses go 🏆 Jimmy: know how you feel about interrupting Mariah Janis: [voice recording of us singing along to whatever festive song is on rn like there] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Jimmy: but none for me 'cause I never thought through how much that'd make me miss you Janis: it's hardly a lullabye but Janis: you wanted it Jimmy: dunno what's more of a pisstake 1. you not reckoning you're good at owt 2. that there's actually nowt you aren't 3. how bad I still want you here Janis: I just know what I'm good at, properly Janis: most people can sing if someone teaches you how to breathe right Janis: but the last part is mutual Jimmy: you gonna give me the bulletpoints or what? Janis: of what I'm good at? Jimmy: can't teach me to breathe properly from there, might as well Janis: I don't think nows the time for breathing exercises, like Janis: and you've seen or you'll see what I'm good at Jimmy: don't want you to crash the 🚗 girl Jimmy: why I said the breathing bit can wait Janis: 😏 Janis: but Jimmy: but Janis: I miss you Jimmy: it wasn't long enough Jimmy: tomorrow'll be Jimmy: you'll be telling me to piss off by the end Janis: maybe Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: not that being a MASSIVE dickhead is, obvs Janis: obviously Janis: but you're literally competing with children so who am I gonna get sick of faster Jimmy: goes without saying won't be the 🐕 Janis: you brought her up Jimmy: missing me less already look Janis: dickhead Janis: you bringing her then? Jimmy: 🤞 Ian'll murder her if I don't Janis: that's a yeah Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you don't want her murdered Jimmy: the blame for it, but that'll be @iantaylor8 Jimmy: chuffed to bits for him to have it Janis: maybe she'll 'run away' tomorrow then Jimmy: went to live with mum, nowt to worry about kids 👍 Janis: an update on the farm classic Jimmy: 🗨 bollocks is what he's good at Janis: not going for the easy gag of saying it's where you got it from Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: should I bring Killer? Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: not really Janis: but she'd flip shit if you brought Twix Janis: don't wanna get them on the rocks already 💔 Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave her here Janis: 👌 I'll tell her Jimmy: 👌 Janis: might have to call you up when she refuses to take my word for it Jimmy: if she has a go at me in sign she can say whatever she likes Jimmy: haven't taught her nowt that'll 💔 me Janis: we all know 💩head is pretty devastating Janis: don't need to put a brave face on Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: how many times, babe Janis: how dare I forget how special you are Jimmy: SO rude Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'll forgive you, just that kind of 🎅 Janis: the kind that misses out on an opportunity to have me make it up to you? Janis: psh Jimmy: the kind that knows you will Janis: purposely won't now Jimmy: alright, then I'll have to make you Janis: look forward to seeing you try Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: let's hope so Janis: I wanted to be nice to you but now I can't on principle Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: stop it Jimmy: when you start being nice to me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you better not lose the lighter Jimmy: 😱😱 AS IF Janis: or give it away to any fucker in the smoking area Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: that'll DEFINITELY happen Janis: 😠 Jimmy: it's not the last roast potato, you're alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: it is Jimmy: whatever you give me is safe with me Janis: alright, we did fairytale of new york last night Jimmy: weren't likely to forget how 🥇 I did the accent Janis: you don't take Irish and it shows Jimmy: said nowt about chucking that lighter at your head Janis: well I've got a full play to hit you with so think on, Shane Jimmy: stop flirting with me Janis: rude Jimmy: I'm trying to tell you I like my 🎁 dickhead Janis: so do I Jimmy: good Janis: Libi said tell Bobby to remember Snow Janis: it was a bit threatening tbh but leave that out Jimmy: forget Snow, forget this friendship, mate 👋 Janis: what can I say Janis: she's got priorities Jimmy: takes after you, gonna chuck me if I chuck this lighter Janis: least no fucker else is gonna reckon she's my kid Jimmy: they'll hear me 🗨 and reckon they're all mine Janis: the reality is they'll probably think they're yours and your sisters Janis: soz 🤢 Jimmy: grim up north Janis: not gonna make your sister buzzing for the day out so 🤫 Jimmy: not gonna add her into this 🗨 Jimmy: she might not wanna now the 🐕's not Janis: @ all of 'em Janis: cheek Jimmy: 💔 Janis: least you wanna spend time with me Janis: have to do Jimmy: you gonna be nice to me then? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: are you gonna be nice to me or what Jimmy: dunno what you mean Jimmy: never not nice to you Janis: 🤔 Janis: not really an answer, that Jimmy: be nice to me, you can have the same back Jimmy: how's that? Janis: when am I not nice to you is the question Janis: but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: see, no answer Janis: I'm too nice to you Jimmy: or I were being nice by 🔥 the receipts Janis: ha Janis: go for it, not like I'm delusional like the gals and think I'm SO lovely to EVERYONE Jimmy: should've introduced them to Ian Jimmy: that's his #vibe today Janis: long as he promises to murder them Janis: ideal Jimmy: won't be able to help himself, obvs Jimmy: they make up for not being bottle blonde by looking 45 Janis: I'll tell Grace to put the right wig on Jimmy: bit of patience 💀👑 and 💀#2's will have all fallen out Janis: less evidence clean up Janis: considerate of them Janis: really are #saints Jimmy: hang about for that tutorial, you'll be well in Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I wore something girly and I've got a man Janis: literally the requirements apparently Jimmy: soz, you're right Jimmy: I were thinking about the learning experience that is Tammy's tiktoks Janis: 😂 Janis: if you think I'm dancing for you as well Janis: another thing coming Jimmy: have to do everything myself round here Janis: you love it Jimmy: one of us has to be #goals Jimmy: if you won't, it's up to me Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Janis: you take the piss Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 🙄 Janis: not long ago you didn't like me walking, never mind 💃 Jimmy: and how mardy were you Jimmy: can't have it both ways, Jennifer Janis: you know why Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll carry you about tomorrow if you're missing it Janis: no you won't Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're gonna take it easy Jimmy: 🛏⛓'s meant to be my kink not yours Janis: s'called roleplaying Janis: try it Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: I promise you'll have a good time Jimmy: yeah? Janis: serious Jimmy: alright Jimmy: then I promise not to piss about Janis: okay Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: yeah Janis: are you Jimmy: now I've seen you Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: you and your lines Janis: make me 😳 Jimmy: Oi, I just said it weren't a line Janis: but Jimmy: you heard Janis: I wish I could've stayed Jimmy: do the counting for us Jimmy: til we can go Janis: I'm on it Janis: 🖕✌🤟 Jimmy: that were it Janis: well smart, like Janis: not to brag Jimmy: won't start you a # if you don't want Jimmy: I get it, loads of pressure Janis: what girl don't want a # for Christmas? Janis: #sospoilt Jimmy: [obvs does give her complimentary #s enjoy that the fans] Janis: [flirt on those socials 'cos we don't know what to really say atm] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be fake and extra because the feels are high rn] Janis: [you simply must lads, also hint about this trip like you've had it planned forever] Jimmy: [just wait for how romantic and #goals we can make it when we're snowed in lads, little do you know] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [thank god we have this flirting sesh because I've had to tone what I was gonna say down so many times lol like not yet boy] Janis: [a hard same] Janis: fake you is fun Jimmy: 🤏 of a twat, I get why you like him Janis: give him my number, yeah Jimmy: didn't sound like you were shy around him, reckon you can do that yourself Janis: reckon he'll be well about me making you do it though so Janis: tah Jimmy: massive twat were what I meant to call him Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know how Bill's 👻 feels about a love triangle Janis: technically a love square but fuck fake me Janis: no one is here for her Jimmy: bit rude to the fans Janis: she's just a boring version of me Janis: deny it Jimmy: never said I was one of her fans Janis: 😱 Janis: *sends screenshot* Jimmy: *backtracks so hard I need more 💊s to sort me out but it's alright there's nowt more goals than a lad with no spine* Janis: we 👏 love 👏 a 👏 doormat 👏 Jimmy: works for mates an' all, dunno why I were acting like I were special there Janis: fake you is well special Janis: #facts Jimmy: 😇 him Janis: gotta be a reason the DMs are so full Jimmy: there's LOADS Jimmy: could go on and on Janis: 🤤 Janis: don't let me stop you Jimmy: he is, well humble that lad Janis: SO shy Janis: scaring him with my thirst Jimmy: bit awkward but can't help it you Janis: it's cool, I can pretend I'm shy too Janis: what's more goals than pretending you have a totally different personality to catch you a man Jimmy: duh Janis: you'd know all about that 😎🚬 Jimmy: I've had a girlfriend, yeah Janis: 💔 Janis: what she pretend to be then? Jimmy: a lass who weren't a total nightmare Janis: if you're gonna pretend to be anything Janis: fairplay Jimmy: did work for a bit, give her that Janis: not the first or last to fall for it Jimmy: obvs Janis: just saying Jimmy: weren't saying you should shut up Janis: well Janis: no need to chat about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: wasn't what I mean anyway, for starters Jimmy: you meant I weren't 😎🚬 which for starters is bollocks Janis: okay 🤓 Jimmy: you Janis: Hardly Jimmy: more chance that you're a 🤓 than me Jimmy: and loads more receipts Janis: is there fuck Jimmy: deny it all you like, girl Jimmy: I can't even read Janis: ~express~ yourself in other ways don't you Janis: I don't Jimmy: bollocks do you not Janis: only when you force me to sing Jimmy: didn't take much 🥊 Janet Jimmy: barely twisted owt of yours Janis: 'cos you couldn't, soft boy Janis: be embarrassing to watch you try Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you'd be 😳 but we both know why Janis: not what we're talking about Jimmy: is it not? Janis: you know it's not Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: never said you weren't good at that Jimmy: I'm just saying you express yourself in as many different ways as me Janis: that's just Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤷🤐 Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Janis: that's just between you and me, is what I was going to say Jimmy: weren't gonna send a tweet, you're alright Janis: shut up Jimmy: that's just between me and everyone else Janis: something like that Jimmy: that's exactly what it's like Jimmy: I've got nowt to say to any of them Janis: Me either Janis: never have, really Jimmy: I like talking to you Jimmy: don't matter what about Janis: it's alright, ain't it Jimmy: that a question or what? Janis: we're mates? Janis: that's a question for you Jimmy: do you wanna be mates? Janis: we act like it Janis: don't we Jimmy: not what I asked but Janis: yeah but you always ask questions never answer so I'm allowed to as well Janis: don't you think we do? Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about, I answer questions Janis: 😂 Janis: you don't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: go on then Janis: answer my question Janis: without asking one Jimmy: hang on, which one, are we mates or do we act like it? Janis: can you manage 2? Janis: since you do it all the time, shouldn't be a struggle Jimmy: there's nowt I can't handle, dickhead Janis: ... Janis: I'm waiting Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: dunno why I wanna be mates with you Janis: Charming as that is Janis: still counts as an answer, so I'll take it Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: I dunno what's more charming than I don't like talking to anybody but you Jimmy: or why you'd reckon I'd say that but not wanna be mates Janis: well you're confusing and I'm thick too sometimes Jimmy: you alright now? Jimmy: 'cause having to play 20 questions would be taking the piss a bit Janis: you don't take the piss and we will be fine Jimmy: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: I can ask a mate if they're alright, can't I? Janis: you're making me sound like I'm well high maintenance and hysterical Jimmy: how am I? Janis: acting like I asked you 1000s instead of 2 Janis: but I am fine, despite you being a bit of a dickhead Jimmy: just said playing the games would be a pisstake when you ain't even sleeping over, nowt else Janis: that mean no midnight snacks? 💔 Jimmy: 😱😱 no Janis: we've made such a mistake Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: quick, pop on a romcom Jimmy: rather you popped back in the 🚗 Janis: me too Janis: can't really head off in the dead of night or it will be obvious it's a kidnapping Jimmy: we'll go back for her in a bit, I'll live Janis: I could come back Janis: what about if your brother wakes up though Janis: you can't kip in the 🚗 Jimmy: *should Jimmy: I'll let you in Janis: yeah? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you gonna wait for everyone to be 😴 or what? Jimmy: I can't have your fit nan fuming at me Janis: for starters, ugh Janis: but I can just come back over Janis: though I probably should give them some ~quality family time~ before I do, keep them somewhat on side Jimmy: I don't care if you don't Jimmy: but if Libi wanted some bollocks from home that meant we needed to pick her up from there it'd be a top idea for you to stay here and a 🥇💡 for you to spread that about Janis: 😈 Janis: I knew I kept you around for a reason Jimmy: bit late to kidnap Star and chuck her back at your nans, she's too high profile now, every dickhead has seen her Janis: you are to blame for that bit Janis: but that's easy Janis: kids are idiots, or suggestible, if you wanna be nice about it Janis: I'll make her remember something she absolutely NEEDS Jimmy: you're not as thick as I look Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you aren't either but I won't spread that about Janis: reputation and everything Jimmy: gotta stay #relatable to the fans, babe Janis: #attainable some would say Jimmy: they can have the cancer I've got coming my way if they're that bothered Jimmy: not having you off me though Janis: I don't want nobody else Jimmy: none of them dickheads are good enough for you Janis: I don't care about that Janis: I just want you Jimmy: have me then Jimmy: I'm doing nowt but waiting here Janis: it's well inconvenient that I keep remembering you're hurt Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: don't worry, there's plenty we can do without injuring you further Janis: and I won't make any jokes about stamina Jimmy: don't YOU worry Jimmy: you heard, I'm alright Jimmy: nowt I can't handle, I said Janis: alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: ❌ Janis: just trying to help, not overreact though so yeah Janis: ✔ Jimmy: you did help Jimmy: tah for that, I should've 🗨 Janis: nah Janis: it's nothing Jimmy: not nowt to me Janis: whatever kind of dickhead you are Janis: no call for that Jimmy: it were my own fault, no denying that Janis: still Jimmy: you're a top mate on the first day of being one Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: the fact neither of us has got any others right now is really showing Janis: but fuck it Jimmy: I don't want any others Janis: me neither Janis: load of cunts Jimmy: up north, here and wherever else Ian tries to drag me next Janis: you wanna be penpals, yeah Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Jimmy: and 😭 obvs Jimmy: sweat's more your shout, being SUCH an athlete Janis: I'll send you some 🧦 Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: maybe I should charge, you're right Jimmy: got in there just in time for mates rates Janis: lucky you Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 is right Janis: you're ridiculous Jimmy: what so you don't want my 💌? Janis: you ain't gonna write to me Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't, Jasmine Jimmy: I'll send you daily 🎨 Janis: why are we talking about this? Jimmy: you asked Janis: oh so now you can't stop with your answers Jimmy: make up your mind, my dear Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: better Janis: if we're gonna talk about anything, let's talk about now Jimmy: alright Janis: well, more specifically, in a bit, when I'll be there Jimmy: go on then Janis: what? Jimmy: 🗨 something Jimmy: that'd be how a conversation works Janis: ugh Janis: just Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: it feels like ages since you were here Janis: I know Janis: but I don't know why Janis: it always feels like that Jimmy: I think you answered it when you said you wanna see me Janis: yeah Janis: no lie Jimmy: I get it, you know Janis: yeah, you aren't that good an actor Janis: I can tell Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I mean, I asked for this when I picked you, but I didn't ask for this Janis: what's that supposed to mean? Jimmy: what I said Jimmy: it ain't always piss easy being in over my massive head, even if I manage to make it look it Janis: you ain't Janis: the plans going exactly to plan Janis: this is just Janis: fun, yeah Jimmy: dunno how pissed I were when I last said it but you are that, and do make owt less shit Janis: you too Janis: so let's keep doing it Jimmy: I weren't saying I don't wanna Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm coming over for a reason Jimmy: alright, don't take the piss Jimmy: I had a point somewhere, I just dunno what it were Janis: I ain't Janis: you're cute Jimmy: that sounds well pisstakey, girl Janis: but you are Janis: and I like you as a mate Janis: but no shit I wanna fuck you too Jimmy: gutted you don't wanna write to me, you're actually really good with words Janis: a pisstake Janis: but warranted Jimmy: I mean it, it were like you read my mind then and 🖋 it down Janis: as long as we're on the same 📑 I don't give a fuck how stupid it sounds Jimmy: about how cute I am? OBVS Janis: deal with it nerd Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: long as you keep it between us, call me what you like Janis: I wouldn't give me free rein like that Jimmy: as challenges go, I've accepted worse Janis: 😏 Janis: won't be calling you nothing though, gotta be well 🤫 ain't we Jimmy: whisper to me then Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you're alright, I won't make you promise Janis: I don't really wanna get kicked out Janis: and whispering leads too easily into Janis: more Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and no other dickhead can Janis: be mildly amusing 'cos he don't know I'd just be going to sleep in his car but Jimmy: you'll be staying here, he's still being fake nice to me Janis: weird Jimmy: might be if I didn't know exactly why Janis: ? Janis: or is a stupid question Jimmy: he weren't visited by any 👻s if that's what you're asking Jimmy: have to keep his guilty conscience and pending sexual harassments rolling onto the new year Janis: Good to know that treatment is exclusively for bosses who don't pay enough or give Christmas eve off Janis: Soz to all the Sharons, you're gonna have to keep on grinning and bearing it, babe Janis: trust him to be the 'cries when he's finished' cliche Janis: cunt Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: but Sharon can come for your oscar and man tomorrow when she's got him and the place all to herself so she'll be chuffed to bits if no other other dickhead is Janis: 😬 Janis: gutted to be doing him any kind of favour, obvs Jimmy: leaving the 🐕 will 💔 them Janis: nothing like dog shit to ruin the mood Jimmy: or piss or 😭 Janis: she will be devvo if she ain't invited to join in Jimmy: 🤞 she'll be gutted enough to piss off Janis: you're so rude Janis: piss off and find you, you blatantly mean Jimmy: if that were my type I wouldn't have been after rescuing at the pub Janis: are we talking about Sharon or the dog? Jimmy: either or Jimmy: both a bit easy going with their 👅 Janis: and neither cuts their own fringe so what's the point eh Jimmy: exactly Janis: 🤓🎨😍 Jimmy: won't catch either of them in overalls that's OBVS me out Janis: 😂 don't Jimmy: them lasses probably would have a go at 🚬 with a 🖍 Janis: your brother is already cooler than you, I'd keep it quiet Jimmy: you're right, they'd kidnap him Jimmy: which is only #goals when I go on about it Janis: that's dubious at best but sure Jimmy: 😏 Janis: if you ever offered to kidnap me, maybe Janis: the 💘 is 💀 Jimmy: you come too willingly, nowt I can do about that Janis: rude Janis: try making me not wanna Jimmy: you're already on your way here or will be in a bit Jimmy: picked the wrong day to play hard to get Janis: plenty of time to turn around Jimmy: don't mean I wanna give you loads of chances Janis: fair, calling me easy again was a bold enough choice to count for multiple goes Jimmy: only compliment you've ever taken to 💘 Janis: ha Jimmy: any time you'd rather I go on about what hard work you are Jimmy: just say Janis: you poor #lads just can't win, is that what you're saying? Jimmy: it'll do Janis: 😏 Janis: just know what to say and exactly when to say it, christ Janis: not hard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: real lads do have the shitty end of the deal, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't know Jimmy: only a fake lad Janis: right Janis: got the little shorts and hat and everything Janis: cute Jimmy: what? Janis: Pinocchio Janis: the look Jimmy: Dunno him or where he gets his ootds Janis: oh Janis: awkward this isn't a homage Jimmy: bit awkward for you that he ain't my mate 'cause his dad is just your type 👴💕 Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: we're all 💔 I don't have #lads to go to the pub with Janis: you ain't Janis: last time I brought it up you made that clear Jimmy: that'll by why I were in character 🤥 for you Jimmy: nowt if not supportive of your kinks, me Janis: 😱 Janis: can't believe you don't respect how important the #gurlgang is Jimmy: you can be 😱 after you've respected the 🤥📏 tah Janis: you and size Jimmy: doing you a MASSIVE favour is just the kind of lad I am Janis: wow, so thankful Jimmy: 🎁's just keep coming Jimmy: 💘'll never 💀💀💀 while I'm offering my face as a seat Janis: you might suffocate though Janis: 😳 Jimmy: top of my list for how I wanna 💀💀💀 now Jimmy: gutted I never thought of it sooner Janis: easily done Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't ✔ like that's not a mental image that could make me crash, dickhead Jimmy: it were you who were going on about turning the car round and that like that weren't gonna make me say owt I could so you wouldn't Janis: as if I was going to Jimmy: now you won't Janis: I wasn't going to Janis: but any chance to 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: any chance to let you Janis: nothing more 💘 than that Jimmy: is that a challenge or what? Janis: you want it to be? Jimmy: do you want it to be? Janis: in what world am I going to say no? Jimmy: dunno, might be a world where you don't want your big head setting off the airbag Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: [🔥🔥 sext obvs like any chance to also kill you] Janis: I Jimmy: you Janis: no, you Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: it feels like yours Jimmy: not to me Janis: I'm alright taking the blame for how you feel Jimmy: you can handle that an' all, yeah? Janis: you don't think I can? Jimmy: never said that Janis: Good Janis: because I can and I want to Jimmy: take it then Janis: [show up gal] Janis: I'm here Jimmy: [let her in and do that trope where you just kiss her immediately and against the door when you've closed it and while you're taking off her coat] Janis: [such a romcom forever] Jimmy: [can't and won't ever resist] Janis: [we're here for it shameless rn] Jimmy: [the question is are we saying that everyone is still up and about rn or are they asleep?] Janis: [hmm 'cos either is viable depends what vibe we want to achieve here] Jimmy: [yeah and there are pros and cons to either] Janis: [it'd be rude but potentially plot-driving/fun to have her first interaction with Ian because she hasn't yet] Jimmy: [bonus points if he's like asleep on the sofa or something because what a christmas mood and they wake him up either deliberately or accidentally] Janis: [what a dad, too full and drunk] Jimmy: [literally too perfect of a cliche not to take advantage of] Janis: [you're probably not gonna want to on purpose rn because we're in a #mood but Cass should blatantly still be up even if Bobby ain't and be like DAD JIMMYS GF IS HERE 'cos lord knows she's bored rn] Jimmy: [JJ just trying to have their makeout sesh, but I'll forgive you Cass we know you're upset because your mum isn't here and you know Jimothy and Ian have brawled because even if you didn't hear or witness it that's the only time Ian is ever nice to him so] Janis: [and you're 12 so 'nuff said on all counts] Jimmy: [mhmm, soz you gotta deal with Ian's fake niceness though Janis because that's not a mood] Janis: [ew, at least shit nan is honest is nothing else, lmao, just trying to take Jimmy's lead of the vibe he wants like are we being rude or fake nice back or what 'cos nothing in it for you beyond helping him out so] Jimmy: [would not have the strength to be fake nice to you if Bobby is not around rn because only doing it ever for his sake so have fun trying to keep it up Ian when we're just getting the bae a drink from your stash and doing our best to leave you unacknowledged like we're the deaf one] Janis: [at least we can be our usual charming selves then] Jimmy: [like we can't be rude enough he'll say you can't take the kids with you tomorrow hence we're just not saying anything because temptation to just tell him to fuck off always] Janis: [just some sly shade, easily done, also I hope you didn't come looking like a hoe 'cos assumptions that are lowkey a bit racial already being made without doing that] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't gonna like you no matter what gal, we'll get out of there as soon as we can honestly] Janis: [how dare you, but no, we would not want you to like us, we know your game hun] Jimmy: [it'll be fun af when we lowkey move you in and it's just 24/7 piss off Ian time] Jimmy: [but for now take the bottle and run lads] Janis: [soz that didn't work Cass but you know] Jimmy: [Jimothy needs this rn, soz you don't have your bf yet but you'll understand when you do] Janis: [you'll get your whole squad soon] Jimmy: [we'll all be living our best lives but for now we're just trying to survive the festive season so] Jimmy: [it makes me happy to know that Janis' arrival will have wound Twix up so you won't be able to just go back to sleep Ian] Janis: [go take that poor dog for a piss sir] Jimmy: [because we are not doing it, we're going upstairs good day] Janis: [buh-bye] Jimmy: [boy just downing however much drink was in his glass as he goes cos fml and also we've spent an age pretending we're not physically hurting which is not a mood either] Janis: [actually needed, so you can't say nothing Ian] Jimmy: [hopefully you left all your presents downstairs cos your room isn't very big and we don't need them everywhere] Janis: [and Bobby is in his bed, we gotta lay that boy down like get comfy] Jimmy: [the biggest sigh in the world, imagine] Janis: [copying him but laying down next to him carefully so we don't squash him] Jimmy: [going to write on her but we don't know what to say so we're just 👀] Janis: [doing an impression of nice Ian to try and make him lol Jimmy: [you know it's spot on but that just reminds him what a dick Ian is so we just shake our head like ffs but obvs not at you gal] Janis: [yeah, mistake to make hen but we don't know what to do, little horizontal feelsy lean like !!!] Jimmy: [we're doing it back even if it hurts because we don't care, the feelsy lean is sacred] Janis: ['he's such a twat' the reassurance he doesn't need but we're saying it so seriously] Jimmy: [can't help genuinely smiling because you know Ian is the kind of person who everyone thinks is just such a standard dad and we obvs didn't think the bae would fall for it but there's always gonna be a part of us thinking he's right and we're wrong so the relief] Janis: [we all know the kind, just parenting you, psh, but we smiling back 'cos love to see it] Jimmy: [😍 because she's cute and we're in love] Janis: [gotta kiss him soft] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be soft because we know you both like it] Janis: [a good excuse because we are not trying to injure you boy forreal, but the restraint is a killer lmao] Jimmy: [the perfect excuse for you to show her how good you are with your hands even if you don't remember/are pretending you don't remember that bit of the drunken christmas eve convo because you can keep your distance a lil bit more but still kill her] Janis: [enjoy trying not to die gal, 'cos whilst making Ian overhear you is funny, waking the kid is not so shh] Jimmy: [at least he's deaf so you've got less chance than if you were at mcvickers house and Libi was just like oh hey, speaking of the caravan when you're snowed in is gonna be hilarious casually no privacy ever] Janis: [that's true, how do you wake up a deaf person except for rudely shaking them like HELLO also how do they know when there's a fire/any other kind of alarm, questions I have but are not entirely relevant rn, won't make Cass hate us that much already lmao, 'cos honestly, need an ally in you when Skerries alone] Jimmy: [I've seen vibrating ones that they can like put under their pillow and shit which is slightly less rude than just being like OI but yeah, we can win Cass over during this unexpectedly longer trip than we thought we'd be on] Jimmy: [but for now have a drink and recover gal] Janis: [a good idea, ang would like that] Janis: [lowkey pouty like you can't immediately return the favour but you simply cannot soz] Jimmy: [doing the pouty lip bite thing won't help but we simply must nevertheless] Janis: ['that's illegal'] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we're pretending doesn't hurt because we're fine] Janis: [obviously we notice 'cos in what world aren't we 'should really bandage you up' and looking like do you have any in or do we need to get that tomorrow] Jimmy: [🤨 because it's such a foreign concept that anyone actually cares about us that we can't hide our genuine surprise/confusion and then we have to go look because we're like this is awkward how dare she care about me, let's say there is so you can chuck them at her] Janis: ['that's what you need to do' like he's just thinking it's bullshit advice, unravel some of that bandage after it's thrown at you 'it'll heal faster' and gesturing for him to take his top off 'can be a mummy for a bit, ghost boy'] Jimmy: [obvs gonna throw his top at her as well because always] Janis: [pretending it's so gross like ew] Jimmy: [equally as obvs then getting all up in her grill like if you thought that was gross you'll HATE this] Janis: [the pretence of being #horrified is so thinly veiled, but focus gal, gotta bandage him up as tightly as you can so it's more comfortable for him, the casual intimacy, bye, pretend we do not notice] Jimmy: [what a mcvickers-esque moment] Janis: [truly] Jimmy: [do a ✔ on her in the same place as the bandage is like okay job done and because you do feel better for it and most importantly just shamelessly wanna touch her bare skin whenever we can] Janis: [dramatically stop breathing for a sec 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [kiss her as dramatically to show her you can without it hurting as much as it did before] Janis: [can't even fake mad about it] Jimmy: [interrupt this makeout sesh for long enough to casually pour some of whatever this bottle is into her mouth because it's always a saucy mood and she has earned it by nursing you back to health] Janis: [too much of a mood frankly we're so about it, also nice throwback to literally last night what is time] Jimmy: [gonna have to let y'all hook up because this boy has no chill but just be really careful please] Janis: [just let him lead and you should be fine] Jimmy: [gotta be soft so that's a whole new mood in itself because you have not yet] Janis: [feeding him drink in the same manner after but that likewise feels really soft 'cos basically doing it like it's medicine at this point like you gotta, then removing whatever clothes you got left on to get in bed] Jimmy: [shameless snuggling will ensue because we will play tetris if needs be until we find a position that's comfortable for you both to be in] Janis: [drawing the ✔ on him when we're settled but also a ❓] Jimmy: [taking her hand and turning it into a 👍 and then giving it a lil thank you squeeze before adding his own ? to ask if she's alright too] Janis: [snuggling down as a response] Jimmy: [a happy sigh compared to the dramatic one earlier] Janis: ['Jimmy-' but stopping 'cos don't know what you think you're gonna say hen] Jimmy: [the softest 'what?' ever] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING for a hot sec 'merry christmas'] Jimmy: [obvs we're saying it back even though we know that's not what she was gonna say] Janis: [you better stop] Jimmy: [will draw 😁 on you is it a pisstake/ are we this buzzing that the bae is here and tomorrow we can leave/do we wanna just touch her always/is it all of these] Janis: [gonna say we got lost on that one so we're just like what are you talking about boy/tickled like oi] Jimmy: [doing it again more slowly and deliberately so it'll tickle more and she might get it so we don't have to do it with our face if she doesn't lol] Janis: [just loling like staph 'I'm either gonna fall out or fuck you up here' but not mad, obvs] Jimmy: [hold onto her so she can't fall out and that's ofc the only reason] Janis: [random but have we ever said whether the caravan is 2 or 3 bedrooms?] Jimmy: [I don't think we've ever specified but I assume it's on the bigger side because mcvickers own it and all the fam ever] Janis: [let's go with 3 then, a double and 2 singles, makes sense, usually have a way to make beds in the lounge too] Jimmy: [I'll try and remember that for all the other people and gens it affects lol] Janis: [write that down boo lol]

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [Enough lowkey happened on that camping trip that this can be near the start of the holidays, like we already been knew but we're pretending still at this point that none of this is real okay lads, obviously they at the stage of pretending to be more life and soul than they actually are 'cos all the fakery so when she's in a mood and gone off it's more noticeable, you feel?] Jimmy: [that's a whole fat mood even if he doesn't actually find her with Harry he'd still be like UM hello] Janis: [I don't think she shoulda 100% come out with the intention of doing this but when she wanna (cos Jimmy, obvs, we know Harry is not that hot or charming really lol) can't it's like well this isn't real so I can't ask him so I wanna be with someone who I can for real, like it could be anyone but he's the obvious choice...apart from that, I think we can go] Jimmy: [100% agree it's not like a calculated bitch move and we know how messy they get at parties so] Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Yep Janis: fresh air Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: 🚽 Jimmy: Oi you're not 🤢 are you? Janis: Fuck off Janis: 'course I ain't Janis: only room with a lock Jimmy: what's up then? Janis: that song was so offensively shit Janis: can't hear myself think Jimmy: come outside Janis: why? Jimmy: I'll pick you a 🌹 obvs Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: a valid one Janis: if I've gotta act 😍 over that, how big the crowd I'm walking into is, etc Jimmy: it's quieter out here, dickhead Janis: idk, could run a bath and go under Jimmy: 💀💀💀 pact's for two Jimmy: can we both fit? Janis: the bath is suitably impressive Janis: no marble though so I'm disgusted, obvs Jimmy: won't somebody think of the blood splatter? 😒 Jimmy: let me in then Janis: What kind of proposition is that? Janis: Give me five minutes Jimmy: so high maintenance, you Janis: If you wanna be known as the kind of boyfriend who has to watch their girlfriend take a piss, be my guest Jimmy: who are you talking about my kinks to, girl? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no need Janis: all 👀s on us at all times Jimmy: yeah and I look like a right dickhead Jimmy: hurry up, Janet Janis: go 🚬 Janis: I'll be there in a few Jimmy: love when you tell me what to do Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: I'll add it to the kink list to 📢 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when it's so awkward like hope there ain't an audience bye] Jimmy: [lights her a 🚬 cos standard but is looking at her like ??] Janis: [taking it and just smoking for a bit 'some nights, this is just more inconvenient than others, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['Nah, it's inconvenient every night, mate' shrugs but is clearly like what the fuck do you mean] Janis: [🙄 'obviously but-' shrugs but in a idk how to word this now kinda way '9/10 when we ain't putting on a show we can still do what we want, yeah?'] Jimmy: [nudges her like go on and taking a big drag while he works out what that means and then takes a hot sec to answer we all know why 'depends'] Janis: ['yeah, it's the depends, ain't it' nods like we're on the same page now 'the shit you wanna do but technically can't 'cos it jeopardizes the whole performance, even when you ain't'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like what even though he knows cos gonna make you say it always #thatbitch] Janis: [just the longest smoke break lmao 'like if we actually wanted to hook up with someone at this party, we can't'] Jimmy: Bathroom door's got a lock on it Jimmy: you said Janis: Obviously Janis: as if there's any chance of 'cheating' without every cunt seeing Janis: they seem thick but they're well up on all this gossip bullshit Jimmy: not with that 🥉 attitude Jimmy: 💕 conquers all, Jules, ain't you heard Janis: Now I'm an amatuer, yeah? Jimmy: do you need me to say it again using the 📢? Janis: how many lasses you had in there tonight then Jimmy: As many as I want Jimmy: [walks away rudely] Janis: alright Janis: message received Jimmy: is it? Janis: Nothing cryptic about it, really Jimmy: we don't need coded 🗨 Jimmy: save that for whoever's meeting you in the bathroom Janis: I doubt I'd be meeting anyone if I had to go to that length of espionage Jimmy: Oi 💀👑 would go to the ends of the earth for you, my dear Janis: 💀👑 can also manage a game of chess, so I hear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: as romantic nights in go, you could do worse Janis: Romance would not be in his vocabulary, if he knew he had one Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: 💔 or 👍 Jimmy: Delete whichever one Janis: Doing someone else to make you jealous is a cliche too far, I reckon Jimmy: good job that ain't why then Jimmy: you can crack on Janis: Bill would be well let down Jimmy: I ain't got a balcony for him to haunt, it's alright Janis: 🤞 the lack of marble don't vex him then Jimmy: wouldn't be my first 👻🥊 if he really wants to get a mard on Janis: 👍 in a bit Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [later but not like hours obvs] Janis: you still about? Jimmy: weren't gonna just do one without telling you Jimmy: what kind of fake boyfriend Jimmy: [in my head he's having a drink with some art hoe from his class cos saying they're chatting would be a stretch lol] Janis: 💕 Janis: [obvs like oh but recovery of coming over and having a swig of his drink like bonjour] Jimmy: [gives it to her so he has the excuse of going to get another one cos doesn't wanna talk to either of them rn] Janis: [oh the small talk you are not making, this girl, soz hun] Jimmy: [when you just in the kitchen like this takes longer than it does/you can't poss push through the peeps to get back] Janis: what's her story then Janis: why is she so 😪 Jimmy: Who is she? Janis: Got enough to 📢 about you Jimmy: and what? Janis: so stalker or you should at least be able to pull a name out your arse, like Jimmy: Why? I don't remember yours and you're my missus Janis: Hmm 😏 endearing quirk or a sign of early-onset dementia Jimmy: weren't that early 👴 me Janis: True Janis: be back in 🚼 'fore long Jimmy: if you've forgotten how old I am, might wanna get your own 🧠 checked, mate Jimmy: and yeah, your kinks are blatant, calm down Janis: I've been around enough actual babies to know I don't wanna pretend to look after one in my me time Jimmy: I ain't around you in your personal time Jimmy: let you off the 🕛 Janis: no one wants to fake hear about my adult baby kink, dickhead Jimmy: Dunno where I put my 📢 Jimmy: 💔 Janis: are you lost Janis: you've been ages Jimmy: now you miss me Janis: She wasn't much company Jimmy: I don't need to tell you, she ain't the only dickhead here Jimmy: or to crack on Janis: We'll have to be seen in the same room at some point Janis: or I'll just go home, like Jimmy: Off you go then Janis: yeah, 'cos I can just go Janis: you know how this works Jimmy: You ain't been caught out yet Jimmy: maybe the fans weren't as bothered as we reckoned Janis: 'cos I'm not an idiot Janis: which is what we'll both look if we have a weird domestic now Jimmy: you can leave that right out Jimmy: it's how I've looked for ages Janis: You said I could Jimmy: Piss off Janis: You did, you pretty much challenged me to do it Jimmy: Take the out Jimmy: I don't fucking need you here now Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: if I wanted an out, I'd do it Janis: that was the whole point of talking to you Janis: if you had a problem with it tonight you should've said so Jimmy: If you wanna go home, go home Janis: No, 'cos you want me to go home, I'm not going to Janis: and if you want an out, you'll have to fucking say that too Jimmy: I don't care, Janis Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Yeah, fine by me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [storms through this party to go smoke again because that's the mood he's in] Janis: [when you'll have to go break something somewhere 'cos it is not okay, thank God we don't care about whoever's house this is] Jimmy: [honestly there better not be anyone annoying outside cos he will smack you lads] Janis: [seriously I'm like flat whites don't be there we can't be having the levels of violent rn 'cos can't deal with emotions] Jimmy: [likewise thank god he ain't going home to Ian rn cos that'd be a brawl and a half nobody needs] Janis: [oh you two] Jimmy: [he is not drunk enough for this lol] Janis: [when you're so frustrated that was a blatant flop and now you can't leave but can't stay, fun poll] Janis: *lol rude Jimmy: [you had one job Harry ffs] Janis: [must assume he's left 'cos highkey and you'd have to sleep with him and not happening boy] Jimmy: [what do you think she did do before she was like ABORT MISSION] Janis: [it probably got to the usual point and it's like hmm still nothing so maybe she gave him head 'cos frustration honey but then was like good day] Jimmy: [I don't feel sorry for you sir but I do feel sorry for Jimothy because he'd be doing drinking games rn throwforward to their other domestic at that party remember cos only time he ever joins in with that kinda nonsense] Janis: [they're always so grim and you are gonna get so drunk boy, I truly dunno where you're gonna be, casually barricaded in some room you're trashing, like] Jimmy: [imagine some time has passed so he's drunker] Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: you in the 🚽 again or what? Janis: no, I'm not Janis: all yours, mate Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: [sends her some flirty shit he's been sent meaning like I gotta hide but it comes across now like I'm gonna hit that #miscommunication ftw] Janis: There's that out you wanted Janis: good for you Jimmy: What? Janis: Don't what me like an idiot Jimmy: Don't be a twat like a twat Janis: Good one Janis: We'll pretend it'd be more scathing if you weren't pissed Janis: I said good for you, what more could I do to not be a twat? Jimmy: How about you pretend to have a word, you've only got the one job, rich girl Janis: What are you talking about? Jimmy: What did I just say? Janis: Why would I fake jealous of a girl you're gonna go fuck Jimmy: Why would you do owt to help me out? Fuck knows, tonight's obvs not the night for that Janis: You're making no sense right now Janis: and like fuck, this whole thing is about helping you out Jimmy: you Janis: me what Jimmy: You're making no sense Janis: This is stupid Janis: we ain't talking in circles Janis: you've got somewhere to be Jimmy: No I don't Janis: well, I'm not the one you need to let down gently then Jimmy: just Janis: I've already given her dirty looks Janis: ['cos you can't be in that room forever, like] Jimmy: [be extra like it's all for that girl's benefit okay boy] Janis: [when you're gonna respond like for like 'cos casual state you are in lawd] Jimmy: [have a MOMENT because god knows you're not gonna talk about any of this so obvs such a good idea to take your mood out this way instead of course] Janis: ['scuse the SHOW everyone but they can't get a room or the pretense is gone so] Jimmy: [also you all love it so] Janis: [ya perverts, lowkey start a softcore pornsite with all the footage y'all take] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [I get it, they're hot and this is low-key exhibitionism at this point 'cos frustrations] Jimmy: [when he's saying he missed her in between this intense sesh but is he saying it for the unnamed girl and the rest of the audience or because he actually wants to and has drunk enough 🤔] Jimmy: [because not saying it in a really extra fake way just genuinely like 'I missed you' bye] Janis: [excuse you, when neither she nor I is drunk enough to deal with that in a sensible manner] Jimmy: [it's fine we know they're not sensible rn or lowkey ever] Janis: [just gonna be saying his name like a reply, can't pretend you don't know his, babe] Jimmy: [nobody can pretend they don't know how into it he is, look away please art hoe gal] Janis: [there's some things you can't fake lads we know it] Jimmy: [especially when you're basically going as hard as you did on the school trip when you wanted Grace and Co to leave that room] Janis: [remember when, Grace does #triggered] Jimmy: [thank god we said she's not there cos this would be worse than that cos Janis is frustrated/angry af and he's angry/jealous af like imagine] Janis: [someone be shameless enough to stop them please 'cos we can't] Jimmy: [I know we've done the police before but have we done someone's parents rocking up? cos how shaming for this party thrower 🤞 it's not my boy Dan] Janis: [I don't think Dan is cool enough to throw a party at all, god bless and goodnight but yes a good idea, we shall do it] Jimmy: [when you have to go from 100000-0 cos nobody's gonna hear the parents key in the door over all that music and chaos so they just there like] Janis: [just running like lowkey what is happening but gotta go] Jimmy: [handholding for Winnie! at least until this boy has to stop cos can't run as fast or far as her] Janis: [don't vom that wouldn't be cute] Jimmy: [catch your breath and you'll be fine my beloved soft sir] Janis: [patting down his pockets like she's looking for an inhaler but obviously is looking for and gets out his pack of cigarettes like there you go, that'll sort you out 😏] Jimmy: [when he's gotta be so 😏 like steady on girl cos he's actually so 😳 and not just from running clearly, thank god for that 🚬 which we can all pretend suddenly needs the most intense concentration on earth like] Janis: [pushes him like shut up but is also 😳 so carrying on walking ahead so you can hide that and take a moment] Jimmy: [not even trying to catch up cos you also need a minute] Janis: are you going home? Jimmy: Are you? Janis: nah Janis: not when I can help it Jimmy: [shrugs like that's the most casual thing he's ever heard but looking at her like where are you going] Janis: [looking back and shrugging, continuing to walk on like let's see where I end up] Jimmy: [checking his phone to see if there are any other parties cos easter hols so obvs and showing her the options like do you fancy any of these] Janis: [a look like 'you wanna do more faking?' like you don't know oh girl and picking the party that's the closest to where they are right now] Jimmy: [gives her a look like I'll take free drinks over going home cos yeah that's the only reason okay] Janis: [nods like I hear that] Jimmy: [playfully nudges her like so come on] Janis: ['alright, alright' and walking needlessly fast 'cos minimal time alone is required] Jimmy: [when you automatically go to pull her back and then stop yourself cos no] Janis: [whether you notice that or nah, clearly pretending otherwise] Jimmy: [smoking and walking even if you have to light another one immediately idk how far this is and neither does he cos never knows where he is lol] Janis: [looking like 'aren't you gonna give me one?'] Jimmy: [looks back like not if you're 6 miles ahead of me but obvs does give her his and then lights a new one] Janis: [slowing down to take it but still keeping a pace ahead] Jimmy: [and he's just on his phone texting back and forth with Cass cos she's not asleep but should be but obvs he could be doing anything cos Janis don't know his life yet] Janis: [shamelessly like oh, take this time to think about your life and choices, babe] Jimmy: [let us take a moment to appreciate the state of them though like all the skin she's got on show and what he would've done to it, enjoy that in a sec Mia you nosy bitch] Janis: [gonna make her night truly, also he's probably feeling even more pissed 'cos cold air has hit him, like] Jimmy: [yeah that's always fun, thank god he didn't have time to get properly wasted cos Janis has enough catching up to do] Janis: [when you're low-key not even tipsy at this point 'cos the dramaaa] Jimmy: [Oh Jimothy you're clearly not serving as much of a look and you're too drunk, I'm disappointed in you] Janis: [we all know he looks good all the time it's rude] Jimmy: [get in this party and get her a drink boy but handholding cos coupleyness activated the second you're in] Jimmy: [I think he should share her drink because cute but also you don't need more rn and you know it but also he should put a song on he's worked out she likes so they can dance because remember when he thought a shit song started this lol] Janis: [make an entrance you two god bless so mad your mood about to get ruined lol] Jimmy: [omg can we say Harry is talking to Mia but bins her off for Janis when we need that to happen because funny and even funnier when they end up dating later] Janis: [ahh the levels of hate just going up every second, obvs needs to happen] Jimmy: [have your OTT dance moment first though like cos Mia cannot compete there even if she wanted to] Janis: [can't risk a collapse like] Jimmy: [literally how is she alive] Janis: [when he's probs shamelessly watching this but you don't notice 'cos 'course you don't] Jimmy: [he'd be so mad that this isn't a moment like soz jj are too busy having one] Janis: ['cos you think she's literally followed you here like oh God, hence she's gonna freak when she does actually see you're here like gotta go, maybe hit a bathroom again but drag Jimmy with you] Jimmy: [boy you wish she'd follow you anywhere bye] Jimmy: [meanwhile Jimmy just sitting in a bathtub like ?] Janis: [washing me and my clothes bitch, but seriously, just breathing so shallow like full freak out] Jimmy: [can't not notice so literally but very gently pulling her into the tub with him like sit down] Janis: [reluctantly getting in 'cos you're not ready to walk back through to get out even so may as well, leaning back and sighing like well] Jimmy: [taking off her jacket for her not in a saucy way cos that actually might help her feel better you think] Janis: [just rubbing at your now bare arms and straightening up your posture literally pulling yourself together like] Jimmy: [just giving her time cos not that dickhead who's gonna be like WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TELL ME RN] Janis: ['I fucked up'] Jimmy: [looking at her like elaborate please, but in your own time cos still not that dickhead] Janis: [a look like I truly do not want to do that please lol 'there's someone here I don't wanna see, like more than all the other people I don't wanna see, like'] Jimmy: [nodding like okay that's all I need to hear, getting up like let's go as if they haven't just got there and peeps won't be like ?? or anything because he's not thinking about the fake just the real of what she just said even though it hasn't clicked with him that this could be anything to do with earlier because why would she not wanna see that person as far as he's concerned and putting a hand out to help her up and out too which he so doesn't need to do we see you boy] Janis: [is shaking her head like no wait then makes a 😒 face at herself 'cos does not wanna be this contrary bitch or this bitch freaking out ever but like, it's happened now so- 'we shouldn't go, I already fucked up earlier, we should make the most of that lot being here' 'cos obviously Mia also made herself #seen 'cos when doesn't she lol] Jimmy: [when you touch her 😒 face unthinkingly and softly which shakes you to your core because get control of yourself boy so you make a big show of checking yourself in the mirror for an age like okay I'm ready] Janis: [when you fuck up his hair 'cos a. just that bitch and b. you're meant to be getting it on in here so don't be looking all put together 'amateur' but with feeling] Jimmy: [returning the favour because 1. oi and 2. her hair would be a MESS if you had and everyone knows that and tying her jacket around his waist so he can carry it for her without having to and it's like that thing when boys wear girls scrunchies on their wrists and girls lose their minds] Janis: [raises a brow like what are you doing at first but then nods like touche, as much as you've just said you should make a show for the flat whites, when Mia is talking to Harry again you gotta be like, let's get another drink first ty, hopefully some of the others are in the kitchen] Jimmy: [when you're about to question it by typing cos would never out loud obvs cos you can clearly see 💀👑 but yeah then there are others in the kitchen so you go with that] Janis: [#dutchcourage, least you can be cute/in everyone's way by getting on the counter and just casually wrapping your long ass legs 'round him to 😍] Jimmy: [just gently kissing all those lovebites you made at party 1 making a big show of how sorry you are for each one like thanks for all the bare skin I can use to put on a show yet again bitch] Janis: [truly out here in a bra lmao the confidence] Jimmy: [we're all jealous as hell that she can and looks amazing doing it, especially the flat whites] Janis: [Asia like he wanted me first though lol] Jimmy: [oh girl you wish] Jimmy: [we should have him come into the kitchen to get drinks for him and Mia which she can't be fuming about even though we all know his real motives] Janis: [ugh the level of smug, knowing looks that just make her wanna die, leaning into Jimmy's ear and cupping her hand like she's whispering something saucy to him but is literally just hiding like go away] Jimmy: [when he whispers back but uses the opportunity to ask her if she's alright because not an idiot] Janis: [nods 'I just missed you too' when you say it loud enough it could be for the benefit of the audience but is it or nah, we'll never know] Jimmy: [when now isn't the time or place to push her on what's actually wrong so you just go harder instead which equally begs the question are you trying to distract her/make her feel better or is it for the audience] Janis: [just do the most 'til he says something or goes away kids, speaking of, kinda torn between him not saying anything because he thinks it'll happen again ('cos like it has been repeats thus far so fair) so he's just kinda like smug but not gonna outright be saying something dead obvious to Jimothy to start shit...or getting him that drunk that he does, 'cos we could do it when they're outside smoking or something so the whole party don't actually hear for once? idk] Jimmy: [I like that idea like he doesn't say anything here and now so she's like thank fuck I might have actually gotten away with this but then later when he's drunk he could be like about to go and wants her to go with him or whatever] Jimmy: [I also like the possibility that he could say something to Mia at any point #mildperil] Janis: [that's a good idea, bide your time, dickhead] Janis: [also we know she's snekky so instead of being like um why do you keep looking at her and being salty she can probably get something out of him, she's smart and he ain't really so] Jimmy: [yeah that's what I thought and she'd love knowing that Janis 'cheated' this early on for JJ so] Janis: [exactly, hence she can nudge Harry into making that post after the basketball match drama] Jimmy: [OMG yeah I never even thought of that] Janis: [masterminding] Jimmy: [ironically Harry getting with Mia cos she doesn't play games which he thinks Janis is rn] Janis: [lmao good luck with that you already being played now and you got no clue] Jimmy: [I almost feel sorry for him but he didn't need to post those nudes so I don't] Janis: [mhmm honey] Jimmy: [live your best life at this party til later though JJ my babes] Janis: [hells yeah] Jimmy: [it hurts my heart cos they'd both relax thinking shit's okay now and be actually having a good time, fuck you Harold] Janis: [he probably thinks whomever it was has gone, like] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and like not gonna think about it too hard cos her mood has clearly changed and that's the important thing] Janis: [is there anything we wanna do specifically or, how we doing this?] Jimmy: [I think we can probably just skip to when Harry fucks things up because we know the vibe but yeah how do we wanna do that like maybe we can just plot out how it would have gone and see from there cos like she might run away or Jimmy might smack him we don't know lol] Jimmy: [like what do you think he should say/do?] Janis: [Hmm, like you said maybe he comes over and is like okay come back with me though, like enough 'games' now and is ignoring Jimmy so obvs he's like excuse you piss off then when Janis is also like fuck off no so then he's salty and says something when he's walking away like 'tell me how my dick tastes' 'cos he would] Jimmy: [well that's lovely thank you Harry, you're so getting smacked now boy cos his ex was a hoe and he doesn't need to be triggered like that] Janis: [when the worst you were expecting happened and a hoe gotta go] Jimmy: [clearly should try and follow her because how's that gonna look if she leaves without him but doesn't because literally doesn't care about any of that in the moment obvs] Janis: [we're not keeping up the act rn, hopefully there were minimal people about and we can just call Harry a liar later like he's not a trustworthy bitch peeps be known] Jimmy: [yeah I doubt there were many people outside and they'd all be drunk af whoever were and like you said he's not coming through with proof but I hope Janis ain't going to mcvickers gaff cos if Jimothy is going home they'd have to go the same way lol] Janis: [lol imagine, I'll make her run off in a different direction don't worry] Jimmy: [poor bitch she doesn't need the awkward walk of shame] Janis: [she know some places, go work out that aggression again, not that you can but you know] Jimmy: [mhmmm god only knows what Jimothy is gonna do when he gets home cos you can't just casually go to sleep like this is fine] Janis: [I'm like what are you gonna do, what are you gonna say, oh girl] Jimmy: [and how long are you gonna leave it to have the convo too like] Janis: [right, when you wanna do it now to say it, but then you're like, he's not gonna wanna and you're scared too but you don't wanna leave it too long, gay] Janis: [gaaaaaaaaaay 🙄 GAH grammarly GAH ] Jimmy: [he's gonna have to act like he's so not bothered cos it's such early days I'm gonna die] Janis: [okay, I'm gonna say next morning, torture yourself, and inadvertently him, all night] Jimmy: [yassss] Janis: Hey Jimmy: Morning Janis: You alright? Janis: sorry about that idiot last night Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: If you're gonna apologise for every dickhead from last night, do it in a bit, I'm short on time Janis: I won't take on accountability for every cunt, like Janis: just that one Jimmy: Alright Janis: Yeah Janis: you at work? Jimmy: Nah Janis: Oh, alright Janis: well, my bad then Jimmy: I'm in later if you wanna erase your guilt using the tip jar Jimmy: might have another fight in me if it's for 💰💰💰 Janis: Come on Jimmy: what? Janis: Don't take the piss, like Janis: I'm trying to say sorry properly Janis: it was fucking embarrassing Jimmy: he's 💔 give it him Janis: He's an idiot Jimmy: who here ain't? Jimmy: yet to meet 'em, me Janis: Best of luck on that score Jimmy: Tah Janis: I appreciate you punching him regardless Jimmy: it weren't for you Janis: Obviously Janis: still Janis: and he chats shit all the time so, no one will care to remember if they heard anything Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Hopefully they're all too hungover to show their faces in CG today 🤞 Jimmy: 💀👑 don't get hangovers Jimmy: she'd have to swallow Janis: Do spirits have calories 🤔 Janis: oh 👻 Jimmy: give her a bell, you'll have your answer Janis: I'm not feeling that guilty Janis: no need to punish myself like that Jimmy: I get it, you're a fake catholic an' all Jimmy: nowt's real with you Janis: Bit harsh Jimmy: is it? Janis: Yeah Janis: we don't know each other like that Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔🎻💔 Janis: Don't be a dick about it Jimmy: we don't know each other like that Jimmy: I ain't gonna be nice to you, Jill Janis: Alright Janis: well I've said what I need to say so that's that then Jimmy: In a bit then Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah right Jimmy: [posts something extra like mhmm yeah right] Janis: [as extra a response like this convo isn't even going this badly rn] Jimmy: [being even more extra back like gotta remind her how fake this is and how much you don't care] Janis: [oh lads, just a back and forth] Jimmy: [for ages like is anyone but Mia THIS invested] Janis: [the answer is no[ Jimmy: [but like it's also shade on his part cos it's like him saying we've done this so now I don't have to see you today, job done] Janis: [we know it and she knows it honey] Jimmy: [and we know the flirty undertone that's real af isn't there that usually is, they are so phoning this in rn] Janis: [this is so sad tbh] Jimmy: [what if they run into each other somewhere that they don't expect to idk where but like they can't pretend they haven't seen each other cos other people have seen them but like it's not a party so can't be that OTT] Janis: [where could it be hmm] Jimmy: [like it could be something he's taking either of his siblings to even but then why is Janis there 🤔] Janis: [tis the issue, unless we go for the park, like we always do but it's real, and if we make it a nice day, teens would be hanging to peep 'em] Jimmy: [oh true] Janis: [I can't think of anywhere else they'd both be and other people to see, 'cos I was thinking we could steal when Ellie was doing the family shop 'cos Janis could do it too for something to do but idk if any other teens would really be there to the level you'd be like 'we must go 'round this shop together' maybe when they're more 😍 again though] Jimmy: [yeah unless like someone worked there and clocked them but even then a bit of a flimsy excuse probably] Janis: ['cos I doubt any of the flat whites are working in a supermarket so yeah] Jimmy: [exactly and my other thought was maybe it was the pool or like a sports thing but Janis already did the school trip for extra credit so I doubt she'd have to do anything else] Janis: [unless she is just there working out 'cos said about being underwater and not able to hear shit so good throwback] Jimmy: [OOOH] Janis: [also the levels of awks like oh hi we're all just here in our swimsuits lollll we're mean but it makes sense, especially if there's like a kid's holiday deal or some shit you know the vibe] Jimmy: [I'm just imagining in angus thongs when her tan 😂] Janis: [thank god you ain't that hoe lmao] Jimmy: [if Asia is there though lol she is] Jimmy: [she could totally have a little sister and be there like] Janis: [just swimming like a mum] Jimmy: [sending Mia JJ updates with her waterproof phone cos that bitch don't swim so she ain't gonna be there] Janis: [when you just want the ground to swallow you up and you're just saying and looking like I am SO sorry whenever you can 'cos you can't just leave] Jimmy: [casually regretting giving her all those lovebites last night now cos that's all you can see and it's not helping you pretend to be unbothered haha] Jimmy: [thank god 😒 is his default expression] Janis: [up in this pool like a woman shamed in so many ways lol, at least the kids are there for some distraction] Jimmy: [we know Bobby is a shy clingy lad so that'd take a lot of his focus and save us all from dying even more than we are, Cass just trying to drown him cos she's mad he stayed out for ages last night too probably]] Janis: [and you're a #seriousathlete so you can go do some laps without Asia clocking anything God bless] Jimmy: [I really hope the Cass and Jimmy playfight splashes Asia and she gets her hair wet] Janis: [the least she deserves for enabling this awkward rn] Jimmy: [imagine how annoying her little sister would be, stay away from her Bobert you are too sweet] Janis: [fucking little Europe or some shit Jimmy: [We should do China or America cos both on this list I just found] Janis: [ew hate/love that] Jimmy: [maybe there's two of them oh lord] Janis: [Grace be so jelly] Jimmy: [not making them twins though cos she would die] Janis: [forever triggered lol] Jimmy: [I'm thinking one around Bobby's age and then one older but still younger than Cass like] Janis: [sounds legit to me, should we skip forward or try to do this a bit and see what happens, idm] Jimmy: [at least if there's two of them she'd be busy herself so she can't stalk them as hard, I say why not try and see what happens] Janis: [so obviously we wanna do races, who can hold their breath longest, handstands, whatever other tricks you can do in a pool] Jimmy: [Cass throwing her key on the bottom to swim for it, Jimmy like no bitch cos she always loses em and he'd have to get so many cut without encouraging that behaviour] Janis: [gotta lay down the law with a child just attached to you lol God bless] Jimmy: [how awks because this is so early on so like they know nothing about each other's lives and Cass has probably instantly decided she hates Janis and Bobby is like 👀 deer in headlights] Janis: [we're all dying lol like Asia please leave] Jimmy: [Jimmy like neither of you say anything about our missing maybe dead mum or dickhead father please while trying not to betray how he feels about this fake dating/ Harry situation...so chill] Janis: [the stress good lord] Jimmy: [thank god he does have work later I said so he can use that as excuse to leave sooner than he actually needs] Janis: [Asia probably gon follow] Jimmy: [ugh true so then he has to ask Janis if she wants to come so she can hear because 😍 obvs] Janis: [at least she'll have the sense to make up an excuse 'cos we don't need to prolong this casual torture lol] Jimmy: [and at least he has his sibs there so the 'goodbye' doesn't have to be extra af] Janis: [at least we're buying ourselves more fake dating time here 'cos the awks and anger] Jimmy: [I'm proud of us but I'm sorry lads before he goes you've gotta have hot chocolate like I always did after swimming I don't make the law] Janis: [my boo insists, also the kids obvs, like he doesn't work in a cafe and you could swing by there, no no] Jimmy: [yeah fuck your pretentious latte art bitch] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: the ☕️? Janis: not bad but don't reckon they'll replace you with a 🤖 quite yet Jimmy: 💧 on my apron Janis: no doubt help with the 💸💸 tips Jimmy: they'd be more 😍 for 💦 or ☔ Janis: too nice a day for the latter Jimmy: [shrugs cos it's april so could happen] Janis: shouldn't have dried your hair Janis: very music video Jimmy: [when you're amused but you have to hide it so you get your phone out for selfies like she gave you the idea cos tbh not trying to get put on a register by taking 📷 in the pool] Janis: [🙄 but 😏] Jimmy: [casual selfie sesh and then busying yourself putting them up like] Janis: never off the clock, eh Jimmy: two jobs'll do that Janis: wouldn't know Jimmy: bit rude to rub it in, rich girl Jimmy: this ain't a 🎻 sorta place Janis: just the kinda rich girl I am Jimmy: You're alright, I'll keep the 🔪 in my back out of shot, know enough 📷 angles, me Janis: it's really bad manners to bleed everywhere, you know Jimmy: I know how to clean up after myself, that'll be the kinda poor boy I am Janis: 🚫🎻 Janis: you said Jimmy: I weren't saying it to 💔 you Jimmy: not my job Janis: just saying, follow your own rules Jimmy: make me 😘 Janis: not really got room to lecture there Jimmy: room for nowt 🦒 Jimmy: 🚫🎻 Janis: don't be short about it Janis: you're almost entirely in the right, you may as well take it Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: almost Jimmy: I've done nowt wrong 😇 me Janis: Nah Janis: you told me to do it Jimmy: convenient that Janis: is it? Janis: doubt that Jimmy: for you Janis: Yeah, clearly Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: were obvs such a good idea at the time Janis: You only set all this bullshit up for failure, not me Jimmy: how did I? Janis: You literally said it was fine Janis: I was the one saying it'd probably fuck it up Janis: I did it and I've tried to make it up but you don't care and you're offering no solutions so fuck it Jimmy: we don't need owt 'cause nobody knows owt and even if he says owt it'll sound like bollocks Jimmy: sort your head out Janis: yeah 'cos it's ideal for you to have to punch out lads all the time Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might make my dad proud of me Jimmy: a scrap might just be a laugh Janis: you want me to say you're welcome then Janis: alright, that's that then Jimmy: want you to carry round a 🪥 next time you fancy cracking on with dickheads like that Jimmy: but alright Janis: cheers Janis: you give great advice Jimmy: might do, if we were mates Janis: well we obviously aren't Jimmy: 😮😮😮 Janis: whatever Janis: [making these awkward goodbyes] Jimmy: [when you don't want her to go even though this is awful] Janis: [when you cannot take any more though] Jimmy: [pulling her back like he wanted to last night but couldn't cos he can pretend it's so fake lol lol lol] Janis: [when you're like 'what?' all light and jokey for the fake but then you look at him like actually though] Jimmy: [boy quick tell your face, Daniel will be livid, that you're giving yourself away like this] Janis: [just in a stare-off rn] Jimmy: [leaning in like he's gonna kiss her but obvs can't cos too real rn so he's like 'stop being a dickhead' in a whisper like that's what he was gonna do all along] Janis: [when you're actually like stunned lmao 'great advice as always, Taylor' under your breath and then a faker 'see you later' moment for the rest] Jimmy: [😏 because annoying her is easier and safer as is blowing her a kiss like bye babe] Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you're so irritating Janis: please don't need me for another 3-5 working days yeah Jimmy: I gave you an out, girl Jimmy: It ain't my fault that lad's 🏆 an' all Janis: I knew he was a dickhead before I did it Janis: not 💔 Jimmy: massively your type every 3-5 working days Janis: you reckon, do you Jimmy: you just said Janis: I didn't Janis: I said I knew he was one, not that I was about it Jimmy: if you weren't about it you wouldn't have done it Jimmy: unless you're not about this, and if that's it, take your out Janis: 'cos those are the only two possibilities Janis: I'm 😍 or sick of this and ain't got the balls to say it Janis: well it's neither, tah Jimmy: I never said you were 😍 Janis: alright, my type, whatever, it's the same thing Jimmy: if you wanna get with lads then you obvs ain't gay so we don't need to do this anymore, that's what I'm saying Jimmy: he'd have been happy enough to brag about how straight you are Jimmy: next time take a 📷 and you're 👍 Janis: you really think that thought had never occurred to me prior to this? Janis: if I wanted that, I would've done it ages ago Janis: not my first time, whatever popular opinion dictates Jimmy: weren't gonna chuck you a penny for 'em, my dear Jimmy: If I wanted to wait around at some shit party while another lad sorts out the lass I'm with, I'd have my ex back Jimmy: not my first time at that Janis: all you had to do was say no Janis: not even, just agree with what I was saying Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: tell yourself no, I'm not your fucking conscience Janis: conscience has got nothing to do with it Janis: obviously it'd be wrong if we were actually together Janis: but it's fake so it's just a matter of logistics and if you say you don't care then that's what I'm going on Jimmy: I've got nowt to do with it Janis: Jesus, yes you do, this is a deal between me and you Jimmy: that you were acting put upon about all night so yeah it were fine, to get you to stop marding for 5 seconds Janis: so now it's your turn? Janis: that's a mature way to deal with shit Jimmy: I'd have legged it but you beat me to that, Janet Janis: 'cos you were well in a talking mood Jimmy: I took that hint from you ages before, that'll be why Janis: I tried Janis: this is some bullshit Janis: I tried before, and after, and both times it was all good except it clearly fucking ain't Jimmy: how about you try not to put me in the path of lads you wanna fuck? or have or will do Janis: It weren't even Janis: fine Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: It weren't even what, that you couldn't have called me after you were done? Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: No Janis: I didn't think of it from that perspective, alright, that's fair Janis: this shit is a headfuck Janis: it's not like there are rules, that I've done this loads, enough to navigate it perfectly Jimmy: the only rule is that we don't mess each other about Jimmy: helping each other out is the whole point Janis: Yeah Janis: I seriously didn't think it would, believe that or not Janis: he hasn't bragged about it before but lesson learned Jimmy: I weren't here to mug off before Janis: No Janis: well, like we said, no one's gonna listen to him so as far as damage control goes Jimmy: I heard you the first hundred times you told me that Jimmy: there's no damage control for all the 🕧 waiting around for you in different parts of that massive house Janis: then tell me what I can do Jimmy: if we ain't gonna be in the same room for longer than 10 mins don't bother to invite me Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: alright Janis: I'm not going to do that again, not that you asked but Jimmy: He'd have you back, I never hit him that hard Janis: shut up Jimmy: Alright don't, you can do better Janis: we can all see what he is Jimmy: I weren't giving him 😍 soz to piss on that threesome you had your 🤞 for Janis: 🤢 Janis: stop Jimmy: you can give it all that after you let me be all over you when you were all over that dickhead? Top one Jimmy: if any dickhead's 🤢🤢 it's me Janis: it were complicated Janis: yeah, we should've left Janis: I just Jimmy: weren't trying to have a chat then were you? Jimmy: not a word Janis: so that was selfish Janis: never said I weren't Jimmy: just Janis: I'm sorry Janis: I should've gone when you offered Janis: I wanted the night to be worth it somehow though Jimmy: What does that mean? Janis: Like you said, we'd barely been in the same room so Janis: would've been a wasted night if we left then Jimmy: I'd take a wasted night night over a weird one Janis: Yeah Janis: it made sense at the time Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't emoji at me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I dunno but I was close to absolving some guilt Janis: bit rude Jimmy: save it for confession, babe Jimmy: I'm in black but that's where the similarity ends Janis: I've never been Jimmy: first time's the charm, Nah? Or is that the third? Jimmy: I dunno 😴 Janis: Cheers Janis: I really have to ask for eternal forgiveness before you're gonna bother Jimmy: If you were my real girlfriend, ain't getting The Lord involved for owt less Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: sorry your ex was a bitch too Jimmy: leave it out Janis: just saying Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: it ain't your problem and she ain't been mine for ages either Janis: okay Janis: still Janis: shit Jimmy: shut up Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: Doubt that Janis: Oh now I talk too much Janis: convenient Jimmy: yeah well chatty, you Jimmy: never know when to stop Janis: yeah well Janis: one of us has to keep the conversation going Jimmy: so #goals girl Janis: Obviously Janis: I feel like my fucking sister right about now Jimmy: Has she been with him an' all? Jimmy: taking the #twinning a bit far there, mate Janis: I hope not Janis: I dunno why you'd make me think of that Janis: I just meant general slagginess and regret Jimmy: I reckon you'd know, hardly the type to keep that to himself Jimmy: Why do you regret it? You said you knew he were a massive twat Janis: I don't know Janis: 'cos he's made me look stupid Jimmy: Only in front of me and I knew you were an idiot 😏 Janis: Thanks Janis: very supportive Jimmy: Do you want me to belt him again? Janis: Only if you feel like it Janis: but it ain't really about him Jimmy: not what I asked, 'cause nah, it ain't about him Janis: No Janis: If you never have to think about him again, that's best for me Jimmy: That all I can do you for, Jules? Jimmy: you don't fancy an overpriced latte or owt, I get that Jimmy: 🌹? Janis: Am I that demanding? Jimmy: Do you want a fake answer there or what? Janis: Cheek Janis: and after you dared to offer me a latte as well Jimmy: I never Janis: Hmm Janis: likely story Jimmy: what's tonight's? Jimmy: we in or out? Janis: I reckon we've done enough to earn a night off Jimmy: Alright Janis: don't you Jimmy: I asked you Janis: Yeah, and I asked you back Jimmy: and I said alright Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Try not to kill yourself at work today Jimmy: And be stuck haunting the CG, you're alright Janis: and you ain't allowed without me Janis: more importantly Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: You're the only one I wanna haunt, baby Janis: Yeah, I better be Jimmy: You are Jimmy: 💔 as Asia is about it Janis: she's lucky I didn't drown her Jimmy: If you really loved me, you would Janis: always coming out with this after the fact, aren't you Jimmy: What's more #goals than murdering a love rival? Jimmy: if you dunno that, Jasmine, I dunno what we're even doing here Janis: Rival is a stretch Janis: if you reckon that then you only gotta ask her Jimmy: Calm it down, bighead Jimmy: The DM asking her to attach ankle weights in the deep end has already been sent Janis: gonna be 😭 over her cankles forever now Jimmy: I were 😭😭😭 first Janis: you mean you didn't just have chlorine in your eyes? Janis: awkward Jimmy: it were already awkward Jimmy: leave my 👀 out of it, tah Janis: but they're so dreamy Jimmy: Send tweet Janis: 😏 Janis: working overtime for you, boy Jimmy: I asked you what you wanted, you never answered, girl Janis: I don't know the menu Jimmy: I have to do everything, I see how it is Janis: You wanted demanding, babe Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Stop flirting with me for 1 second so I can make you a drink! Janis: Bet that's what you say to all the customers Jimmy: Depends Janis: if you like it or nah, sure Jimmy: Nah, what I like is nowt to do with it Janis: Tips? Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: that's kinda fucked, you stop and think about it Jimmy: I don't get long enough breaks to stop and think Janis: Poor baby Janis: I've got all the time in the world to ponder for you Jimmy: just keep rubbing it in, you Janis: 😂 Janis: you know you'd hate it if I weren't a rich girl Jimmy: You ain't paying me nowt last I checked Janis: you'd have nothing to take the piss out of me for if I weren't Janis: worth it's weight in gold, surely Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Bollocks would I not Janis: Bollocks would you Janis: I'm 🥇 Jimmy: You're 🥈 Janis: Psh, fuck you Jimmy: And you're only that 'cause my 🥇 makes you look good Janis: Oh please Janis: you must've bumped your head 'cos you sound downright delusional now Jimmy: Beg all you like you ain't having the 🏆 til you pry it out of my 💀💀💀 hands Janis: Me? Beg? You? Janis: now you're hearing things Jimmy: I can barely read and I still saw that please, girl Jimmy: Felt it an' all Janis: shut up Janis: I was asking the LORD to give you some sense, that's all Jimmy: Convenient that Jimmy: Getting him involved again Janis: I'm a good friend and a good Christian 😇 Jimmy: You ain't either, unless you were chatting shit earlier Janis: Who knows Jimmy: He gonna deliver this drink to you on a ☁ or what? Janis: If only Janis: not a service you provide either, I suppose? Jimmy: I could do Janis: Impressive Janis: if dubious Jimmy: Depends where you want it Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: I'll come get it, not that much of an arsehole, usually Jimmy: You're still not having 🥇 Janis: not even if I say please AND thank you? Jimmy: Go on Jimmy: I'll see how I feel Janis: 🔮 so mysterious Jimmy: Old news that Jimmy: And not what I'm waiting to hear off you Janis: You'll be old news, soon 🤞 Jimmy: 💔 Janis: that's the whole point, yeah Janis: or do I accuse you of being closeted too Jimmy: can do Janis: I'm bigger and better than that 🥇😇 Jimmy: 👏 Janis: you thought I was gay too then Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: Nowt to tell Jimmy: I don't know you Janis: Neither does anyone else who's reached the conclusion Janis: it's not personal Jimmy: Alright, I don't think about you as much as they do Janis: 🙄 Janis: they don't think that much period Janis: but my sexual history ain't playground knowledge so obviously Jimmy: Who started it? Janis: I dunno Janis: you know how it is, only one person needs to say it once Janis: pack mentality bullshit Jimmy: It'll be a lad you didn't wanna get with or a lass who's fuming you're fitter than her Janis: That don't narrow it down Janis: bighead, remember Jimmy: 😏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: is it? Janis: I mean, Bill said it best Janis: telling everyone I ain't wouldn't do shit but make it seem like I was Janis: why else would I have agreed to this Jimmy: 'Cause I'm so fit and mysterious obvs Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm not Asia Jimmy: I know 😭💔 Janis: Could've asked, dickhead Jimmy: She has a BOYFRIEND, Jenna Janis: She wants a NEW ONE Jimmy: duh Janis: ask her then Janis: she'll have so many good ideas Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Fucking hell, I'd sooner put up with your bad ones Janis: Gee, thanks for the reminder Jimmy: 😘 Janis: no one is there, right Janis: like, no one who's gonna want a show Jimmy: What do you think? Janis: hold on then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🖐 Jimmy: 👀 Janis: how do you live like this Jimmy: What? Janis: having to be around them, even in the holidays Janis: without going postal Jimmy: I ain't got a choice Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: I know, still doesn't mean I get how you do it Jimmy: What's to get? It's a job, even rich girls know how they work Janis: Never mind Jimmy: No, go on Janis: Nah Jimmy: We're back to 🙀 are we? Janis: Nah, we're back to there's no point 'cos you always act like you're so superior when that's not even what I'm saying Janis: so forget it Jimmy: The point is that I serve dickheads all day Jimmy: Mia wishes she could take the 👑 Janis: And you can never just say that Jimmy: They're the centre of your 🌎 not mine Janis: Keep the drink Jimmy: I don't want it Janis: Neither do I Janis: another customer to complain about Jimmy: You can have that 🥇 at least Jimmy: well done Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Later Jimmy: Yeah

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